You're taking a trip! Good for you. Maybe you even scored an invite to stay over with friends or family. Do you hate them and never want to be invited back? Here's how to make that happen.
1. Be really unclear and open-ended about your travel dates — Your hosts are happy to drop everything and accommodate your changing schedule.
2. Show up late (or early) and don't call or text — They were expecting you at three, but their time isn't too important. They're probably not waiting around to greet you and welcome you into their home. No worries.
3. Expect every minute of the visit to be scheduled — Your hosts probably don't have any other responsibilities besides entertaining you. They certainly don't need to attend their jobs or take care of their children. What's really important is that you see all the sights in their town.
4. If your hosts DO offer to show you around, don't take them up on it — They probably have no idea what's cool about their own town.
5. Don't offer to help with the dinner, dishes or clean up — Extending you an invitation for the weekend obviously means they've signed on to be your chef and housekeeper. Score!
6. Your room (or couch area if you're surfing) can be as messy as you want — If you're bunking in the living room, even better. Really spread out so your hosts know you're taking them seriously and "making yourself at home."
7. Stay up as late as you want, or get up super early — You're on vacation, so do what you want. No one else's schedule matters.
8. Your hosts know you're appreciative, so no need to bring a gift or send a thank you note after you leave — Your family and friends have enough stuff, so taking them out to dinner or bringing a token gift is quite unnecessary.
9. Bonus points — Be really handsy with the remote, because everyone loves that!
* Note — Of course, we're being sarcastic here (and pretty heavy-handed at that). C'mon, peeps, you know how to be polite. Read this list, have a chuckle and then flip it and reverse it!