I would say, if they are using a phone/tablet to make trips more bearable, etc. then they are still in their "me" phase, and not their "we" phase.

Well said, Kaz! Books for learning to read! Crayons and paints for artistic creativity! A piano, a kazoo, or singing songs for music time! Bored in the car? Talk, read, sing, listen to music, look out the window, be alone with your thoughts...there are soooo many things you can do with your kids that don't involve anything electronic that is promoted as "educational".

This phenomenon drives me crazy. I see toddlers and preschoolers on iPhones in the grocery store, in the car, in restaurants, everywhere! Yes, I know there are educational apps and yes, I allow my young children to watch tv and movies in moderation at home. And yes, I think taking young children grocery shopping and to restaurants can be challenging!

My concern, and the reason I don't let my kids use my iPhone, is that it sets an expectation that kids need technological entertainment in order to sit quietly for more than 5 minutes. They are plugged in so parents don't have to engage them, chat with them, or, also important, help them learn that sometimes in life, you just have to sit quietly and do nothing.

My exception to my rule is on airplanes. When taking my 2 year old and 4 year old on a crowded airplane full of adults, they can watch all the Super Why and play all the Zoo Animals they can handle. :)

As a parent of two special needs kids, I can tell you that tablets have changed the way non speaking kids communicate with their families. They are a god-send, affordable(traditional communication boards costs thousands and are not covered). That being said, of course they should not be babysitters, but at the same time, as parents we shouldn't make snap judgements when we see kids using them, we are all trying to do your best, right?

I do see your points, and I do believe kids these days are inundated by technology, but I think it's extreme to insinuate that these parents are being selfish and stuck in "me" phase and not "we" phase. You don't know their circumstances nor do you know their kids. I've let my kid play on my iPhone at restaurants, in doctor office waiting rooms, and on road trips. It has meant the difference between leaving a restaurant before finishing a meal, physically restraining my toddler because he wants to run away from the doctors office, and listening for an hour to a crying kid while we drive. We wait until we've tried many other methods before breaking it out, but when we do we never regret it. I spend my days making music, doing art projects, going outside every day (the zoo, parks, hikes), cooking with my kids, and reading books. Sometimes us parents just need a break. If that break means we give our kids an iPhone at a restaurant so we can have a 10 minutes conversation with our spouse, it in no way means that we are bad parents. It means we are only human and need a few minutes of peace so that we can be refreshed and revitalized before our next long bout of hands on parenting.

It seems like children need to learn that calm, respectful behavior is something that is expected in situations like car rides, plane trips, restaurant outings, etc. without needing constant entertainment. As parents, we need to have realistic expectations of what our kids can handle and what they can not. When my kids were very young, we simply did not take long plane trips. Now that we are out of the toddler days, we are on the go and the kids are ready to handle it. If I want to have a long adult conversation and meal with my spouse, I will hire a babysitter and go out to dinner when the kids are in bed. I think technology is often used as a way to placate children in situations that are really inappropriate for the age of the child (i.e. long meals in a restaurant).
My kids have no tech whatsoever in their lives, and they are comfortable playing, reading, coloring, looking out the window, listening to music, etc. because they are not expecting anything more. At the doctor's office they will watch the fish in the tank and look at the books because they don't know any different. Of course there are times when they cry or meltdown like all kids. But handing them an iPad in that situation, in my mind, is robbing them of the experience of learning how to regulate their behavior and responses internally.
It seems like "parenting" these days is defined as being engaged in some kind of project, outing or kid-centric activity at all times. To me, parenting is a 24-7 activity that is all about living and working together as a family. We make dinner every night and the kids play outside or right in the kitchen with us. They know we have a job to do and can not entertain them at that time, but we can still be together. We are actively parenting in that moment, and expecting them to do their own thing and let the adults work is a huge life lesson that needs to come early. Putting the kids in front of a screen prevents that from ever happening. If your children learn to be with us without seeing us as the source of all entertainment, the feeling of "needing a break" really diminishes.

Really? You think I'm a bad parent because my kid spends 10-20 min. a week playing interactive games on an iPhone? He's going to turn out just fine, as are most kids of the majority of parents who read this post. Because we care about our children enough that we're reading and commenting on parenting stuff at 12:45am on a week night. Your way of parenting works great for you, my way of parenting works for me. Our children will all grow into amazing adults. Don't judge.

Seems like the article is creating a confusion between "using technology as a baby-sitter or a crutch" and "using technology to do other things". I'm living far away from my family, and yes, my son and I use Skype to stay in touch. Technically, we are together in front of a screen for maybe 10-20 minutes a day, but he talks to his great-grand-parents who are too old to leave their home, to his grand-parents, or to his aunt who lives across the Atlantic ocean. He gets to see their faces, and, trust me, it's made a HUGE difference when we go to visit them. You can't imagine how happy his great-grand-parents were when they saw him in person, and he recognized them and called them by their names.

On the other hand, he's never used my phone while we go grocery shopping, to the doctor or to the restaurant. We know he can sit quietly for an about hour and a half, and take care not to go to restaurants where eating will take longer than that. When my husband and I want to talk together, we ask him to go and play quietly for a while... a work still in progress, but isn't education endless patience ?

I don't agree with KFARLEY that parenting is a 24-7 activity; I'd go crazy if I didn't get some "me" and some "me and my husband" time. I even need "me and my cat" time ! But when my husband and I go to dance class, I hire a nephew as a baby-sitter, and there's no app used. It's another family time with a different person. I also don't understand the part on not taking long airplane trips: isn't the travelling experience worth an few hours of cartoons and playing with an app ? I took my then-15 months old son across the Atlantic, and he came back a different person; but yes, both of the 12 hours flight were punctuated by playing on my iPhone and watching cartoons.

On the other hand, I couldn't agree more on your other remarks especially:
"there are times when they cry or meltdown like all kids. But handing them an iPad in that situation, in my mind, is robbing them of the experience of learning how to regulate their behavior and responses internally."
Amen to that ! But the temptation is sometimes very hard to resist...

We are a family with limited technology-while we purchased an iPad two months ago, neither my husband nor myself have a smart phone, we have basic basic cable, etc. While I think that technology is beneficial to kids and that they need to be aware of what is around since schools are now using things too, I think it's used WAY too often. You do what you need to in order to get by during the day, but it is all too easy to just plop the kids down in front of an iPad!

If you give a kid a book to entertain them while you finish dinner, does that make the book a "babysitter"? No. It's still entertainment. So are games, whether electronic or not. Personally, I'd rather that my daughter spent the time she's allowed to play with my phone while we're somewhere she is "stuck" - long car trips, the end of a dinner out when she is finished and we are not, or waiting for the doctor. She gets WAY less electronic time than I did growing up 30 years ago as a latch-key kid. I think she'll be fine.

I do think that kids have too much technology in their lives, and I do not think it's a good idea to give a kid an electronic device every time they get a little fussy. But I also choose to teach my kids the idea of everything in moderation. I let them eat sugar sometimes, I let them watch TV sometimes, and I let them play with an iPhone sometimes. This is all balanced out with other more wholesome activities. I feel like letting them use electronics in moderation is teaching them that it's fine to indulge in something once in awhile, but once you've had enough then put it down.

If we're at a restaurant, and he has no interest in coloring or playing quietly with a toy (Loora, you are very lucky to have a kid who sits quietly for an hour and a half in a restaurant! I really don't know of any other kid who will do that!), and all he wants to do is run around the place talking to all the patrons, we usually leave. However, at times I have a tasty meal in front of me that is half finished and a friend or a husband with whom I haven't talked to in a while. I see no harm in letting him look at photos, play an interactive age appropriate game, or play with a painting app for ten minutes. Also, when we want a good adult conversation with no kids, we get a sitter. Never have we said, "let's go on a date with our kid and give him an iPhone as a sitter."

At the doctor's office, my son has had many blood draws and a bone marrow aspiration. He's scared, and tries to run out of the exam room. If I give him an iPhone as a distraction to help him calm down, is that really way worse than physically holding him down while they stick him with a needle? I see it as the lesser of the two evils.

And my child throws many tantrums that are not placated with an iPhone. In fact, if he's throwing a full on tantrum I have never given him one. I wholeheartedly agree that giving a kid an iPhone every time they throw a tantrum is a bad idea. But that doesn't mean just because someone lets their kid play with one sometimes in certain situations, they give in every time. There are many grey areas here. All I'm saying is that if you see someone give their child an iPhone at a restaurant, don't assume they do that every time they go anywhere. You don't know their situation, nor do you know their kid (some kids do great sitting still and focusing, others not so much. They're all different).

I guess I fall into the category up above in the post of "sometimes, but in moderation."

My 3-year-old son DOES use our iPad almost every day. I'm pregnant and work nights and he wakes up early. Our iPad is stocked with educational age-appropriate apps, and the Netflix que is full of shows he's allowed to watch. I'm not ashamed to admit that sometimes I need an extra 30-60 minutes of sleep in the morning and you know what? The iPad gives it to me. He chills in my bed and uses it. Yet amazingly he is "comfortable playing, reading, coloring, looking out the window, listening to music, etc." He has to be in the car for a straight hour+ almost every day and he's perfectly happy listening to music and looking out the window. He will gladly play alone for at least an hour and a half at a time. If it were up to him, the time would never come for me to say "ok, this is the last book" (and believe it or not I read to him daily!). In good weather we spend several hours outside every day. When we go out to places I know he'll think are boring, he usually brings 1-2 small toys (that fit in his hand) and they keep him pretty well occupied. My point is not to say my child is perfect and I'm a perfect mother, but a child can be just as well rounded WITH technology as they can be without it.

I'm in no way advocating giving a child a tablet every time they're bored, but judging a parent because you see them give their kid their phone in the store or a restaurant is so wrong. You're seeing this tiny snippet of their lives and who knows what motivated them to do that. Maybe they're having a terrible day and need that little break for whatever reason. I sincerely hope that you all aren't as nasty and judgmental in real life as you are online.

Regarding "simply not going on long plane rides" with small children. I wish I didn't have to, but if I didn't take my kid on long plane rides he would not know anyone in my family. Tons of people are in the same boat. I think children getting to know their extended families is worth letting them using a tablet for a few hours on a plane, no?

You go, Linnybee. I agree with you 100%. And I also think completely writing off technology does children -- even young ones -- a disservice in life. In addition to the education value of some apps -- there are some really beautiful, thoughtful ones if you take the time to educate yourself about them -- at a young age teaching them self control and moderation (and not to pass snap judgements on others) will help them develop into happier, healthier, well-adjusted people.

There is no problem with it. If there are better things to do, like play with other kids, then we don't give her the iPhone, but in a restaurant when she is over it and I still want to eat and talk to my husband it is perfect distraction. It is the ideal toy for long plane rides! This is more mommy-wars hate mongering. And plus, we're not Amish. Why make a big deal about depriving the technology of the moment from our kids?

My husband is sometimes overseas for months at a time, and then we keep in touch via Skype daily. I can't imagine that it would be "better" for my kids to learn to wait for letters instead. Plus, both my kids watch some itunes or netflix shows occasionally - no commercials! Product mongering bothers me way more than screen time.

SInce we are a garden-growing,piano-playing, dancing-in-the-living-room, beach-going, regular Reggio family, I don't worry about "ruining" them with technology. Tech is a part of modern life, it's a skill that they will need eventually. And if I can get six minutes on the phone with the plumber while my little guy watches a Tractor Tom video, then so be it! Babysitters are for big chunks of time out - working, entertaining, major shopping- a little bit of screen time while you finish dinner isn't the same thing at all. When my husband is at home we do more switching off for kid-wrangling duty, but when I'm on my own I need a few minutes here or there if my son isn't in one of his car or lego or puzzle moods. Can't just order those up when the plumber finally calls back!

These "Good parent or bad parent? Discuss!" topics just make parenting seem like such a joyless, no-win situation - "No matter what you choose, you'll be judged for it." How about less baiting and more clever storage solutions disguised as woodland creatures, please!

Here's the thing...iPhones and iPads are expensive. My parents put the expensive stuff out of reach until we were old enough to respect it and treat it accordingly. ALSO my kid would rather google her homework answers than learn to use a map, and technology/ the age of instant gratification is why.

I feel like kids these days expect to have these things - their friends do, why not? My child just got her first (non-smart) el phone for her 12th birthday and she was STOKED. She has a laptop but must ask permission to use it. Handing over expensive things to kids because they have not had to learn to be patient and temper their desires is the wrong answer. That said, letting your kid screw around on angry birds for the last 20 minutes of your friend's visit so you can chat in silence is kind of priceless....