Oh man, that's just great. Two friends and I are going to NY in October and we were looking for an apartment to rent. Yesterday, they said that a friend in NY offered to let us stay in her (and her roomie's) apartment for free. I don't know either of the people we'd be staying with, and one of my biggest concerns is that we'd become really intrusive since we will be there 4 nights and there are 3 of us and we'd probably be taking over the living room. My friend said her friend & roomie said it is fine, but I'm concerned it's one of those things that "will be ok" and then becomes really annoying to these people I don't even know. They definitely don't have to entertain or feed us, but I feel kind of rude just taking over their apartment, esp. since they will be in work mode. Is it a bad idea?

I don't have set rules - but I agree that it's nice to have my own space back after a nice long weekend w/ a visiting friend...

...However, my parents are arriving tomorrow to look after me during/after my gallbladder surgery Thursday - I'm not so nervous about the surgery than I am about getting the place cleaned up and having them in my apartment for nearly a week!

In the pic I see six people sleeping and a possible seventh sleeping bag that is empty. That's a lot of guests!

I agree about the 3 days thing. I find it rude when people stay longer generally.

Things I can't stand from house guests: making snide comments about my belongings, habits and decor. it's my house...if I want to watch tv in pjs til noon that's my f'n business.

things I try to do when I'm a houseguest and appreciate when others do for me: shop for your own food, clean up after yourself, and arrange to cook and or buy some meals for the hosts. and of course refrain from all but complimentary comments.

I think a long weekend is probably a good rule of thumb - more than three days and I'd be willing to pay for the motel - LOL.

Good luck with the surgery, bepsf. And the parents!

Depends on who it is. A really close friend? A week, easy.

My parents say 3 days is just about right. My mom says she would rather have people sad to see her go than glad to see her go.
Currently have some houseguests here for 10 DAYS, grrr. My side of the family would know better!

Three days (meaning two overnights) is generally long enough, though I have a few friends with whom three nights is the rule. As both host and guest, I appreciate activities such as: meeting up with others on their or neutral territory; keeping belonging contained to the smallest possible area; gestures such as books for the children or bottles of whatever for the adults; and homework done ahead of time for getting around in the city without being burdensome.

I think it is dependant on type of guests and amount of space. I have 400 square feet for myself. Both my sisters came to visit and one slept on the couch, the other on an air mattress. Five days together really wasn't bad at all, but I was glad to have my space again. More than two guests in my place is impossible.

HeyNowTex, if you're gonna stay with the strangers, just try to be as awesome a guest as possible--keep your stuff as neat and unobtrusive as possible so they can still use their living room, be quiet at night, don't use the bathroom in the morning or at night until they're done (assuming you're sharing the bathroom), and either take them out to dinner or buy them a nice bottle of champagne to enjoy _after_ you leave.

For decades I and then We rarely if ever had overnight guests. Now we live more than a day's drive from most of our relatives and old friends.

When we first moved in we had both sets of parents come and they each stayed for a full week. When just four months later one set came for a second visit for 7 days. Things had to change it was time to not be a prisoner in our own home.

We now have the "4 Sleep Rule". It matters not if you are family or friend. We are not running a bed and breakfast and tour company.

We were met with some resistance recently but we were firm and the guests pouted and tried the guilt trip stint but alas boundaries are boundaries and they altered their travel plans accordingly.

Personally I don't like staying with other people more than one or two sleeps when someone offers up a bed should we happen to travel. B&B's and hotels are everywhere.

Everytime we were invited to spend a couple of days as houseguests we offer to buy groceries or bring items that will be useful to our host/s, help out around the house or treat them to dinner.

For me, having guests is fine. I love living alone, and I love my tiny apartment, but having a guest or two gives me the opportunity to really be a great host, save someone some cash, and have some good times with friends. That said, I don't have many guests over.

I'm an American transplanted to Mexico City, and there are lot of circumstances, the biggest thing just being culture, that have helped me become much more welcoming and accepting of guests.

Life is short.

I love that 3 day rule
Wish I could teach it to my in-laws, not that they visit us, but they always want us to visit them (like every month) and get really upset when we leave after 3 days.

It all depends on the people for me. I have friends who are closer than family and if they need to stay longer, they are more than welcome to. Because we are close, I feel no need to hold back if there's something annoying me and they generally don't do anything to annoy me.

I guess the only thing I would require from a guest is the ability to take care of themselves.

I think this is a great rule! The one thing I wish certain visiting family members would understand is that I enjoy entertaining and I really do mean it when I say (over and over again) that I don't want them doing the dishes or cooking and cleaning. I wouldn't ask them to visit if I couldn't manage these things!

I agree - three days (two nights) is puh-lenty!

It really depends on the guest, though. Some friends are friendly enough to just kick back: take day trips by themselves, go off to their rooms to read or watch TV. The ones who grind me down are the ones who have to be entertained all the time.

I'm much more comfortable providing lodgings and maybe a day trip or two for people who have their own plans than being the tour guide to people who want me to organize everything. I'm a natural introvert, and don't like to have to be "on" all the time. I expect that for extroverts, the strain isn't as great.

i guess i live a bit more of a bohemian lifestyle. I want my friends to come visit and i definitely believe in "the more the merrier".
I love having the guest room couches and floor covered in people.

My bf and i are always playing host to friends for whatever length of time that they need/want. It makes me happy when my friends feel comfortable enough to stay a while.

When we have overseas family visiting, they generally stay a season or two. :)

3 years ago, I had some guests come to stay with me, Dan who was someone I'd only known online through his journal but not met yet, grew up in Spokane WA, but went to Western up in Bellingham and would come down into Seattle on the weekends while in college came out to not only see Seattle for vacation, but bring his partner keith and to to his 20th HS reunion in Spokane.

It all worked out quite well for he arrived, I think 2 days before he drove to Eastern Washington to the reunion and while he was gone, I picked up Keith at the airport and we did things for about 24 hours before Dan came back.

Both bought flowers, dinner and stuff and were largely gone during the day while I did things and we'd meet up in the evenings, mainly using my space as the crash pad.

Dan was to have come out this spring for a conference of some sort for work, but it never transpired and if it had happened, I'd have at least had dinner with him and who knows who else.

Close, low-maintenance friends, stay as long as you want.

Family members, please don't stay at all.

Not exactly the type of rule I can easy share with family, but it's basically how I feel.

Anyone I have to change my routine for can only stay 2-3 days before I really really want hug them goodbye. Only my best friend is on the "stay forever" list because we know eachother well enough that nothing changes when she visits... I can dance around in my underwear all I want and she'll join! :)

I recently went to Germany to see one of my closest friends who now lives there. It wouldn't have been worth it to just go for three days, so we split the trip up. I spent three days with her in Germany, which was an incredible way to see how she lives now that she's moved overseas with her Air Force husband (who was in the desert when I was there), and then we took the train to Paris for three days. That way we spent time together, but it wasn't just me intruding; it was us exploring.

I am currently rocking a 7 month house guest who was just crashing until he found a job...yeah, and it's a 500 sqft studio.

Most I have ever had in the apartment was 10 for a bachelorette weekend.

It's amazing what you can get used to...

Wow, I'm really surprised by the hostility towards long stays by friends or family in these comments. Perhaps it's because I've been influenced by my husband's Indian culture, but we regularly have friends over for a week or more at a time, and his parents and my mother will come to visit for more than a month at a time - this summer my in-laws were only here for three weeks (there's new grandkids at other siblings' houses), but last time they were here for pretty much the whole summer.

When my husband and I first moved to DC we stayed with a Bangladeshi friend's older brother for about two months. *shrug* Seriously, that's totally normal and accepted for both his and my family.

As a kid we always used to have lots of people staying. I remember one New Years (and a few days either side) we had 11 people staying (besides the four of us that already lived in the house) and an additional 7 people stopping over on the actual night. Granted, at the time we lived in a 6 bedroom house, but it was really crowded. My fathers idea, my poor mother was run ragged.

(Also had the addition of 3 extra dogs in the house. I was glad to go back to school tbh.)

Nowadays I live in a two-bedroom bungalow, the second bedroom actually being my craftroom. After being out in town one night, we decided to carry on the party back at mine. Come morning, there were bodies everywhere. Nowadays, given that the bloke has moved in, we prefer a more private lifestyle, and rarely have guests stay over.

I like it better this way!

Since college, my friends are all over and it's always the most fun when a lot of us can get together, rather than just 1 or 2. So I'm happy to host as many people as I can fit! I live near plenty of things to do, so it's easy to get out of the house and away from the feeling of being crammed in. The more the merrier, I say. And if it's friends, I'm glad for them to stay as long as they want, but I know most visits won't be longer than maybe an extra long weekend anyway.

One major thing that bothered me when I was a guest at a friends house for a weekend was the roommate of my friend wanted and voiced an expectation for me to clean up the kitchen, and clean the bathroom and to pitch in the electric and cable bills! Come on, what a cheap a-h*le. The whole reason for staying with them was to save some cash from the hotels and to return the favor when they visit me in NYC. But, if I would have known it was expected for me to be a maid, I would have gone to a hotel instead.

I guess buying lunch, dinner and drinks (there share of bill $400) for them wasn't enough. I had to scrub the toilet as well.

I don't mind having guests at all, especially because those who stay with us tend to be friends or siblings (and our friends are well-mannered enough to buy a few nice groceries or some wine etc, while I can easily tell my little sister to go and pick something from the supermarket up without fear of insult.) But what does irritate me, especially now that we live in a house without a spare bedroom, is her tendency to stay sleeping on the couch long after I've gotten up and want to use the living room. It's not like I'm an early-morning person - I'm more likely to be getting up at ten or eleven o'clock on a weekend. But surely it's just politeness not to stay sleeping (naked with your boyfriend, I might add) in the main living space long after the members of the household have gotten up and are awkwardly congregating in a bedroom to avoid waking you?

Definitely depends on who it is. A low-demand sibling who's happy to just chill out and go along with your schedule? A week is fine. A parent who needs attention and to be driven around etc? Three days sounds good. :)

ACanOf -- That's appalling... sounds like the roomate wasn't on board with the plans.

I went through a phase of visiting/staying with friends a lot, and these tricks helped me get invited back: Bring the drinks, the ones they like. Do all the dishes, all the time I'm visiting; get up early & make the coffee, go out & get breakfast fro them. Bring them an unusual picture book as a gift, or a small piece of (my) art. Come with ideas of things to do & check out, so they don't have to feel like they have to entertain me -- give them plenty of space to say, "I gotta go do this & that this afternoon, let's do dinner after you're back from the museum." Finally: make friends with BF/GF/roomate -- this is HUGE: if they're important to my friend, then they're important to me -- especially if I'm sleeping on their sofa!

There are rules??

That seems weird to me... Where I live you stay as long as you want and eat as much as you need. When it comes to family they always, without fail try to get me to stay longer. Must be a cultural thing?

Expecting someone to leave within a predetermined amount of time seems as rude to me as someone keeping their shoes on in my house. I guess my part of the world is a tad different than others?

I have one bathroom, and one guestroom, so 2 people for up to 4 nights is about the max in terms of a comfortable stay. I don't stay longer than 3 nights when I visit someone else (exception: when I go to play caretaker for someone who's ill or recovering from surgery and then they decide how long they need help). The max ever in this house was 6 at once, for 2 weeks, but we made it work (all women and over the holidays).

What genuinely gripes me is the rare few who think they can just announce they're coming to stay, and demand I vacate my private bedroom for them, unless they're a very elderly relative... forget it... after that type of experience I am Really careful about who I have stay at my house and who I'm friends with!

And I'll never forget cousins, and friends, just handing out my address and telling people they could stay with me in sleeping bags (like the picture) above. No thanks, I always politely offered to help someone find a hotel or motel, so the picture above is one of my worst nightmares. I finally had to put my foot down and tell people Not to hand my address out to folks who wanted a free place to stay while they toured my corner of the world (if I invite them to stay with me, that's one thing, if someone else says 'crash at her house' that's another!).

One of my boyfriend's childhood friends came to stay with us and was the worst house guest I've ever heard of. I learned a lot of lessons from his visit.

1. Staying 8 days in a one bedroom apartment is too long.
2. Clean up the living room as soon as you get up, putting the bedding in a neat pile somewhere out of the way.
3. It is nicer if you volunteer to do the dishes/help with dinner most of the nights, rather than take us out to dinner once. 7 nights of dinners - 1 dinner out= a lot of times you didn't help
4. Don't expect you're hosts to be on vacation too. And don't whine when they have to go to work. Especially if you have your own car. And if you're visiting the second largest city in the country.
4b. The hosts not being on vacation part also means don't expect to go out to fancy bars/clubs every night for a week. And if you do, be quiet when you come home drunk at 2 am. On a Tuesday.

Sorry to get a little ranty. I was truly the most gracious host I could be, but it was really hard. Normally I love to have people stay with us and to visit people in their homes. The only real rules I have are do be conscientious and self-reliant. You don't have to buy your own groceries, but at least offer to do the washing up.

I prefer to stay in a hotel when I visit out of town or out of state friends/relatives. I like my privacy. Since at least one extended family member is insulted by this, we no longer plan any overnight vists with them in either direction.

Much is gained by the guest arriving with fresh-baked bread (or in the case of awesome friends, baking said bread along with a side fresh cucumber salad from garden-fresh cucumbers). I was lucky enough to have a beloved friend shelter me during a difficult summer, and they were rewarded with constant prepared dinners, cleaned bathrooms, and fresh bread several times a week. Now, my futon is open for all. Most choose my futon for 2-3 days, and I love them dearly.

If you stay on my futon longer than 2-3 days, you have issues larger than good-guest, bad-guest. I will shelter you, because I was sheltered myself.

My husband and I went to a family friends place and their son slept in the livng room while we slept in his room.Stayed for 3 nights and it worked put just perfect for everyone at home. and they were wonderful about giving us space . We hope they can come and stay with us sometime.
They made wonderful hosts.

I moved to Hong Kong about a year ago, and I so rarely get to see my family and close friends (maybe once a year) that I'm happy to have them stay with me for a week or more if they come visit. Long weekends just aren't practical. But I live in a really small space, so I try to break it up -- some time here, and some time somewhere else. That way, we get to spend time together.

But I, too, tend to stay for long periods of time, so I try to be a good guest. I try to adjust to their schedule (as much as jet lag allows). I make my bed. I do dishes or buy meals. I bring gifts. And I go prepared to entertain myself while they're going about their day.

I recently had my sister stay on my sofa bed for 8 or 9 days while she was taking her boards to be a nurse and apartment hunting. She didn't have a ton of money as she hadn't started her job yet, so I didn't want her to take us out to dinner or buy groceries, but she did the dishes often, cooked dinner once, put the bedding away in the morning and so forth. Of course, it wasn't a pleasure trip and she had her own agenda. It helped that she understood I had to work and that her new job had a real estate agent helping her find the place. And that my job is flexible that I could get off work early and come see the super awesome place she wanted and give my approval.

For visitors coming to stay with me for fun, three days is pretty standard in terms of how long they can get away. I don't really think I'd mind a longer visit, since most of my family and friends are pretty good guests and self-sufficient types of people. But I've never had the chance, since my friends have jobs and my family is more like to stay at with my Aunt or Grandmother, who live in the same city and have actual guest rooms.

It depends how long my guests want to stay. Some have stayed just for a one night getaway while others have stayed for a month. What it comes down to is what works for the host.

Everyone is different and knows his or her own comfort level and limitations when it comes to having guests. Just be sure to be up front with your guests during the planning phase will lay the ground work for a visit that works for everybody.

Juli_k I believe your mom has the right mantra!

ACanOf - Wow, that is pretty evil. The only person I've ever stayed over more than a night (since being an adult) is my father-in-law. Though he still makes the fiance and I sleep in separate rooms, he has a large enough house to allow plenty of company to stay. I don't mind cleaning the guest room and making up the bed and stuff when I'm leaving (it's only right) and even cleaning out the sink and shower in the bathroom I'm in, I don't find it right to be asked to scrub toilets, clean the kitchen, etc. We did get asked to clean the kitchen the day we left when he wanted to go hang with a friend (the night after he threw a Christmas party) - you better believe we left without cleaning it. If it had just been our mess, we would have done it - but it was the mess of thirty plus adults and countless children.

I guess it depends on the guest. The "good guest" who cleans up after themselves, comes and goes without a lot of drama - is welcome when ever! The "bad guest" who thinks I am the maid or is demanding of my time - not so much!

If someone comes to stay - I usually WANT to spend time with them, just maybe not every waking moment...

I already have chores to do in my house - all I ask is please don't make too much more than I already have. And help is ALWAYS welcome!

I don't think there is a exact rule, just learn to be good-guests/hosts and there should be no worries. Maybe they should teach that in school...

My parents subscribe to the "3 days - relatives and fish start to smell" They are easy guests, not requiring much in the entertaining dept. In-laws are another story. It's actually 3 - brother, mother, father. We have one spare room, so they take the bed there, and brother takes the floor in the LR with a ginormous air mattress... they stay too long . . . and require maintenance and entertainment. MIL tries to help, and we end up having to wash the dishes again (one inch of gross water in the sink). She doesn't believe in using the dishwasher. They never offer to stay in a motel, either (and would be totally offended if we suggested it). We are expected to be the Activities Directors - and provide the food/meals, usually without assistance. We are busy folks, and this ends up quite burdensome most of the time. Thankfully, they don't visit very often, but they do overstay...usually 5 days or so.

I don't like having company for a very long time but we do tend to host lots of guests. We just came off a streak of literally four weekends in a row. I am so glad it's over! Any more than 3/4 days and I get tired of sharing our single bathroom. Guests have their own bedroom if its just one or a couple but more than that and we end up having them in our living room. I do think they should keep the space they occupy clean if its a public room and get up before it's ridiculously late. We live in New Orleans so late night returns are common so we give guests a key. I get super peeved when people call and assume they can just come to visit and unfortunately my husband always says yes. The holidays are usually the worst for us b/c my MIL comes to stay with her 2 dogs and my SIL. We usually have guests that come in a day after them so I have to clean up an entire dog ridden house in a day. These dogs are a mess too b/c they are so big. She leaves half chewed dog toys around and doesn't clean their poop from my yard. It makes it hard to want to have the visit, but what you going to do.

like my mom always says " Your welcome to come, your welcome to stay, but after three days please go away". make a nice print of it an put it in your guest bathroom. then you don't have to say anything. hope this helps.

I love to have guests. I love for them to feel comfortable for as long as they like, just as long as they do the dishes (the one chore I REALLY can't stand), get at least their own groceries, and don't really expect me to entertain them 24/7. But my friends have really scattered, now, so it isn't worthwhile even for a day or two. I can't wait until I can have an apartment big enough for a guest room and am not subjecting people to the couch, the spare mattress (foam, not air) or the Morris chair.

We would play it by ear. So far our only guests in the new house (with a small actual guest room -- also serves as craft storage, though, so no room for their stuff!) have been weekend visits. Which works. I have heard that my partner's two sisters and nephew will be coming this fall, though, and since they aren't into sharing, that's three (large people) to bed separately. More of a problem, but doable for a short term.

The one thing, though, I am not running a B&B, and these guests are technically his, not mine, so apart from making sure breakfast accomodations are on hand, I expect guests to go with the flow of how we normally live, meaning we eat out (each paying their own way). I don't cook at home for us, I'm not cooking for others! Also, he whose guests are visiting is responsible for deciding if and how to entertain them. (I don't worry about entertaining his family -- although, I do usually participate. He wouldn't worry about mine.) Mostly they have their own ideas and that works too.

I guess I'm saying, our guests are definitely welcome, but we don't go nuts hosting them, so it's easy on us and just boring enough for them that they don't tend to linger overlong!!

I have to know - what is up with all the people who tell their guests to bring their own groceries? I guess I could understand it if they stayed more than a week - but say a long weekend, that just seems rude to me. If I can't feed one more person on my budget, well then I shouldn't have agreed to have company.

The longest I can handle any guest(s) is for week tops. Also in NYC you have to be careful because if someone stays in your place for 30 days, they legally have the right to call it their home even if they are not on the lease and don't give you a dime in rent. Luckily I found out about this before ever letting anyone stay that long, but some of my friends have not been so fortunate. One of my friends had to go to court to get her "pest" out and it was a horrific experience.

My parents are great guests. They stay at most for three days, plan their own activities and make sure that they're out of their host's home for a good chunk of the day, give adequate warning when they're coming, and are sure to take people out for meals.

I'm fascinated by my Chinese and Indian coworker's families who stay for 2-6 months - often there are sequential visits totaling up to a year by both sets of in-laws after the first grandchild is born. I can't imagine this for myself but it seems like a great solution to the childcare problem when the parents of the baby have to return to work immediately after maternity leave.

More than a year ago, I was doing an extreme commute and crashed on a friend's couch two nights a week for a few months. I contributed toward their rent (not much because my salary barely covered my other rent plus commuting costs), made sure I put away bedding neatly in the morning, washed dishes and cleaned the bathroom. I can only hope that I wasn't too much in the way.

I agree with the three-day rule, although there are exceptions. When my boyfriend died, his best friend/executor came that evening, as well as my daughter. He left after two days, she after three. I wish both of them could have stayed longer ... but of course, that was an unusual occasion, and it was time for me to start life again on my own.

I also never allow smoking in my house ... except for the best friend/executor. He's done so much for us over the years that, frankly, he could set a fire in the house and I'd still love him.

I once had a mother-in-law stay for 3 weeks, just after we'd moved into our new house. She painted walls with the color of her choosing, rearranged furniture, tried to unpack our boxes w/o asking, did our laundry (even my panties and bras! Ack!). She is no longer my MIL.

I used to have random guests all the time. At one point, I let 6 French people I'd never met before crash at my place for several nights while my roommates were away. One of my former housemates had her mother staying with us for months because she was getting medical treatment in town (she was all the way from Nigeria). Other former housemates and I had an actual guest room, and were part of a hospitality program linked to the hospitals here, and many people coming for treatment for themselves or loved ones stayed at our place. Sometimes it was just a couple days, sometimes it was a couple weeks. We also had several longer term guests.

Now I live on my own and haven't had a chance to have guests since I've only been in this place a couple months, but I live in a pretty small apartment and have a rambunctious puppy, so it wouldn't be everyone's cup of tea. I wouldn't say I have a rule for how long guests can stay, but if it's a hardship case, 2 weeks is about the time when I wonder if the person is making plans and thinking about moving forward, because I would get a bit concerned that it was going to turn into a very long-term thing.

Well this topic has brought the worms out of the wood work! What works for me, in my 286 sq ft apartment, is to have guests use my bedroom whilst I sleep in the living room. It sounds very altruistic, but actually means that their stuff stays in the bedroom and I don't feel as though I am being overwhelmed (it is a small place, after all), and if I am working whilst they are staying, I don't feel as though I am disturbing them when I get up. The people I usually have staying are family and close friends, but I also lend my place out to friends of friends if I am away in August- in Edinburgh, August is astronomically expensive because of the Festival- and each time I have done that, I have returned to an immaculately clean place, and some delightful and imaginative gifts. I LOVE being able to say to people that they can use my place to enjoy the city without bankrupting themselves to do so.

We've been lucky enough over the years to own property in three places people love to visit, and we love having visitors.

We have lots, sometimes every week from Memorial Day to Columbus Day. In Florida, we had them several times a month.

Most of them are wonderful, and we have had people stay for up to a month and been better friends when they left than when they arrived.

We've never thrown anyone out, but we have found ourselves counting the hours with a few, mostly relatives.

Some things that make good guests, after seconding the reminder that our lives go on even though you are on vacation.

1. We love getting presents, but please don't bring anything that is not consumable: drinks, food (especially snack and picnic items) and nice soaps. We give away piles of gift books unread to charity shops. Someone once gave us fat burning pills and cleaning supplies from their Amway distributorship. Not appreciated.

2. Do not offer to cook a meal. We are very efficient cooks, and it will take us longer to show you where everything is than to cook it ourselves, especially if special marketing is involved. Stay out of the kitchen while we are cooking. Efficient cooks don't talk while they are at it.

3. Keep your bathroom (which you may be sharing) clean and please do not leave shoes, books, raingear, towels, or sweatshirts in living areas.

4. Get up whenever you want. We will leave breakfast things out. If you have special dietary needs, let us know before you arrive so we can accomodate them with the limited shopping available to us.

5. Be prepared to amuse yourself. One of the best visits we ever had was from friends who, after four days of being shown around, borrowed a car and went off on their own for a day. We had relief, they had relief, we enjoyed another five days together and are still great friends.

6. Offer to take us for a meal, maybe not dinner. It is easier for us to get reservations for lunch than for dinner.

7. If you are from overseas, please familiarize yourself with American tipping practices, however bizarre they are. It is most embarrassing to work hard for a reservation at a nice restaurant, then have friends leave a 10% tip. I have to leave cash under the plate or come back the next day to restore my cred.

8. Don't flush tampon applicators or sanitary napkins, whatever it says on the package.

ackislander -- Ok you'll hate me for this but I'm getting it out there. I don't think I've ever tipped more than 15% - the waiter/waitress gets that if they are good. And it hasn't ruined my credit with the restaurant. One of our favorite places we actually have talked to the waitress and found out most don't tip 15% still - a lot of people are still going by the 10%.

My friends usually use my house as their Headquarters, especially friends from overseas. It's fun to have visitors but it can get tiring when they catch you during a busy time. But the good thing with them is, they go visit and sleep on other places. They then go back to our house, but at that time, were both refreshed from invading each other's personal space.

Having people over is fine for three days, MAYBE four, depending who it is. But my biggest peeve is when my guests spread their entire suitcase throughout my living room - I usually don't even recognize my house after an hour of company being here. Maybe that'll be my motivation to get a guest room in the basement...

ChrisGal,

This comment really belongs on a different thread, but here goes:

Tipping is not compulsory, but a minimum of 15% is expected. Most servers rely on tips for their income. I have worked as a server in all kinds of places from fine dining to chain restaurants and every waiter expected 15-20% for excellent service. Wait staff work for below minimum wage, usually around 2-3 bucks per hour. I usually never received a paycheck because my wages went toward covering the taxes I paid on claimed tips. And if you are dining in an upscale establishment in an urban area, you should be tipping 25%. If you are not comfortable with these amounts, then frequent establishments where tipping is not expected. The wait staff tolerate you, they argue over who has to wait on you and they will not tell you the truth about your cheap tip because they could lose their job. It's also not cool to sit at a table for four hours sipping on your coffee while you get some much needed work done on your laptop or read a book. Waiters make money by turning that table several times during their shift. If you want to camp out, then leave at least 20 bucks. I'm just sayin'

Bad service should not be rewarded. Let the manager know and tip (or omit tip) as your see fit.

Once, a friend from college stayed at my apartment for a few days. He ate all my food. He drank all my alcohol. He invited our college buddies over. He pulled books off my shelves to look at them, then leave them strewn all over my apartment. When he left, I was relieved.

A week or two later, aNOTHer friend from college stayed at my apartment for a few days. He was the most wonderful houseguest ever. When he left, I cried.

It was easier to take on houseguests as a Chicago resident, btw. When I moved to San Francisco, having two houseguests for any length of time was like trying to breathe in a broom closet. (See also: Cashew's major complaint, right above my post)

3 days, as long as they leave early on the 3rd day, is fine with me. But longer than that and I get pretty burnt out. Those are usually my only days off and if I hear a lot of "what are we doing next?! lets do something!" I get a bit cranky. Sure, I try to have things planned. But sometimes that's just not possible.

On the other hand, we have been guests at a home where the people act like we are in high school or something- they'll decide that we should go out at like 10:30 PM, and a lot of times we don't get back in until 3 or 4 am, two nights in a row. Now THAT is draining, especially when it's your only time to relax for the week and you drove a long way to see them.

We live part of the time in an out-of-the-way corner of the world where it takes people many hours by plane to come find us. So we could never set a three-day limit to a stay, as it is not practical, although for people nearby, I think it's a great rule. Our best visitors have:

1) offered to wash the dishes after a meal
2) attempted to be self-sufficient if staying for more than a long weekend, by renting a car and going around to see things on their own
3) gone grocery shopping at least once during the visit
4) offered to cook at least one meal

Our worst visitors have:
1) expected a 24-hour tour guide
2) never lifted a finger to help out at meal time/wash-up time
3) left personal objects strewn around in common areas and monopolized the only television in the house
4) expected lunch and dinner service for a two or three week stay!

We don't expect gifts, but if someone brings them, something that can be consumed (like a nice bottle of wine) is the best, as we don't have to find a place for knick-knacks, etc., that aren't really our style

@HeyNowTex

To you and for other people who extend past that 3 day rule, once you get to that point, you should help out a bit, like doing the dishes (especially since you're a crowd, you'll be making more of a mess than they normally would).

Also, because you're staying for free, make sure to take them all out (roommate included) for dinner one night. Get them drunk (if they drink). Or, if their space is big enough, host dinner and cook in the apartment one day (and buy the groceries/supplies).

Finally, bring a gift. Wine is always nice, because you can share it easily. I'd bring a bottle for each person coming (especially if you're staying for 3 or 4 nights).

I had a friend come from Florida and he was staying with me in NYC while interviewing for jobs. He bought me toilet paper and a new razor (the Gillette Fusion). I couldn't have asked for better gifts (seriously).

I love this thread, you should write more articles on guest etiquette!!!

Recently, I had an old high school friend come to stay. He booked (without discussing) a TEN DAY stay with us. He expected:
1. That we pick him up at midnight. In the middle of the week, where the office day starts at 8am.
2. Meal service for lunch/dinner and that we buy passes to the same music festival as him (total cost: $500).
3. I take time off to show him around (didn't mind but...)
4. To be left alone until 3pm. When you work from 8am to 4pm and you have a guest that expects you to take time off and then sleeps the whole time - well, that is just obnoxious.
5. To use all of our facilities, including phone/internet/TV/air conditioning/laundry, without any regard for us or our schedule.

He never once:
1. Bought us a meal
2. Cleaned up after himself
3. Made or helped with any meal preparation
4. Paid for anything

At day ten, I was happy to see him go. He won't be invited back - and as a result, we are embracing a five day (four night max) rule with all future guests. Even ones that travel across the country...

I think it wouldn't have been so bad if he had had at least a somewhat similar lifestyle to us. My husband, who works at home, went crazy the whole time. He went through the effort of making a fancy breakfast one day and our guest offered him "feedback". Needless to say, that didn't go over well.

As for us, when we stay with others we always arrive with a regional gift from our city (maple syrup!), toys for the kids (with parental approval), a list of places we want to go (on our own), info on a hotel we would happily bolt to, and most of all flexibility. If we are staying with others, we get up when they get up and leave when they leave. If they are at work all day, we go out and explore. We find out when they want to eat, we help with meals (if they let us!). Above all else, we ALWAYS clean up after ourselves and make our bed.

(what a rant)

I live in a converted two bedroom apt, and the most we've had so far was seven. (four girls slept on my roommate's full sized mattress, I have no idea how, me and my friend slept on my full sized mattress, her bf crashed in the livingroom)

More the merrier, as long as they clean up after themselves and are somewhat self sufficient.

the two best ways to stay in a town so you don't wear out your welcome (more than a day or two....-
1-use the local craigslist.com for temporary housing or sublets or
2-do a homeaway.com search for some cheap and oh-so-adorable options

kdel -- I think at the restaurant I was talking about I have almost always had the same waitress. She's a very kind lady and I tip her well more than I would anyone else.

There's been twice I tipped very low and both times I could see the server slacking off - and it wasn't that the place was busy because there was only one or two people in their area. If my food arrives cold or I have to actually get annoyed enough to ask the manager out just to ask the server if I can have another glass of water, then you're not getting tipped.