Before I shacked up with my man three years ago, I lived by myself (and two cats) for more than a decade. The truth is, I loved every minute of it. Though I was sometimes lonely and slept with a can of pepper spray nearby, I also felt freer to be "me" than I'd ever been around family or roommates. Don't get me wrong — I also dig cohabitating. But if you're on your own, why not embrace it?
A recent NY Times feature, One is the Quirkiest Number: The Freedom, and Perils, of Living Alone, made me laugh out loud with its depictions of long-term solo dwellers. It's wonderful, the interviewees swore, but it can also lead to oddball indulgences known as "Secret Single Behavior." Example? Eating peanut butter from a jar at 2am. Naked.
Another recent expose on the matter, a new-ish book, Going Solo: The Extraordinary Rise and Surprising Appeal of Living Alone, also details the perks and pitfalls.
For me, living alone meant writing until 3 or 4 in the morning without worrying about someone else's alarm clock going off at the crack of dawn. I talked to myself and my perplexed kitties a little too often. I'd spend an entire weekend organizing my closet, not caring that the rest of my teensy apartment was so messy that I couldn't see the floor. I also ate whatever was around for dinner and (I can't believe I'm admitting this in public) didn't put on pants half the time I was home (curtains drawn, natch). I never did the naked late-night peanut butter nosh, but I did plenty of other strange and embarrassing things. I had absolute freedom, after all.
Apparently, I wasn't alone in my happily solo status. According to recent statistics, one in four people lives alone in the U.S. In Manhattan, it's nearly one in two. Those numbers astound me. I wonder if even a fraction of those people appreciate what they've got.
These days, I'm sharing my Seattle bungalow with two cats, a dog and my future hubby. The latter has been extremely patient and understanding as I've learned to adapt to domestic existence around others. That's one of the obvious perils of living alone. Do it long enough and it can be really difficult to change your ways. Quirkiness can become detrimental when someone else has to deal with it.
I still get the occasional solo fix. My fiancé goes out of town a lot for work, sometimes for month-long stretches. One of my editors always sighs wistfully when I mention it. "When I'm alone I eat crackers and cheese in bed," she admits. "It's such a small thing, but it makes me so happy." I can't stand sheet crumbs, but when my man is gone, I tackle home projects with uninhibited zeal. One time I stayed up for almost two days straight to paint our kitchen and living room. I didn't care that I was coated in drips of blue and green or that there were empty bottles and pizza boxes scattered on the floor. Nobody was there to see it.
I enjoy those little interludes, but after a few days I miss my guy terribly. Why? Because I'm still plenty quirky and he wants to live with me anyway. When that's the case, two trumps one.
What about you? Have you ever lived alone for an extended period? If so, what were your guilty pleasures? Did you miss living with others?
(Image: screenshot via Active Rain)
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Am finally living alone after nearly 2 decades of roomates. It feels fantastic - decorating how I want to decorate, not doing the dishes if i don't have time, and of course the silence and peace. I don't have a tv either, so it's abslutely quiet.
solo for 14+ years. i love having my space and my way. it does get lonely too. but complete sovereignty is the best. if i want to go out at midnight, no one warns me it's too dangerous. no one complains about an unmade bed or stacks of books (or magazines). it's all mine. no boundaries. and no comprising on television.
It's so good. No weird passive aggressive dishes/trash/cat litter/groceries/thermostat stuff. TV, music, decorating monopoly. You can still see people as much as you want, and don't have to waste your time and bore your friends with roommate annoyances!
Dear god, that shag rug looks like someone skinned Snuffleupagus!
I love this article! I loved living alone (with dog) last year so much, even if it was in a shady neighborhood since that was all I could afford on my own, hah! I built a huge fort in my living room on my corner couch, covered the inside with white christmas lights, and I drank wine, played on pinterest and watched Seinfeld on dvd like every night in the winter. I am a waitress and deal with people all day long, nothing like coming home to my dog and my fort...miss that place
Thank you for offering an opportunity to celebrate this option. I have truly enjoyed living alone for about 25 years. I particularly appreciate 1) the fact that I rarely need to compromise on domestic matters and 2) the time and space to nourish my sense of self.
It's funny because I was JUST thinking about this earlier this morning. I lived alone for about 5 years after a break-up. It was the first time I had ever lived alone. I. LOVED. IT. There were times when I felt a bit lonely, but I can honestly say that I was extremely happy living alone. I'm remarried now and, obviously, live with my husband which is also wonderful. But I do cherish my alone time. And the amount of crap food that comes into the apartment is ASTOUNDING. I think longingly about the days of popcorn/pancakes and bourbon for dinner. You know, when I was thinner and there weren't frozen pizzas and Hot Pockets around. Everywhere.
the only con i have so far when it comes to solo habitation--no live-in nurse. no one to bring you hot tea or soup or just baby you a bit. its my only unpleasant reminder...but i guess theres always take-out :)
I've been living alone for the first time for 3 months now, I'm loving every second of it. Watching every Amanda Bynes movie that comes on, balling my eyes out at Grey's Anatomy, and not having to care about mess are among my favourites. I'm planning on painting, still figuring out decorating as I go, spending all day in total scrubs, like Lady J said it's all mine. The freedom is sublime.
I wouldn't give up living with my boyfriend for the world, but sleeping in the middle of the bed surrounded by a pillow and blanket fort is my THING. Also sleeping on the couch instead of bed. He does graciously allow me to have one body pillow and one blankie in the bed. :)
i'm moving in to my first place in a week and this article just has me chomping at the bit...i seriously can NOT wait!
I have never lived alone EVER! I shared a room growing up, shared a dorm room and then shared many an apartment with room mates before moving in with my boyfriend now husband. Add a few dogs and a kid later so I officially am never alone. My husband travels a lot and my behavior totally changes when he's gone. I eat what I want which means tons of seafood. I have friends over more often. I tackle tons of house projects. I watch tons of chick flicks and when I use to smoke (years ago) I would sneak a smoke or two late at night while watching a movie. I think I would have loved to have lived alone a bit when I was younger. Now I can't even imagine it.
This is so timely for me! I'm about to live alone for the first time after years of roommates. I'm going to miss my roomie, but I'm excited to be completely on my own for the first time ever.
I recently moved in with my boyfriend after a year and a half of living alone. I miss long indulgent bubble baths, eating cookies or crackers and cheese in bed, watching really, really bad reality television, letting my cat sleep in the bed, playing the clueless soundtrack loud as I cleaned the apartment, singing along. And I miss the courage that living alone gave me to go bother my neighbors. I lived in a house where close friends and not so close but very nice friends had apartments, and I would just walk around seeing who might like to bbq with me that night, or if anyone was hungry for the dinner I had just made. Having someone in the house doesn't force me out as much, and maybe I miss out on new friendships!
Hey, I've been married for 15 years and while I do crave my own little space some times, I still sing to my cats and dogs, walk around nekkid, and eat peanut butter from the jar. So does my old man. I guess the trick is finding someone willing to be just as wierd as you are.
I live alone as a post-grad student, and NONE of my undergrad mates seem to get why I enjoy living on my own.
I think the greatest pleasure is being able to tidy/rearrange as I see fit WHEN I see fit, as well as leaving books and all sorts about (in the kitchen, in the bathroom) to read when I feel like it.
That said, I often lack the motivation to tidy up or clear anything away (typical mid twenties male behaviour, I know), so having regular house guests has become a way to keep the place tidy to the point where my girlfriend has gained the illusion that I am a tidy individual. And an obvious downside is that my lease clearly states no pets, so I can't have the welsh terrier companion I crave after years of living with an asthmatic mother and sister!
I SO AGREE!! Why wish your life stages/ages away? I met the love of my life (the FIRST love of my life) when I was 34. Before that, I cherished my single life and living alone... and why not? No matter your situation, embrace the positives.
@civint. Messiness is not just mid 20's male behavior. Plenty of people of all ages and genders are messy and sty so in relationships.
I've lived alone for the past 15 years and really love it. I'm not sure that I want to give it up. The older I'm getting the less I want to have another person's baggage, both emotional and physical in my life.
i've loved living alone, and the freedoms as noted above. I've had bad live-in situations, and am currently living with my fiance - he is awesome to live with. we dont have the same idea of what clean is that i do, but he opens jars, lifts heavy things, keeps me in cuddles and compliments. we compromise on tv, and he takes really long showers,but he brings me treats, is nice to my pet nice to my friends and family, deals with my house project addiction, even when i tear out walls & plumbing and is more than worth putting up with the icky peanut butter knife that lives in the jar and crumbs from eating sandwiches plateless. even if he does shrink my clothes when he does the laundry
I love living alone too. It's not that I want to make a mess and leave it - I want to clean and not have someone else mess it up! Really the only problem I have is with eating a balanced diet. It's hard to have a variety of foods available without wasting a lot. And forget about baking - there's no one else to eat the stuff but me! Not good. I can only bake for parties.
I read the NY Times Feature. I've lived alone for eight years, but I didn't relate to the article. People in the article talked about how they like not having to clean up after themselves, or how they can leave junk out without annoying anyone. Whereas, one of the reasons I enjoy living by myself is that I can keep my apartment neat!
The article characterizes single dwellers as being messy, disorganized, and shabby dressers. I don't think that's true at all.
But, what do I know? I'm sitting at my office desk with no pants on.
I loved living alone and I think it's a very important thing to do for everyone. But I live with my boyfriend now and I wouldn't change it for anything. He's also away for work often and while it's nice in small amounts, mostly I just want him here. I don't feel safe on my own and I sleep so much better with him next to me. I also don't make much effort when I'm cooking for myself.
I love living "on my own"-- I mean, three cats, to big dogs, and two kids age 10 and 4. Buuuut... I must say, I can go to bed with zit cream on, hairy legs, eat popcorn in bed and keep a reading light on all night, snore, drool on my pillow, control the heat in the room, etc... without disturbing anyone (or grossing them out!). I'm so so happy after years of living with a difficult ex husband I can actually, oh, I dunno, listen to salsa music instead of a football game. LOL I'm loving it and probably won't change it in the near future...
Have loved living alone again after a 10 year marriage. I am with Studiostarter..it's all about being able to keep it neat for me. Sleeping in the middle of the bed is glorious with a pillow and blanket fort. Pure heaven. Love deciding when and where I interact with folks, and what food is in the fridge. Did I just eat popcorn last night with onion dip? You betcha. Did I have to explain that nastiness to anyone. Nope. The cons are indeed not coming home to someone you love and that is excited you are home. Although my dog is always ready for loving and he doesn't care if I've showered in days.
I LOVE living alone. I was alone for a year in a tiny apartment in South Korea, and for about two years in a college dorm. At the moment I'm back with my parents, but I'm working on moving (far, far) away and living on my own with my dog and my snake.
Yes, when I'm alone, there tends to be some naked time. Farts aren't stifled as often. But in addition, I find that I almost like cleaning when I'm alone. I also do my own shopping, so I don't have as much junk food around. I noticed the other day that when I lived alone I could stretch a chocolate bar out over three days, while here I could easily eat three in one day. I exercised more. I just live a much better life when I'm alone!
Live alone and loooooove it
I have been married for 15 years, have 2 young kids. I miss living alone so so very much. I'm an introvert who loves quiet and order. wistful sigh.
Living alone after living with 22 different roommates in ten years is the greatest achievement. I derive intense satisfaction from looking around my place and knowing everything is exactly where I put it, even if it's a mess (which it rarely is, because I don't have to worry about roommates messing it up!). When I run out of toilet paper, I have only me to blame, and won't waste my day stewing about whose turn it was to buy it. And when friends come over it's as if they are visiting the inside of my brain and heart, surrounded by things that I love and that represent me. Sometimes I worry that I will have a hard time adapting to living with a man again!
I read the Times article too, and it made me think I must be really boring or something. I've lived alone for 17 years, and I still generally am always dressed in the house, do the dishes right after I eat, and don't engage in anything really weird (at least, I don't think so). But I relish being able to spend the weekend goofing off however I want; if I want to blow off everything I really need to get done and spend the whole day reading or watching movies, I can do that.
Of all the things I could list, my favorite part of living alone is having the fridge to myself. No rotting food that I can't throw out, no one accidentally eating what I was planning on for dinner. Sure, once it a while it's a little lonely, but not as often as it is wonderful! (a side note: while building houses in Guatemala a few years ago, I had a chat with a 14 year old girl who was asking me about my life at home. I later realized that she felt SAD for me that I lived alone. In her culture it is entirely unheard of, and the only reason to live alone would be that you are truly alone in the world.)
You wont believe the things I have done. Wanna come home at 2am with an entire large pizza and eat it guilt free? Leave laundry in the dryer for a week? eat half the cookie dough before baking? Hit the snooze 15 times?
My condo is a guilt free zone. I have no idea how I will ever learn to live with another person again.
I've never lived alone. I had roommates and then I got married. I don't care for the "joys" of having roommates who eat your food, divying up utility costs, and deciding who has to clean the dishes. But I love being married and would never trade that for anything. What's mine is his, and what's his is mine, so when he does dishes, I do a load of laundry, and when he asks me to pick up the dry cleaning and I ask him to drop off the rent, we don't have a problem because it's a partnership.
After living for almost two years with an annoying roommate, who was also worked with me I'm scared for life. I guess I had a very romantic view of roommate life (I watch too much tv)...
So now I live in bliss, my tinsy apartment is great and my cat Bradley likes that I'm a bit of a couch potato, no one frowns at my sleeping habits or eating habits, or makes annoying noise with appliances and walking and breathing ahhhh, sorry I had a flashback.... -_-
13 years of living alone and counting...I love living alone (well, with a couple of cats)...I love and cherish my freedom.
I LOVE living alone though it felt a bit weird at first. However, 3 years ago when I moved into my current apartment solo, it was exactly what I needed. Restorative solitude only disrupted by the occasional mews of the feline that accompanies me.
And, yeah, I was clean freak the first 1 1/2 years of living alone but then something happened... Now I let messes accumulate and hate myself a little for it but at the same time I'm not too bothered unless I'm having people over. I guess I started developing my own secret single behavior!
If I had known then what I know now, I would have lived alone back when I was single vs living with roommates. A little lonely, sure. But it's sanity saving in so many uncountable ways. Being married with kids now, I have no desire to live alone BUT I still think everyone needs some alone time in the house to just veg out.
I have never lived alone, but it sounds wonderful! I loved travelling alone, and that had the same sense of freedom (though limited chances to develop quirks like eating PB naked)
I miss living alone, after two years of solitary living I just moved into a roommate situation. I miss the ability to walk around in my bra all the time. It is really inconvenient to have to put on clothes to get a glass of water all the time. I also really miss my standard of cleanliness being upheld at all times.
Hmmm, I live with my fiance and he stills eats peanut butter from the jar, naked, at 2 AM. Then again, I'm with a spoon right there with him, so I guess we have no problem sharing our "single quirks" with each other. I like what Pi said, that it's totally different having a partner than having a roommate. I'm anticipating being on my own for most of this summer, and I think I'm going to miss my partner : ( But I also think having the experience of "fending for yourself" in a sense makes you better equipped to live with someone else later (if you choose to).
@SF Chris--I could not have said that better myself! After my divorce (2 years now) I have never loved living on my own terms more. My son is 11 and very independent. At times I feel like "I have to move on" into a relationship. However, the older we get the more baggage people carry and it is just not in me to carry someone else's anymore!
I also think that we are so "in everyone's lives" ALL THE TIME (facebook, twitter, etc..) that being "alone" is never really being alone.
I lived alone (with cats) for 12 years in between relationships and I don't think I really felt much freer then than I do now living with my honey. I've had to compromise on decorating a bit, but other than that, I do what I want and so does he. I guess what makes it work is that we're very much alike and both pretty easygoing. And I really missed snuggling with someone when I lived alone.
I love living alone. At the end of a stressful workday I don't have to worry about coming home to somebody elses foul mood. I can keep my house as clean as I want. I can play my black & white classic movies without any criticism. I can open up my home to my friends without having to consult someone to see if it's o.k. I may get lonely every once in a while, but that feeling lasts only for a minute.
While reading this, I thought 'I live alone and don't do anything weird', then I looked down and realized I don't have on pants, I'm eating a bag of jellybeans and the other half of my couch is covered in old mail.... guilty and loving it!
I've been on my own for about 15 months. After my 12+ year relationship ended, I moved in with friends for eight months before making the jump to my own place. I was absolutely dreading being on my own, and there's plenty I miss about living with a partner (there's nothing like a hug to start and end the day). But it turns out I'm loving being on my own. I had plenty of freedom to be quirky and decorate as I pleased in the relationship, so that's not much different. But there are a few things I feel freer about. I love to sing, but am truly terrible at it, and have never been able to sing around people. Now that I'm on my own, I find myself singing around the house all the time, and it feels great. Never realized that was missing from my home life, but I'm grateful to have found this and other little treasures in my solo life.
Agree with RobFan. With all the social networking and such I don't feel alone. That being said - I LOVE living alone! I have lived by myself for the last 3 years and it. is. so. liberating. I know that this will help me choose well and with a sound mind if I ever decide to remarry... too much at stake to lose! LOL
This is the secret to having the happiness of both: find someone who is also down to eat peanut butter naked in the kitchen and who has just as in depth conversation with the cats. I am very lucky to have found someone who is just quirky enough to think all my quirks from living alone, including the gross ones are adorable....his word not mine.
I've been on my own with two cats for a few years now and I love it. I feel just like GG-loves-apartments. I come home from work to peace and quiet. I wouldn't give that up for anything.
I have lived alone for most of my adult life. Eating peanut butter - or anything else for that matter - naked in the middle of the night has never even occurred to me. My worst offenses of naked-ism involve walking from the shower to my bedroom to retrieve my undergarments (usually around noon because I also work from home).
But I do sleep with the tv on alll.night.long.
I've never lived alone but I really want too! I don't have the funds yet but I just cannot wait to be on my own. Eating when and what I want and not having to be responsible for other people. I just cannot wait till I get some freedom.
I want to watch 'The Mary Tyler Moore Show' now.
LOL at Studiostarter!
I have had a few roommates off and on through the years but now am lucky enough to be able to live on my own. I love it! I do have to admit that I haven't found anyone nuts enough to marry me so I think I may be on my own a lot longer.
I, too, like the idea of decorating MY way and having a clean house. I couldn't live with a slob.
Thank you for this article. I don't feel like I'm the only one that I know now who lives alone. I've been on my own for about 10 years and I own my own condo and I love it. It will probably be that way for a lot longer since my current boyfriend shows no interest in moving the relationship forward. I am very much an introvert so I have no problem spending the bulk of my time alone. I'm also a rotating shift worker so I love the fact that I am on my own schedule with no one to disturb my sleep when I am on nights.
I do agree with Studiogal though it's lousy when you get sick and there's no one to look after you, on the other hand there's no one to see you make a mess in the bathroom in that condition either:)
I'm living alone for the first time in a while- its been SO worth it, even though its more expensive and I have less amenities then in my shared 3 bedroom apartment.
Living alone is good for both self indulgence AND self dicipline. There's one one else to blame for the messes!
I do enjoy leaving piles of magazines and mail all over the place, not sharing a fridge, being able to keep my prescription medication in my actual bathroom cabinet, never coming home to no-toilet paper or arguing about who uses up all the paper towels, and, yes, walking around with no pants on. :)
@MELARLODI- yes yes and yes! I can totally agree with everything you posted. I have a five year old and I love doing what I want when I want.
If I want to eat the same foods all of the time (like fruits, salad, cheese and triscuits!) I can. If I want to turn on my music as loud as I want while I cook, clean, or just because I can and practice my zumba moves at the drop of a hat. I have the freedom to do house projects and do household chores when I want to do them. I can leave lights on and not have to worry that I am disturbing the other person at night. Oh and hit the snooze for an hour straight sometimes. :-)
I live alone, sort of, in my own apartment in the basement of my son's house, with my mom living in her own apartment upstairs. I'd rather live totally on my own but this is OK for now. The thing I like best about living alone is not having to constantly negotiate every little thing - where are "we" going, what are "we" doing, blah blah blah. Wake up at 2 am and feel like going for a walk? No problem, just get up and go. Feel like changing the decor? Just do it! Spontanously decide not to go home and cook a meal? No need to inform anybody of your plan, with the possibility of getting bogged down in discussion of the pros and cons. I've lived with husbands, roommates, friends, whatever over the years and gradually came to the conclusion I'm happiest and most productive on my own.
I have lived alone for the last three years and like it a lot. What I like the most is to not have to wash dishes because I.totally.hate.it so I let the dishes pile up until I literally run out of clean stuff to eat or cook in. When I get to that point, I do a big, long wash up and start again. One thing that I find hard about living alone is feeling like cooking or even eating on my own. For this reason, many times my meals consist of bags of potato chips or Doritos or Cheetos. As for quirks, some days I don't shower at all while some others I take really long showers while I listen to my favorite music or spend hours washing my hair--and it is nice to know it's just MY hair in the shower. But, yes, like some, I miss a good hug/cuddle every now and then.
I was a more adventurous cook when I lived alone. I miss that. I would shop at the farmers market once per week and then spend the rest of the week using up every single bit of food in my house. It was like a fun contest I had with myself to eat well and save money. I remember having only pad thai noodles and the ends of a bunch of different types of gourmet cheese one night - voila, light and decadent "mac and bleu"... it was amazing (if only I could remember how I made it)... now that I live with my partner, I have to plan for meals differently - sometimes I miss those moments of culinary inspiration that come from a nearly empty refrigerator and quiet evening alone.
sleeping in the nude.
Thanks so much for this. I am about to get my own place after living with my GF (now ex) for 2 years,then moving home with mom to help her out. It was supposed to be 6 months, turned into 15 months. I look forward to decorating and that I will be living in a cool part of town (not that Phoenix has any), walking distance to records, candy, coffee and comic books (ha).
While I am excited to begin my journey (this would be life 3.0, after my divorce and this breakup), I am a bit nervous at the loneliness. You know, the first 2 weeks is all about getting settled and getting acclimated....after that the loneliness settles in. I recall after my divorce the loneliness was incredible. Like a press, pushing down on me. I'd see it was almost time to get off of work, then have a flash of the notion that....I have nothing to hurry home for. No one is there. I'll be alone.
I am hopeful the 2 years of living alone post divorce will aid me now. That having no one to go home to means going to a coffee shop and surfing the web...generally going out and not being such a (lonely) homebody. It was funny that, back then, once in a while I'd recognize that I could laze around the place naked if I wished, I could go out and come in late (only pay the price in the morning), I could do whatever I wanted.
This time I want to revel in this freedom, and hopefully keep the specter of loneliness at bay. . .
I lived a bachelor until I was 28 and finally decided to tie the knot with my partner. But the one thing we both noticed immediately is that we LOVE our own space.
So we live in separate condoes in the same part of town. Don't get me wrong, we spend (almost) every day and night together except when I'm traveling. A loooot of people think it's weird, but we're as happy as can be; each with our own 1-bedroom apartment. Worked out really well for six years and couldn't be more happy!
Mine is full of awesome cluttery (not dirty) things that I've made or bought; his is the super-austere industrial loft. When we have guests in town (pretty frequently) we put them up in his place. When we entertain (also frequently), we make the decision which place to go: his has a lot of indoor space, but mine has two *enourmous* balconeys.
So it works out really well, if you have the resources. And where, in any book, does it say:
"Married people shall inhabit only one residential unit"? :) :) :)
I'm moving overseas in a bit less than two weeks, which will mark the start of my solo living adventure. Its bittersweet because I'm separating from my boyfriend of 4 years, but it'll be so great to not have to tidy up after others all the time. On his request we live in a pretty large house at the moment, it is such a pain to keep it even marginally neat. Alone (and with only what will fit into two suitcases) I'm free to cram myself into the smallest studio I can find!
I have lived alone several times in my life, the last time was for 12 years. I am now living with my significant other and the thing I miss the most is having the WHOLE BED to myself! A queen sized bed to me is a twin! My evil twin secretly relishes his trips out of town for this reason.
I moved out of my parent's house and into an apartment with my girlfriend 7 months ago (at 19).
Living with her is invaluable because of the money we save, the closeness, and never having to really worry about plans to meet and figuring when who is free. It's also great because she truly does not care at all what I do to the apartment design-wise. I bring home crazy things like theatre seats from a 60 year old movie house, a 1970's Jukebox, my collection of accordions, etc. and she doesn't raise an eyebrow because she is happy as long as there is a comfortable couch.
I do often long to live alone, though. When I lived with my parents I at least had my room. I could go in and shut the door and be alone. There is none of that now, everything is ours. Sometimes I get home after an exhausting day and I just think to myself: I love you, but what are you doing in my house? I think the aforementioned benefit that I do all the decorating also plays a negative role, too. For instance, if she comes home with a generic looking kettle that was a good deal at Wal-Mart, the first thing in my mind is: "Great, how long do I have to put up with this before I can replace it with a proper stainless steel vintage kettle?" It's hard to communicate that when you're a big decorator like I am and have a tiny place like we do, little things like the quality of the kettle and the way you stack your textbooks make a difference in the room.
The long and short of it is, I love her to death and I love being so close to her but sometimes living together in a small space is overload.
I've lived on my own for 16 years and love it. It's hard to imagine living any other way now.
Mackheath1, I think if I was married I would have to copy your domestic arrangement.
I had to laugh at the number of posters admitting to going around pantless. Yes, I do it too - but not today.
I've lived alone (again, after a 23-year marriage) for about 2 years now . Except for the occasional weekend visit from my adult daughter, or the more frequent overnighter with my beau, it's just me and two labs with whom I keep my conversational skills quite polished. I wouldn't change a thing. In fact,I'm committed to a no-marriage, no-cohabitation policy. My decorating is eclectic on the verge of bohemian, an urge that I hadn't been able to completely indulge until now. I rarely cook for myself. I wear ugly sweats and comfy clothes around the house. I'm a natural homebody and sometime loner, so this all suits my personality just fine. A note to all of you peanut-butter-out-of-the-jar-eaters: Have you tried loading the spoon up with peanut butter and then dipping it in a bag of chocolate chips? Yummm :)
I have lived alone for the past ten years, and had many two or three year stints of living alone before that. I LOVE living alone, and it would always be my preference. It's not about being messy or weird, it's just my love of being alone -- I work with people all day and it's so nice to come home just to my pets. However, I'm kind of broke and am thinking of taking on a roommate to help pay the bills. When I read these articles, I wonder if I will regret it if I take someone into the house. I'm opening up my guest room via AirBnB to guests to see how I really feel about co-habbing for a little while.
Great story. I've never lived alone, having given birth to my first child at 19 while still living at home and now, 23 years, another child and a few relationships later, I long for a life alone. I often dream about how my life would be living alone and how fabulous (in my eyes anyway) that it would be to able to come and go as I please without regard to anyone else's schedule. Of course, those thoughts don't sit to well with my current significant other of the past 8 years LOL...but still, a girl can fantasize right?
To lowonthe456: Good luck on your journey 3.0. I'm on 2.0. My ex-husband and I separated last year after 10 years of marriage (no kids). I live on my own and hate where I live, so I don't have friends over, and I dread going home after work, and I also feel lonely quite often. It is tough but I'm trying to embrace the upside as well, and the other readers have listed many. It might not help much, but know that you're not the only one who experiences loneliness. When I feel lonely, I try to smile, put my shoulders back, dig deep and look for what I can learn from that moment, or maybe seek a new experience of any significance (convo with a stranger, walk in a new neighbourhood). Good luck to you.
Mary Richards had terrific apartments.
This is one of the most interesting posts I've ever read on AT...
What I love about living solo:
uninterrupted sleep (my 13 year old pet died a week ago, he had a medical condition that kept him amp'd up on high speed, this is the first uninterrupted sleep I've had in 2 years)
no one else's schedule to adhere to
no 'in-laws' to please
no fights over the remote or music choices (I'm a Dave Matthews Band gal)
if I'm sick no one's hovering (got a well-stocked pantry & medicine cabinet so I'm set)
What I hate about it:
no help taking heavy trash cans to the curb
no help with heavy gardening (can't get a sexist jerk I hired 1x to back off!)
it's harder to move big furniture solo (I can't get a sofa out of my living room!)
Having been someones daughter, wife, mother, I finally got to live on my own. As much as I love family and friends give me the single lifestyle. No banging on the bathroom door, sharing the chocolate bar or complaints about whats for supper. I couldn't be happier. If that sounds selfish so be it.
MACKHEATH1 - I tried to convince my soon-to-be-husband about this arrangement two years ago and he almost cried.
We have two wonderful boys but lately I've been looking back on my single days...
reading in the quiet
un-interrupted sleep
doing my own laundry
always tidy apartment
travelling wherever I want
un-interrupted phone calls
going out whenever I want
guilt-free impulse shopping
eating what, when, where I want
no in-laws to harrass or intimidate us.
Oh! and no one banging on the bathroom door.
I've been living alone since 1977. I love it (and I probably am very quirky, haha). I agree with all the pros here, and with the only con; I have to care for myself if I'm sick. This is a great post. I especially love Lady J's phrase, "complete sovereignity is the best".
Living alone for a few years post-grad school was the best thing that ever happened to me. I got to have my very own personal space, to figure out what level of clean/messy I could live with and maintain, and to buy my own kitchen appliances. (Which means, when I got married, I didn't need to ask for a $300 stand mixer because I already had my own).
The best part: I know how to set up utilities, find an apartment, get a lease, make a budget, and negotiate for my own car. I enjoyed being alone for the time I was. Of course, now I look back and see some decorating ideas I loved (my dark blue and white bedroom) and somethings I would never do again (keeping the kids' toys out made the room look childish), and I remember that first apartment so fondly.
I hope everyone gets the live alone experience, and I always encourage young women to DO IT at some point. BE ON YOUR OWN, with no significant other or roommate, at least once. Just to figure out who you are. It was awesome.
BTW, am so glad to see other people's quirks. I lived in a city very close to an awesome all night diner. There were more than one 2AM writing fests that involved milkshakes.
I have to add to my above comment, as this is a really interesting thread.
Chaotic, I highly recommend it. And, dangab33, there are still some added benefits, but it sounds like you've sounded out your marriage very thoughtfully, instead of jumping in, so it sounds right.
Having two small places, but spending days and nights together has some added benefits.
Diet - he works horrific hours and late nights, so I'll cook or surprise him with food, but basically only eat when I want. For the year together, we ate when either of us was hungry, leading to more eating.
Time together - strangely, we spend more time together than we used to. We'd come home from work and be so "not interested in talking to anyone" that we'd go to our respective study.
So now, when I travel I come back to a clean apartment to my own to take a hot shower, or sometimes he'd missed me and crashed at mine leaving a mess, but no worries :)
And I agree with Nancyalice and Lady J about complete sovereignity!!
"Oh wow really......everyone is so proper @AT. That is, no one is talking about their sexual needs. Just wondering how other is copying with their nature human needs."
POSTED BY JAMES MANLI ON 03.24.12 AT 01:04PM
Trying not to judge but that sounds like man talk to me.:)
I absolutely adore living alone, and it's only recently that I've found friends who feel the same way. I'm an only child and I spent most of my childhood in my own little world - it was the best. Having roommates in college was stressful, and no matter how much money I could be saving, I would never, ever live with a roommate again. Frankly the idea of moving into a house with a significant other isn't exactly thrilling either - I think I could totally rock the idea of separate living arrangements like MACKHEATH1. That or I'm going to need some sort of huge house to escape into.
In graduate school everyone in my cohort lived in each others pockets (they all moved in together eventually), and I always had to make up excuses go home and eat my peanut butter in my underwear in peace. I think the strangest "alone" behavior I'm currently doing (besides living in my pj's) is keeping a pile of cardboard in the corner of my living room. I had friends side-eying me last night, but large pieces of cardboard are so good for craft projects!
Been living alone for 20 years - ready for a male roommate - the boyfriend type.
@jamesmanli - complete sovereignty means you can do what you want, when you want, with whom you want. no signaling to roommates that you need the place to yourself.
I HATE living alone. I live in Manhattan and had my own apartment and I cycled from enjoying the freedom, to wanting to share my life and space with someone to total despair when relationships didn't work out and I continued to come home to my highly desirable East Village apartment by myself. I kept trying to convince myself it was so great, but I wanted to relax with someone around, not always have to go out for company I finally moved in a significant other and love having someone to come home to. I would never live by myself again if I had a choice.
I've been living alone for the past six months after ending a 7 yr. relationship. I'm so happy in my house - I have to drag myself out. I've had dinner parties, slept late, decorated the way I want.... all the things that somehow never happened before. Today, I planted some bamboo in the back yard, made curtains for both the bathroom and the bedroom (with fabric that would never have passed muster before), made a backyard dog leash/towel rack from the 30 yr. old address sign on the front of the house, hung new address numbers, and painted a shelf for the living room. The best part? My kitchen now looks like Martha Stewart and Tim Allen had a drunken brawl in it (drills, bobbins, paint, fabric, step ladders, etc. all over the place) and I may go to bed without cleaning it up!
I had to comment again and add my secret single behavior since it just came to me tonight. I love to watch emotional movies and let the tears pour down my cheeks without anybody knowing. I never do this if I'm watching a movie with someone else. I'll do anything to fight it, eat, drink, go to the bathroom, whatever. But alone I'll cry and cry (silently though) as long as I want and it feels so good. I had to share after watching Mao's Last Dancer tonight on Netflix:)
I've lived alone for 5 years. I lived with other people (parents or husbands) for 38 years. Living alone is the best!!!!!
I've lived alone for nearly 10 years now, and I never stop appreciating it. I'm a very social person, and I host dinners and parties all the time, but there's nothing like coming home at the end of a long day and just being able to sink onto the couch without having to talk to anyone. And I'm with others - my concern about living with others (like my boyfriend) is that he would mess up my space; I love my apartment and generally keep it very neat.
I realize, of course, that living alone is often a mark of tremendous financial privilege, and also pretty culturally constructed, in terms of being a desirable thing. But man, I love it.
About two weeks after moving into my very first ugly studio, I woke up one day and realized that I did not have to put on pants, and that I liked my pantless existence very much. I will always remember that day! When people ask why I don't have roommates to save money I tell them it's because I don't like wearing pants.
I have a really awesome housemate, but man am I ready for my own place. Being the second one to have moved into this house I'm surrounded by all his stuff and hideous, really really REALLY hideous oil paintings from the previous tenant (his friend). Heavy oil paintings of plates of rotten food, pizza etc... freaking hate those things. Doesn't help that I work long days, and he doesn't have a job which brings out the bitter hag in me and I have to work hard to keep a lid on that.
Finding new rental property is impossible at the moment due to a natural disaster making lots of places unlivable, now the market is super-competitive, new rentals are usually 40% more expensive than they were before, so, I'm stuck... but just in case the housemate moves on/out, I've got pretty much everything planned, made little floor plans and everything :D
Living alone (with pets, garden, etc.) is the best. I could deal with a partner living next door, as long as they actually left to go back to their own place. Having this space of my own to use and decorate as I please means the world to me.
I've lived alone for three years, and in the past week just purchased my first home, alone. It's the best thing ever. I think even if I lived with a significant other, I would need my own designated private space in the house to which I could retreat.
I love the silence. I'm pretty neat, too, and don't miss having to clean up other people's stuff because I can't stand looking at it.
With four young children and a husband, my life is exactly what Erma Bombeck described: "Cleaning the house while the children are growing is like shoveling snow while it's still snowing." And I am so thankful for the mess and the chaos and the lack of alone time. People...what is life really about? Is life really about making yourself as cozy, unhassled, and free from others' demands as possible? I work in hospice and have seen what really matters as people are dying. What matters is relationships. Connection.
Family life--busy, hectic family life in all its permutations--allows everyone to grow and mature. You have to learn to communicate with the people you're living with, compromise, you become aware of your flaws and learn to work on them. (I always thought I was a patient person until I had kids!) I don't know...I just think that despite the drawbacks of living with others (and I'm an introvert who definitely needs my alone time, so I relate to all of you who say how great it is to live alone), life is for living, and living is messy and complicated and that's okay. More than okay. I wouldn't want to get to the end of my life and have lived a serene, independent life, but never have really been forced to step outside of my comfort zone, to have set boundaries around my relationships, to have limited how much I would show of myself to those I loved, to have guarded my own comfort too zealously....
To quote an old Garth Brooks song (yes, Erma AND Garth!): "I could have missed the pain, but I'd have had to miss the dance."
YMMV....
@Chana I don't think the majority of folks are saying they don't want to connect with anyone. They just want a personal space with solitude.
Hey all, I'll soon be returning to living solo again and am suuuper excited! Lol, the majority of last year was the first time I lived alone besides a year and half roomie-less in college and enjoy it quite well. This time around I opted for a two bedroom to make into studio space/guest room for friends and siblings who stop by. I'm usually out and about a lot but am looking forward to having my Friday movie night back. On Fridays I would order take out and choose some movie I'd never seen out of the $5 bin at Wal-mart or Target (or just recycle a favorite, how many times I've watched The Notebook and Star Trek are top secret!) and just have an evening to myself. My job can get especially intense throughout the week and I look forward to calming down before winding up again. It was also nice to bring food home and not have anyone belittle and make fun of me about being a vegetarian, sheesh!
I loved living alone and I have to say I think it ended probably a bit too soon. A fiercely independent female I struggle with having to check in constantly, early alarms (and bedtimes), and well the videos games (lol). Don't get me wrong I have a great life in a wonderful in an home, in an incredible city, with a really good dude but I wouldn't recommend rushing into cohabitation. Stop and smell the roses in your own place for as long as you can. It's a treasure. A gift to yourself to truly be yourself and have everything your way.
Aside from the first two years out on my own, I've always lived alone. I can't imagine living any other way.
Well... I live with my husband but I go about it the same way I do if I was living alone. As in, I also usually go about pants less and don't think twice about lounging around with a facemask on or eating ice cream right out of the tub. The only difference really is that I make sure to actually cook everyday and I pay a little more attention to the details when I clean. But otherwise all my habits are the same whether hes home or away on long business trips. For the most part we have the same style so decorating isn't an issue either.
I couldn't imagine living with a roommate though. It just sounds horrid. It was unbearable living with even just family and having to actually *gasp* be somewhat presentable everyday. Its all about just finding that person/people that you feel 100% comfortable around and accepts your weird, sometimes gross, behavior.
"I want a man in my life, just not in my house."
I adore living alone + I've been with my fella for 4 years, 1 of which was in my 570 sq ft apartment and 3 have been long-distance. That one year was tough since I am very particular about my stuff. For instance, I hate commercial packaging, so I put my bath stuff in plain containers and kitchen stuff in glass jars. My SO first went to take a shower and had no idea what was what.
So, I definitely miss my sweetie when we're apart, but I do also relish the time alone. And the decadence of sleeping solo in a king-sized bed. And letting the place get super messy when I'm too busy working on my projects.
Love it MJS7640! my sentiment exactly =)
Being the only girl, i grew up having my own bedroom. ex hubby spent 3/4 of our 2-year marriage living with his parents. been single and living alone for the past 16 years, never let a b-f move in or move in with a b-f. thank god also never need roommates for financial reason since declaring independent after high school.
do i get lonely? in my younger days, yes, from time to time. however, since i got my kitty in 2000, i've never felt lonely again. i don't do one-way conversation with her though, just the occassional baby talk when she's sulky.
what i love about solo living is the total freedom of doing/not doing, decorating or the lack of, accumulating things or living with nothing, clothing optional, lording over every storage space, and most important to my mental health: NO NEED TO TALK TO ANYONE AFTER COMING HOME FROM WORK(!!!).
If i would be married again (a big if), i'd rather get a duplex, living in one unit and the hubby living in the other. To an indepedent adult, having his/her own living quarter is vital to mental, emotional, and physical health, as long as the loved one is just one wall away.
God bless all the solo living singles!!!!
I was single for 17 years and lived alone and loved it! I have been married for 10 years now and though I love my husband, I have come to the conclusion that men and women should never live together! We have a perfect set-up right now because we have a farm in the country and a townhouse. I'm still working so I stay in town. He's retired and building our new home at the farm so he's up there 3 nights a week.
Oh, how I relish those 3 nights. The first night I do nothing but watch my TV shows. The second night I clean house and maybe an extra project - last week I used my free night to shampoo the living room carpet. The 3rd night I do some kind of creative project - sometimes it's cooking a new recipe to keep for supper when he comes home, sometimes it's a painting project, or reading a book.
A duplex would be wonderful!
@CHANA Love them both much...true words...
I didn't have another AR (adult roomie) for over 20 years. Sorry, don't remember the exact number of years. I did have children so I wasn't really living solo. You know, that 'Responsible Adult' sort of thing kicks in when you have children to raise, but not all the 100%. Maybe like 33.3%? Our vacations consisted of free travel posters I got from various travel agencies for FREE and then me cooking 'that' travel destination's regional foods everyday and playing the free CD's or vinyls I got from the public library. I had a great time! In my mind I have been around the globe at least twice. I don't think it was as much fun for my childrent though; especially after they were 12+.
Anyway, after all 3 children left home:
1. I never owned another sofa. Drove them nuts-they loaned me one.
2. I ate whatever I wanted every day, but only ate one meal a day.
3. I didn't answer the phone or the door if I didn't feel like interacting with someone.
4. I painted my self-portrait (as I thought I should look....in 100 years who will know if that is me, or not?)
5. I took bubblebathes every night and read a book. When the bubbles disappeared I knew it was time to get out of the bath.
6. I owned lots and lots of white stuff !!!
7. I had one pint, each, of the following Haagen-dazs in the freezer: Cherry Vanilla - Chocolate - Pralines & Cream - Vanilla Swiss Almond - Rocky Road or Rum Raison.
7.B - Every evening upon arriving home from work: I tate one teaspoon (and only one) from one of my collected Haagen-dazs stash. Actually, they were the only things in my freezer. Then I took my bubble bath and then I made myself dinner.
8. I bought a season ticket to the opera and went solo. Don't tell anyone!
9. I never wore any clothes once I was home from work.
I would do it all again in a heart beat except I am married again. I am pretty strange anyway for having been a hitchhiking hippy in the 60s and then solo parent and then solo living for 4/5 of my life. I tend to be pretty traditional now. You know? I, like, wear clothes and there is no bubble bath anymore.....but I do own a kindle!
living alone is one of the best things ever. I've been living solo for 5 years now after living w/ someone for over 10 years (pure torture...living w/ someone who is a total SLOB) and i'm in discussion w/ having the current boyfriend move in and i'm feeling anxiety about it. lol. Happy that he wants to live w/ me, anxiety about what's going to happen w/ MY space. lol.
i forgot to mention pants. lol. i am pantsless all the time when I'm home. granted i'm like that when my bf is here...but still. there is something about being home alone w/ no pants on. LOL
Joys (a few from the many):
I sing--loudly, badly and often.
I am messy or neat as I see fit.
I choose the paint colors--no compromises.
Occasional pantsless-ness.
Drawbacks:
No one to do the dishes if I cook.
No extra pair of hands when I want to hang a light fixture.
I have to kill any spiders that show themselves.
After I eat all the peanut butter, there's no one I can send out for more.
If I could hire a cute handyman with benefits, I think I'd be set.
I'm inclined to agree with @TRISH1980 . I've lived alone most of my adult life. It's not just that I get to do whatever I want, although that is nice. I'm just naturally independent, love the quiet and am kind of a neat freak.
Plus, the comment about being sociable regularly on Facebook, etc. is very true. I really don't feel alone. Plus I have family, friends and occasional boyfriends to spend time with. But I can go home and relax and spend time on things that are important to me.
Hopefully the right man for me will be someone whose quirks I can share with comfortably, or we could live separately, like @MACKHEATH1 mentioned. Sometimes you've got to break the so-called rules to make things work. ;)
I've been living "alone" (with 2 kids) for 12 years now. I never thought it would be this long. But after a very bad marriage, not having a clue a healthy relationship really is like as I never good a good example at home, I feel great about myself. I have learned to appreciate myself. I have learned I do not need the validation of another person. Yes, I have also some quirky habits, extended to my kids. Dishes in the sink are definitely not a problem. Fresh laundry baskets or ironed laundry sitting on the table for days, not a problem. Eat when you are hungry, not when it is dinner time. When my kids are gone, I make curry nearly every day, from left overs or whatever I can find in the house. I love my private space. But I would like to share it with someone just as quirky as I am :D I think that this is the greatest benefit of living alone this long: realize that it is all about compromise and giving each other enough space not to be suffocated!
I've been living alone since 1999. I think I'm past the point of being able to live with anyone ever again. If I ever do meet the man of my dreams (it's not looking good...) he would ideally live in a house next door. I LOVE living alone! MACKHEATH1 - I think your arrangement is great!
What a fun assortment of comments! To follow up, I thought I'd post this hilarious video for all you happy solo dwellers out there!
Thanks for the laugh, @ANNAMARIA STEPHENS. That video IS hilarious!
I LOVE living alone. I am currently, temporarily, staying at a friends house since moving back....but I rented an apt as soon as the job situation stabilized just because I REALLY miss my own place. Kids are grown and I can honestly say I am happiest when I am in my own space. And I totally agree with the lack of pants thing, talking to myself/cats, eating healthier, listening to music whenever I want and NO TV! May 1st can't get here soon enough.
I lived alone for a year in Manhattan and have much love for this article, but there are way too many people on here admitting they don't have pants on. Come on, strangers.
@Chana--I love my family and friends, I'm fun-loving, I've lived with mother, cousins, husband, son and friends, and I've compromised and given, so I'm about as far from a hermit as one can get, but living alone is best for me right now. Life can be messy, but I've had enough of messy and that's o.k. because I think I've earned the right to some peace and order. Everyone has to do what is best for them, some of us do.not.want. messy, and that should be o.k. too ;>)
I just moved into my first apartment by myself (had roommates/roommate for the past 4 years in college and before that lived with the fam) and so far, it's as great as I imagined it. I loved my roommate, but I second everything everyone's said about the freedoms--and for the record, I love that I can be my crazy OCD-clean self without being super annoying to a messy roommate! I'm lucky enough to be able to afford living alone.
I will say though, that moving to a new city and only knowing your boyfriend is hard. So far I'm a little more dependent on him for social interaction than I'm used to being, but I'm working on it. Making friends with people with similar interests and that should help. I do, however, want to eventually move in with the BF, though there's no rush. Soaking in the single-living life!
Yay! I'm back at my own apartment, after living with a bf for 5 years, then another for 3!ice little hi rise building in sunny Florida and feels so good, I want to shout it off my balcony! Amazing area with lots of things to do walking distance, I'm an outgoing, social, graphic designer, with a knack for decorating on a dime and OCD neat for the most part. I couldn't stay in their man cave mess, one had a roommate, so not enough privacy, not enough room to put my great collection of shoes, couldn't paint walls bright colors, etc. So being on my own again feels so free, I'm watchin my chick flicks, and I can all night, I have my gave foods again, sushi, miso soup, going out way more with friends again, excited about what new decorating I can do. Bought my fave couch, girly pillows, throws, and coffee table, all me! I'm having a cocktail, while painting my nails, some me time. As other comments, living alone can occasionally get lonely, but having plenty of friends to visit, go out with, family just email or phone call away, I'm ok. Absolute Zen is key for me. Im a pisces who needs balance, color, feng shui! Yay, now I have that again. I can live w a nd but he prob needs to be neat, and we could have one girlie room, one man cave. But I can't just get rid of my feng shui. Spoiled, maybe, only child, but independent yes, I work hard, and this is my reward!
After 5 1/2 years living alone I am ready for a roomie of the male bf variety. Yes living solo means a lot of freedoms for me & also not feeling guilty if I want to stay up all night for no good reason...but it also has drawbacks. For me it includes haveing way too many left overs when I cook, not having someone to snuggle up to/with when I'm having a crappy day, having a zillion things to do that require three zillion hands while I only have two, and just feeling so lonely at times. It also is upsetting seeing a lot (ok the majority) of my friends all happily ever after with a signifigant other & having to listen to their happy lives stories knowing I'm not following the story cause I've been alone so long that I've forgotten what its like
I was really impressed that so many people have written how much they love their own space , living alone.
I just came back from a date with a nice guy. ( this is the story of many days) .. And then at home, at my beautiful neat apartment, I started feeling unsafe, thinking that i can loose my space, my privacy, all the good times I have with myself, because men generally want to live with you.
I also felt afraid that since I really enjoy living alone, this means I wont get into a relationship ...
So these are things that I am thinking about:
I love my space/ I love living alone, I am the happiest person at work, among many of my friends, I am very social, attractive etc. I love to walk alone, concentrate, write, work, live alone. At the same time, I am afraid of the fact that with this tendencies I might not ever get into a relationship and have a child.
I don't really know. But at least, seeing this list of comments made me feel better. I know I am not alone. At least I questioned whether it is important to be in a relationship with someone living together?...
Living solo is a clear and recognized social trend in many/most countries. I have been living alone for 9 years now and I am very very satisfied with this. Not having to meet the demands of another person(s) feels like freedom not deprivation. I have lots of friends and activities but my home is my retreat. I have time to think and can bring more to my relationships now. I am very grateful that I can live alone.
I'm wondering how many men are commenting here? I'm single, although I've been in a partner relationship for about 10 years, and we're going through a break-up stage. I've never lived with him, mainly because he is not neat and I am. I'm not obsessively so, but I do like cleanliness. For him, it's not such a big deal. I noticed that a lot of respondents here are women (or at least it seems so). I have never lived with any man I've dated, and have only had roommates for maybe a year or two at max over my 25 years of living away from parents. What do men say about this issue? I've heard it's harder for men to live alone than women.