Before I had my son I had been intellectually camping out (in my Airstream trailer, natch) in the nurture campgrounds of the 'nature vs. nurture debate'. I didn't plan to be pushy about it, but I wanted to provide toys for him all along the spectrum regardless of which gender category they traditionally fell in. And, I assumed, at his tender age of 2.5, before exposure to television commercials and peer pressure, he'd be equally interested in the felt play food I painstakingly made for him as Tonka trucks. Um, no.
Despite my attempts to think outside the gender toy box he inevitably gravitates toward diggers, dumpers, dinosaurs and other traditional "boy toys." Which is fine, but it has forced me to reevaluate some of my ideas and wonder if the folks in the nature camp have marshmallows I could borrow.
In addition to trawling the aisles of Toy Fair last month looking for great new toys to share with you, I sat in on an interesting presentation by toy industry expert Richard Gottlieb about gender and toys. He presented the results of a recent survey of 1,500 parents (98% moms) that explored attitudes about gender and toys. He started the lively presentation with some vintage toy packaging showing boys (and often, fathers) actively playing with a toy while girls (and often, mothers) passively watched them with dopey, adoring looks on their faces.
While modern packaging (with notable exceptions) generally does a better job of showing both boys and girls actively engaged with all kinds of toys, there were some results of the survey I found really interesting:
The kinds of toys moms report that their children play (or, more importantly, don't play with) still fall into pretty traditional gender categories:
• 15% reported their son plays with dolls
• 20% reported their son plays dress up
• 41% reported their son plays with kitchen toys
• 60% reported their son plays with plush animals
Moms believe their daughters play less with "boy toys" than they did themselves when they were young.
• 16% reported their daughter plays with toy guns (compared to 25% self)
• 27% reported their daughter plays with construction toys (compared to 34% self)
• 24% reported their daughter plays with action figures (compared to 45% self)
• 32% reported their daughter plays with cars and trucks (compared to 39% self)
• 33% reported their daughter plays with science kits (compared to 34% self)
Do parents believe toys influence their children's future careers?
• 97% of respondents believe that playing with math and science toys can improve a child's educational success
• Yet 62% felt that the toys their children played with did not influence their future career choices and even more, 78%, felt toys did not influence future earning potential.
• 73% felt there was an absence of math/science toys available for girls (they clearly hadn't seen these chemistry perfume kits)
Toys and Sexual Preference: Is William Getting His Doll or Not?
• 91% of parents surveyed did not believe the toys their kids played influenced sexual preference
• However, 20% believed their spouse (husbands in this case) did not want their sons to play with dolls
Does color matter to kids? And, if not, why aren't marketers getting the message?
• 55% of parents did not believe their daughters preferred to play with pink toys
• 77% of parents did not believe their sons preferred to play with blue toys
(I wish they'd asked the question of whether their sons (or daughters for that matter) preferred not to play with pink toys.)
How do parents decide what toys to buy and what do they look for in a toy?
From most important to least, these are the influencing factors parents reported when deciding what to buy:
1. the child's wish
2. another parent's recommendation
3. a blogger recommendation
4. newspaper/magazine article, television spotlight
5. advertising
6. in-store demo
7. store placement
What do parents look for?
1. Fun
2. Educational value
3. Quality
4. Price
5. Brand
6. Eco-friendly
Reading the results of this survey I didn't feel like they were reflective of the parents I know or, for that matter, the readers I interact with on Ohdeedoh. And, there are many factors here that the survey couldn't suss out - how old are these kids? Is playing Medieval knights "dress up?" Are these parents being totally honest? Do parents really know what their kids think about toys? Does parental peer pressure play a role in what toys parents buy or don't buy for their kids? Nevertheless, all this is interesting to think about. Mostly I hope that toy companies realize that many, many parents specifically seek out toys that aren't pink or blue (ever tried to buy a doll umbrella stroller in another color?). If the vast majority of toys marketed toward girls are pink, isn't it just a self-fulfilling prophecy that girls will play with pink toys?
You can find out more about Richard Gottleib at his consultancy company USA Toy Experts and read his blog posts about all kinds of toy industry topics on Global Toy News.
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My mom was also in the "nurture" camp with my older sisters, so she bought them trucks... and proceeded to watch the tender conversations that ensued between mommy trucks and baby trucks. (And both my sisters are now in somewhat male-dominated careers, interestingly enough!)
I figure it goes something like a quote I read once: "Heredity deals the cards, environment plays the hand."
My daughter plays happily with her older brother's hand-me-down toys (including baby dolls and kitchen items), but did wonder the other day, "Why aren't there any pink or purple Legos?"
My daughter is 2.5-years-old. She lovingly cradles, feeds, changes her babies. She roars ferociously with her dinos. She cooks for me and our cats in her kitchen. And drives her choo-choos (cars) all over every surface she can reach. Her best friend is a little boy who regularly brings a Littlest Pet Shop toy to daycare. She and her tiny bff were inseparable from day one because 1. they're exactly the same size - both shorties, the littlest in every class, and 2. because they move to each new class together because their birthdays are close together.
My BFFs were boys. I had dolls of different races (though I had a racist father). I dated seriously only. I played easy-bake oven. I am in the software industry.
I don't think what you choose to play with determines who you are as an adult. I think children should be free to play with what they gravitate toward. I do an excellent job of respecting my daughter's and her friends' natures. I think that should be the goal to create a world of love for our children to continue to create with their children.
Read: "My son is gay. Or he’s not. I don’t care. He is still my son. And he is 5. And I am his mother." - at Nerdy Apple Bottom
I had pink and purple "legos" when I was younger. They weren't the legos brand, but they were the same thing. One set made a park scene, and the other built a castle. My little sister lost some of the pieces to the castle and I was furious.
Very interesting results. It would have been nice to see the results segmented by age ranges of boys and girls (0-2, 3-5, etc) and see if there is correlation between growing societal factors and type of toys they play with.
I played with Legos, Erector Set, Tinker Toys, Chemistry Set, etc. as a child (I am female) and I am now professionally a scientist. I also had barbies and other traditionally "girl" toys. I remember specifically asking for most of the "boy" toys I had. So I guess I'm in the nature camp. My son overwhelmingly prefers to play with cars and trains, but he does own a toy shopping cart, a baby doll, and several stuffed animals, and play with them occasionally. I try to encourage all types of creative play, but basically I let him take the lead.
I hear ya on the color thing. My 3.5 year old daughter now loves pink and purple, but why? Are they born to love it? From day 1 I always selected blues, greens, oranges, you name it -- anything but pink, because a little girl is naturally going to have enough pink in her life from clothes, toys given as gifts, toys that come in no other color, etc. Yet here we are, 3.5 years later, and like most girls her age, she loves pink and purple best. Go figure.
As for the toys, I made available an assortment of stuff from planes to cars to dolls and kitchens. I've stopped buying the more "male" oriented stuff, not because I'm not all in favor of it, but because she simply enjoys playing dolls, and kitchen and doing art projects a lot more. Beyond her "baby" stage, she hasn't been too into pushing little cars around (unlike her male friends and nephews, many of whom became car obsessed).
So, yeah, I'm sure there's nature and nuture involved, but like you, I've realized since becoming a parent that there is more nature involved in the toy preference thing (and maybe even color preference) than I ever would've imagined beforehand.
we don't give our daughter extremely pink stuff or ANYTHING disney princess related. there is a firm line drawn there (we have received disney princess stuff as gifts/hand me downs and have promptly donated it to charity). anything else is pretty open, she has baby dolls and a play food set but most of the time plays with her cars and blocks and tromps around the house being a dinosaur. her best little boy friend has a play kitchen, lots of baby dolls and baby strollers, etc. but our daughter is most interested in his brio set.
just stand back and let the kids play but don't give them the crap that will affect them for life. check out this peggy orenstein book if you're interested
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/01/23/books/review/Paul-t.html
I have two girls (a toddler and a preschooler). I don't do princess, either, not at all. They play most often with:
*blocks
*toy animals
*playmobil/dollhouse-sized people
*baby dolls
*stuffed animals
*pillows and blankets
*books
*arts and craft supplies
*toy food/kitchen
*puzzles and games (gender-neutral)
*toy cars/trains
*dress-up costumes (the favorites right now are a tiger and a jester)
I don't know what life would be like if I had boys, but I doubt the content of our toy collection would change all the much. Perhaps we'd have fewer dolls and more trucks. I don't know. Other than that I bet it would be pretty much the same.
Oh yeah, and dinosaurs. That's been big lately. This afternoon the spent an hour making traps to catch "dinosaur rex."
*they
Today, I asked my 2-year-old boy what he wanted to do outside, and he said, "fight with you with sticks." Ahhh, boys. I KNOW he hasn't played with swords or anything, he's just like that.
One question: why are kitchens and stuffed animals "girl" toys? I guess in our house, my husband and I share cooking duties, so maybe that's why my son loves his kitchen and play food. Otherwise, he gravitates toward anything with wheels: construction vehicles, trains, cars, trucks.
we play with what we've been given. so yes, we have a lot of "gender" toys: tools + megablocks for my 3 year old son. Our 20 month old daughter prefers to play with tools over baby dolls. That is fine by me--i have an industrial design degree and we built everything in the shop! but if we're given "girlie" stuff we don't throw it out, she'll play with it eventually.
My kids both go to creche part-time. The survey doesn't discuss peer influence.
My daughter was given a Barbie doll for her third birthday. I stashed it away until she asked for it- which was roughly 18 months later, when her friends were into Barbie and my little Pony. Its now at kinder level that she insists that there are girl colours and boy colours- thats what her friends say..
My little boy, who has just turned 3, loves dressups. He loves dressing up as a ballerina and as a super hero (sometimes we get both). He doesn't know the difference.
He loves blue, but I think that's due to his obsession with Anthony Wiggle.
Forgot to mention- I refuse to give my daughter a 'ho' doll.
My toys were whatever came with my happy meal or kinder surprises, and a box of lego- nothing was really gender oriented unless the happy meals had the option of a girl or boy toy.
All of my toys that were girly- Barbies, Polly Pocket and Ponies - were never played with, I actually put Power Rangers & Ghostbuster action figures in my doll house, and pikachu was thier pet - it was like an awful cartoon sitcom.
I was just reading somewhere (where?) that at about age 3 or 4 children believe that gender is flexible, and that they must choose to be either a boy or girl. They do so by declaring their allegiance to pink and princesses, or to blue and wrestling, for example. Once they get older and realize gender has nothing to do with the color of your clothes or toys, they mellow out about stuff. I can say I'm now seeing this retreat from entrenched gender identification in my 9-yr-old son. His favorite color at 4 was purple, until he started school, and he's just now, in 4th grade, wearing purple again.
My little guy is decidedly a boy. He has a play kitchen, fun foods, sewing cards, and a baby doll but they're rarely used. He prefers cars, trucks, trains, and "dinosaurus rexes!" He does, however, pretend footballs are his babies when he's feeling a bit nurturing and owns a hat for every occasion because you never know when you need to be a chef or a firefighter.
I sat firmly upon the nurture bandwagon for a long time, but seeing him now I know that even things traditionally associated with girls have a bit of a rough and tumble aspect. Really, though, he gets what toys he likes. If he asks for a baby doll when it's time to pick a toy he gets one, even though his father often rolls his eyes about that one. ha
I don't understand why parents would limit there child's exposure to any one type of toy. Isn't telling your daughter she can't have "princess" toys just the same as telling her she can't have Legos? I don't get it. Expose your child to a variety of things; teach them to be independent and to think for themselves and it will just lead to a natural curiosity of all things regardless of gender orientation. It's when you withhold something from a child that makes them want it even more. People need to relax a bit!
the difference is that there is no harm in playing with legos, but there is harm in the myths and values perpetuated by the princess crap.
I don't think well designed toys are every gendered. But there are lots of junky ones that try and hammer home an identity. We just look for well designed, attractive products that are going to last through multiple children, my own or others. I don't ever buy junk, avoid toys made in China, and never consciously choose gendered or ugly stuff.
At 3.5, pink and purple are his favorite colors and we recently dyed some underpants to complete the collection. Not sure how long he'll remain this innocent but our preschool is great, and doesn't allow licensed characters on stuff, so there is no pressure there.
It was actually easier with my son. Now that I have a daughter I feel a lot more pressure to "fill in" with princess nonesense.
Personally, I think it is a lot easier if you avoid the oppressive television and commerical messages.
NB: pink and purple duplo lego blocks sell for a HUGE premium on ebay.
My 4 year old girl recently begged for fairy princess wings, but she wears them while dragging out her older brother's giant box of Star Wars figures to play with.
I think in houses with more than one child and opposite gender it is a little easier for children to have access to a variety of toys and accept them. While she never asks for "boy" toys she has plenty to play with whenever she wants to and she does play with them often. For her birthday this year she asked for only Barbies and My Little Ponies though.
my son plays with everything. he got littlest pet shop for a birthday last year. his male cousin said "thats for girls" and then proceeded to play with it the entire time ;)
and i'm by no means uptight, but that first picture angers me.
I am twenty five and I clearly remember my 5th birthday and getting two completely redone Little Mermaid bedrooms. And as I read that people deprive their children of that I cry inside. There will always be a Disney princess in me. :)
doubledutch--thank you for saying what I wanted to say. This is exactly right. And the marketing that goes into all the princess crap is horrendous.
Anecdote: My 4 1/2 year old, who does not play princess because she doesn't see TV or movies and doesn't have stuff with labels, was playing outside with a friend the other day. The friend, who is now in school, has become obsessed with "princess" this year. The friend said to my daughter, "hey, let's play princess." My daughter responded, "How do you play princess?"
...crickets...
Her friend didn't have an answer. As far as I can tell, "playing princess" means putting on scratchy sequined dresses and looking pretty. So no, I'm not interested in encouraging that.
In addition, I don't necessarily believe that kids playing princess, or certain other things, for that matter, has much at all to do with what kids "want" to do or what they "like." It has everything to do with what advertising has told them they should be doing.
PS That was not a judgment on anyone's parenting, nor a suggestion that I believe anyone else should agree with me. It was a response to kberinger's question.
My daughter is one, so I don't have an educated opinion yet, but is a little bit of princessyness really so terrible? Geez, some of my favourite memories included dressing up and running around all princessy. I turned out fine.
I'll comment on the avoiding typical "boy" toys. My mother initially refused to buy any kind of gun (Nerf, pop, cap, or otherwise) for my brother. However, he took my barbies and used the legs as guns anyway (when he wasn't playing house with them) - so my mom relented on the no gun rule. All that really mattered in my family was that we shared our toys and were polite/kind to each other.
Oh, my god, the males are playing Battleship while Mom and Sister DO THE DISHES. Lol kill me now, Milton Bradley.
Hahaha, I just noticed the Battleship box. Absurd!