My old super once said my husband and I were "model tenants," which I took at the time to mean that all the other apartments were housing illegal chinchilla farms. But apparently it's really easy to be a good tenant and neighbor in an apartment building. Read on for some of her tips.
• Think of the building staff — My super once complained to me about inconsiderate tenants who would throw dangerous things like broken glass or knives away and just toss the garbage bags out like normal trash, which often led to injury on the part of the building staff. Just because something's left your possession doesn't mean that it's disappeared. I asked how broken glass or similar objects should be disposed of, and she said I should put the garbage bag into a cardboard box and write "Caution! Broken glass!" on the box.
• If you've got a good super, don't attempt to do their job — If you are lucky enough to have a great super and building staff, let them do their jobs.
Once there was a hair clog in my tub that would not go away. Not wanting to bother the super, my husband and I tried bleach, Liquid Plumber, a plunger ... when those didn't work, we Googled, "How to fix a clogged bathtub" and started following random Internet instructions. Four hours later, I gave up and called the super. She arrived to see parts of the plumbing I didn't know existed stacked up all around the bathroom. "Oh my God!" she said. "What did you do!?"
• Do not adopt upholstered sidewalk furniture — One of my neighbors once decided to give a sidewalk futon a good home, despite Manhattan's notorious bedbug epidemic. The results were predictable. Everyone on the southern end of the building was infested.
• Mitten the kittens — One night a downstairs neighbor came up to complain about constant stomping late at night that was keeping him up, even though my fiancé and I had been sitting on the couch for approximately four hours straight and certainly hadn't been stomping or even stepping. I was confused until he left, when both my cats vroomed under my feet like a set of tiny, furry train cars. I couldn't stop them, but I could put down rugs and stack boxes like speed bumps to slow them down.
Be aware of what causes noise in your house: TV shows, Dance Dance Revolution, high heels on wood floors. Your neighbors and roommates (even romantic roommates) will thank you.
• Everyone makes mistakes — Even though I fixed the cat problem, I was terribly embarrassed every time I saw that neighbor in the hall. My embarrassment persisted until he accidentally set the building on fire, and then I figured we were even.
Part of being a good neighbor is recognizing that everyone messes up sometimes. If the gaffe is yours, correct it and move on. If it's someone else's, let them know politely, then forgive and forget (unless they bring bedbugs).
What have we missed? Add your tips in the comments.
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My roommate and I are having a difficult time at our current complex. We live on the 2nd floor and just found out (from the 4th police officer) that the tenants below us are both retired, have no television and are also hoarders. We have never had a party and work 9-6pm. We don't play our TV loud nor music yet they constantly call the cops.
I have recently written them a polite letter and taped it to their door that includes our phone number. So far so good. We have yet to meet and greet officer 5. I'm kind of at wit's end on what to do since they were so reluctant to call the cops instead of us first.
I meant, reluctant to notify us first before calling the cops.
I really think that its important to be straightforward with your neighbors if you are having an issue. I have neighbors who once pounded on our shared wall (presumably because of noise) so hard that it actually knocked a picture off the wall. I certainly understand that sometimes we can all be too loud but knocking on the front door (like a human being) and explaining would have been a much better solution. I certainly don't want to be a bad neighbor. But now I can't help but think of them as incredibly rude. That being said sometimes neighbors can seem a little too unstable to want to deal with. The same neighbors who knocked our frame off the wall constantly fight (and we are pretty sure throw things) yet the fear of dealing with people like that keeps me from complaining.
A few months ago we had new neighbors move in upstairs and it sounded like the people living there were lifting really heavy weights all day and night for hours. I finally decided it was best just to let them know that the thudding was rather loud for us (since I assumed they didn't know) when I went upstairs I discovered that the new neighbors had two pre-teen daughters. I have to say knowing that it was just some innocent kids jumping around made me forget the whole thing. Yes, we still have some crazy thudding on occasion but its just kids doing it.
Beyond that I think my best piece of advice is to remember that everyone is on occasion "the annoying neighbor." My general policy is to leave my neighbors alone no matter how loud they might be.
When my husband and I moved out of our apartment - after 15 years - the super and maintenance company both remarked we were the best tenants in the building. Why? Because we never asked for anything, we just did it ourselves. I mean, when the heat wasn't working, we would say something... but other than that we repaired things on our own. Always seemed like less of a hassle to us, but I could see if someone tried to DIY without the required skills, it could just become a bigger problem instead.
ditto on the glass handling. i'm always careful to put glass in paper bags (like lightbulbs) and to label broken glass with a sharpie.
also, i agree on telling neighbors upfront. they don't know how loud the sounds are on your end and, frankly, some people think if no one has complained it isn't a problem. hating them instead of addressing it is stress you don't need in your life.
i like neighbors who mind their own business. sure, we can all hear eachother but let's pretend we can't unless it gets intrusive.
Taking out your garbage regularly, and not letting it become an odour issue for neighbours to enjoy.
I have a neighbour who I'm sure is collecting food waste in his apartment. The stairway/hallway and my entrance smell like moldy produce all the time. I had to invest in some strong, yet pleasant, room fragrance to combat the stench. It seems to work, but it took me about a month to find a scent I could live with. That was a pain.
Also, if you are a fan of high-energy nightly fun with your significant other, a considerate thing to do is to not place your headboard against a shared wall.
Here in NYC, tipping the super and other staff at the holidays or when they do something for you above and beyond their job description goes a long way to keeping good relationships.
If you keep late hours at home, recognize that your neighbors are likely sleeping. I did once rap on the ceiling with a broom at 2am when the new upstairs people seemed to be dragging dead bodies and heavy furniture across the floor over my bedroom. They got the message.
And if you're a dog owner, please believe your neighbors if they tell you the dog barks and whines at length when you're away, and take real measures to prevent it, like doggie day care or behavioral training. You'll be doing your neighbors and your dog a favor.
I have a neighbor who uses up every drop of water in our 3-unit building every day sometime between 3 and 6. We never know exactly when it's going to happen, but it always does. Before she moved in we never had a problem with the hot water. What the heck is she doing down there?
I used to live in a beautiful apartment. Charm, gorgeous wood floors and so much light. The walls were as thin as paper though.
My neighbors on each side and above us snored...how can you ask your neighbors to stop snoring? You really can't.
Our downstairs neighbor called the cops on our cat constantly. That's right our CAT. Usually we weren't home when she'd call or complain to the police, she would say it sounded like "technology". She was the resident kook in the building.
So while the apartment was beautiful, the neighbors made it difficult to stay.
Ooo how about this one:
My boyfriend and I live in the upper unit of a two apartment duplex. The guy in the lower unit lived by himself when we first moved in in September. The lease agreement stated that we (the upper unity) pays 2/3's of the quarterly water bill and the lower tenant pays 1/3. Makes sense right? We are 2 people in an apartment, and he is only one.
However.... about 2 months after we moved in, our neighbor started dating and his girlfriend has basically spent every night/day over since NOVEMBER. It was okay when we paid our portion in December... but now, they haven't said anything about her being added to the lease or paying rent (which is of course their business with our landlord, not mine). However... as far as I know, the water bill (which will be here anyday) is still split into 3rds. I don't want to be a whiny neighbor, but at the same time, I don't want to pay for his girlfriend using the water either.
So do I ask my landlord about this issue, at the risk of being annoying? Or do I ask our neighbor, at the risk of having my neighbor get mad/defensive/awkward?
I really always tried to be a nice neighbor. But there are some neighbors that will complain no matter what. Those folks...you can't really do much about, other than move.
When my husband and I first married, we lived in an apartment above the apartment kook. She initially complained about the bedboard. Oops...sorry...we were newlyweds after all! We tried to keep it quiet after that. She then complained about the washer and dryer. I waited tables, so yeah, sometimes the washer was run late at night or early morning between shifts. I got an extra uniform and tried to wash during the day. She then complained about the vacuum when she was taking a nap. I guess middle of the day was worse than the washer at night? But the kicker was when she (obviously at her wit's end) lit into me about my husband peeing too loudly. I never could figure out a compromise on that one. Maybe peeing on her flower beds directly in front of her picture window? I don't know. Good thing for her, my husband is nicer than me and didn't do it, no matter how much I wanted him to! LOL!
I have the neighbor from hell living below me. He's an insomniac and plays Rock Band (the SAME SONG) over and over until I want to scream. His surround sound is hooked up to his living room wall which happens to be right below our bedroom so our bed vibrates monotonously until about 3 a.m. Not to mention, his really loud.....um.... "love" noises. We've tried everything to get him to stop. The super has called several times to give him warnings. My husband even tried to go down at 2 in the morning while he was having a party and politely ask him to keep it down, but the man doesn't seem to care. I've printed out a letter to leave on his door with a picture of a gentleman sitting in bed watching tv with wireless earphones, but my husband is afraid he'll retaliate. I've decided that being a light sleeper is not conducive to apartment living. We're looking for a house. A nice, quiet house.
EDENBEAM: Hmm, tough. I hate talking to people I don't know (like my neighbours) especially about money issues! It would be good to talk to the neighbour first so you can keep on good terms, and then mention your conversation to the landlord so that they know what's going on too. I can imagine the neighbour saying "oh yeah sure, we will split it, I'll talk to the Landlord!" but then saying "screw you" when you leave and not doing it :/ So cover your bases. Money is tight and it's not okay for people to take advantage of a situation like that if that's what they want to do. Not saying your neighbour would do that, but you never know who lives downstairs!!
my apartment building walls are paper thin. for the most part my neighbours are pretty respectful and i think we all just accept that you can hear people running up the stairs, the whole building shakes when the front door slams, tv's can be heard in the hallways, etc.
my upstairs neighbour, though, has the loudest voice i've ever heard. it carries through my apartment like he's in there with me. i intimately know the guy thanks to his late night conversations and weekly arguments with his girlfriend despite never having met him. thank god for earplugs - though even those sometimes can't entirely drown him out.
Our upstairs neighbor is a couple. We've met them while they were having a party and she is very lovely and he is very surly and combative. We hear regular screaming matches and crying, and once he took to jumping up and down as hard as he could while screaming. I heard her yell "Why are you so dumb?!" I wondered that too.
Their dogs recently developed separation anxiety and whine and throw themselves up against their crate walls whenever their owners aren't home. We've taken to playing upbeat music to drown out the negativity. At times it's juicy and entertaining (The doorbell rings, I hear sex noises, immediately after the visitor leaves) and other times it's heartbreaking (same reason). Luckily I'm a deep sleeper and my husband wears headphones late at night when most of the action happens. I don't see any way to confront them about this since it seems to just be a hard time for them.
We need a "Neighbor Nightmare" thread so we can use it as therapy! After ten years of renting, four states and dealing with every a-hole neighbor plucked from the general public renters' pool my wife and I have purchased a house.
I worry a little about this since I've moved into a new building and don't have my own entrance, and there's a little gap under the doorway. (So no one in my building had better get any mice or roaches! :| ) I am kind of a night owl and play music all the time. I wear headphones, but I sing along, too. I think I'm probably not that loud, but what if my neighbors are non-confrontational and just quietly resentful? ._.
@Edenbean, who gets the utility bill? If it's your landlord, the only way it will be properly split is if he knows to do that. If it comes to you and our neighbor, different story.
I would talk to your neighbor or leave them a note. Say that now that his girlfriend appears to be sharing his place, it doesn't seem fair not to split the water bill 50/50. If he doesn't offer to take care of it, tell him you'll mention it to the landlord. The girlfriend MIGHT be considered an "illegal sublet" (we had that issue when we let an out-of-work friend take our guest room once) which your neighbor might want to keep quiet, so I'd at least let him know before speaking to the landlord.
"The other point I would like to make about noise or any other thing that your neighbours do that bothers you... be polite but up-front about issues as soon as they arise. Don't let things fester until you start hating them for the things they don't know bother you."
Here, here, Username26!
Imagine my surprise when one Sunday morning I was bombed out of bed around 8:30 by my doorbell being rung repeatedly and my front door hammered on: I thought there was a fire or other emergency! Only to find, when I opened the door, my previoulsy friendly upstairs neighbor SCREAMING at me.
Apparently she was angry because I get up in the mornings and take a shower. She does not work conventional hours and it was waking her up every day.
She had clearly been letting his fester because she was almost incoherent and raving in her anger and accusing me of "tampering" with the plumbing which according to her had never been noisy in her 18 years of living there (of course I had noticed how loud HER shower was my first night in the apartment while I was unpacking boxes) and how "rude" I was to shower daily before work, and how for example I had just been showering right then and woken her up (actually I'd been sound asleep in bed - she woke ME up!?).
Best part of this rather frightening confrontation? I had been living in that apartment for ONE YEAR and one day when this happened. And I had never heard a single complaint from her, gotten a note, nothing. Not that I could really do anything about it, sorry I am going to continue to shower every morning, it's an old WW2 building with loud pipes, but at least we could ahve had a conversation about it before she lost her freaking mind.
Please if you have something, keep in mind it's very possible the other person has NO idea that you're stewing about it.
Eurgh, multiple typos sorry guys.
@leapkate
<patpats>
Has she just kind of slunk off sulking, or did she move out, or anything? XD;
After I BOUGHT my apartment, paid the move in fee, filled out paperwork on my car including the type, description, and license plate number, the manager had my car towed less than two weeks after I moved in, over the Thanksgiving weekend. I went out to the parking lot, and couldn't find my car. I went to the manager, and she goes, 'That was YOUR car?" She hadn't given me a sticker for my car, and I had no idea I needed one. They are so small, I hadn't noticed them on other cars.
It cost a fortune to get my car out of hock, and I have taken that out of her Christmas bonus ever since. I had planned to be generous, but no more. I will never give her a dime. If she is so negligent as not to read the information she requested, and so poor at her job that she fails to proffer a car sticker, I am not going to reward her for it.
Our porter is above tipping. He thinks he has a management job. He manages to keep the building spotless. He is very good at his job, and does nothing in particular for me. Our super however, is super. He does everything for me, and is a joy. I gave him a fortune last year. (He helped me rescue my lost cat in a NO animal building.) That is money well spent.
stephy buhler....you and the third tenant ought to let the new neighbor know that hot water in your building is very limited. She's obviously not aware of this.
I agree with Username26 with the exception of closing cupboard, drawers, door, etc. I have found most people are completely unaware of how hard they close things-- or how hard they walk.
The comment section puts my stomach in KNOTS. We recently moved from the suburbs to the dense urban city. I was so worried we would not be able to find a renal house-- let alone one we could afford. I would sooner live with my husband and our son 11 year old son in a one bedroom house than to have to live in a multifamily unit. In the end we had an amazing stroke of luck and found a house. *Whew*
@Village. Yes I suppose I would tip a person generously for not narking me out. Oh, and what exactly is "a fortune"? By your definition of course.
For the love of all that is good, don't let your laundry hang out in the common washer/dryers. Being a few minutes late is one thing; being a few hours (or days!) late is another. I have no mercy.
Also, I think small things that saying hi in the hall can go a long way. It fosters a sense of community, even if you don't actually get to know each other.
ditto @postagenotes, my current next door neighbor has an outside wall, but put her bed on the shared wall. she once went at it so hard at 7pm, I decided to go to the grocery store. it's not fair to drive other people out of their homes.
This is so interesting to me. I am moving from a large house in the PA suburbs to a small apartment in Austin, TX in May. My husband and dog are already there, but I'm not used to having to watch myself. Any tips for someone who hasn't apartment dwelled in 7 years?
@edenbean talk to the neighbor about it and tell him you would talk to the landlord about the issue, saying you want to have everything done above board regarding the water bill. So you're not stuck with it when it comes.
In certain States/cities, I believe if someone stays for more than 14 days there are legal issues arising for the landlords. I know here in Los Angeles my landlord had to reclaim part of the duplex I live in for his family in order to evict a tenant's boyfriend (and the tenant, and her poor hapless roommate) because he had moved in illegally without paying rent, etc.
Landlord pays the water bill and it went through the roof with that guy, who paid no rent, no utilities, and the roommate was getting bonkers stuck with the two moochers.
walk toe-heel indoors, like a ballet dancer. it's much quieter. my upstairs neighbor walks so heavily I wonder if he has shin splints. It's gotta hurt.
@jennysbelly: Welcome to Austin! Invest in earplugs and a loud-ish portable fan by your bed to make some white noise. I've found this drowns out everything but bass.
I have lived in all types of apartments for over 25 years. I have been at my current apartment since August 2010. I have never had this problem: since last fall, I have had problems with my interior rooms that share a wall with the neighbor smelling like cigarettes. I have told the management company several times and they are apathetic. I have invested in multiple types air freshner to no avail. I am going to buy one of those super-duper high end air conditioner filters next. I never see the neighbors outside, they must be sitting in one of the interior rooms next to a vent hot-boxing a carton of cigs a day.
Thank you for the suggestions on the water bill issue @mrsberg, @sherrybinnh, and @janetbrandtt! I appreciate your advice :)
Yeah, see, I'm a quiet neighbor. I'm polite to staff. I keep the apartment clean and in great condition and yet I asked maintenance to come and unclog a sink drain last week only to come home and find they left a giant load in my toilet. Thanks maintenance. After a year and a half of very expensive rent, and me not making a request for nearly a year, you leave me THAT.
Ah, this reminds me of my favourite apartment in Vancouver. Everything about it was perfect but for two things: the insane gulls that woke me up at 5am screeching from the roof directly outside our bedroom window (leaving to drive to our out-of-province wedding, one pooped on my head; I took it as luck), and neighbours below us who made reeking sauerkraut, regularly fried (and burned) bacon at 10pm thus setting off the smoke detector, and chain-smoked so much the lower cupboards of our kitchen were unusable due to the residue that would taint anything left in them (tupperware turned yellow). I found a solution to neither, but dreamed of using a water soaker on both.
My neighbours smoke enough weed to incapacitate an elephant. The entire hallway and my apartment smelled of weed all the time, as did my clothes. I finally had to complain the management brcause I could not go to work reeking of weed.
Feeling empathy for all on this page. Boyfriend and I can't wait to leave our 1920's courtyard building after 18 months of cigarette smoke, blasting tv, screaming 3 year-old twins, door slammers, surround-sound systems, elephant feet...but just so nervous that next apartment building will be more of the same - no guarantees in modern life, right? Might just sit tight until the dream day comes when we can buy/rent a little house of our own....
When things are really bad we remember that we are lucky to have a roof over our head - some people in this world don't even have that. I just wish humans could be a little less noisy at living! ;)
My "favorite" was our neighbor across the hall who played strange wailing music at all times of the day. He was also a fan of yelling a lot. When he moved out (I think he got evicted), he got into a fight with his girlfriend and started screaming at her, "spirit of Jezebel, the blood of Jesus is against you!" over and over again in the hall while they moved things to the elevator.
After he moved out the apartment was renovated and the workers were constantly smoking in there and we could smell it very strongly in our apartment. After having the doorman talk to them about it twice, and trying to knock on the door and talk to them in person (they didn't come to the door), I finally left a sticky note on the door that said "stop smoking!" and it seems to have worked.
If u need the washer don't take out someone's wet laundry & throw it on top of the dryer, don't let your kids stomp on the floors & scream all day long, don't be nosy & look in your neighbors windows and never ever block someone else's car or garage.