I, Sarah Trover... don't have children. There I said it! They weave their way into my life in many ways and are always welcome in my home, especially when we entertain. But how do we retain our sanity? Do we baby proof the space? Is there a box of goldfish crackers stashed in the back of our pantry for just such an occasion? We've learned a great deal over the years, so email this post to friends and family who just aren't getting how it works — because although getting a sitter and having a night out is fun, there's no reason why kids shouldn't be able to come with!
When we tell people all of our get togethers and bashes are kid friendly we always get a strange look. It's almost as if they're saying, "There's no way I'm bringing my kids, there won't be anything to play with and they'll just end up breaking something." Alnd although it's happened a few times, when you set out to throw a party where children are invited, as the host or hostess there's a few things you should learn to expect:
What To Expect
1. Things Will Get Touched: Anything below 4 feet is fair game. If you don't want it broken, switch shelves for the evening or tuck it out of sight. Should you rearrange your whole house? Probably not, but if you really have that many breakables below 4 feet, you might want to reconsider your decor anyway, that's just silly.
2. Pets Are Movable Play Toys: Some pets love children and some pets loathe them. Try breaking your pets into small human interaction slowly to help keep their terror down. If not, a crate or shut bedroom is always a good idea. Tails are for pulling (sometimes) and backs are for riding on... that's just how it goes and chances are they'll love every minute of it (kids and pets alike!).
3. There Will Be Noise: When your house is child free, most the noise comes from your own doings. Singing to the radio at the top of your lungs or forgetting to turn off the tv when you left the room and The View is suddenly on — and louder than ever. The initial shock of having giggling and sometimes screaming children in your house can be extreme. Resist the urge to scream back and make sure you don't hiss or snap your fingers at them like you would your pet when the mailman drops off the mail. Just deal.

• Once you start to expect things, then it's a little easier to let go of the grumpies and have a good time. If you're slightly prepared for tiny humans to enter your place it makes things so much easier. Although there's many things parents should be doing to keep their kids in check, there's several things you can do to help them out and relieve some of the stress they might be feeling as well.
Things To Do In Advance
1. Have A Toy Stash: Although most folks without kids don't have a toy box full of the latest toys laying around, there are a few classics that have the ability to entertain any child of any age. Usually they'll be the things you remember playing with most when you were their age. Legos, Hot Wheels and a Mr. Potato head and you'll be set for life. In our own home we have all 3 and parents never even have to bust out the toys they brought to entertain their children. If we had to choose just one of those items it would be Hot Wheels. For years they were the only item we had to entertain kids, but we let them know where they were when they came in the door (in a large cracker jar in plain sight... 24/7... not in the back of a closet somewhere). Now they all head straight for it and most the other toys we have on hand are forgotten about.
2. Kid Friendly Snacks: Now we never really go out of our way to keep kid friendly snacks on hand, we're not packing our cabinets full of gummy fruit snacks or goldfish crackers by any means, but we usually try to keep pretzels, nuts, cheese, grapes, small finger foods on hand that are identifiable by kids, because 9 times out of 10 it pacifies even the most cranky tiny tot. Having a plate of them set out at their level will help keep them from climbing your kitchen chair and will allow them to self soothe when a munchie attack strikes.
3. Set Boundaries: In our home we have lots of "grown-up toys." My husband is a vinyl toy collector and we have all sorts of things that appear kid friendly but really aren't. Most of them are on shelves slightly out of reach of small hands, but we still make a point to go show the children who visit what's on the shelves and lift them up. They know they are grownup toys and that they aren't for playing, but showing them what they're so curious about goes a long way to making sure no one climbs your bookcase.

4. Exercise Pets: Although you'll be busy gearing up for your get together, make sure you take time to exercise your pets, this is more important for dogs than it is cats and even if you don't have time, see if there's a neighbor kid who needs $5 to take them around the block a few times. Tired pets are less stressed out and will be more comfortable around children. Make sure they have full water so when the chasing around the living room starts, they'll be hydrated and have less chance of getting frustrated with your tiny visitors.
5. Serve Food That Your Sofa Will Survive: Although I don't think any parent is going to let their child shove an entire pot pie in their friend's sofa, drinks (even as simple as 7-Up and Cranberry juice for a festive holiday bash) and crumbly snacks alike will always find their way to the floor. A drip here, a spill there, a trail of bread crumbs... they're all to be expected and not because your friends are horrible parents and can't keep the kiddos in check, that's just how it works. Have a spray bottle of your favorite cleanser ready to go and arm yourself with the phrase, "Dude, no worries, it's not a big deal!" (even if you're freaking out inside)
6. Put Away Your Electronics & Lock Down Your Computer: Children of all ages come pre-wired with the knowledge of how to use a computer and all electronics. Although we mentioned showing them the things they can't touch, this isn't one of those things. Turn on your password protection for your computer (unless you can just put a laptop in a dresser drawer for the night) and for heavens sake, anything starting with a lowercase "i" should be out of sight, out of mind. They can not play with things they don't know exist!
7. Interact With The Kids: Even though the parents are the ones in charge of their children, it's still your house and what you say goes... but not if you don't interact with them to let them know that! It's easy to leave the ootchie cootchie talk to the parents, but there's nothing wrong with telling them why that Hot Wheel is your favorite or hanging them upside down by their feet once in awhile. No matter what your biological clock is telling you, kids aren't scary!
• Although many of you already know most the things on this list as parents, there might be friends or family members of yours who could use a clue. You know the ones... they invite you over and instantly you groan, knowing you'll have to get a sitter and then you won't be able to stay as long and you consider not going at all and making up an excuse instead (which is why you had kids to begin with right? Legitimate excuses?) . Send this list to them! Help your loved ones get a clue, because for many without kids, even though the above items seem like common knowledge, there's a good chance they're still in the dark!
Do you have anything to add to the list above? Let us know in the comments below!
(Image: Flickr member trazomfreakm Melody.loves.you, Thegiantvermin licensed for use by Creative Commons)

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As a someone who is gleefully sans children, I'm really offended by this post. If I do not want children in my home, that is MY business. If you have a problem with that, then decline the invitation.
If I have invited you and your children (specifically! Don't assume!) over before and flubbed it, then go ahead and send this. Otherwise, assume I do not want you to bring your kids and will be annoyed that you think I should want you to.
What are you doing reading this blog anyway if you're so gleefully sans children? My goodness, it's a freaking parenting site!
Please. I know parents who could use this advice in their own homes.
Great tips for when the family and friends come to visit and bring the little ones. Thanks for the practical tips.
How can you be offended by this post? It talks specifically about how to deal with children when you WANT to welcome them into your home. If you do not want them in your home, then this post does not apply to you.
Please, no grapes or nuts - too many parents don't allow those things for their young kids.
Good snacks:
- crackers
- cheese
- sliced apple
- buy a few of those 100 calorie snack packs of goldfish - seriously goldfish are like kiddie crack
- dry cheerios (for kids 2 and under)
A game like Jenga (adult game) is also great for kids because they can use the pieces as blocks
paper and crayons, or for older kids give them some old magazines, scissors, glue and paper to make collages
you can throw down an old plastic tablecloth (if you have room) and use it as a playmat - kids can have a picnic on it too
If young kids (4 and younger) are over and its warm set them up outside with bowls of water, spoons, cups, funnels etc... from the kitchen - they'll be amused for longer than you'd think
Babies love tupperware - even better if you give them something like spoons to put in them
great post.
i am a proud auntie to three cuties with no kids of our own yet... when you have little ones in your life, you want them to have a good time at your place too! ^_^
A suggestion for the toy bin - books! Something like Richard Scarry or Where's Waldo that has a big visual impact would appeal to different age groups.
If you don't want to keep toys around, younger toddlers will be happy with a few plastic food storage containers and lids.
Also, if you entertain friends with kids a lot, then another helpful tool might be a step stool in the bathroom. As a parent to a toddler, you just make do in any situation, but most households (kids or no kids) have a step stool and it is very handy in those situations.
I always appreciate it when a host is thoughtful when it comes to kids, but (even though it goes without saying) I feel that it is my responsibility as a parent to make sure that my kid knows the ground rules when we visit someone's home because I remember when I was childless and a toddler wiped his croissant hands all over my couch like it was a napkin and his parents didn't even blink an eye! Oh dear.
I think this is a great follow up post. I agree that Tiamat shouldn't be offended. You are not suggesting that she should have to invite kids, just talking about what to do if that is your choice. Just like the last post of ideas for parents going to these get-togethers, these are just suggestions for when you are in such a situation.
I think the idea of offering a toy basket and kid friendly snacks is above and beyond the call of duty as host as well. What a great hostess you are to do it! If you do put in the time and effort, believe me it will be appreciated, but as a parent I would never expect that. Yes, I think it's appropriate to put up breakables and the like, but I wouldn't expect you to buy extras for us. I always pack my son snacks, drinks, and toys in these situations.
As a someone who is gleefully sans children, I'm really offended by this post
Obviously someone tinkled in your sandbox today. Just do yourself a huge favor and stop reading sites that are truly meant for parents and not for you, then you will stop being offended.
Thank you SO much for posting this! Just yesterday I was googling tips on this subject. I do not yet have children but love to include them for gatherings. It's my turn to host the holiday party in my circle of friends, and this time around there are 6 little ones under age 4, half of which are mobile.
At the last gathering, I realized that although my home is cat-proof (with cleaning supplies and such locked up), it's NOT baby-proof. My friends were exhausted keeping their 18-month old off the stairs, out of the litter box, away from the electrical cords, and clear of my trauma-inducing stone coffee table. Adding the Christmas tree to that seemed daunting!
I put out a bunch of stuffed toys last time and that worked well, and I also moved the non-breakable magnets to the bottom of the fridge to entertain the 3 year old (for an HOUR!!). The snack tips are great and I am definitely going to check the dollar store for some Hot Wheels and Golden Books.
Thanks to PineTree for the Jenga tip, too. Haven't played in years, but I know it's in the closet. Great idea to let kids build with it! Maybe I'll toss some plastic animals in with the blocks and call it a day. The Tupperware and spoons idea is great, too, since most of the kids at the party will be very young.
Since the holidays are approaching, does anyone have any tips for keeping little ones away from the beautiful sparkly beacon that is the Christmas tree?
Thanks to everyone for the suggestions!
Before I had a baby of my own, I loved having my Niece & Nephew over. I kept a drawer with a few things that always worked to keep them happy. #1 Bubbles. A tiny cheap jar of bubbles is fun for all ages. A coloring book, free stickers - they just come into your life & kids love them; a plastic inflatable beach ball (just basket ball size) - instant outdoor fun. For food, a box of zoopals utensils and those tiny juiceboxes.
Admittedly, now that I have a 10 month old, my is way more fun than it was, but still I was able to keep them happy and entertained before our home turned into a gaint toy box (exaggeration).
I bought two cheap "house Barbies," which have gone over well for nieces and other guests of a pretty wide age range. I also always keep a bag of goldfish (the rainbow colored ones are always a hit) and a bag of hershey kisses in the pantry, and a few juice boxes in the fridge. I second the recommendation of a stepstool for the little ones. I recommend the Kikkerland EZ Fold Short Step Stool (available on Amazon), which is easy to stow in the closet and which I end up using myself all the time.
As a someone who is gleefully sans children I think this post is great as was the one regarding what parents should bring to entertain there kids.
When someone asks me if my house is child-friendly I let them know upfront I have a dog and a pool that is not fenced so that they can make the judgment call for themselves if they consider these things to be an issue. As for me I make efforts when I have children coming over to be sure I lift breakables out of reach, make sure I have some toys to be played with. I set the netflix up with Thomas the Train and I’ve learned not to freak out when dirty hands hit my couch or my perfectly organized DVD's hit the floor since both can be cleaned up. I do expect parents to clean up after their own children and I've never once been disappointed.
I don't mind having kids it can be fun, this doesn't make me want to have kids if anything it achieves the opposite but I would never want to exclude my friends with kids just because they don’t have a sitter. For me life is about finding ways to make it work and this is one of the ways to make it work.
I think this is a great post. It was those early experiences with friends' kids at our house that made my husband and I far less intimidated by the thought of one day having kids of our own. Eight years down the road, I now have a 2 yr old, so I'm the one traveling with a bag full of snacks and toys when we aren't hosting.
My pre-kids visitor box contained coloring books and crayons, stamps and a stamp pad, scrap paper, water colors, bubbles, simple puzzles, and a couple of kids' books. I also had some old stuffed animals around. I love curling up with a blanket, so those were always available in the living room for a playmat, an impromptu pallet, and sometimes a tent. I'm pretty lax about my house - if I'm having a party, I plan on cleaning the carnage anyway (kids present or not).
One thing that wound up being really great was having a portable dvd player and a few kid-friendly movies. When it came time for the kids to wind down for bed, we would stack pillows up on a bed in an empty room and set them up with a movie before bed. It was such a hit (and special treat), that after a few parties our friends' kids came to our house looking forward to bedtime.
Something else that was entertaining for my friends' kiddos at our dinner parties: I invited them to help me make dinner. Granted, I was lucky to have a kitchen setup that allowed kids to stand/sit on the opposite side of the counter from me, so they had a great view without getting in the way. Still, I have found that kids love to help in the kitchen if you can find the right task for them. No extra toys required.
This is a MARVELOUS post, and I would love to be invited (with my four-year-old) to Sarah's house! I know a lot of families with kids who don't go to these lengths, and it sounds like a partygoer's dream come true.
If you have a bookcase or TV or something that's off-limits, one thing we've tried that works is to tape a box around it on the floor with painter's tape, and call it a no-no zone. Kids obey this boundary more than you might imagine!
And the stepstool in the bathroom is such a good idea, too. So much easier than cleaning up the water and the soap you'll find everywhere afterwards! ;)
@Poopoopoo I read this site because I happen to think the ideas for parties and decorating are cute. I wasn't aware one was required to have children to like the decorating ideas. I also don't have any particular dislike of children and find parenting blogs kind of fascinating, sort of like going to the zoo. I merely dislike being informed that I'm wrong to not always invite my friends' children or to be annoyed when they show up despite having not been invited.
And when I read "We've learned a great deal over the years, so email this post to friends and family who just aren't getting how it works — because although getting a sitter and having a night out is fun, there's no reason why kids shouldn't be able to come with! " I hear every irriratingly entitled parent I've ever come across who can't understand why on earth someone eating at a nice restaurant might not want Little Suzie running loose, or why Little Billy not being invited to the wedding was NOT simply an oversight.
I was offended by the tone of the post because it sounded like childless people should just get it together because OBVIOUSLY, children should always be invited. Had that tone not been taken, I would have found it charming, and perhaps even useful. Simple.
Tiamat - What you took as a harsh tone was intended to be playful in nature. Obviously if you throw a party that has on the invitation that children need to make other plans then parents will do so.
Tiamat, your attitude is just as lousy then. Sometimes parents are not able to get a sitter, or the sitter cancels out of the blue. Usually TRUE FRIENDS understand that and work things out, not put up this air of total indignance and blame.
Seriously, if I had a sore friend like you, I would end the friendship.
I also don't have any particular dislike of children and find parenting blogs kind of fascinating, sort of like going to the zoo.
Tiamat - I'm a parent who never assumes the kids are welcome and doesn't get angry when they aren't, so I'm with you on that issue - no one should feel entitled to bring their child to anyone's home unless specifically invited to do so. That said, your tone and many of your comments are astoundingly condescending, nasty, and unnecessary. I don't know who you think you are impressing, but I'm pretty sure it's no one on this blog (or on pretty much any blog on any other subject, for that matter).
Sarahrae - both this post and the one directed toward parents entering a childfree home are excellent. Thank you.
as a human being, I find your attitude concerning. Children are human beings as well, and frankly, having such an outwardly negative attitude towards parents, children, and their presence in your home, is an ageist stance to take. I don't know if this is your intention or not, but if you're inviting friends who have children, their children are their family and they tend to be a package deal. Not saying that parents on their own do not have their own identities apart from their children, but don't be so surprised when they're often attached at the hip (literally).
I am also gleefully sans children, but I do work with them on a daily basis. Children are undervalued as a whole in society, and attitudes like yours only add to this overwhelmingly concerning issue.
Great post! And great opportunity for discussion!
I think this could be helpful for people with older children too, who have forgotten how busy toddlers can be. My oldest is 17, and we have since added a couple of smaller kiddos to our family, but I would have loved a post like this when we only had one child and she was 8.
Our house was SO not childproofed then (it didn't need to be), and even if my eight year old had wanted to share her toys with babies and toddlers, few of them would have been appropriate. As a host, I want ALL of my guests to be comfortable, and I have found, it is really difficult to relax and have a good time with a friend if she is constantly pulling her little one down from the stairs or taking away Legos.
I do agree that sending this to everyone you know could be a bit presumptuous, but I would feel totally comfortable sending it to family members who routinely have our family over (and I honestly don't think any of them would be offended).
Also, here is a tip: kids will play with ANY toy if it is at somebody else's house. Seriously! My grandma's old toy drawer consisted of things like a one-armed doll, 12 pieces of Lincoln Logs and an old phone. We were entertained for hours.
My husband and I are already planning which odd toys to save for our eventual grandkids.
I don't think Tiamat is getting a fair deal here. It seems like people are overreacting to her misunderstanding. I can see why she read the lines she pointed out and misinterpreted them. ("there's no reason the kids can't come." and "send it to those who don't get it.") I read it as meaning 'no reason the kids can't come if that's what you want' and that those who don't get it are the ones who invite your kids but don't get what all that entails. I think knowing the topic pretty much addresses that this is for those who DO want to invite kids. Still, I can understand why she misinterpreted it as meaning that kid free people don't get that kids should always be invited. Now that Sara explained what she meant, maybe Tia will look at it differently.
Plus, I think she's right that it's perfectly acceptable if people don't want kids to come to an adult party and that her point that you shouldn't just assume they're welcome is valid. I really really appreciate when I have understanding and accommodating friends who say that bringing my son is an option and are willing to help make it easier on my buy doing things like this post suggests, but I also understand that there are hostesses looking for something different. I often wish he was at home with a sitter myself because kids ARE high maintenance and they DO change the dynamic of a nice adult party, especially of the rowdy, let-the-drinks-flow variety. I also understand her point about people wanting a nice quiet time at a restaurant without kids, but I think I want to go out to eat with my family too so dealing with having my kid around in those kind of settings is something you have to accept as out of your control, unlike parties in your own home.
As far as her zoo comment I think ya'll should lighten up. I highly doubt she wants all kids caged. Kids ARE crazy and they are foreign things to non-parents- like wild animals. Heck, I feel like living with a 2 year old IS like being in a zoo!! I think her comment was simply meant as a funny way of saying it's nice (and maybe even educational) to look in as an outsider even when it's not a lifestyle you'd pick. It's unfair to think she has no right to look at this blog when it has such a variety of great things for parents and non-parents alike.
Great post especially with the holidays coming up!
Pre-kids, I had a small basket of toys and books that I got in the dollar section of Target for my friends kids. I learned that after one or two visits that a group of my friends didn't pack toys or activites for the kids to play with so it was up to me to come up with entertainment for them. I would also hide breakables and adjust certain display items to prevent having to take them away later.
Now as a parent, I always bring toys, books, snacks, and anything else I might need for visits to people's homes just in case they don't have kids or aren't really prepared for kids. I now really love visiting certain of my friends homes that are totally child proof and really appreciate that I know I don't have to be super prepared to visit them. Now if we can just get the grandparents on board, we will be all set!
These are just great helpful suggestions. I have three wonderful tots in my family and never really know how to accommodate them in our small child-free apartment. In planning for the adults, it is so easy to overlook the fact that you have invited children. Will def have a designated "toy" area in my future home!
on another note...
While I agree parents should never feel entitled, it is rude to invite friends whom you KNOW need to be with their small (baby babys) and assume they will just get a sitter. And yes, it IS annoying having children of any age running about a public establishment clearly not meant for running a muck, parents DO need to take just a little more responsibility for the child staring over the booth while we eat. Sorry if I'm not in the mood to entertain YOUR child.
This is a nice post, but "Tails are for pulling and backs are for riding on... that's just how it goes" is not only bad advice, it's dangerous.
Pets are animals - not humans who can be told "it was all in fun" or "he didn't mean anything by it" - if they are threatened or injured, they may react accordingly. It's buck-passing parental narcissism to think only the pet owner should bear the responsibility of this interaction.
Totally not offensive, though.
Hotwheels have been a savior in our home. We are expecting our first, but our friends have had children for some time. One thing we quickly learned about our friends..they never bring anything for their kids to do, and kids with nothing to do will quickly find something that you don't want them doing.
Luckily I found an old stash of Hotwheels, and a box of colored pencils. Its definitely worth having..
oh and poster 1 is a grump.
Yeah, I just make a point of not inviting people who are "gleefully sans kids" to my parties. Because usually they are totally grating.
Oh, did I say that out loud??
Since I didn't see an official link connecting the two posts, here's ohdeedoh's other article, 5 Tips on Attending Parties at Child-free Homes.
Thought someone other than myself would find it interesting. :)