Raise your hand if you've ever brought your work problems home with you. Yeah, that's what I thought. It can be really difficult to leave them behind when you clock out and not allow them to invade your home space, but it's the last place they belong.
We all want our home to be a peaceful and stress-free place that we look forward to heading for at the end of each day. Sadly, that just isn't always the case now is it; so let's try and minimize that as much as possible. Here are a few tips to help keep your home the happy place it should be.
Use Your Commute to Unwind: Spend the first half of your commute time figuring out those last few work thoughts without any noise interference and then begin to let your mind settle. For the second half try to transition into a calmer place, put on your favorite music, podcasts, radio show, whatever and begin focusing on thoughts of your life outside of work. Really make an effort to separate your work thoughts before you get home.
Change Your Route: If you've had a particularly difficult day then try to change up your route home a bit. If possible take a more scenic route and give yourself a little bit more time to just figure things out before you get home. It's ok if you need to stop for a breather and take a little longer getting home, I'm sure everyone will be better off for it.
Put a Time Limit on Venting: If you do get home and just really need to get it out then give yourself a 15 minute window to just spew it all and then stop. Try not to let it fester. If you can't solve the problem right, then there is no point to continue focusing on it and let it ruin you, your family, spouse, or friend's entire evening. I know this is easier said than done, but it can't hurt to try.
Power Off: In the electronic age we live in it is entirely possible for you to be working constantly. Depending on your job this won't be easy, but try to make a pact with yourself that you will not pick up your phone or check your work email for a few hours when you get home. Spend that time taking care of yourself, your family or friends. If your attention is constantly split, then it's almost as bad, and much more frustrating, than not being there at all. You need the break, and others in your life will surely appreciate it too.
Home Rituals: Having calming rituals that you look forward to when getting home can really help with the work to home transition.
Remember to Breathe: I know this may sound cliché, but taking a deep breath before you turn the knob and enter your home will help calm your mind and nervous system and set a good intention for the rest of your night.
Treat Your Home with Respect: If you want to keep your home a calm place for you to retreat to, then check the negativity at the door. It's not easy to do, but with some effort it can really change how you view your home.
• The wonderful "Home Sweet Home" photo shown above is by JM Barclay - prints are available for $49 in JM's Etsy shop.
Image: Prints available from JM Barclay
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Even though I like driving, I don't find my commute home to be a particularly relaxing/unwinding time. Instead I will often (especially if I have a lot on my mind) stay in my car in the driveway for 10 mins or so after I get home. You can close your eyes, recline your chair, play some music... anything to give yourself a mental break between work and home.
There's a cute park with a small pond a couple of miles down the road from my home. If I have had a particularly rough day, I'll stop by to watch the ducks, check out the leaves changing, or simply watch the little tadpoles in the water! I may even have a chai latte in hand!
Yes! Agreed! (nodding head up & down furiously). This is something I learned several years out of college. You do have to train yourself though to let go and not discuss work outside of work. When I try to convey this concept, many times the inevitable response is "but my work is so stressful". They just don't get it. If your work is stressful, then you should be adamant about not letting it suck up your leisure or family time too! My ritual was to walk the dog, this was my transition from work to home time. Now, it is just exercise in general, a quick swim, walk watching the sunset. Have a rule at home, no talking about work with your significant other unless it's a highly unusual situation, extremely funny or I plan to resign as soon as possible situation.
Letting go won't just happen especially if you're in the habit of complaining to your spouse or friends after work. You have to make the conscious decision to put your focus on other things once you've left work. Eventually, your new perspective will become habit.
I live about 1.5 miles from work, and could easily take the subway 1 stop, but instead I walk to and from work. It's one of my favorite parts of the day, because I'm forced to have some ME time, step away from the email, and let my mind wander. Getting to move my body at the start and end of the day also doesn't hurt!
In Summer 2010 I had a half hour walk to and from work that involved pretty trees and old houses. At that time I wished I had a car, but now that I commute in a car in the city I miss my walks (I live too far to walk to work now). Exercising, even if it's just a walk, makes the world seem better.
music47, I live 3 miles from work and I do the same thing. Those 6 miles a day are perfect if I want some alone time, and also perfect if I want to call my dad/mom/sister/etc. There's nothing like a good walk to clear the cobwebs!
My "home ritual?" Get home, take off shoes, turn on the TV, flip open my computer and close all the duplicate Skype convos from work, and lie down on my couch and take a NAP.
It's something I learned from my dad - he'd come home, and sleep for 15 minutes to a half hour every day, and then after that, work wasn't the issue.
5 mins from work to the expressway via a nice treed road helps remove the day. 10 mins on the expressway where I sign loudly and badly with the windows open to whatever is in the cd player helps complete the process.
I work from home and never seem to be able to leave my work problems behind. They're always sitting in the corner of my living room, on my desk. In order to get away from work, I have to leave my house.
@Jenny: I used to work from home and found myself creeping back to my workspace at all ours because I knew something HAD to be done or there were things I could work on. One day I was out and about and found a gorgeous screen/room divider at the local restore. It was the perfect way to 'divide' my space... physically AND mentally. I hope you have/find balance!
Ew, typo! 'Hours' not ours.
I have a script I run over in my head, both going to work and for arriving home (they are different, of course). Walking up the hill from the bus, I remind myself of what it will be like to greet the neighbors, unlock the front door, pick up the mail, take off my jacket and shoes, and hang up the keys, my tote bag and purse. There's an orderliness to it that helps me make the transition. Then on a really good night I go into the kitchen and chop an onion!
Ditto on the walking. There is no such thing as relaxing on a bus commute : ) Three miles seemed like a lot at first, but it is so good for the mind - and body. I feel good after.
Could someone suggest a few rituals or ways to calm and comfort yourself when you get home?
Sometimes after a long, challenging day, my first inclination is to just come home and eat comfort foods. I know this isn't healthy, and it doesn't actually sustain happiness for very long. I've thought about walks and meditation, but sometimes my family's presence or needs prevent me from having total alone time.
Thanks for your thoughts.
Shedding my working clothes does wonders for me, it signifies shedding that work identity at the end of a long day, and I keep 2-3 luxe sweats on hand just for lounging in the house. I use this ritual whether I work in an office or from home (for me to relax there has to be a line somewhere so I don't work 24/7). Once I've changed I can start my home life uninterrupted. However if something's really bugged me about the work day, I go into the garden, the harder the gardening task (digging, pruning, hauling) the ~quicker~ I forget about work!
fabulous
Here's another one - don't check your work e-mail at home! Unless you're snowed in and working from home. My old boss used to do this all the time and I vehemently would not. She was stressed out all the time because she was essentially working 24/7 and I wasn't so bad because I got real rest and time away from work.
That being said, when sh*t is going down at work and stress is high (especially when there are idiotic people in places of power involved) it's really difficult not to vent or think about it. I recommend reading a distracting book or doing something else that occupies your mind (not just your hands) and telling your friends/roommate/spouse that you're not allowed to talk about it and for them to let you vent for a few minutes once per day, and then yell at you for bringing it up later.
That worked for me, anyway.
I read a book on the train to & from work. When I get home I attack my twin 4-yr-olds and we wrestle, kick around a ball, chase each other. My wife's the one attached to her computer dealing with work emails. I'll take a look after the boys are asleep, to see if I need to go in early, or if I can take my time. Then I pour myself a scotch, and start MY part of the day!
Yes, stripping off the office outfit and putting on an at-home-only outfit helps a lot, and then going straight out to putter in the garden also is great. There's always gardening to be done, and it's so absorbing and pleasant that the work day is forgotten.
saramara5: I'd suggest starting your calming routine before you get home. That's why I have my internal script I run through as I walk up the hill from the bus. If you have a driving commute, do it in the car or as you walk into the house. Tell yourself: "I am going to put away my things, change my clothes, wash my hands, greet the family, walk around the yard (or whatever will make you feel quiet and relaxed), go into the kitchen and pour myself a glass of wine, or water or whatever, and chop an onion." Think about it ahead of time and don't let things distract you. I leave the mail on the floor in the hall and pick it up later, but maybe sorting it out would be part of your ritual. Maybe you make everyone a cup of tea when you get home and take your time getting into the kitchen. Whatever works for you, but telling yourself quietly that this is what you WILL do helps begin the process of arrival.