"Why? Seriously. I mean, look at this place, man. You gotta see this through the eyes of a woman, you know? What is she going to think when she comes in here? Look. He's got a billion toys." - Cal from 40 Year Old Virgin
Over the Thanksgiving holiday, one of our single male cousins was telling us about how excited he was about a girl he had met recently. After an hour or so of gushing about how great she is, he crowed, "And the best part? She's flying in from Spain to spend Christmas with me!" There was a definitive pause heard 'round the dinner table which roughly translated to: What about his apartment?!
You see, our cousin would be a prime candidate for a Queer Eye
makeover (in fact, we did submit him for the show during its heyday); and while we are thrilled he has found someone, we're concerned that his cluelessness in the department of hosting/entertaining overnight female guests might send her scurrying back to Spain as fast as her zapatos can take her...
So, with that in mind, we decided to ask two friends (one male and one female) to weigh in on the topic: What are the top five things a guy should have in his apartment when hosting a female guest with the intention to impress? (Disclaimer: This is with the intention to impress a potential girlfriend, not a one-night stand sort of thing. That's a slightly different list.)
From the female perspective, Kelley offers us her top five essentials:
5. Toilet Paper
4. A Clean Bathroom
3. Water (both utility and for drinking. Girls like filtered water...or at least I do.)
2. Something bought that you know she likes. Flowers if she is obvious, or a favorite food item (like Nutella) or alcoholic beverage.
1. A fresh clean towel just for her
* * *
And from the male perspective, Russell offers his top five essentials:
5. A good floor lamp, or at least a versatile desk lamp. Lighting is key. Candles expose the fact that you're trying too hard, but overhead lighting is an absolute turn off. Ideally, more than one lighting source; but in a pinch, a floor lamp with a dimmer will do.
4. A turntable with a copy of Al Green's "I'm Still in Love with You." This should go without saying, but I'll say it anyway: Side one of this record is better than an ounce the mythical Spanish fly. You definitely need to be careful with this record though; it will get you in some serious trouble if you unleash it before you know for sure what you're getting into. Because once this genie is out of her bottle, you won't be 'just friends' ever again. The turntable part should be self explanatory, man up and get one if you don't already.
3. Funky Fresh Sheets -- you know, good looking; highest thread count you can afford. My ex fell for me on the basis of a fancy set of red pillow cases with super 70s style stars on 'em. She stuck around for ten years before the pillowcases fell apart too. I actually own the same sheets that Pam Grier owned in Foxy Brown; and if you think women don't notice your bedding, then you probably wear Crocs.
2. A nice well stocked supply of the "Things-To-Do." Watching videos is for couples that are either solidly together or just need a pretext to get busy. If you wanna get to know someone, pour a round of drinks and play a game of backgammon or dominos (not Scrabble, unless you were both English Lit majors). Simple games are natural aphrodisiacs: competitive; but in a playful, friendly way. They allow conversation to flow freely and give you both a way to avoid awkward silences. Plus, girls always look so cute when they are making that "I'm concentrating" look with their lips.
1. A super comfy towel. She's gonna "stay the night," so she's gonna, at some point, need to use a towel. Make sure she feels pampered by it.
And there you have it. Interestingly enough, both parties ranked the importance of a good, clean towel (and they didn't collaborate on their lists at all) as the number one essential to have. Got your own must-have list? Share your suggestions in the comments...