"No gifts please" is pretty standard on the invitations we receive and send. Funnily enough some people still do bring gifts, which sets up a weird dynamic, and once an invitation did not specify so I assumed 'no gift' and was wrong (the family didn't mind). Some people have asked for books to give to charity, which we happily contribute to, but we've never been asked for money for an organization.

I think it is best to actually make decisions about whether you want to give or not. Do I have the money for a gift or donation? Do I have the time to organize this? Do I have something to give that will be appreciated and used? Can my child make something? (my kid always wants to make people birthday cards, which is great)

We living in a tiny house and plan to have a "no gift" 2nd birthday party for our daughter. We intend on suggesting that friends bring canned goods to go to our local food shelf.

We just had my son's 5th birthday party and have always asked for no gifts. We did a humane society donation one year but then it's still a shopping trip for the guests to do, so we just really want nothing but our friends to come and celebrate with us. Sometimes people do still bring something small which is fine. This year, one friend brought a gift card to a local ice cream store and I thought that was sweet and a nice idea so we can have an outing another day and he can select his own treat. Kids really only expect what they're used to, so if it's more about us parents needing to decide what we really want celebrations to be centered around in terms of gifts.

We have this dilemma. I appreciate the idea of gifts; my son LOVES to select them for his friends, and I like having him think about what his friends really like and learn to shop within a budget and buy things NOT for himself. And so though it makes me cringe a little, we've gone along with (small) "present parties" for our son.

However, we have NO SPACE LEFT for toys. We went through ideas for this year's party...should we just limit the kids and therefore the presents? Should we just say "no presents"? Should we do a book exchange?

Luckily, our almost-5-year-old son fixed the problem for us. About two months ago, he started campaigning for a Legoland pass for himself and my husband (we live about 15 south of Legoland). They have a great deal on Thursday only passes for one parent per household. My husband LOVES Legos, too, and secretly this is probably the best present he's ever been asked for.

But we kept saying "this will mean no party, no presents." He said that was fine. He kept it up for about a month, so we surprised him right before his birthday, saying we were going to school but instead the two went up to Legoland.

It was the best birthday EVER. Not only were we able to skirt the whole party/present issue this year, we've realized in the future he'll live without presents, and he's building awesome memories with his dad. And you don't need to find any space for that.

The people we invited to our son's 3rd birthday knew him in many ways and had many different levels of income. We said on the invite "No gifts, please. We'll be collecting canned food for [the local food pantry] if you wish to donate." Most everyone brought a can or two; a few also brought either a small gift, a homemade card, or cards with money. We used the money to buy peanut butter [my son's favorite food] to donate and let the giver know on the thank you card!

We are facing a huge problem with my in-laws. They constantly give new and unethical toys to our children. I just can't seem to get my husband to talk to them. I'm not sure if I should mention this issue to them?

Re: nlemany's
Im not sure what you mean by "unethical toys" but my in laws are constantly buying our children gifts. Its a nice gesture, that makes them happy but my life and home more complicated. I happily took the gifts the first few years and then it got to a point that I was just giving the gifts away as she gave them to me.

eventually I talked to her about it but I simply said that we were short on space and things were getting crowded. I asked her to just run it by me if she was thinking of a gift for the kids. It worked wonderfully. She buys WAY less now, if nothing and she wasn't offended.

Its a tough one because it makes grandparents happy to buy their grandchildren gifts, excessive gift buying though can be a challenge.

This is why I usually give books to kids when they're little. We did however just go to a 1st birthday party for the second child of close friends and the only thing I brought was a bottle of wine for the parents. They live in a small house that they've been trying to sell so I knew they were out of space plus I knew she was having an especially rough week and would appreciate the gesture.

I like the idea of bringing wine for the parents!
We have been to "no gift please" parties and do not bring a gift (we are a no gift please family too) - but there are others who still bring a gift and it makes me feel uncomfortable!
I like the idea of everybody bringing a book and the kids exchange - everyone goes home with a book. I have never done this though.
I have come to peace with the in-laws. If they don't want to ask what we need and give us more than we have room for then I don't think it's a big deal if the toy(s) doesn't stay long our house....and everyone is happy.

I love giving gifts - it gives me great joy to share my love for my friends in a tangible manner. I don't splash out on large, expensive gifts, but try to go handmade and meaningful - an embroidered handkerchief, a personalized t-shirt, a hand knit item, simple wall art (frame the word "hug" and see if that doesn't elicit a smile), or a baked good. For the non-crafty types, the gift of music is not expensive and doesn't take up any room - a compilation of favorite tunes; or even bath products would be appreciated, I'm sure. Given in the right spirit, I haven't met anyone who hasn't appreciated a gift!

Our daughter's 3 birthdays have all been no gift for this very reason. People seem to want to bring something anyways, but I really love how amazing the gifts become when people are freed from the expected $20-$30 toy. She has received potted flowers, treats that she has enjoyed at that friend's house before, homemade treasures and whatnot. It also frees me from feeling that I have to buy loot bags and I can spend that money on presents that I know she'll love.

As someone with 4 kids in a tiny house, I definitely understand the "no gifts" idea. However, the kids need to learn how to give and receive gratefully. Many kids love to give gifts.

The whole "give to a charity in my name" trend rubs me the wrong way. I dunno- it seems self righteous and ungrateful to me.

Pilow? Pillow?

arochester - Apparently little Billy wasn't keen up on his spelling, sorry for the typo I beg of your forgiveness!

AbbyNormal - I think my thoughts are the same as yours.

We did a book exchange party for our 1 and 3 year olds' party last year, but I think this year for their 2nd/4th (combined) birthday party that I'm just going to say nothing and let the chips fall where they may.

Don't get me wrong - I have no desire for a huge influx of toys or gifts, nor do I have tons of space, but I have to wonder: for all of the parents out there who are able to consistently throw "no gifts" parties for their children through the years (beyond those very early toddler years), is that how your parties were as a child? (Did you get to have birthday parties as a child?)

Because as much as the adult in me would love to go with "no gifts", I have to admit that when I was a kid, I loved getting presents at my birthday parties. Is that so wrong? I don't think I was selfish, just a normal kid. It's a joy I'm not sure I feel the need to take away from my children just for the sake of eliminating the storage headache.

The good news is there will be maybe 10 people at this party...it's not like a crowd of 50. I suppose that would be a different story.

Oh, have i struggled with this since the inundation of gifts for our first daughter's baby shower. I have a photo somewhere of her lost in a mountain of stuffed animals lovingly given to her by every family member and acquaintance we've ever known. 3 more kids later and living in a small space, i have had these discussions with the grandparents. I tried the consumables approach. Every suggestion ends in tears. I am not a stuff person. I happen to be in a family of stuffers...We donate a lot.

Recently several families pitched in for a group gift to a 4-year old of a more expensive item(one of those Leapfrog electronic reader systems and a book, about $60), which seemed to satisfy the givers' obligation, the parents' lack of space and something neat for the child to open. It was, however, independently coordinated by the givers, I don't think the parents can suggest it; also, if the givers aren't already good friends, there's potential for "how much are you chipping in" friction.

My kid is only six months, but I had better start thinking about this: I kind of agree with ALL of the comments preceding. I definitely hope to inculcate the idea that celebrations need not center around presents. If the object is to make the birthday child feel special (whether through gifts tangible or otherwise or just through favorite foods and special activities), the food drive strikes me as a little off-point, like turning a social party into a fundraiser, however noble the cause. There's a time and place for charity, but for me a birthday is probably not it. I like the homemade gift idea most of all. The giving child (or generous adult) gets to take into account the recipient's preferences and the recipient gets something to unwrap, and for heaven's sake the budget can be maintained. But one doesn't want to obligate those short on time. It's a quandary.

Oh, but can we also talk about the inherent wastefulness of wrapping paper? Years ago a friend announced that she would never buy wrapping paper again and I found it so inspiring - now we don't, either. I still think the excitement and ceremony of unwrapping something beautiful matters, but you can do a lot more than the reused gift bag + tissue standby (which we still do a lot of). Painted newsprint and paper shopping bags, pretty tea towels, decorated boxes, cloth bags with a sprig of flowers, beribboned baskets.

Last year we had a "book swap" party for our daughter's 6th birthday, as she loves books (you can never have too many!) and she didn't want any more toys. On the invitations we stated that it was perfectly okay to buy a new book, one from a opshop (thrift store) or one from the gifter's own bookshelf if they didn't want it anymore. We also included book plates for the gifter to glue inside the front cover of the book, with a space left to "pass it on" again. We also bought a stack of nice books from the local charity thrift store and gave one to each guest when they left.

The party was a great success, and the parents who came told me later that it was such a relief to know what to buy and they thought it was a great idea!

Lovin' the caption, lol!

My boy's 4th birthday is coming up in a few weeks, so I'm in the throes of this decision process now. I'm all for a no-gift party in theory, but that is not the culture where we live. My son has been to 3 parties recently where the birthday boy or girl got a boatload of gifts. That is his expectation now and I'm afraid he will freak out if we go the no-gift route at this point.

Book swap sounds very appealing, will have to see if he is receptive to that idea.

I'm uncomfortable dictating to other people what to do with their money. I usually ask what type of things the birthday child would like when I call/email to RSVP if I don't know the child well enough to pick something for them. That is pretty common around here.

If someone told me no gifts, I would still bring something, I'm uncomfortable going to a party empty handed. In general I try to buy "consumable" presents. Art supplies, movie gift certificates, craft kits, etc. Some of my son's friends have ipods now, so sometimes I give itunes gift cards. Or things that don't take up a lot of space like jewelry, hair bows, pokemon cards, etc.