My friend and I were discussing a shared acquaintance, who found himself suddenly single while his girlfriend was out of town. I bet the house is a mess right now, I said. Oh no, my friend countered, in fact, it's the opposite. He's pretty much organizing the spices and learning calligraphy to hand letter new labels for them.
I'm guilty of sleeping with the light on and everything — books, computer, iPhone, camera — piled on the bed around me. Another friend leaves towels and clothes where she drops them and only picks them up when she knows her husband is on his way home. A third friend sheds his clothes the minute he walks in the house, something he doesn't do (well, not that often at any rate) when his (non-romantic) roommate is around.
For the sake of harmony, most of us try to keep our more slovenly or weird habits to a minimum when there's another person around, no matter how intimate with them we are. It's only when we're living alone, even temporarily, that we figuratively spread out and get comfortable in a way that we won't when we're sharing a space. Of course, not all habits, quirks and ticks are unattractive ones. The friend we were discussing, as a matter of fact, usually uses his time in solitary creatively, with movie and friend marathons and, often, an intensive and obsessive home project with which he surprises his girlfriend when she comes home.
What do you do?
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thats been me lately. the fiance has been with her sister. unfortunately i havent had time to clean up. laptop, phone charger, books, remotes are all over the bed as are clothes on the floor and dishes not done. whoops. at least i walked / fed the dog and watered the plants. nothing died!!
Funny that this is a topic today! My boyfriend is leaving for 6 weeks for work tomorrow and oh boy do I have some plans! By the time he gets back I will have replaced the dresser, painted his nightstand and gotten rid of a bunch of my clothes that have encroached into his closet (oops) plus whatever other fun diy projects pop up on here! Our oldest dog just tore her ACL so I'll also be pampering her while she heals which means lots of puppy naps and movie marathons.
For some reason I never sleep in the bed when my husband is away - I just crash on the couch instead.
Cook and eat things that only I like, and eat them out of the pot. Have happy hour (my partner is teetotal) every day. Listen to the radio in bed (while taking up the whole bed). Watch and listen to things that my partner objects too.
When nobody is around, it's pajama day. All glorious day.
I eat weird things for breakfast-- chocolate, popcorn, ramen noodles...things that would embarrass me if anyone actually saw me chowing down on these at breakfast time.
I clean obsessively while my husband is away. I feel like its my only time to accomplish without distraction. And I read- A lot!
I am the one that is away, and my boyfriend sent me a video of how spotless (and rearranged) the house is under his care. He's been working his butt off and the place looks GREAT. I should go away more often. :)
Does divorce count? =) None of my habits or routines changed except that now I can be obsessively tidy like I wanna be!
My fiance recently moved to Canada for grad school. I was worried that I'd be living in my pj's, watching movies and eating popcorn and freezer pops for dinner, which I did once when he left for a weekend. However, I have been cooking dinner for myself, even using dry beans rather than canned for the first time ever, I've done dishes everyday, kept up with laundry and done a good job of putting my clothing away and not storing it on the floor, all things he usually took care of. I've also been taking care of things that we've put off for months. I'm hoping this motivation lasts and he doesn't come home to a frozen pizza eating girl who wears leggings all the time because she's too lazy to put on real pants and spends her evenings watching YouTube videos.
I stay up too late and don't do the dishes enough. Or shower enough. And wear the same clothes. Basically, I'm a slob at heart but my lovely husband is very tidy and I hate to impose my chaos on him.
i leave dishes in the sink and don't make the bed. And I do things in silence, no TV, no Pandora, nada... it's nice to occasionally have no distractions. I agree with Joel... the dog gets love and nothing dies! WIN!
HA, if I am alone on the weekend b/c hubs is away, I do get sloppy! never thought about it before.
I paint things when my partner is away. It's really scary. I think that, if i was single, I might have a problem.
My husband knows that if he is going away for more than 24 hours he is going to come home to some a freshly finished decorating project. He never wants to start these things so I wait until he is gone and paint rooms, refinish furniture, build a dog house or something like that. I love being "single" and staying up until 4 in the morning painting trim, listing to the BBC and eating cold carryout noodles.....
Cleaning/organizing obsessively. Eating only what's already in the fridge or pantry (even if it means watermelon or Easy Mac all week). Either having the TV on just to have noise, or not turn on the TV at all. Working out any hour of the day.
Drink milk out of the jug.
When my husband is away, everything is extremely tidy (he's the messy one).
And yeah, I too tend to sleep with everything next to the bed. If he's off on a business trip (i.e., hasn't taken the kids to visit family), then the two of them, AND the cat, are in our bed too.
Our bed gets mighty crowded when he is away :-)
When my husband is away, the apartment is extremely clean but, like the others, my bed gets crowded with a laptop, iPad and my daughter who insists on sleeping with me whenever her daddy is traveling.
Oh, and I watch WAAAYYY too much TV. Like Fraiser reruns at midnight.
Does having my teenage daughter gone for the weekend count? When she's gone the house stays clean and I don't really cook.
I eat what and WHEN I want to (rather than meal times), and play music REALLY LOUD. My hub is a musician who can't concentrate when others music is playing. He took my son and a friend on a nine day roller coaster vacation (I can't stand theme parks) and while they were gone I remodeled the den - complete with built in book cases and window seats!
When my boyfriend leaves, I become this other person. I would like to say that I get back in touch with that independent, single woman that reads Robert Frost, drinks martinis, writes letter to her senators, and volunteers at shelters. But instead I am the woman that orders a week's worth of chinese food and feeds off of that morning, noon, and night and then watches PBS so she can stage Les Mis productions with her dogs. However, I do squeeze in some house projects and bleach everything so I feel like accomplished something.
I leave all doors and windows wide open when I'm alone! (My husband prefers to close things up to get the AC going... I prefer a nice breeze)
Oh, and there's a lot of sushi and reality TV. I should be ashamed, yet here we are...
My husband is the cook of the family, so when he's not home, meals happen at odd times when I finally realize I'm starving, and then I graze on whatever's available with a minimum of fuss: a slice of American cheese, a handful of grapes, some cold leftover roast beef, and a cookie. Now that's nutrition! The night I ate banana bread (and only banana bread) for dinner is an ongoing joke at my house. But only one of us laughs. :op
When my boyfriend's away, even for one night, it'd usually be:
1. Scrapbooking with my buddies until 4am
2. Turn on music and sing to them at the top of my lung pretending I'm the best singer in the world
3. Watch tv in bed (never get to do that when he's around because he's an early sleeper)
4. Cheese, jam, bread and wine for dinner
haha, great post and I'm loving reading everyone's little dirty secrets! My bf is away right now and I took the opportunity to take several loads of stuff to charity shops, and threw out about 10 lbs of hotel shampoos/products that he has been "collecting". Best Western, really? Ew. And yes I might have cake for dinner and watch conspiracy theory documentaries.
Not much really changes for me... I don't get super sloppy, and I don't have any extras on the bed. I do rearrange the pillows so they are on his side of the bed. It helps me balance it out without scooting over.
I have, however, had plenty of marathon cleaning sessions. I just get into it, and there is no one around when I reorganize our lives. There is no one around to remind me that it's 4am and cleaning or putting together the entertainment center should wait until morning.
The biggest habit changer is my dog: he can't handle going to bed when only one of us is home. Instead of sleeping in his cozy bed, he sleeps by the door.
When our roommates are out of town, our habits change a bit more: we use more of the common areas and occasionally have people over for an uninterrupted dinner.
When my SO leaves for long-ish amounts of time I find that I eat very strange meals... sometimes I just graze all day and skip major meals. I have also been known to eat popcorn and a jar of maraschino cherries for dinner. Once when he was gone for 2 weeks I ate a giant tub of cheeseballs all on my own. Ssh! Don't tell him! He's a fitness and health fanatic! lol
Eating with my fingers.
I put Joni Mitchell, Ingrid Michaelson, and Emiliani Torrini music on really loud and sing at the top of my lungs while cooking multi-course meals just for myself... Sometimes I even get really dressed up and light candles and set a formal place setting for one at the table.
Pajamas, hours upon hours of TV and movies, and crackers and cheese for dinner.
Pathetically, I have only been alone overnight a handful of times in my entire life!! I went from my parents/siblings, to boarding school roommates, to living with my boyfriend, to marrying him!
No wonder I am at such a loss when it happens...
I watch everything in my netflix queue! His taste veers toward action blockbuster while I love everything, from rom coms to indies, foreign films and documentaries. Since we often netflix together, I'm constantly saving up stuff that looks great to me but I know he'd hate.
I too also use the bed as a nightstand when sleeping alone. Place is neater and tidier just because I'm a homebody and have more time to get stuff done when the super active BF isn't here dragging me all over the island on the weekends.
I clean like crazy--crank up the music, get into a groove, and go for hours. Then I carbo-load. I wind up with a super-clean house, plus it helps me sleep better if I wear myself out since I don't sleep well without him.
@mrs_mouse - ditto. Although I had a period in between for about three months where I had a flatmate who used to go away a lot. Found myself making ridiculous salads (usually containing normal salad ingredients, plus bacon, and caremelized nuts, maybe some random fruit sitting in the fridge) and eating it directly out of the massive salad bowl. I also watched a lot of movies with Colin Farrell in them.
Now? The stupid salad has been replaced by an enormous bag of salt and vinegar chips. Also, for some reason when I'm alone I drink wine when I'm usually a beer or scotch drinker. Last time I was the one away on business, I bought a bunch of junk food from the convenience store and ate it exclusively for dinner for three days.
In all seriousness, though, when I first moved into this apartment, I was on my own for two months while my hubby finished up a contract in another city. The place was reasonably unpacked by the time he got here, but I left all the newspaper we had used for packing under the dining table in a huge pile. My excuse was that it was a play fort for the bunny rabbit.
Basically, I get exceptionally lazy.
House & art projects... cleaning... music... napping.
When my Husband is away I sleep with Tag my golden retriever. He's very snuggly and has less fleas......just kidding.
Due to work, my s.o. sometimes is gone for a LONG time (think a year or more) in one go; even so, I find I live differently the whole time - I clean so much more. I organize everything. However, I move furniture and items so that it works with my life and habits, rather than his. It's a little weird.
My husband doesn't get away all too often that I'm not left home with the two-year-old. But I'm in the weird food club. Eat out too much and stay up too late, and the meals I do eat at home are just very weird. Chocolate for breakfast, with some chips and salsa.
@kidneys3: Thank you. That was hilarious!
I try new recipes. That way if they're horrible, I haven't subjected my husband or anyone else to them.
I'm glad to see that I'm not (too) weird, after all! My husband is about to accept a job that will have him shlepping to the city & occasionally staying over for 3 months.
When he told me, first I was thrilled that he got the job, then I was sad because I'm going to miss him terribly (he works from home & is always around when I need him). Then I was happy because I could knit more and watch movies that he doesn't like, then I got sad because he's the one that cleans the bathrooms. Then I was happy again because I remembered that whenever he's gone, I turn into a cleaning maniac and will scrub the bathrooms myself- possibly twice a day- before and after work, and will not go to sleep each night until the laundry's done and the dishes are clean and put away.
Yes, I'll miss him, but I'll probably be more organized and productive. Which, come to think of it, is a double-edged sword. Maybe he'll like the clean house so much that he'll go away more... Hmmm. I'll have to think about this.
When DH is gone the house stays clean! Well it did until we got a dog... Minus having to pick up whatever the dog shredded, the house stays pretty clean. I take bubble baths every night and draw in the tub with bath crayons :) I think that's the best part!
I either do naked art projects (the last one: melting and blow drying crayons onto canvas to create a jackson pollack like effect) or bum around and watch law and order svu.
Actually it is the other way 'round here. I live alone, with the SO here sometimes. When I know he will be here for a few days I get everything neat and well organized and interesting food for real meals.
Usually I eat what looks good and do whatever I want whenever I want. Yea for retirement life!
When I became single in April 2009, I got all my ducks in order: had my house professionally cleaned, gave away most of my bf's clothes & processed food on Freecycle, got things organized and tidy. It really helped me recover from the awfulness of his last few months and re-orient myself to being single again. I haven't felt the urge to date again -- I'm very content to be on my own.
As a military wife I find myself in this situation quite a bit and living alone currently. I do spread out and get comfortable. It doesn't matter if I leave stuff around because there isn't anyone else to irritate by doing so. Then there are the other days where I also dig into projects and organization.
First off I do a mad cleaning cause for awhile the place is going to look and stay the way I want it. Crank up the jazz ,open some wine and get busy painting.
WHen my wife is away my one indulgence is simple: I sleep diagonal across the bed!
I let the cats sleep with me when my partner (who's allergic to them) is away!
Sometimes, when I have a vacation day to take, as soon as my husband and son leave for work/school, I sprawl out in my bed and hog it for a while sleeping good and then when I get up, I sometimes walk around the house naked. I used to do this alot before baby which was decades ago...so whenever I get the chance, I do it. :-)
a little of everything but a lot of whatever i feel like :)
Its true that we will be behaving in a different way if there is no one nearby. I don't care about where the things are placed after using which is true when someone is there. A pretty interesting discussion. I am not alone. I too have many supporters here I think :)
Fun post. My husband used to be away for weeks at a time on business. It was a welcome change of pace for me. I would deep clean, rearrange the furniture, weed my things, and leave off the TV and radios, all activities that distressed him when he was home. I enjoyed being temporarily solo at home and slept well, in large part thanks to a high-end security system.
@ Lanieou - Chinese food and Les Mis, I thought I was the only one! I have also been known to eat a cupcake or 2 after stuffing my face with greasy noodles...all I can say is thank GOD I don't live alone all of the time
a few weeks ago, i spent the Labor Day weekend cleaning my house from top to bottom.
just yesterday i went through my entire kitchen, eliminated 1 whole cupboard of dishes (why does 1 person need 24 dinner plates?? no wonder it was taking me hours to wash dishes) and emptying closets to donate items.
it feels fantastic!
My boyfriend recently went out of town for ten days and in that time I drove from brooklyn to Harlem to buy two craigslist nightstands for super cheap. I then sanded and refinished them, spray painted two lamps, went online to buy new lampshades and hardware for the nightstands, reorganize our cabinets, paint the bathroom, and clean our guestroom. I was so bored home alone I was done was most of that well before he came home and then spent the rest of the time watching Netflix streaming and keeping the house much more spotless than it ever is when he's home.
some of you guys are really ambitious when alone...lol.
i don't like wearing pants. so when the roomate is out- it's pantsless time!
When my boyfriend isn't around: Lots of Ramen noodles, hours of criminal minds episodes, everything in my sewing room ends up all over the couch in the living room, and I do any projects/ cleaning that I usually can't get done when he's home.
Oh yeah, and my cat sleeps in his spot on the bed (instead of at my feet).
i eat kid cereal. sometimes all day. (and i'm normally more the homemade granola type.)
Paint my nails every other day, toenails too. Sleep with conditioner in my hair, and wear the silkiest pajamas, which i would normally be unable to keep on long enough to enjoy them! :)
I think I did extra housekeeping while suddenly single in part to stay busy so I wouldn't be bored or miss him, too.
Hi Abby-- you've touched off quite a lot of self-disclosure with your post! I'm wondering where your sheets are from-- they look really nice. Thanks!
I clean, clean, clean. Then fall asleep on the couch, with the lights on, TV on and a book sliding off my chest. I don't eat meals, but pick and graze out of the fridge and pantry all day.
Kaete and Tracie Lee, I crash on the couch with lights/music/book too. Just can't bring myself to go to bed. And like many others, I eat very weird things and only graze, and I clean obsessively and work on massive cleaning/reoganization/art projects that take over the whole house. I feel very odd when my husband is away, not necessarily bored or sad but very unsettled... unfortunately he travels for work frequently!
wow, its amazing to read all the comments. When I'm alone I take the time to enjoy cheese, whine and bread.
I go bed early and I wake up late.
The cleanning time is for the weekend :)
WOW... I am so in love with this post.
@darcitananda - you made me choke on my water. I swear he is related to my husband. I toss *tons* of mini shampoos, shower caps (really? you're bald!), shoeshine kits, and other assorted crap from hotels (honestly hon, we really don't need any more tiny soap).
I love having my 4yo crawl into bed when his dad's gone. So snuggly. Plus, he helps me clean and paint! :)
LOVE it! Glad I'm not the only one who does weird things when I'm alone.
I eat whatever and whenever I want (chips and salsa for breakfast, a smoothie for dinner), I wear my oldest, grossest sweats, and I looove on my dog like there's no tomorrow. Sometimes I get motivated to clean or organize like crazy, but that's more sporadic. =)
I'm getting more "alone" time now that my ex takes our kiddos every other weekend... I get in the door when I get home from work and its NAKED TIME! WOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I make sure I have some Pinot Grigio, junk food, and I sit on my laptop allllllllll night. I have hour long baths WITHOUT someone banging on the door, the house stays spotless, and the dogs and I sleep all piled on the couch. I generally hate sleeping in bed alone, so the couch is where I park my ass while home alone. It's glorious. Boyfriends be damned, being single rocks. LOL
Well I'm really single (not suddenly), but I'm pretty busy, so when I have an empty night home alone, I start by cleaning the entire house, cooking a yummy dinner, turn my highest thread count sheet into a toga (I don't know why it's just so darn comfortable), and eat said yummy dinner on the sofa watching an overly dramatic period piece like Pride and Prejudice or Bright Star. Then I wake up to the DVD menu, wonder how that happened, and decide I must bake something that I've saved on Pinterest, change out of my toga for a midnight market run for the ingredients I inevitably don't have, bake, eat, sleep and wake up to a messy house the following afternoon. It's pretty safe to say I'd bypass 90% of that if I lived with someone. :)
While I absolutely love these posts- all those who have left over hotel shampoo etc. Don't toss them. Shelters would LOVE them!!! We have a program here in Richmond where the working homeless come for a week at a time to various churches for meals and overnight stays. They really would adore all those travel products for their guests. It might be a pain ( & Obivously if the product is dried up then toss) but really needed.
Seconding what tinkurbel said, and a lot of women's refuges can also use unopened toiletries.
My husband follows me around like a puppy whenever I try to get big projects done so when he is away I move furniture, paint, and rearrange things. I clean the decorative fabrics like curtains and steam clean the carpet. Allot of work happens outside too like new plants come in and such. The dog sleeps in the bed and I eat whatever I want.
When my guy is out of town, I stay up until 3 am with all my design and gardening books piled around me in bed. Healthy, scheduled meals go out the window. I eat plain noodles, cereal, and ice cream. And projects get done!
When I am left alone, it is not usually for more than 4-5 hours, and I have a toddler on top of that. So, I usually have just enough time to squeeze in some cleaning, laundry, a healthy dinner, and maybe a workout, all while entertaining the baby and keeping the pets at bay LOL
If I ever had an opportunity to be "single" for a weekend, I would probably spend the time cleaning and re-decorating....maybe refinishing some furniture and gathering all the stuff we don't need for an offload at the Goodwill...where I would probably pick up more vintage Pyrex. :-)
The first thing I do is take all his huge clodhopper shoes and hide them so I don't have those ugly things staring at me. Then, as posted above, I love to sleep diagonal on the bed.
I spend hours and hours on apartmenttherapy and other design blogs.
When my hubby is gone, I end up staying up to late, getting into weird deep cleaning projects late at night and I forget to eat- and then when I remember I usually eat popcorn.
This post is funny! I just left the hubs alone for an extended weekend. I think he stays up till all hours of the morning (no one to tell him its really time to sleep now). He takes up the whole bed, and eats like once a day when he remembers.
I on the other hand eat lots of ramen. I sleep with books and iPads in the bed and switch off all the TVs and radios. Hubby always has something going. I like the quiet.
i eat weird, stay up too late, watch mad men on on demand and drink too much of his scotch.
I leave. stuff. EVERYWHERE. Which is kind of hilarious because when my fiance's not out of town, I'm way too neat and snap at him for leaving the littlest thing out of place. I eat mac and cheese, usually for lunch AND dinner. I randomly go out to buy tea in the middle of the day. I watch weird movies on my laptop. I take everything out of the drawers and put everything back in, re-organized. I almost never change out of my pajamas. And I definitely don't work out.
Damn after reading all these comments I wish the SO would piss off and never come back!