Over the Thanksgiving holiday, one of our single male cousins was telling us about how excited he was about a girl he had met recently. After an hour or so of gushing about how great she is, he crowed, "And the best part? She's flying in from Spain to spend Christmas with me!" There was a definitive pause heard 'round the dinner table which roughly translated to: What about his apartment?! You see, our cousin would be a prime candidate for a Queer Eye makeover (in fact, we did submit him for the show during its heyday); and while we are thrilled he has found someone, we're concerned that his cluelessness in the department of hosting/entertaining overnight female guests might send her scurrying back to Spain as fast as her zapatos can take her...
So, with that in mind, we decided to ask two friends (one male and one female) to weigh in on the topic: What are the top five things a guy should have in his apartment when hosting a female guest with the intention to impress? (Disclaimer: This is with the intention to impress a potential girlfriend, not a one-night stand sort of thing. That's a slightly different list.)
From the female perspective, Kelley offers us her top five essentials:
5. Toilet Paper
4. A Clean Bathroom
3. Water (both utility and for drinking. Girls like filtered water...or at least I do.)
2. Something bought that you know she likes. Flowers if she is obvious, or a favorite food item (like Nutella) or alcoholic beverage.
1. A fresh clean towel just for her
And from the male perspective, Russell offers his top five essentials:
5. A good floor lamp, or at least a versatile desk lamp. Lighting is key. Candles expose the fact that you're trying too hard, but overhead lighting is an absolute turn off. Ideally, more than one lighting source; but in a pinch, a floor lamp with a dimmer will do.
4. A turntable with a copy of Al Green's "I'm Still in Love with You." This should go without saying, but I'll say it anyway: Side one of this record is better than an ounce the mythical Spanish fly. You definitely need to be careful with this record though; it will get you in some serious trouble if you unleash it before you know for sure what you're getting into. Because once this genie is out of her bottle, you won't be 'just friends' ever again. The turntable part should be self explanatory, man up and get one if you don't already.
3. Funky Fresh Sheets -- you know, good looking; highest thread count you can afford. My ex fell for me on the basis of a fancy set of red pillow cases with super 70s style stars on 'em. She stuck around for ten years before the pillowcases fell apart too. I actually own the same sheets that Pam Grier owned in Foxy Brown; and if you think women don't notice your bedding, then you probably wear Crocs.
2. A nice well stocked supply of the "Things-To-Do." Watching videos is for couples that are either solidly together or just need a pretext to get busy. If you wanna get to know someone, pour a round of drinks and play a game of backgammon or dominos (not Scrabble, unless you were both English Lit majors). Simple games are natural aphrodisiacs: competitive; but in a playful, friendly way. They allow conversation to flow freely and give you both a way to avoid awkward silences. Plus, girls always look so cute when they are making that "I'm concentrating" look with their lips.
1. A super comfy towel. She's gonna "stay the night," so she's gonna, at some point, need to use a towel. Make sure she feels pampered by it.
And there you have it. Interestingly enough, both parties ranked the importance of a good, clean towel (and they didn't collaborate on their lists at all) as the number one essential to have. Got your own must-have list? Share your suggestions in the comments...
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"..and if you think women don't notice your bedding, then you probably wear Crocs." Maybe even with board shorts. Hilarious and true.
breakfast plans. It could be just planning on making eggs or waffles (or both!) or a bagel shop you love.
But, lunch you can decide later, stay in or go out, same with dinner, but breakfast just kind of pops up on you as the first thing. So have a plan...
Not just a clean looking bathroom but clean the freaking toilet. All of it, scrub it. It's something you ignore and can look like you like to live in filth easily.
Its True... I brought a girl home for the first time who I layer ended up dating more seriously, and she walked around complimenting me on how clean my place was.
She then later told me how nice it was that I had a bed that was more comfortable then hers.... Its all about making your place inviting, and not in a sleasy way.
I know someone whose entire house looks exactly like that photo, right down to some of the models in the case and the comic book boxes in the background. Is that a Major Matt Mason walker in the background on the wood counter? Whoever did the sets for this movie did his/her homework with a vengeance. Although the walls should be covered with framed posters and lobby cards.
I have a set of Galaxy Quest drinking glasses. I'm a girl. A dorky girl, but a girl nonetheless.
A clean bed with clean sheets and a clean comforter or duvet cover. Clean is key! Chocolate doesn't hurt either. I found it endearing when my ex had a shower squeegee.
I managed to fall for a guy that used sleeping bags as sheets on his bed. Now we live together and he appreciated the real high thread count sheets I insisted on us having :)
Along with that clean toilet make sure you get the pubic hairs off the floor, it is astounding how many times I've seen this (but maybe the guys I know are just gross).
I agree with annerosenbaum--cleanliness is best (esp in the bathroom).
I concur: a nice lamp or two! Not only for good lighting during your date, but because it shows you care about and are attentive to the feel of your surroundings. When I first walked into my now-husband's apartment, I knew it was a good thing because he had two sweet and stylish little lamps he had picked up at the flea market.
And, even though his bathroom was already pretty clean, when I wanted to take a bath he immediately cleaned the tub without my having to ask.
One thing that I always notice with my single guy friends, their apartments are really warm. I think it has to do with their love of walking around in just their boxer shorts or something... but check your temp. Make it comfortable but more on the chilly side than the sweaty side so that you have an excuse to pull out a blanket and snuggle when you are watching a movie together
Liquid hand soap. I don't want to use the bar you scrubbed your bum with and then set by the sink.
I guess Douglas Adams was right about the importance of towels.
Sheets for sure. What is it with guys and their nasty, thin sheets that won't even stay on the bed? And some of them don't even have a mattress pad. Yuck. Talk about uninviting!
LOL, the converse of Melanie8's if you're a girl-- I always try to have both liquid AND bar soap in the bathroom, because I've noticed way too many guys seem to not even register the liquid stuff as "soap" and just do the quick rinse if there isn't a bar. Don't ask me why, it's weird but true.
Here's what got me into trouble on my last date- he turned all the lights off to watch a movie. Guys may think the dark is just part of the movie-watching experience, but it sets a level of intimacy that was WAY too high for where we were at.
I like how the man says a turntable is a must and the woman assumes he may not have toilet paper. Which just means she's dated more slobs than he has, which makes sense, but is hysterical.
"and if you think women don't notice your bedding, then you probably wear Crocs." LMAO.. I love you Grace!!
But what if you WANT a guy with an apartment full of toys...?
But definitely nice bedding and a clean bathroom with TP.
Ok, maybe it's obvious to other people but I'm just going to ask- Why is the turntable self-explanatory? Is that a must for 'older folks'?
honestly the turntable with al green could either be read as a cute dorky attempt at suave, or could seem sleazy, depending on how the guy cam off in general. Turntable = hot; Al Green = cliche.
I'm sorry, a turntable? Gimme a break. That's my parents, not my boyfriend. I wouldn't hold it against a guy if he had one, but ... really.
Otherwise, good suggestions. Reminds me of this first date with a guy who lived in the dorms... all male... he had to scope out the mens' room to make sure no one was in it so I could use it, as there was no ladies'. It was really funny.
Knowing what she likes definitely scores. Once after my husband and I got into a fight, he brought home cinnamon bread and cocoa (and salmon canned food for the cat, who was also involved in the dispute.) It was definitely a comfort food night.
P.S. There's a certain number of toys we'll put up with, but I know someone who broke up with her boyfriend because he spent more on his Star Wars figurines than on her.
I got scabies from an ex-boyfriend's couch that he was delighted to score for free on the street, so I have to echo the request for cleanliness.
If your couch smells like a wet dog, has bugs or requires the addition of plywood to keep the springs off the floor, I am probably not going to stick around long enough to make out on said couch.
The sad thing is that I am long out of college and still find men with nasty couches to date.
Oh and if I make it to the bedroom, I do find it kinda nasty if the fitted sheet is coming off and there is no matress pad ('cause what if you found that mattress on the street too!?!).
Yeah, on that turntable thing, I agree with annamaria. I am of the turntable-cassette generation, and I sure as hell would not want one in a bachelor pad. I mean really, even CDs are getting passee. All the music on a MacBook on the coffeetable wireless to a good stereo: that's the way to go.
Who are these people?? (meaning Kelley and Russell)
Clean, decently clean. Possibly cleaner than your eyes are used to looking for, so someone else take a look. Especially your own bed, even if you don't expect her to stay in it. No pictures of exes around. No pinups unless they are *very* vintage looking. Change the cat litter if you have a cat.
Anna Maria again here: I just didn't understand why the turntable was being touted as hotter (or something one had to man up to get).
What is being done with that turntable that can't be done with an iPod!
the turn table i think it meant for the newer "hipper" generation then the older" had it when they were young" kind of thing.
I knew a few of my friends who had turntables or multiple turntables and were proud of their vinyl. I was an art student and all of them were too, so it just kind of goes with the territory. I had no preference for them but don't really see the need to have one...
Clean sheets and a clean bathroom are the most important. Snacks are good too.
I think the turntable thing is not important, just playing music is. Although I admit I've never dated a guy who didn't have a turntable and records. But then I am 35. I have a turntable and records. But it's just not as important as the basics.
Actually, I'm thinking the turntable was probably just being suggested in service of recommending the 'first side' of an album- for this AT entry.
I think what a turntable provides that an iPod or mp3's in general cannot is a warm, high fidelity audio experience. If one is a true audiophile, which I can safely say myself and Russell both are, then a turntable and clean vinyl are about as necessary as having just about anything else.
I think it shows a certain level of pride and attention to detail to have a nice turntable and a decent music collection. If music is your thing that is.
Certainly I find it more interesting than a collection of Furby's.
Basically get your apartment together better than if you were expecting a visit from your parents. After all you wouldn't like to see your mom spending part of her visit cleaning house, so make sure there is nothing to clean, no dust, etc. Make sure you have a well stocked refrigerator with plenty of stuff with which to make snacks. Provide a wide variety of items to drink, not just water. Make sure the kitchen is thoroughly clean, not just the bathroom, this means not just clean countertops, but also no dishes in the sink.
If she's staying overnight and the relationship has not become intimate, discreetly place folded sheets, pillows, blanket etc. near your couch. This conveys to her that you will be sleeping on the couch and she will be sleeping in your bed.
In the past year, I've experienced the extremes of guy apartments. Number one had a bathroom that warranted shoes rather than mere flip flops and a kitchen with a dirty litter box. Number two has fluffy towels, nice iPod mixes made for my taste, and French-press coffee. Guess which one I'm dating? Guys, you might not mind your gross apartment with it's associated fungi, but other people will.
I've never dated a guy who didn't own a turntable and a record collection. It is definitely way hotter to put on a record than to push a few buttons on an ipod. Then again, I have a turntable and record collection, too.
And I'll add a bit of a twist for what about all the gay men and women (I'm also assuming Bi's and Trans people too)? A lot of these will also work there as well, and I should add these.
Make sure the kitchen is CLEAN, that is, counters cleaned, the stoved wiped off, floor clean, all recyclables and garbage out and no dirty dishes anywhere, all should be cleaned and PUT AWAY. I'm a little forgiving if clean dishes are left in the dishwasher but please make sure it's been run though for it'd be embarrasing to have to wash a plate and/or utensils the next morning to make breakfast. Never, ever just pull said dirty plate out of the dishwasher and rinse it in cold water and glop the food onto it still damp. I had that happen to me w/ a male friend when he offered me dinner for helping him, um, no.
I also second the clean bathroom and bedroom, especially the bed if possible. I'd also ensure that when you scrub the tub, get the surround too for that can get nasty w/ scaley stuff too.
Good music and good lighting through lamps, definitely and I'd shy away from raucus rock unless you know he/she loves it. I'd play something fun like vintage Jazz and yes, I'd do it on a turntable for I have one and do use it regularly if possible.
And last but not least, PICK UP your clothes, jackets and put them away and remove all garbage easily seen
If he/she is staying over, ensure a clean, unused spare toothbrush and clean towell and washcloth are out.
Older than most of you, I think this interest in vinyl recordings is silly -- digital media have much better fidelity and are also lots more convenient. Gold plated monster cables are a joke -- so is vinyl. (Not that I want to interfere with anybody's superstitious beliefs!)
I kind of think guys should leave their places the way they live in them. Of course it WILL turn off lots of women if you happen to be a juvenile slob, but better they know that from the outset than find out too late! Truth in advertising! That way, only women willing to take you as you are will hang around, so it's kind of a self-screening process.
Date gay men! This is not difficult.
CLEANLINESS is most important. i hated going to certain guys friends houses because their apts were so gross. any room she will be in should be cleaned!
i'd advise to try to make it as hotel-like as possible. freshly cleaned sheets (fitted AND flat sheet), towels, and clean bathroom (scrub everything, toilet, sink shower, floor!) i agree that liquid soap hand soap is a must... many girls get creeped out by bar soap- unless its a brand new nice looking freshly wrapped bar soap.
make sure your place smells GOOD, a candle in the bathroom is nice.
have stuff in the fridge (and make sure its clean!) in case shes thirsty or needs a snack! i dont know why but again all my guy friends never had anything in their fridges.
have a plan for things to do.
its crazy how many guys overlook these things, which to me seems to just be plain common sense!
no pictures of ex-girlfriends or wives, please. It's wonderful to be amicable and friendly, but do put the photos away.
sorry, kelleymeansbusiness, i'm gonna razz you for that:
as an audiophile, you couldn't get busy to anything newer than music on record albums? because anything else would be inconsiderate?
otherwise, the suggestion of getting a turntable in consideration of the guest is so that the guy can play Al Green specifically?
and do the dishes and put them away.
Razz away!
I am not saying that I can't get busy to anything other than tunes off of vinyl...i'm not that crazy....just as someone with over 1,000 records it's something I appreciate and value. Like, you could get down on an Ikea couch....but wouldn't you rather a really rad Barcelona or something more unique?
I guess since I love vinyl and collect it I see where Russell is coming from. I see people who collect records as being very similar to people who love and collect design and unique furniture. You can get your furniture cheaper and in a lesser quality, or if you want to or see the value in it, you can go for the real deal.
Ultimately it's less about a hard rule and more about showing off your interests and values.
In any case, if someone played me amazing music off an iPod I wouldn't walk out.
When I saw my boyfriend's apartment for the first time the following things immediately impressed me:
1. He had nice, FRAMED art on the walls, photographs, not a Rambo poster.
2. His house was clean & organized
3. He had nice clean sheets and a duvet cover
4. He had a couple candles already near the bed
5. He had a clean bathroom
6. He had a seriously impressive collection of books. Don’t date people who do not read.
Anyway, we now live together and it’s lovely. He even convinced me to buy black sheets, which I thought would look terrible but now I think looks really cool.
If you are not into collecting records, I would not recommend a turntable. I once had a guy friend who had a crush on me buy a turntable and some of my favorite records (I collect them) in an effort to impress and it was more off-putting than anything.
Deep cleaning (even hiring someone if you're afraid you won't see the little (pubic) details is a good idea. Makes her feel like you are taking this seriously
(Favorite) snacks and drinks make her feel like you listen.
Room for her to hang her clothing up and place her personal items that feels like her own little bit of space.
A favorite breakfast place is great.
Bad idea - Taking her to that that bar that you always run into the drunk ex (exes!)
On the chilly side! Don't most guys hope girls will want to get out of those sweaters?
Anyone who thinks digital is sexier than vinyl doesn't get it. Selecting a record, slipping it out of the jacket, delicately putting the tone arm down--that's sensual.
Push button music = push button sex.
Cleanliness is the only thing I care about. ESPECIALLY the bathroom, that grosses me out so much to see hairs and things lying around.
My friend in graduate literally never once (in 3 years) vacuumed his apartment. Or cleaned the bathroom. His girlfriend had to make him go buy a new shower curtain and scrub the shower before she would stay there.
As a former music journalist, I probably have at least 1500 pieces of vinyl--sitting downstairs in storage, alongside a trove of very expensive, extremely wonderful sounding old-school stereo equipment. Sorry, but with all that and the subsequent inundation of CDs, something in my apartment had to give. Sure, I miss the act of putting on an actual record--and good Lord, I miss the artistry of album covers and liner notes--but having to get up every 22 minutes to flip vinyl? Not feelin' it. Having guys come in and be flabbergasted that a girl had this kind of set up and that rare Teardrop Explodes EP they'd only dreamt about and watching them spend the next two hours drooling over my record shelves instead of me? Wasn't feelin' that, either. Strictly digital now. It's the MUSIC that's important, not the medium, and the sound difference, especially in the (hoped for) heat of the moment, is negligible to all but audiophiles. Hint: CDs sound appreciatively better than MP3, and both sound remarkably better--much warmer--when played through a clunky set of high quality, old-school speakers. Them, you keep upstairs.
From gay guy here: clean bathroom. And clean sheets and no stuffed animals on bed if we reach the third date.
I am with Sherrybin in believing people should be themselves and live as they live. If you are really a slob, I will atleast know what I am getting myself into.
I do however think that its really nice to have a fridge with things I can eat & drink. That's part of being a good host. Nothing crazy just a better selection than beer or tap water.
:o)
I always loved it when a guy cooks, nothing complicated, just the whole-hearted attempt was nice - better than a restaurant. If a guy can't cook, bring in some good take-out or have a simple recipe that he and his guest can shop and work on together. At least have some good dessert or chocolate for later...
I liked seeing evidence of a guy's interests - if I didn't know what they were before I came to his place, maybe I should rethink staying overnight.
A few pictures of family, friends, events always helped break the conversation and reassured me that I wasn't staying with some crazy loner dude.
Some decor and objects that are interesting, not entirely out of the Dollar Store or Big Lots. I was never bothered by someone doing budget decorating, but you just want to see that the guy cares enough about himself to try and put some thought into his environment.
I listen to digital, I want to be romanced by a turntable - or better yet, a real instrument that he can really play. (My husband is a musician and I love him dearly!)
I agree with all the other stuff about food and cleanliness, but I think there should be LOTS of towels, just in case... ;)
i'm a girl & have a huge rastorbation of an explosion from a comic in my kitchen. personally, i'm impressed when i see some comics, books, & a seriously nice computer. nerds make the best boyfriends.
also, yeah, the kitchen & bathroom should be clean. the worst is when you have to clean a glass b/c the sink is full.
Amen, Palmetto gets it. I would never date someone who thought digital was better quality/better experience than vinyl. I have both, but digital is strictly for ipod listening on the go. But for date night? No way. Although that's not quite as sad as going to see a DJ who uses an ipod (or two) instead of decks.
And to the people who keep saying "new" music (as opposed to "old" vinyl) new albums still come out on vinyl.
Vinyl lovers... I admit, I did miss what you consider the "sensuality" of vinyl (maybe because I disagree with the idea) -- I concede others may feel that way. But what about the dead silence that occurs when the disc ends just when things are getting interesting? At least with digital music the music continues until you choose to stop it...
I completely agree, keep it clean. Im in my early twenties working in NYC and I guess growing up with a very clean mother and three picky sisters rubbed off on me because all I get is compliments on my spotless apartment. When I have ladies come over they always ohhh and ahhhh and how clean the apt is it always helps to seal the deal.
The vinyl/mp3 debate never ceases to amaze me. I have had both in my lifetime (I am only 22, but I got my first record at 7) and I prefer digital whole heartedly because it makes the music I love more accessible.
I think that if I was dating someone and they thought that digital/vinyl differences was a reason to break-up, I would have to say good riddence. I am a film buff, hard core, but I would never, ever judge a person for enjoying films on their computer screens rather than on a projector. It's just petty.
to Rick Roberts.. I am dating a gay man - and he's the straightest gay man I know. The first time we went to his house his bed was a mattress on the floor with a sleeping bag strewn across it. It almost spelled the end for me.
Other past dates that have spelled disaster: guys talking about where their projection screen tv and 'footbal watching chair' are going.
Guys having a set of sheets that were like 24 thread count. I'd rather sleep on sandpaper.
Something DECENT to eat! Even if it's a bowl of cereal or knowing a good takeout restaurant! Nothing kills the mood like a 'date' at Taco Bell.
A few nice toiletries- shampoo, liquid soap, a spare comb - that can be shared. I'm not expecting the Four Seasons, but an ancient bottle of Pert Plus and few scraps of Ivory soap do not encourage visitors to linger.
One of the comments mentioned that putting folded up sheets/blanket/pillow on the couch would tell her that you were going to sleep on the couch and the girl in your bed.
Uh. That's not what I would think if a guy did that for me. I would think that he's getting the sheets for the couch for me so that I'll have everything I need during the night and I won't need to go into his bedroom to ask him for something (like an extra blanket).
First let me just say that when I wrote my top five list it didn't even occur to me that I should include "clean your damn apartment" on the list. Cleaning the place up just didn't seem like a "thing" to me; a thing to do perhaps but not a thing. Plus, as Anthony Bourdain said, if a restaurant can't be bothered to clean its bathroom -- and they know we are going to see that disgusting mess -- we can only imagine whats going on in their kitchen, which is kept out of our sight. In other word, if your potential lover's bathroom is a polio pond, you can pretty much guarantee that his junk is gonna smell like cheese.
Secondly, I really had no idea the turntable comment was such a raw nerve. But I'm glad to see that its caused a nice, sometimes heated but civil, discussion. Let me clarify my own position. I am a lover of music in all its glorious formats. I own several ipods and my laptop connects directly to my stereo and pumps tunes throughout the apartment. In fact, I most often listen to music digitally. That said, I think any serious music lover will agree that when we put a record on the turntable we simply listen to it differently -- giving it more of our immediate attention -- than when we have music playing off a laptop or ipod. I think the movie analogy that was made earlier in the thread is apt. There are many ways to watch a movie, in fact I sometimes even watch them on my iphone because it is convenient. But seeing a movie on the big screen, where we know we can't pause the action, forces us to give ourselves over to the experience, allowing us to fall more deeply into the story and thereby rewarding us with a richer experience. In this way it is a more sensuous experience, similar to the way we look at a new lover, giving them our full attention and not taking them for granted... yet.
Reasonable people can agree to disagree about these things, the lists were personal, and I've enjoyed reading all of the idiosyncratic things that others have suggested. There is only one post that I feel the need to address directly, because this person is so wrong it hurts. Hurts to the very core of my being. And that is the sub-human that referred to Al Green as "cliche." You my dear are beyond hope. I should wish a pox on you, but for the fact that if you can't appreciate that the first five tracks of this album are as perfect a movement of music as has ever been created in the beautiful idiom of soul, then you are already suffering the worstes of curses.
- Russell
My top 5 would be:
1. Clean The Apartment/House - there is nothing more disgusting that walking in and seeing someone else's junk and clothes and etc laying around -- it doesn't have to be perfect but it should be presentable.
2. Bedroom - Decent sheets and extra pillows since not everyone is comfy with just one. Plus having a little room to hang up my stuff or maybe a drawer (or even half of one) to put things in makes it feel like home.
3. Bathroom - I think pretty much this has been covered from others - no one wants to use a toilet that looks like the last time it was cleaned was more than a year ago. Plus an extra comb, toothbrush, etc is always going to make someone feel more like home.
4. Plans - It's ok if you aren't a good cook - either we share in cooking or at least find a few decent places to eat. Though room should be left open for talking, cuddling, maybe both reading, etc.
5. Decent Furniture - Who wants to sit on a couch that looks like the guy drug it out of the dumpster? That should just go in caring about your environment. If it looks like you live out of a dumpster, I doubt I am going to think you are some cool suave guy.
Just to add a few extras...background music that would be pleasing to both parties, actually having more than condiments in the fridge
If I wasn't intimate with the guy, I'd feel a little bad taking over his bed and telling him to hit the couch. So a guest bed or at least a pull out should be open for whichever party decides to take it.
In a twist on the above, here are my Top 6 Must NOT Haves:
1. Milk crates as furniture (hidden in closet as storage is somewhat acceptable)
2. Floors I don't feel safe walking barefoot on (any room)
3. Obvious cat box (aka I can see and/or smell it)
4. Dirty linens
5. Dirty bathroom
6. Sink FULL of dirty dishes (1-2 is ok)
No opinion on the vinyl vs. non- debate. As long as the music's good, I'm content.
Russell's tips are great! Every single guy should read this. The floor lamp tip especially - lighting makes such a difference.
My bonus list:
1. On food, if you can't cook well, have someone teach you to make scrambled eggs. Eggs and toast with butter and jam are so easy and so yummy.
2. I also think a coffee set up can be important. The single cup filter cones work great, and they are inexpensive.
3. If you can keep plants alive, one or two can add a lot to a space.
You folks dissing turntables are nutjobs! I don't get your remarks at all. A turntable is usually the sign of an audiophile & a person who cares about quality in music, generally speaking. In case you haven't noticed, there's a renaissance in vinyl. Sure mp3, iTunes & the like is very convenient & I use it all the time, BUT I also know they're just digital bits that can't compare to analog, & bummer of bummers hard drives eventually crash & fail. It's not if, but when:) It might be like comparing estate grown extra virgin unfiltered olive oil, with pure olive oil that's been filtered & had all the life stripped out of it. I realize many people aren't going to care which is absolutely fine.
TP, that's another matter, I don't understand people budgeting extra cash to buy premium toilet paper. THAT makes no sense to me:)
My husband didn't know about good sheets until we got together. I gave him a pair of nices ones for our first Christmas and it was life changing.
My "requirements":
1. Clean bathroom with multiple rolls of toilet paper.
2. Clean good sheets
3. Clean towels (at least 2 preferably)
4. Snacky food and wine
Vinyl - sounded like crap for nearly 100 years before the CD arrived, still sounds like crap today. Noisy, distorted crap. Yes Virginia, even a $10,000 turntable playing a hundred dollar "virgin vinyl" pressing. A $5 used CD from Amoeba in a $99 DVD player blows it away in terms of fidelity.
If my date whipped out an archaic Al Greene cliche and slapped it on a music-killing turntable, I would flee that poseur's pad as fast as my feet could carry me.
Besides basic cleanliness, if a new man in my life has a few healthy house plants, I always feel more at ease and optimistic about the possibilities.
Good call on the lighting as well.
Some dispassionate information on the turntable argument...
CDs and certain digital formats can retain a more accurate reproduction of musical frequencies than vinyl. Some people like the way this sounds.
Vinyl records introduce some distortion and clicks and pops and hisses, and usually have a more colored frequency response than CDs. Some people like the way this sounds.
In conclusion, some people like CDs. Other people prefer vinyl.
Some people like Pepsi. Some people like Coke.
It should be clean and it should not smell oddly. Consider purchasing odor absorbers and open up the windows to air the place out. A thorough vacuuming, including the furniture, also helps with odors. Avoid smelly candles and air sprays. Avoid visible piles of dirty laundry or dirty dishes.
There should be some place to sit and someplace to set down a glass.
There should be plenty of clean drinking glasses, preferably some without beer logos.
A clean, well-stocked bathroom is essential. Good towels, a bath mat, soap in appropriate places, toilet paper and somewhere to hang those towels.
The bedding should not be distracting, i.e. avoid elaborate patterns or scratchy materials like wool. There should be at least two pillows, and there should not be stains on the pillowcases.
I like a visible clock in the bedroom. It can be a little anxious-making to be in a new space with a new guy. I find that a clock helps me feel oriented when I find myself awake at 3am.
Where do you Al Green haters come from? I can't even get my head around it. And then to have the balls to announce your ignorance to the world like its something to be proud of. I don't know weather to pity your lack of taste or feel sorry for your total cluelessness.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CslaDEc2PS8&feature=channel_page
I will pray for you both.
I don't particularly love vinyl - it sounds distorted. Yes, it's great for listening to old records since you want it to sound less crisp - but for more modern music, what's the harm in a cd or a cassette? Now using your IPOD or hard drive for music is almost too modern for my taste - I still like the idea of the guy having to put on music, not just click a button on his keyboard or mouse.
Clocks are always good - with my guy before we moved in together, he used his small clock radio as his only resource for time. Now there's a clock in every necessary room - it's logical and less rude than making a guest hunt down the small appliance you have time set on.
I have must haves per room - even going down to furniture.
Living Room -- A clean sofa is a must. If you got it secondhand, fine - if you pulled it in from the dumpster, I'm probably leaving. Somewhere to sit a drink is also great - an additional chair is always nice too. Must have some form of music in this room - even if it does have to come from a computer.
Kitchen -- Simple one - clean dishes, slightly organized, and food. Very appropriate to have a few things your guest likes to make it feel more like home.
Bedroom -- No clothes on the floor, clean bedding, requirement of two pillows for me since I'm accustomed to it, a small clock, and a small radio doesn't hurt.
Bathroom -- Plenty of all the necessary essentials, cleaned up nicely, and a newer shower liner.
ya i prefer digital... but the real difference in 'fidelity' as you all put it comes from A) the quality of the freaking recording hello! and B) the human ear...sorry but digital quality beyond a certain bit rate is just as good as any vinyl because the difference is indistinguishable period.
Also i thought the turntable suggestion was totally a play at looking cool lol!
Requirements: Clean where it counts (both him and the space) and "supplies" (towel, water, snack.) Beyond that, notice what I am wearing and assume I planned it carefully. (If I wore something that buttons all the way down the front, it's because I want to you unbutton each one tantalizingly slowly, with long, deep kisses in between each.) When I catch you looking, tell me that you like what you are looking at -- specifically. "You have a great ass" will do nicely. I'm not there for politesse. Put out two or three things that lead to storytelling about your life (sports trophy, professional journal, travel-related memorabilia) so I can get to know some history.
When I'm at your apartment, I know why I'm there. Push a little. I'll push back if you go too far. The biggest decorating faux pas at a guy's apartment is for the guy to be an accessory to the furnishings.
al green is a cliche like the saarinen table is a cliche. i feel sorry for anyone who can't see the musicality in al green.
Ok… I am a guy responding to this who once upon a time did this very often. Cleanliness is obvious and needs to be a must. I can not stress enough how important it is for your bathroom to not only be clean and smell good, but ALSO be organized. MEN! WOMAN WILL GO THROUGH YOUR THINGS! Yes, it is true. Do not just jam everything into your cabinets. Secondly, even if you have no chance in hell scoring your girl in bed, still hook your bedroom up! People are naturally nosey, some how they will find a way to peak into your bedroom. I am a realtor by trade and know exactly how much smell can influence an atmosphere, so candles and room sprays are a must. If you can handle a kitchen I suggest you cook your date her favorite meal. Switch out some of your light bulbs a color of your choosing (red) or whatever, if done properly, can look classy and thoughtful.
"if your potential lover's bathroom is a polio pond, you can pretty much guarantee that his junk is gonna smell like cheese."
HAAAA! love this.
But OMG, I can't believe that anyone has to be told to make their space and their body clean. Maybe at 40 I'm old and out of touch, but what does it say about the world if "make it clean" jumps to number one on the top-hits list for sharing intimate space?
.... now that I think about it, I find it revolting that my step daughter, at 18 years old, has to be told to bathe, do laundry, clean the toilet, etc. But I really believed her habits were not the norm!
I like how the girl just wants things to be clean and comfy, and the guy's list is all about teh seductions.
@SarahinATX - SO TRUE! I've seen nasty hair all over the corners of the bathroom and the toilet about a thousand times in guys houses - so gross. That is mostly the reason I use a different bathroom in the house I live in with my fiance.. I think most boys have selective blindness when it comes to bathroom hair :)
NO BICYCLES IN THE HOUSE. So disgusting. And marathon/triathlon numbers do not make interesting wall art. Especially when slapped up with tape like a child's finger painting. Black leather couches are not cozy. Please leave them in the '80s with the Patrick Nagel prints.
Ilya, you are soooooooooooooo right. I will ABSOLUTELY BE NOSY!!!!! When I was still a naive little rosy-colored-glasses-wearing innocent, I thought it was simply "fair" for me to NOT be nosy. After a couple of real doozies (honestly, at one point I was considering making fingerprints, a photo ID, credit report, and FBI/CIA/Interpol checks going back 3 generations on both sides a requirement for potential suitors) I learned that 1. PEOPLE LIE and 2. people can hide CRAZY for a loooooooong time.
Now, I'm not sneaky about looking...I always jokingly ask to get the dime tour and will say "What's in there?" and point to closet doors and medicine cabinets and the like. I don't have anything to hide, so why should you? If we're getting to the level where there's going to be touching without contact precautions (hey, I work in a hospital!) I have a right to see any red flags.
And not in a judgemental way...we all have issues...but if it's clear my issues aren't compatible with yours (I am a spastic freak about having clean kitchens and bathrooms, but will let books and magazines breed like bunnies and don't have to have every hat or single pair of shoes put away but my closets and drawers have to be organized) then that's good to know.
Plus, again, I want to see any personal red flags. Like, a shrine to your mother. In your bedroom closet. Or the "just for fun" knives and swords and "dead grenades" you get from Soldier of Fortune monthly that could easily arm a small island under attack. Or the Valtrex behind your Nyquil. Or the pictures of your wife and children and their lovely crayon and macaroni artwork all over your closed-door office. Etc, etc.
Just a few examples that, had seen early on, could give the "Danger Will Robinson, DANGER!!!!" signal to abort mission.
So, I reserve the right openly investigate ;)
"if you think women don't notice your bedding, then you probably wear Crocs." - TOOOO funny. Very true too. I AGREE !
Please make sure that your nice clean bathroom has a door that closes completely and has a working lock too. Also please make sure it contains an air freshener spray, that i can find easily. Preferably a natural one, those with citrus or lavender essence are very nice.
I also agree with SherryBinNH. [That is not to say that I am ok with not seeing the floor because of all your stuff... no dirty clothes visible (boxers on the floor? gross!), and a clean bathroom is a must.]
HOWEVER, if I am interested in being in a real relationship with a guy, I want him to be himself around me. I want to be part of his life - not an awkward house guest. If he's a slob, I want to know that from the start. If we're intimate enough for me to be staying over, we're intimate enough for me to know how he lives. Plus, I know I'm guilty of having a mess (not dirty!) place once and a while.
if your bed is a "taco", get a new one.
First time I met my guy, his kitchen literally had dusty counters and a pile of pizza boxes as high as me (I'm 5 foot nuthin), which he was weirdly proud of..HOWEVER, there were no dirty dishes, and the bathroom was sparkling clean, as was his living room. His video/dvd collection was/is AMAZING. To me, good taste in music/movies is equally paramount to kitchen/bathroom cleanliness (5 years next month attests to that!).
When I visit anyone, lover or friend, living/bedroom messiness ok. . as long as there are clean kitchen/bathrooms, clean sheets and towels!
We lived in my husband's apartment when we just got married. First thing I asked was, "Where did all your toys go?". Haha, he wasn't as bad as the guy from "40 Year Old Virgin", but almost. A friend told him you cannot let your wife live like this.
I agree with everything on this list but would prefer some Paulinho Moska or Bajo Fondo instead of Al Green. Please remember we are not all bobo hipsters.
Great list from the male perspective.