When Abby wrote her thoughtful post about grownup houses it made me realize that I do live in a grownup house, and it is an awful lot like the house where I was raised. Upon further consideration and inspection, it hit me: for better and for worse, I am turning into my mom one room at a time.
Like most kids, I spent my formative years oscillating between the hope that I would grow up to be exactly like my parents and vowing that I would be nothing like them. My sisters always comment that the vibe and aesthetic of my house bears a strong resemblance to our childhood home. I take it as a compliment.
The good - My mom has a great eye and a phenomenal sense of flow, space and light. Those were deciding criteria for my childhood home and that's how I chose the house I share with my husband and kids (I grew up in a late 50s ranch, and now I live in an early 60s split level). When we recently acquired additional living room seating, I made mom come over to provide spiritual guidance in furniture placement. She has great timeless taste. I know that some of our readers see Scandinavian design as a trend, but to me it's the home decor equivalent of matzoh ball soup: comfortable and familiar. My woods never match and I think that's a good thing. Our upholstered furniture is all clean lines and there isn't a rolled arm in sight, just like mom's house.
I had free reign in my childhood house and now so do my kids. As a child there was no room off limits to me. Irreplaceable breakables were placed out of reach and everything else was fair game. My toys coexisted with the art and artifacts that my parents loved to collect and display. I climbed on all of the furniture, helped in the kitchen and jumped on beds (once leaving an incredible head-shaped dent in the drywall above my parents' bed).
We had tons of books housed on simple built-ins that my dad kept expanding. Today, visitors to our family room always comment on the wall of books, a very unfancy bank of six packed IKEA Billy bookcases. My twin toddlers think it is great fun to pull books off of the shelves and sit in the resulting pile, paging through whatever appeals to them. This means that the books are not organized by color, author, genre or anything at all, and I'm okay with it.
There was always music in our house. Our parents were not musicians, but all four of us girls played instruments and were encouraged to pursue our diverse musical interests. I developed an encyclopedic knowledge of our LP collection and strong musical preferences. My kids are the same way.
The not-so-good - I have a hard time keeping up with laundry. I'm fine with washing and drying but fall apart somewhere in the folding and putting away phase. I blame my mother for this and my tendency to let mail and paperwork accumulate to overwhelming proportions.
I still mistakenly believe that most spatial and storage challenges can be remedied by the addition of shelves. One of my sisters insists that mom should change her middle name to "Shelves." The need for additional shelving stems from sentimentality and a hard time getting rid of things. In a recent conversation with a professional organizer, I learned that clutter isn't always a sign of hoarding, but more a tendency to fill. I have my mother's filling tendency. Please never look in my junk drawer or under my bathroom sink, thank you.
Still, I think that my grownup house where I'm raising my family is a nice tribute to my mom, who has always done so many things the right way.
(Image: probably my dad)
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Set up a QR code for this page and include it in your Mother's Day card. This is probably the best gift she'll get this year.
A lovely homage. As I put together my first real home at the age of 34, I find myself thinking A LOT about the many choices my parents made in creating my childhood homes. It's a bunch of work! And I think it's important to let them know when we are finally at a place in our lives where we can appreciate it.
Very touching article ! I enjoyed reading it.
I'm also turning into my mom, but an exaggerated version. My mom loves clean spaces; I'm into minimalism. She hides most things behind doors, I hide everything behind doors (except books, which I love to see, and we differ here). She's very organized, I'm bordering on obsessive organization.
She is the greatest hostess; her house is welcoming and has lots of personality: I try to follow her steps, learn from her experience, and I'm not ashamed to imitate her or ask advice whenever I'm stuck and can't find a solution.
Funnily though, the appearance of our respective houses totally differs; hers is a very japanese-zen mineral house, with a lot of earthy tones, whereas mine has a lot of fun and vibrant colors and whites as neutrals. But if you go just an inch beyond the exterior appearance, both our houses share a very similar view of what makes a house comfortable and functioning.
Wonderful comment, Bodicegoddess.
I got my first solo apartment in Cambridge, Mass. at the same time my mom was moving into a sunny new house with her fiancee in Buffalo, NY. We spent that next summer talking nonstop about our new decorating projects. Hers is a charming two-story house, mine a Victorian rowhouse converted into two-room studios. The one feature our places have in common is tall windows-- but mine peer into a parking lot, hers onto a lovely yard. Even our palettes are different-- she loves warm, inviting pink and beige; I love soothing white and gray. But as different as the places are, if you saw our two homes (and our hair and glasses) you'd say the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Feminine but not fussy, soft textures, well-edited accessories for pops of color, and a lot of light. Thanks mom xoxoxo
It's great to hear that parents affect our choices and I'd never thought about it until now. When I was about 12, my dad bought new dining chairs - Bertoias. I bought two a couple of years ago. I didn't realize at the time that it was an homage to my dad's taste.
We all become our Moms, sooner or later, and many times in non obvious ways. Nice article !!
I love the phrase "clutter isn't always a sign of hoarding, but more a tendency to fill." I am the saaaaame way, I've never heard it expressed like that!
So sweet. I grew up in a home where everything was white. Nothing in my current, grown-up-and-then-some home is white.
This is a fun article :) I've long enjoyed seeing someones home, and then seeing their family members homes, just for comparison.
My own design sense really only makes sense if you see my moms home (colorful cottagey with some pottery barn and a lot of antiques) and then my dads home (ultra modern and sleek). I got moms love of stuff and old things, but dads intolerancece for fussy, heavily detailed objects and pattern. As a result, I've ended up with a lot of second hand and antique industrial things. I'm addicted to the clean lines utillitarian objects, but with the patina and storied look of things which have been around for ages.
It's a lovely homage to your mom. And by the way, did you grow up with me? Are you the missing sister I always wanted? I'm an only child. I have the same laundry folding problems! One of the ways that I honor my mother--gone almost 20 years--is making all the traditional family meals that she made--Rosh Hashonah, Thanksgiving, Chanukah, Passover. She did those meals and I do them, too, to honor her.
We moved into our first real house just days before my first son was born. So my mom and mother-in-law unpacked and put away much of our necessities. My husband and I were able to determine with ridiculously high accuracy which mom had put away each item... If I could find it, my mom put it away (and of course, it was in the "right" place!). It reminded us how much we and our aesthetic senses are a product of our upbringing. It also helped remind us to view our differences of opinion with an understanding of their looooong histories.
Love this tribute to your mom. I love how you really interacted with your whole home as a child.
I agree...adding, this article is more than a Mother's Day card. It is a gift...sweet, poignant, profound, a heart-felt tribute to Mom bestowed with honor and respect. While I truly enjoyed Abby's 'grown-up houses' post, what you have described is not a 'house'....but a home. To me...that is what makes one's residence 'grown-up'...when it becomes a place to make memories. Thank you. *sniff* Well done.
recently another topic (of the uber-personal kind) got such attention that a group of bloggers wrote about it...I think that I'M TURNING INTO MY MOM is a perfect tribute to all our moms any day but specially on the upcoming Mother's Day...I think I'll write my own version, I'm at that age where it's healthy and necessary to analize, admit and be grateful for having them as role models in so many aspects of our grownup lives. Thank you for a lovely post and for the inspiration.
Great article. Your childhood home sounds like a wonderful place for kids to grow up in.
Are we sisters? Your childhood home sounds exactly like mine, down to the Danish modern furniture and sprawling overfilled bookcases, except that I grew up in a Victorian, not a ranch. My mother was hopeless with mail-we couldn't use the dining room because that's where it piled up.
Oh, oh, I'm turning into my grandma! My mom commented on it just today, right after I asked what happened to the old wood cookstove.
I love this post! I am finding I am turning into a slightly messier version of my mom & my grandmother ( I don't do daily washes like my mom does!).... I find when I am creating my home I'm drawn towards items that remind me of my house growing up & my grandmothers house as well which was such a huge part of my childhood ... Im glad I am not the only one who finds comfort in it!
Great article!
I definitely related to much that was said...
I have found my new (domestic) mantra:
"Clutter isn't always a sign of hoarding, but more a tendency to fill."
In that statement alone, I have become my father (my father raised me as a single parent). He collected furniture, rusty artifacts, artwork from (and by) friends, books, books, books, and never, ever drove by an interesting pile of trash, or a yard sale, without stopping in for a poke about. I am my father's daughter. Happy Mother's Day, Dad. :)
It's funny, I remember the den of my childhood room - an expansive room with 25' of windows looking west, opening to a covered porch and then a swimming pool and gardens, and a 20' wall of books and redwood cabinetry, and another wall of stone and fireplace. The ceilings were soaring like a cathedral, with early 60's light fixtures. The furniture was mostly low. My mother's taste became my own, from the Rimini blue pottery to the atlases and artwork to the Moroccan carpets piled atop the floor.
Sweet post, thanks. I could do worse than become my mom and my grandmother, may they rest in peace. At the very least they kept their homes clean and neat.
From the sounds of it, you are my design twin.
Grew up with the same Scandinavian furniture, great space and light in our homes (better than what we've been able to find in the city in which we live, which is a bit architecturally-challenged). Heck, the same wall of books (ours is in the basement these days, as there is no room upstairs -- see note about local architecture above).
And yes, exactly the same laundry and mail problem...
What disappoints me is not being more like them in one sense: there managed to collect some fine art.
Sweet, thought-provoking post; thank you.
Such a nicely written, thoughtful and inspiring piece of writing. Thank you!!
So true! We bought a vacation home in my husband's midwestern hometown & later found it is the IDENTICAL model to my mother's childhood home -- The Dover Cottage, a Sears kit home from the 1930's. There was a reason that the house seemed so right and so familiar when we first looked at it. We didn't realize until a while later when my mom first visited, and we were all so blown away!
My own mother passed when I was just two...my dad, who just recently joined her, was a dumpster diver. I believe he became an auctioneer so he could more effectively "gather". I recently down-sized and swore that I would NOT keep bringing home this&that. You know how that worked out.
"There is no such thing as junk; it's merchandise." Ray Holloway
Love you, Dad
I'm worried that I'm turning into my MIL. She has given us lots of furnishings (not all to my taste, but some very nice pieces), and is inclined to tell us how to arrange our furniture, even where to hang pictures! It's not too much of a problem because I'm pretty useless at knowing how to best place furniture and artwork. She's also a neat freak, borderline OCD, which I will never be no matter how hard I try.
I grew up with a mismatched hodgepodge and guess what, that's how my house looks now! Alas, my parents have never had much design sense, and I've internalized every bit of it. I don't want to become my mother!
@ERINEO: Relax....
a mismatched hodgepodge + a lil imagination = awesome
You can do it. Now get to work!