Next Monday at the start of Passover, the youngest child at every seder table will ask, "why is this night different from all other nights?" For starters, it's a really long dinner, replete with multiple courses, epic storytelling, songs, and a compulsory four glasses of wine for the grownups. When you add little kids to the mix it can be challenging. Here are a few tips for hosts expecting young seder guests.
Start early. It's going to be a late night no matter what, so start as early as possible.
Consider a kids' table. For preschoolers and up, the kids' table will be much cooler than the grownups'.
Get props. Judaica shops are stocked with various plague sets, or you can hit target for things like frogs and toy cows. Chai Kids has a great board (shown above) with reusable stickers. One side is a scene in Egypt, the other side is a seder table.
Let my people go. If you are doing a full reading of the Haggadah then you probably can't expect kids to sit through the whole thing. Consider setting up a pillow pit; the Passover meal was meant to be taken in a reclining position, and tired kids can chill and play comfortably in a cushy corner.
Have small gifts on hand for the kids who don't find the afikoman. Think of it as a seder favor.
(Image: Chai Kids)
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Get age appropriate haggadah's - I'm surprised how many families use the old Maxwell House Coffee haggadah's and then wonder why their 6 yo can't sit through the reading. Duh! Get an haggadah in everyday language that tells the story of Passover in a way a child will understand. We use one called the Family Haggadah - bought it at the gift store at the synogogue - it has questions in it also to start discussions. Passover doesn't have to be torture for kids.
It helps if the kids want to be there and have something to share. All my children study the details of Passover in the weeks before the holiday and they share their learning during the seder. Additionally, we have many different Haggadahs and use a variety at the table. Each participant is welcome to compare the various commentaries.
When my crew was little, I didn't expect them to stay at the table the whole evening. Now, the youngest is eleven and she's warmly concerned that her seven year old cousin will be restless. So I give prizes. Usually Jewish books. And I don't wait until the Afikomon after the meal. I usually give them out after the Four Questions, right at the beginning of the evening. If the children are little, it tends to keep them at the table and the big ones are pleased either way.
Being the youngest in my family, I'm really not the children's table type. I sat there forever...and when I finally grew old enough for the big table, I had to sit by the table leg, because I didn't have long legs. Now if I set up an additional table, I make it my business to seat young and old together, and I sit at the additional table so the everyone feels close to the host at the dining table or to the hostess at the extra table.
Have people check their cell phones / smartphones at the door. If they want to text their friends, check the hockey scores or post on Facebook, they can wait 'till after.
One more thought...use common sense. Some relatives (I'm looking straight at my SIL) were always sticklers for following the rules to the letter. We could not begin until sunset, could not eat until the haggadah said "eat the festive meal"...we don't normally eat dinner at 9pm - heck when my kids were little they were asleep at 9pm. So i fed my kids before the guests arrived and we started reading between 6:30 and 7pm no matter what time the sun set. I think the family getting together to read the story of Passover is the important part and try not to get too bogged down with the "rules". There will be time enough for that latter...
Anyone have suggestions for dealing with an 18 month old during the Seder? The family hasn't had to accommodate a kid in twenty years and is a bit stuck in their traditional ways.
@paganireland: 18 month olds are wonderful. But they don't have the patience for a seder (and are probably too young to remember this one). I suggest you keep the child on his/her usual schedule - even if away from home. You might miss part of the seder, but it's easy enough for you to catch up. Baby will grow older and more mature and be able to contribute in the future. Keeping baby happy will keep all the other guests happy.
I don't get all of this kids' haggadah and props stuff. When I was a kid, all six of my cousins and I had to sit at the table quietly, listen, turn the pages, and do the appropriate rituals at the appropriate times. It helped that we were reformed on one side and conservative on the other so seder never lasted more than 30 - 40 minutes. Yes, it felt like an eon, but there is nothing wrong with kids having to learn how to be patient and behave appropriately in an adult setting. I guess it also helped that we all went to Sunday school and Hebrew school where we were taught what the holiday meant so we could follow along in an adult haggadah and understand the meaning.
This is the first time in years there will be no children at our seder. There will, however, be a slew of my brothers friends who are all Republican NRA folks. I'm not sure which I would rather have - the pre-school seder or the NRA seder.
I agree with Fairfax Ave. I think you will need to duck out and take the 18 month old into one of the bedrooms to hang out and eventually go to sleep. My mom tells stories of doing so with us and my grandmother's not even setting aside a plate for her. Make sure someone sets aside a plate with all of your favorites so if you get to eat too once the kiddo is asleep!
30-40 minutes? Can I come to your house? Our seders are at 3 hours!
We host a kid friendly seder at our house and invite lots of non-jewish friends who want to share the tradition with their children. Then the next night we go to my aunt's for a traditional, yet short seder and leave our daughter with a sitter so that we have time to reflect on the meaning of Passover.
Come on over. I have been to enough 3, 4, 5, 6 hour seders to last a life time. I met someone this weekend whose family does a 10 minute seder. Speed seder. That is cutting it a bit short even for me.
Pillow pit! Genius!
One important thing to recognize for those guests who need to follow the rules is that their rules are not necessarily 'the rules'. The rules say that you need to take certain steps in a certain order. However, strictly speaking, most of what has been added to the Haggudah goes way beyond the rules. Remember, there is no commandment to have a Seder. It is all from Halachic tradition. Even something as sacred as The Four Questions, are not written in stone. The purpose of the Seder is to teach our kids about the Exodus from Egypt, and The Four Questions were added to ensure that they were asking questions. They can ask any questions they want, so long as they're engaged.
It is also important to note that just because the Haggudah says to do this or that, doesn't mean that you can't add to it to make the evening enjoyable for everyone. Years ago, when we realized that everyone was always starving through all the reading, we spoke to a religious leader, who suggested that we add a dipping course to the Seder, following when we dip the parsley. We take a few minutes then to dip all manner of vegetables in salmon salad, white fish, etc. That really takes the edge off things.
A few years ago, we began adding fun videos to the Seder. We've moved the Seder into our family room, and intersperse videos into the meal. This year, we've created our own videos, that actually tell the story through scenes from the Harry Potter movies. We will sort out the attendees into houses, and will have different houses do certain readings, etc. Harry Potter will even read the Four Questions. You can check out the videos on youtube, at http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLQcgCtsbtrieCrzSSifULwQvbvtgS54S_&feature=view_all.
The kids are supposed to be the focus of the Seder, not the obstacles. Have fun.
Enjoyable thread ~ great to read everyone's approaches ~ chag sameach!
There's a mitzvah (a commandment) to tell one's children about the Exodus specifically on seder night. So, centering the seder around the children is essential. It's not like, oh we could have this fabulous seder with interesting conversation, but the kids are getting in the way...it's exactly the opposite! Think about what are the fundamental, crucial concepts that you want to convey, and then think about how to really get those across. Concepts of who the Jewish people are, what their relationship with G-d is, why G-d put them in Egypt, why G-d took them out of Egypt, G-d's great love for us, our great love for Him...talk about these, cry when you sing "V'Hi She'Amda," be REAL. Encourage the children to act out roles, as if they were a slave in Egypt being beaten...encourage them to imagine it. Talk about the privation. Talk about what Egypt stood for, and why the Jews stood in opposition to that. This is not an ancient historical event that's irrelevant to our lives today. It's a fundamental event that changed our destiny, it's about the birth of the Jewish people at a nation, and redemption is an ongoing process..."in every generation there arise against us...." Encourage the kids to ask questions, and reward every question with a jellybean or a nut. Get beautiful haggadahs. I like this one: http://www.amazon.com/The-Katz-Passover-Haggadah-Redemption/dp/1583306005/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1363925005&sr=8-1&keywords=katz+haggadah (but be aware that it's too graphic for little kids...it's better for ages 8 and up) Set up lots of pillows and blankets in the living room, so that when the kids get tired, they can lie down on the couches but still be near enough to be part of things. (Mine suddenly pop awake at the end, when my husband gets up to dance in a circle around the living room with the kids, singing "L'Shana HaBa" at the top of their lungs!) Chag kasher v'sameach!
Songs! We sing great kid friendly songs that my fiancé and his sister learned in Hebrew schools when they were kids. The songs are fun for kids and adults and have become part of our Passover tradition.
Why restrict the pillow pit to the children? We do the storytelling/ritual parts of the seder in the living room, which we set up with couches, armchairs, mattresses, and cushions in a huge circle. Small coffee tables hold the seder plate and wine cups. Everyone loves sitting comfortably as we have our discussion, and the kids (and adults) can move around and even play with toys and still be part of the seder. When it's time for the meal we adjourn to the dining room, and then back to the living room pillow pit for the rest.