We are so happy that we have found the best of both worlds, living downtown in a small city--Traverse City, Michigan. Walkable neighborhoods and downtown cultural amenities and a beautiful outdoor 4-season paradise right outside our back door. It doesn't have to be the 'burbs or the big city...

Why not enjoy the best of both?!
We moved from the outskirts of Boston to the suburbs of Pittsburgh four years ago when our first son was born.
We take the kids downtown (about a 15-20 minute drive) at least once a week to go see cool things like Phipps Conservatory, concerts (we saw the They Might Be Giants kids' concert recently), cultural districts, etc. But we also get to enjoy the suburbs: we have a larger house/yard than we used to have, awesome playgrounds, a great library, and highly rated public schools.
Owning a home and cars is a higher expense, but we offset it by spending more time at home cooking our own food (we ate out a lot in the city) and growing a big garden.

Ditto that in Pittsburgh, PA--we have all the benefits of living in the city AND a (fairly) roomy house with a fenced yard for play and a garden and dog and pet chickens, plus a bunch of great neighbors with young kids, walking distance to several great schools and parks and farmers markets and favorite restaurants and coffee shops, and an easy jaunt to more rural areas for berry picking or horseback riding or whatever.

We moved to Brooklyn about a year ago as we were expecting our first child. We figured because the two of us both were commuting to the city for work, we would be better off living closer to our jobs... think again! We're now planning on moving back to upstate NY and commuting, when necessary, for work. It turns out, we were unwilling to make the sacrifices of space, a yard, and the quiet of the country. Just a short car ride away, we will still be able to take our son to all the wonders of the city! To each, his (or her) own!

One thing I didn't see in the NY Times article was the cost of childcare. I've heard anecdotally that there are big differences in the cost of daycare/nannies in city vs. suburbs.

Personally, we're expecting our first and are staying in Brooklyn. It wasn't based on any huge calculation, we just like our neighborhood and wanted to stay there...and it seems like enough parents make it work in both city and suburbs that it's more of a lifestyle decision.

I didn't see sarahez's comment before I posted, but it looks like 2 good votes for the 'burgh! Just to clarify, though, we do live in the city limits, not the suburbs, and still found plenty of nice, affordable neighborhoods where you can have a great old house, a very pleasant yard, and wonderful neighbors.

Or the country...Our son is 1 1/2 and next year we are planning to move to the country from the city. I am looking for faculty positions at colleges in small towns but we will actually live outside of town. College towns generally have something going on in the way of arts, food, etc and we won't stray more than a couple hours from a larger city.

DH and I are not fans of the burbs.

Toronto is a great example of an urban paradise: solid houses, lots of parks and grand old trees, great schools, fantastic public transit, walkable safe and exciting neighbourhoods, quality markets etc. etc. etc... our suburbs lack all of those things.

I think we're spoiled with space in N.America (land of the 'more') and have lost sight of a few things. With other lessons, City living can teach children how to better live efficiently.

I wouldn't trade my small urban yard with its local flora and local park for a big suburban backyard of lonely grass. Our local parks are not just playgrounds, they're rich social hubs that teach and foster a rich sense of community.

But that's Toronto. Come visit. :)

I grew up on Long Island, the child of two New Yorkers (one Manhattan, one Queens) and I love Long Island. I live seven miles away from my parents' house; I used to ride my bike through my current neighborhood and wish I could live there someday. And now I do, in a beautiful little seaside village where we can walk to great restaurants, the movies, shopping, ice cream, a gorgeous park, etc. In the early mornings I run down to the water and see the sun rise and breathe in the salt air. If it's early enough, sometimes I see a night watch heron hunting on the bay. We have a small but pleasant house, a great backyard, and nice neighbors. The schools are good and we don't have to worry about paying for tuition, which absolutely kills some of my Manhattanite coworkers. Imagine tuition where high school costs more than college. Yeah, I have a long commute, even if the train is a seven minute walk from my home, but I read and nap and it's not so bad. If I want to take my daughter into Manhattan for cultural activities, it's just a train ride away. I wouldn't live anywhere else.

My husband and our 8 month old daughter live in Seattle in a one bedroom condo and plan to stay not just in the city but in our current home through baby #2. We don't have a big backyard but we do have a park, tennis courts, and a city pool less than a block from our building, a community in our building that we share landscaping and gardening duties with and who help/trade childcare, and both of us commute less than 3 miles on direct bus routes to our jobs. We flex our schedules and don't need to pay for childcare. I can't imagine trading it all away just to have more square footage and having to drive to get to a park! Not to mention nobody but me or my husband to weed the garden!

There are many other options here. You can live in the city in a house with a backyard. You can live in a suburban condo. You can live in a walkable, inner-ring suburb with excellent city access, but small, older houses, etc.

We technically live in East Ridge, TN, but that is really just an offshoot of Chattanooga that pays less taxes. Our house was less expensive due to not being in the "real" city. It was less than $150K and has more room than a family of 3 needs, but we are able to house my husband's recording studio ( Spannersound.com ) as well as have a lot that is almost an acre...within walking distance to stores, city hall, the town playground, etc. And it is a nice 1935 house that was redone recently.

Some of the smaller cities have pretty good cultural events too, so don't discount those. Our daughter has been going to art openings, concerts, and whatnot since she was born. The school situation is kinda bleak. We can see the high school from our porch and our house is within walking distance to the elementary school, but these are not up to par with what I consider to be good schools. I am sure that you can get a decent education going there if you work really hard at it, but I would rather just send my daughter to one of the magnet schools or one of the private schools that rate very high.

we live a little farther out that what is considered the suburbs of St. Louis on the Illinois side. Its a small town and we have a house in the "downtown" area of the town. we are in walking distance from the town square, library, school, post office, restaurants, parks, etc and are still only 35 minutes from downtown St. Louis. It suits us perfectly!

We live in Philly with our 2 year old - neither hubbie or I are burbs sorts of folks. Although I will say as our daughter has gotten older, and her stuff has spread more and more into our (small-ish) row house (which, by NYC standards, is actually quite large; the space just isn't very user friendly for a toddler), I can see the appeal of space - indoor and out. But we're staying put!

I've only lived in the country or city. As a parent, I now can understand why folks live in suburbs, but I think we are going to be able to remain in the city without sacrificing too much of our sanity and savings (e.g., smaller living and outdoor space). While I loved many aspects of the country as a kid, I was always wistful that I could not walk to my friends' homes, missed out on spontaneous gatherings, etc. While there are a few fortunate folks who are able to replicate their suburban childhood lifestyle (multiple BRs, bathrooms, and backyard) in the city, most folks cannot swing it.

If we were to ever move and had a choice of where to go, I would want to live inside the city limits of a small college town or something similar. I always want to be able to walk to the store, run errands, etc.

And here's a shout out to Traverse City - one of the best kept secrets on the planet!

We tried the suburbs when my son was a baby and disliked that the coffee shops closed at 9 and the town center was non existent. We bought in St. Paul and haven't regretted it for a minute. People are more friendly, more places to walk, the commute goes against traffic. And the houses have SO much more character...

Wow, all this TC love. I have to chime in that I lived in Johannesburg,MI (waaaay outside of TC) for almost a year. Complete and total country.
But I have lived in every single scenario. Small VT town, Austin (college town), suburbs of Detroit & San Diego, cities of Detroit & San Francisco etc.
We currently live in the city of Portland within walking distance of one of the most gorgeous parks in the U.S. No we don't have a yard, but I think the park has been a good alternative. Now that we have our 2nd child I'd prefer to move to a big house whether in a city or the suburbs, I don't really care. Our place is just too small now.

In New York and other cities where you can rely on public transportation and don't need a car, I think that this makes a lot of sense. But in LA, which is where we lived, it's harder to make it worth without a car. We moved to the suburbs because my husband got a job in the suburbs. Even though his commute is a few more miles than his old commute in the city, it's MUCH shorter time-wise because there's no traffic.

If we could afford to live in a house in the city, I'd do that in a hot minute. I loved living in the city and it's been quite an adjustment to suburban life. But we can't and I've come to think that easy access to the outdoors is a really integral part of childhood. We live in a pretty tiny house, significantly smaller than our old apartment in the city, but we have a small backyard and a park in walking distance and it makes ALL the difference in the world.

Not all suburbs are the same. Really. The whole Bay Area is a mix of mostly urban with suburbs, but that doesn't mean shops in "suburbs" close early at all. One of the best toy stores in the Bay Area is not in San Francisco or San Jose. Go figure! And it's not a chain!

It's funny when people call these cities "the 'burbs" because the actual life here doesn't match those stereotypes.

I agree with stickyricemama. We live in a suburb of DC and it doesn't have the cookie cutter/ tract house feel that I think a lot of people are imagining. We live next to the commuter rail, can walk to our "downtown area" and live right behind a huge park. And believe me, we are not living it up in some 5000 sq ft house with acres of land. Our house is smaller than a lot of my friends' condos in the city and our yard is small for suburban standards, but the public schools are really good and that was a big priority for us. We miss living in the city, but our lives are less stressful living a few miles from the hustle and bustle. The suburbs are not as soul crushing and culture-less as many believe! :)

BTW, spannersoundkate-- i grew up in chattanooga :)

Ditto, kimmie and stickyricemama...not all suburbs are vinyl siding/cul-de-sac jungles. The inner-ring suburbs of many cities are basically small cities, but with city access. Our neighborhood has condos, old homes with small-ish backyards, walking access to grocery, library, restaurants, train station, etc. etc. Just gotta check out lots of individual locations, the same way you would weigh one urban neighborhood against another when looking for a home.

I think it depends on the city. As a former Vancouverite but current London resident I am a city girl through and through but long to bring boy my little boy in my idyllic hometown. For me the museums and cultural wealth of London is not a good enough reason to deny my son the freedom walking home from school, or biking unsupervised in the neighbourhood with his friends on a summer afternoon to get up to mischief. - you know, things that *childhood* is supposed to be about.

While I appreciate all that London has to offer, I also don't appreciate all that London has to offer. It is ridiculously expensive, rude, dirty and NOT child friendly (most tube stations don't have elevators for a stroller). And despite inventing the language- few people here can speak it correctly.

I think Vancouver has truly the best of both worlds with its beautiful landscape, decent public schools (not existent in London), universal health care, abundance of cultural events, polite and diverse population and child friendly lifestyle.

Unfortunately I'm stuck in crummy London where everybody swears like pirates, drink like fish, and are football crazy. Boo.

I agree that small cities are a great compromise. I love living in Ann Arbor, MI. (Although, like Traverse City, it is much more expensive than other towns in our state)
My teenage daughter can safely bike anywhere she needs to go. Public education is valued by the community. There is a wonderful network of city and county parks to enjoy. Organic and local foods are abundant. There are lots of beautiful old homes near downtown. Numerous theaters and concert halls, talented chefs, ethnic restaurants, music and film festivals, the list goes on and on. The art scene can seem a bit on the tame side, but Detroit is only 40 minutes away, with some exciting work happening there. The drawbacks? Long wet dark winters, football season, and we aren't located on any of the Great Lakes.

ugh...we are going through a constant back and forth about where to go. We lived in Chelsea until our son was mobile and then we moved to Brooklyn...both my husband and myself grew up in the suburbs (him in Westchester, me on LI). I guess I will always have the idea of a front and back yard in the back of my mind, but we love the city so much.

Since having a child in the city, my love for it has seriously diminished. From carrying the stroller up and down subways steps multiple times a day with not only a hint of help being offered, but a fantastic attitude letting me know that I've complicated someone's day by just having a child..this city is not child friendly unless you've got money or a car.

We are planning on having a second child and I can't even fathom how difficult it would be to have 2 kids in the city I onced adored.

Now the question is...which dreaded suburb are we headed to...

Do you bear the grit and the grime of city life - the small living quarters and preschools with waiting lists - because it's a trade off for rich cultural experiences, great food, parks and museums? Or do you bolt for the suburbs, pull into your driveway, and watch your kids play in your very own backyard?

Food, parks and museums aren't the only appeal of cities, and I don't know anyone who lives in the suburbs who has kids who play outdoors without being forced to, after being surgically detached from their videogame controllers. What's wrong, you couldn't find a more biased way of phrasing this? ;)

How about, Do you leave the eco-friendly city lifestyle that allows for no car expenses, walking to shops and restaurants and parks or biking to anything farther away (or taking easily-available public transit) and raise a healthy child who doesn't spend every second of his/her childhood being chauffeured around eco-disastrous, sprawling suburban nightmares and thinking that a 3500 square foot house with three cars in the garage because you can't walk anywhere, even across the street, due to a lack of sidewalks, is "normal", or do you bolt for the suburbs, pull in your driveway (for the umpteenth time in one day) in your ozone-depleting SUV, and watch your kids play in your very own Playstation/XBox/60" television-equipped family room because you've used too many chemicals on the grass in your backyard to allow the kids to play there?

Okay! Fixed it for you. :D

We've raised two kids in a rowhouse in Philly, near the art museum, for 18 years, with no car. They've played in our small backyard, in a sandbox and wading pool and running through the sprinkler, they've played in the nearby parks, they went to good preschools with reasonable prices and my son just graduated from one of the top city high schools and is soon going to a top university. His sister is being courted by Ivy League schools and is only going to be a junior in September. They can travel all over the city on buses and subways to meet their friends for picnics in parks or to hang out in coffee shops and bookstores and go to concerts. They ride their bikes a lot to go see friends or just for fun, on the nearby river bike paths. When they visit their suburban cousins they quickly grow bored because once you've exhausted everything there is to do in the house you can't go anywhere without help from an adult with a car and license driving them somewhere, and even then there's nowhere to go but malls. They're always VERY glad to come home again.

I love my kids. :D

We left Manhattan for Des Moines a little over a year ago and can't believe we didn't make a move sooner. Love, love, love small city life- especially our old house and fenced in backyard (veggie garden coming soon). Our twin boys are 4 1/2 and love having a dedicated playroom for all their toys (no video games, though lucybrown) and I love having an uncluttered living room and room for overnight guests. It's easy to visit friends- no one is more than 10 minutes away by car and many are within walking distance, making playdates and get-togethers a breeze. Plus, DSM has everything we need in terms of culture and activities: a great art center, wonderful restaurants, parks, bike trails, farmer's markets, botannical garden, music venues, etc.

I'm for city living......I have a friend who lives in a moderate sized 2 bedroom apartment in Manhattan. Her apartment in somewhere between $700-$800. She is a stay at home mom with FOUR KIDS!!! Her husband works and makes decent money. She sends two of her kids to a private school, and two of her kids are young and at home with her. It is a rough situation, but they do it. This is not something I would want to do (at least get a 3 bedroom). I have another friend who is married and has a toddler in a studio, she has no problem with this. I grew up in the suburbs, big back yard and front yard etc, etc...I think that living in NYC is so amazing and rich with people, places and things. But there has to be a balance!
I plan on living in the city in my current 2nd floor studio (while saving money) and becoming pregnant and having a baby (up until the age of 2) in our studio. Then maybe moving to Brooklyn and buying something bigger and having another child. I am perfectly okay with having a baby-toddler aged child with me in my studio. (My studio is 415 sf and is quite spacious).
I think we just have to decide what's more important to us.

Chicago, Chicago, Chicago! We live in an area which has a small neighborhood feel but we are minutes (walking) from everything we could want. 4 parks (2-3 blocks away) Mom & Pop grocer (2 blocks away) plus stores and restaurants (all independently owned), farmer's market (twice a week), library, old movie theater, well-renowned music school and theater, several elementary schools and a 15 minute bike ride to the beach. Plus, the "el" train is one block away to get us to anything else we could want. We love it here.

I completely agree about Traverse City. I'm currently living close enough to enjoy all the downtown conveniences but it's so easy to get away and escape. It's a little northern paradise!

we just left our high rise condo in atlanta for a house in the 'burbs. it's been six months now, and i'm still on the fence. i love the extra space, but with two mortgages (anyone want to buy a condo??) and the cost of daycare for twin toddlers, that extra space is empty, unfurnished and making me slightly insane.

i do love having a (tiny) yard and we picked a really cute neighborhood of custom homes, so not at all cookie cutter. but i do miss being able to walk places, knowing all my neighbors, being close to everything and the views from being up so high.

i do not miss the boys banging on the floor-to-ceiling windows (heart attack anyone?) nor the logistics of living in a high rise with two babies. i get exhausted just thinking of the hoops we had to jump through just to get to the car ... 17-flight elevator ride down, cross the lobby, struggle with the heavy front door (where is that doorman, anyway?), short walk to the parking deck, five flights up, walk across parking deck to the car, unbuckle twins from stroller and buckle them into car seats and wouldn'tchaknow it? i forgot my wallet!! nope, don't miss that part at all.

Ditto on living in a small city. Rochester has everything except good schools, but there are several good private & parochial schools. I would move back to the city ... except... We live in an old suburb with great schools, quaint houses, and friendly neighbors. There are parks and playgrounds to make up for small yards, and we live within walking distance to the zoo and one of Olmstead's arboretal gems.

My son does get a diverse experience however, especially in summertime. He attends camps at the Rochester Museum & Science Center, and the George Eastman House (photography). Both are in an urban setting, and the camper population is representative of the community.

I think that, if you desire, you can provide the best of both worlds to your children. My son also benefits from frequent visits to my parents rural home, which is a 150 year old farmhouse just outside the resort town of Canandaigua, situated in the Finger Lakes region of upstate NY state.

Lucybrown: Sounds like you've got a fantastic home and are very blessed with a comfortable lifestyle, however not all suburbs are as you described. You're view of the suburbs is very limited although I'm sure a lot of people in this country live that life unfortunately.
We live in a town 25 minutes from San Francisco. Our town is totally walkable, many people do not own cars. We have a very strong sense of community, everyone knows their neighbors and kids are able to ride bikes and walk to friends houses unchaperoned. Every weekend there is a festival or some music in the park. Every Friday in the summer we have film night outside under the stars. People are very open minded and "green".
I get frustrated when my city friends make fun of the "burbs". However I know that because they're not millionaires they'll be making the move across the bridge any day now.

Greta -
I loved your comment! Do you happen to live in the Lincoln Square Area? I think it is one of the best kept secrets in the city - I always try to explain to people how wonderful it is and how it's the best of all worlds (I live right on the river & a huge park, I have several friends that have yards in their huge, cheap apartments, it's accessible to public transportation, there's tons of independent shops and restaurants, there's always events like the farmers markets, german fest, etc... I could go on!) My question for you and anyone else in Chicago is - what about schools? It's my big hesitation in where to decide to live when I have kids. The Chicago Public School system is such a mess and private schools are soooo expensive and I don't think I'd ever be able to afford them. What are people's thoughts on that?

I live in Pittsburgh (in the city), too, and I think I have the best of both worlds. I live with my husband and two-year-old son and I don't feel the need to move to the suburbs. We have all the city amenities within a few miles of our house - easily accessible by foot, bike, car, or bus - a 3-story, 2000-sq ft home, and a huge backyard. We bought the house in 2007 for only $132,000! We have a city pool right down the street from our house, several playgrounds within walking distance, and an elementary school just a few blocks away. We can walk to the library, grocery store, farmers markets, etc. In my opinion, Pittsburgh is an awesome city to live in and raise a family. I'm so lucky that I ended up here.

@olivia4953 - We live in Roscoe Village (just south of Lincoln Square) and I'm happy to report that there are plenty of great public schools in Chicago. Just be sure to do your research, as some of the boundaries are wonky. Both of my kids went to Bell School, which I recommend, and Coonley is supposed to be good too. You can look up elementary report cards on the CPS website. Now, high school, that's where things get crazy...

We're pregnant and buying a house in Chicago. I've raised two kids here already and they turned out fine, for all the reasons mentioned already.

My husband and I moved to New Orleans from London a few years ago. We now have a 2 1/2 year old and a 9 month old. I think the perfect answer is the combo of the two. In New Orleans we live in a house with a nice sized yard and pool but we can still walk our children to school and have several museums, lunch and dinner spots within walking distance of us. We also are in-between a great bus route and streetcar route into the CBD. As oil prices climb and the result of our dependence on non-renewable energy sources takes its toll (witness the BP Oil Spill) we are proud to make the choice to live in a city that allows us to do so much on foot. New Orleans is a wonderful place to live for those reasons.

On the other hand we have lived in NYC and London and while we loved the creature comforts and restaurants there and miss it dearly from our pre-children lives, there is really no alternative better than having a bit of outdoor space of your own for kids to play!

I have lived in big cities and small towns. You could not pay me enough to move back to the city. Small town of 3500, my commute to work in the city is 25 minutes through beautiful farmland. Drove longer than that in annoying stop and go traffic in the city. Kids can play in the neighborhood unsupervised for the most part and bike to school. I know bad things can happen anywhere, but I sure don't miss turning on the news and constantly hearing about this stabbing or this hit and run in the city. I feel much safer in my town. Just because they aren't in the city they aren't becoming spoiled brats as lucybrown64 suggests. They learn to use their imaginations and don't need to be constantly entertained by some event in the city. But they can have the culture of the city with a short drive. Call me eccentric, but I love my 1700 square foot home and huge backyard that we designed and built ourselves, another perk of small town life. But hey, to each his own. Glad to many of you love the city so my town can stay nice and small!

@olivia4953
Waters school in Lincoln Square is also one to watch as well. Parental involvement is high and it has a great ecology theme with a large student garden. I know the neighborhood is really trying to make it a success.

I live in Australia, and so far I've never met a family who wanted to live in the city. It's normal for most people to commute 20 minutes plus to work. The suburbs are considered the most desirable, some suburbs in particular. I don't mind the city, nor do I mind smaller living, and just going to the park with kids. I had lived in a rather large 2 bedroom townhouse with my two children for a couple years and we found it was okay, we didn't have a backyard and would go to he park all the time. We then moved to a three bedroom house which has a massive backyard, and I couldn't imagine not having one now. My kids love being bale to go out and play, they are out there all the time (and I mean all the time, rain, hail -yes hail, and shine!)
My partner has a commute of 12-15 minutes, and now we want to buy our first house, his commute is going to be 25-30 minutes, but its for a 3 bedroom house, again with a massive yard but it's near the beach, its 40 minutes from the main city, but not even 5 from the local city.