I'm totally terrified, i have a 9 month old and I'm 3 months pregnant. I don't know what I've gotten myself into.

We have a daughter who is 11 and two boys who are 21 months and 8 months, so we have experienced both the big gap and having them really close together. Having two babies, less than 13 months apart wasn't something we did on purpose, but I'm learning there are many pros and cons no matter how you space them, and I wouldn't change a thing.

Our daughter is an amazing big sister and help, and our little boys, while exhausting, are already best buddies. If we do decide to have a fourth, we will probably try something a little more traditional, like a two yr. gap.

My wife and will be celebrating our little boy's 1st b-day this August - and welcoming his little sister in October. My wife figured that we only plan on having two and she wanted to get "the whole baby thing", meaning the waking up at all hours/changing diapers/carrying them everywhere - out of the way in the shortest time possible (healthfully).

I can't argue with her logic.

I agree that there are pros and cons to both and its difficult to compare since every situation and family is different.

I am also expectating a second while my first baby is only 10 months old. While it certainly wasn't planned, I am going to focus on the pros of having two children so close in age

boxerchick: I'd be terrified also! But your situation will probably have many up-sides, also. You'll get to re-use so many of your first baby's things, and they'll likely be good friends and can do things like piano lessons or soccer at the same time. My 2 boys are 2.5 years apart and I must say that it was rather rough introducing a new baby during the ugly depths of the terrible twos. I did want them closer together, but given my oldest is very active and independent, I may be glad that he'll be off in school for a couple of years before I send my youngest.

I have three children, one is 8, the second is 2 and my youngest is almost 11 months. So my two youngest are 14 months apart. When I found out I was pregnant with the youngest one, I was devastated, I cried myself to sleep for weeks. But now, I wouldn't have it any other way. There have been times when I think, what was I thinking, but overall I LOVE having them so close. The little one is finally old enough to play with his big brother. I want a 4th child and I'm bummed that we haven't gotten pregnant yet - so they wont be quite as close as my boys, but whenever God wants us to have another child it'll will happen. I'm also a SAHM so its different for me.

My children are 23 months apart. I always knew that I wanted my kids close together and this spacing is perfect for us. My son is 3 1/2 and my daughter is 18 months- they truly are each other's best friend. My daughter can not wait for my son to wake in the morning and when he does, the first thing he wants to do is hug and kiss his sister. They play and laugh together all day- it is a wonderful thing to witness.

Sure it is hard at times- especially in the beginning when my 2 year old didn't quite understand what was happening. With each day it got easier and easier- now it's really only hard when the kids are hungry or tired- but then their needs are met and the laughing and playing continues.

My mom had 3 in 3 1/2 years. She also told me that it was great having us all close in age because we entertained each other. I can see that with my own, but I can honestly say that I could not imagine having another baby right now (as was the case with my mom).

My children are 3 1/4 years apart. After my youngest was born I worried that they might be too far apart in age to play; but now at 5 1/2 and 2 1/4 they are such great playmates and enjoy each others company. I know that probably won't be true at all ages; but right now it is delightful to watch them. I couldn't have imagined having my second any sooner than I did; but when by second was 18 months old I thought it might be nice to have a third baby. Now, just about 9 months later, I am not sure how I would feel with a third baby. We're done with two.

I'm going to have to forget the horror of the first 2 months of newborn life until I even consider having another kid. And for us, this plan also means moving to a city closer to one of our families. And buying a bigger house. So kid #2 revolves heavily around the economy of being able to sell our current place and get jobs in a new city. And forgetting 8 weeks of crying. So maybe 10 years? :)

The spacing becomes less and less important when your children start school and make friends with their peers, then they begin to have a preference for their peers as playmates.

boxerchick (and others), it will be hard for a while. but it will get easier! i have three boys--the first two are spaced a reasonable 28 months apart, and the second two are a somewhat tighter 20 months (oops). the youngest just turned 3, and i realized recently that i'm less exhausted/insane. this is not to say it will take three years for you to regain your equilibrium--my youngest is active and challenging. but i found it helpful during the tough stretches to remember that there was an endpoint coming, the madness wouldn't last forever--and it didn't. you can do it!

I think it really depends upon the personalities of the children (which, of course, you can't predict) and the personality/parenting style of the parents. I know sisters 12-18 months apart who can't stand each other and others who are best friends. My sister and I are four years apart and extremely close, and I chose to have my children 5 years apart--one my first year of grad school and one my last (yes, I am crazy). This spacing, while logistically tough on me and my partner at times, has still been ideal. My son LOVES his sister to pieces and he's the only person who elicits a full throated chuckle from my little girl. He is old enough to be helpful with the baby and independent enough that I can attend to her when necessary (so understanding when I had to pump exclusively for 6 months). He never wants to go anywhere without her!

We had our kids fairly close together... originally we planned to have them all a year apart only to discover that exclusive nursing totally thwarted that! Our biggest gap was 18 months and our smallest gap was 13 months. At one stage we had se7en under ten! Anyway we like them really close, we have had no sibling rivalry issues. I haven't got out of the rhythm of babies, I never wanted to get back into night-sleeping and diaper free only to be swung back into it - I am all for doing it all at once. We have a wonderful muddle of little kids that are very close not just in age but relationally and I hope it lasts their lifetime. The really close guys were a bit of a mare initially - a bit like having twins (too babies both needing to be held, fed etc), neither of them were very independent, but one of them was mobile and kept escaping to more exciting realms!!! Now they have caught up and its brilliant!

my mom had six kids in less than nine years. (no multiple births.) i love being so close in age with my siblings. we now range in age from 33 to 24, and have such great relationships.

i hope to have my kids close together. i think it's recommended in the medical literature to have 18 months between pregnancies. with ecological breastfeeding, it's very natural to space kids out.

I'm pregnant with #1, but I heard something great about second babies: You think you're going to have double the work, but you don't realize you're already working so hard--it's only a little harder to go from 90% to 100%!

I had 3 kids in 3 years, my son was born 18 months after my oldest daughter and my 3rd baby was born 3 years and 3 days after her big sister. They are great buddies and love each other deeply. I do not recommend the enterprise 3 kids in 3 years if you are not very well organized. 3 small kids means lot of work! When our 3rd kid arrived I had a very hard time due to the sleepness nights but now that she is 10 monhts old I am so glad that I have them so close together. I look at them and feel so happy and proud. Having kids close to each other is perfect to organize holidays, meals, play time... they have basically the same interests and have fun together.

My first two are 2 years apart, I always thought it would be nice to have a third - once the first two were in school and I had more time (I am still relatively young so wasn't worrying too much about my biological clock)! Number three came along really quickly as a little "surprise" though. I have to admit I had a hard time getting my head around being pregnant and it wasn't until I had the 20 week 3d/5d scan that I actually got really happy and excited (vs sick and worried).

It can be pretty hard - some days harder than others! An incident at the swimming pool yesterday was particularly bad so right now might not be the best time to speak to me about this ;) I am still traumatized! In general it is fine - incredibly busy but fine!

The thing I find hardest about having 3 very young ones is that no one is very self sufficient. If even one of them was old enough to do more for themselves it would take a lot of the pressure off. They ALL need/want you to do something at once all the time and you just end up having to "triage" in almost every situation. (ie, poopy diaper comes before cutting out that butterfly. Injured knee comes before cutting up the apple...etc) Sometimes this ilicts "You love the baby more than me!" cries, but I just try to explain about why some things have to come first and that I love everybody the same. I also try to take just one kid at a time out with me sometimes and do something special one on one.

Also, we are just starting the running around everywhere stage - tumble tots, swimming, soccer, nursery school etc. I'm running to and fro and that is only going to get busier from here as they get older.

But I love them all so much, it is all totally worth it.

I wanted to have 2 kids at least 2 years apart, but we were surprised with twins (now 8 months old). At first I was aprehensive about dealing with two babies the same age but now my husband and I breath a sigh of relief every time another milestone has been passed e.g. We're over the wobbly neck stage!, or no more midnight feedings! woohoo!

I have thought about this many times. I think it depends on many different things such as economics, your personality, your child's temperment, etc.

For us this meant 4 years. I had terrible postpartum depression with my first, a very physically taxing birth with a postpartum hemorrhage which resulted in a blood trans, and active boy who didn't sleep through the night until a year.

I think if my mental health and physical health (the depression and sleep deprivation was killing me) had been better and I had a more docile child I may have liked a 3 yr gap, but I wasn't ready. I wonder how different mothers' experience with the first year and their child's temperment influence decisions on when to have subsequent pregnancies.

4 years works for us, they love each other and there is no sibling rivlary because of the big gap. My oldest is able to be helpful and understanding of time needed with the toddler.

My second boy is even more active, adventurous, and stubborn than my first, didn't sleep through the night until a year, I also had another postpartum hemorrhage, so if (which we are not, we are done) we were having another it would be at least a 3 yr gap.

I don't know how people with less than a 3 yr gap do it. Maybe some of them have docile sleeping babes? It is not for me.

IMHO, the relative ages of children does not predict whether or not they will be close, that has everything to do with personality.

I also don't like the baby phase all that much, so I have never been itching to have another baby like some other women I know. If we add to our family it will be through the adoption of an older (5 ) child.

I had a friend who had a 1 year old, got pregnant...then found out she was having twins - bit of a shocker. They're doing well though!

my three are just a minute apart each, so i'm not really one to know, but i have to say, i think having them all at once has to be easier than spacing them out. so kudos to moms of three who didn't have multiples! :)

I had a friend who found out she got pregnant only 6 weeks after giving birth to her first...!

It was very hard on her because her first child turned out to have developmental issues. In the end though, the second child turned out to be a blessing, as she is able to help with her brother.

@jensational -- each baby is different... just wait, your second will sleep through the night at 4 weeks, like our daughter did...

I'm 7 mths pregnant with my first, and this whole discussion/article scared the crap out of me! 1 baby barely looks manageable to me right now!

mschatelaine... Your friend is having "Latin Twins" or Irish twins, if you're european. lol

My mother had me my sisters (twins) and my brother all about 2 years apart. She had my last two brothers (twins AGAIN) 4 years apart from my first brother.

It's strange because of those 2 years, Abee (one twin passed at 2 months). missed out on A LOT of memories that the first 4 of us have. Even to this day, when remeniscing, we have "B.A" - Before Abee - time. Though we do share many memories with Abee, his childhood feels a bit more seperated from our own. Like now, he is just starting his senior year in high school, and the rest of us are 21-25 - and anyone who has a young friend knows it's bitch when there's only one person underage in your group.

Everyone talks about surprises - my mom was surprised with 2 extra kids for two of her births. She didnt know my sisters were twins until she was 7 months along and her last pregnancy was thought to be triplets for a while. I hope i inherited the super egg dropping ovaries so i can get the 2-3 kids over with at one time.

I had my first child at the tender age of 20 and he was 18 yrs old when I had my twins, two years ago. I had my last baby 20 months after the twins. She's now 3 months old.

That's two generations of children, basically. And while I still feel pretty young, I am much more psychologically able to care for these three than I was my first! I'm having much more fun this time around, and am able to stay home with the little ones, a luxury I did not have when I was young and raising my oldest son.

Having three so close together is tough most days (I've never had help and we don't live close to family), but they are delightful little people who take delight in each other, so I'm very happy they'll grow up close in age.

I don't regret the spacing of any of them, although before I had this last baby, I was a bit worried about how I would sleep. Turns out she's a great little sleeper and super easy, compared to the twins, one of whom still does not sleep through the night!

We had our first son and then 13 months later a second son and 17 months later our daughter. Those first years were busy, hard, and exhausting. But they were also so happy and full of joy. If I could sit in the recliner holding my daughter with a little boy propped up on each arm of the chair while reading to the whole bunch I'd do it over and over. As they've grown they're best friends, a tight little knot of playmates, and each others entertainment.

It's very interesting to read about spacing children. We have an only child and it would be interesting to see another post about families with one child.

As someone else mentioned, one year after the birth of my daughter I am still not ready to dive back into taking care of a newborn. In fact, my husband and I were so traumatized that we aren't convinced we want two children anymore. My daughter cried and cried and cried...for five months. It was horrendous.

At least now we both realize we were incredibly depressed and stressed out and know to get help if things get that bad the next time around. But, until we can forget those five months of hell I doubt there will be a number two.

Wheather you have one child or four, a year apart or thirteen, those infant months will aways be hard. The whole part of parenting is the unexpected - embrace it with the best attitude you can muster and enjoy the good parts while you can. As a mother of three teens, trust me when I say, it goes really fast and you will actually come to miss some of the chaos (and fun!) that comes with raising small children.

Mine are spaced three from the first and second and two years from the second and third. I also have taken care of my nephew and niece at the same time (parents working), so would have five kids in the house at once! At one time, we had four kids in the house that all needed diaper changes! Ah, good times...

I had three kids, close to three years apart on births. Even though I had uncomplicated births, easy babies that slept all the time, I just couldn't do it any sooner because of the intense morning sickness (that lasted most of the day sometimes). Of course I say "couldn't" but since then have realized I can actually do many things I never thought I could.

If I had a nanny, a maid, and a chef, I think having babies closer would have been great. I've seen the benefit with friends who have had them 15 months apart. My kids get along well, and are old enough now that the age difference isn't a big deal. If we had the money for all the hired help, college expenses wouldn't be an issue...

I have to say, when my daughter was old enough to babysit her younger brothers, I was glad for the spacing. Being able to go for a power walk without them was great. Having her read to them, help with entertaining was also wonderful.

@chusmabilly - be careful what you wish for... :)

My brother and I are 7 years and two weeks apart ... which meant that my parents had exactly 2 weeks of having no teenagers. Oh yes.

I had 3 kids in 4 years and I love it!! It's a little difficult at first but I also had a deployed husband and no family nearby! My girls are best friends! I actually found this post doing a search for how to design a room for three, cuz none of them want their own room. Right now they are 10, 8, and 6 so I'm sure that might change. (: