During the process of setting up my new place, I've realized that there's a certain line crossed the moment one starts living "like a grown-up," and it's not about having high-thread-count sheets or furniture you didn't have to assemble yourself. For me, keeping house like a grown-up means having the predictable little things that one is definitely going to need. You know, the stuff grown-ups just seem to always have.
Living like a grown-up involves realizing that magic pixies weren't really doing the dishes and stocking the refrigerator and making sure there were batteries and light bulbs in the house when you were a kid, and accepting that that's your job now. We might not have to do homework anymore, but the trade-off is that we have to remember to restock the toilet paper.
The payoff to being a grown-up is knowing that your house is set up to shield you from many of life's petty little annoyances. In a temporary, non-grown-up sort of house, one never knows when the next thing is going to break or when the next irritating need will send you running to the corner bodega at three in the morning. Setting up house like a grown-up lets you relax comfortably and worry about fewer things.
What do you need to feel like you're living like a grown-up? Here is my list:
• Batteries — I feel like a grown-up every time I open my freezer and see the pack of AA batteries in the door. I feel so prepared! When my wireless mouse runs out of power again, I won't have to steal the batteries from the TV remote or the Xbox controllers or run around the house checking cameras and vibrating mascara wands to see if they take the same size. I feel like a grown-up for having bought the pack because I know I'm going to need them someday, and when I do they will be there.
• Light bulbs — Having a couple of spare light bulbs around is a grown-up move because light bulbs go out eventually, and there's nothing that will make you feel like a disorganized child more than having to explain to someone who wants to use your bathroom that the last light bulb in there went out just five minutes ago, honestly, and you haven't had time to replace it yet. (Especially when that's a lie, the light went out weeks ago and you've just been leaving the door open because you don't have roommates and the cats don't care.)
• Basic cooking supplies — My freshman year of college I mixed up a batch of chocolate chip cookies in a novelty plastic hard hat because I lived in a dorm and didn't own a bowl. As proud as I was of that outside-the-box solution when I was 18, now I am a grown-up and have a bowl. Heck, I actually have two. Sometimes it's odd to think of myself as the kind of person who has two mixing bowls.
• Toilet paper — When you think about it, there's really no good reason to ever run out of toilet paper. It's not like there's ever going to be a situation when you don't need it. I give myself grown-up points whenever I remember to buy more before running out.
• Living things — Whether it's pets or plants or sea monkeys, being able to take care of something besides yourself is pretty darn grown-up.
Please add your own markers of grown-up living to the comments...
(Image via Shutterstock)


Ercol Bar Stool
A basic one: a bed! I've met "adults" who still sleep on a mattress on the floor!
Extra linens! Though I don't think I'll feel like my space is fully "grown up" until I have a guest room.
Window treatments - I spent years in rentals with basic, ugly blinds. I still remember the satisfaction of buying and installing real wooden blinds in the first house my husband and I owned. Also a grown-up thing: neosporin!
Everything you need to host a dinner (cloth napkins, lots of plates, cutlery, serving pieces).
Tool kit and a basic knowledge of the tools in it. It blows my mind when someone doesn't have a pair of needle-nose pliers and both types of screwdrivers (there are two kinds of screwdrivers?).
Children. (And a clean bathroom.)
No magic pixies????? Oh, nooooo....
;^)
(I love that room above!)
Kem, I agree, this post is written from a freshly independent person :-). As you have lived for over 15 years as master of your universe and kept house, you realise that having a guest bedroom, with nice sheets, bed, pillows and blankets for guests is a sign of being all grown up. I HATE when I go to visit family that I can not avoid to visit and they pull out sheets made of polyester... that stuff makes my skin crawl of "get a housekeeper" attitude. I myself do not have a guest bedroom yet (as I live in NYC), but have all the other acutriments for a good extra bed.
"Living like a grown up" : now you've managed to make having an adequate supply of TO in your house part of an unappealing concept.
a maid
Living houseplants.
Shine from Yahoo! just ran a slideshow called "10 Things You Should Not Refrigerate" and batteries was on that list. I just don't know who to trust anymore...
Tools...check
Matching Dishes that aren't plastic...check
skillets, pots, pans...check
matching glasses...check
I have been living like a grown up for a long time, the only thing I have done over time is upgrade the items that I have...as funding/sales have allowed.
Children? What? What kind of thinking is that?
I'm going to go practical and say: insurance. I know people who didn't grasp the importance of such a thing until a pipe burst or a window breaks and that really separates the people who live like adults and the people who are still stuck in their old college apartment.
Big time. That always gets me too. From the time I was about 10 my father gave me tools as Christmas and Birthday gifts or gave me his old ones when he upgraded. I've always had my own toolbox. Now I can fix anything. Best dad ever.
A housework schedule, along with the wisdom to know when to blow it off.
I had this happen a few weeks ago, and was rather giddy that I was pulled together. You're officially a grownup when you get the impromptu guest (perhaps a friend who's had a major fight with her man a needs a place to stay for the night?), and there's no scrambling around the house before they arrive. There's enough food in the fridge to fix a quick meal, drinks in the liquor cabinet, and a tidy guest room (or any place for them to sleep) with clean sheets, blankets and spare towel.
@busy_at_home The 'children' comment is really rude and insensitive. Save it for mommy/daddy blogs, there are plenty of them out there for you to make such comments on.
I think that to live like a grown-up, one should account for quests: dinner guests, overnight house guests, etc. If you have all the things you need to make guests feel comfortable, then you're a grown up!
@busy_at_home:
Well, it's good to know that even though I'm 40 years old, have two college degrees, two cats, and a successful career, as well as all the batteries, light bulbs, and toilet paper one could want, I am not a TRUE grownup because I don't have kids running around my house.
If you define YOUR entire adult life by your ability to procreate, then wow--just wow. I thought we got away from that attitude thirty freaking years ago. For pity's sake, enter the 21st Century already.
Something decorative that is not a neon sign, neither consists of nor incorporates a beer logo, and doesn't have frayed edges from having been torn from a book or magazine.
At MegW: absolutely a spare towel! And, upgrade, this towel being clean.
Most of my friends who have kids seem to regress in the living-like-a-grownup category, what with the kinderkrap taking up residence in every nook and cranny (as well as just about every place that isn't a nook or cranny) in the home.
For me, it's having:
1. A well-stocked pantry and freezer that allows me to whip up just about any recipe I find without having to make a mad dash to a bodega to pick up 90% of the ingredients.
2. Meaningful art and decor that I've accumulated from friends, family, or the many places I've visited, rather than generic, ubiquitous items from chain retailers.
3. An emergency evacuation bag and supplies for sheltering in place.
4. An oil decanter, a really nice pepper grinder and a salt pig by my stove.
What MegW said.
I don't have a guest room, but can easily accomodate an overnight guest on a moment's notice. Well, on about 15min notice so I can put that last load of laundry away and clear up the latest art project!
A lot of parents derive great joy from their children, which is fantastic. But many of them lose the ability to walk in other people's shoes. They see parenthood as very fulfilling, to the point where they begin to suggest to others, "how can you NOT want this super joyful thing?" and forget there are many super joyful things of equal value for all kinds of people and many ways to define oneself, and that "parent" is not in the cards for everyone, whether by choice or otherwise. It is indeed insensitive to say one needs children in order to live like an adult.
I dated a guy who still slept on a LoveSac. Must say, though... it was quite comfy!
an electric drill
an electric drill
I didn't take the children comment as rude or insensitive. I interpreted it completely differently. The question was "what do you need to live like a grown up" and her personal answer was of what SHE needed to live like a grown up, not a comment on what OTHER people need. My first thought was to giggle actually. It made me wonder if having a kid running around the house forces you to be the adult in the house? Then again, the other night, my child put ME to bed, but he didn't go buy toilet paper. Come to think of it, I would have never ever thought that having a supply of batteries or toilet paper something that someone would need in order to live like a grown up. I think these answers are great, they are personal and honest.
I may meet all the criteria mentioned above, but I still find myself thinking "This is not my large automobile. This is not my beautiful house. This is not my beautiful wife. How did I get here?" (Talking Heads, "Once In A Lifetime")
I dig Warren Miller's idea... Growing old is required. Growing up is optional.
Spare linens for sure. Even when I didn't have a spare bedroom, I could pull out a pillow, sheets, blankets, and towels for guests.
Also, agreed on the meaningful art pieces instead of the Starry Night and Scream posters you picked up from a big college poster sale.
I just used a Sur La Table gift certificate to buy a lot of sensible food storage canisters, and I feel super grown-up now that my flour, quinoa, dried fruit, etc is neatly organized in bins in the cupboard, instead of thrown in a pile of bulk-foods bags.
Ha. Yes, as a parent to a small child, I agree that 'living like a grownup' seems to disappear when you have babies-small kids around. My kid is almost 4 and I just now feel like I'm my home is getting back to a grownup space.
That's me! When my son's mother and I split up I told her to keep everything! I'm in the process of a DIY pallet bed. lol
A shower curtain. Not just the liner but also a decorative curtain.
For me it's cooking/baking supplies, good china, batteries and tools, an emergency kit with first aid supplies and a cozy home with a few splurge items of furniture and art.
Picture frames. When I was younger it was always just push pins in the wall or tape. Once I decided things needed picture frames I knew I was a grown up.
Wow, so much resentment towards parents in this thread.
I think that for many people, having children forces them to grow up very quickly, because when someone's life and well-being depends on you being somewhat responsible, many people rise to the challenge. (Of course, I know lots of people who have children who have never grown up.) But my point is, in some people's experience, having children is a turning point, and shouldn't that be as valid as having toilet paper? I don't think @busy_at_home was trying to imply that EVERYONE has to have children to be a grown up. I think he/she was expressing what makes him/her personally feel like a grown up.
It's easy to read too much into a short comment. Why can't we give people the benefit of the doubt?
I agree. Quite an overreaction from people. "please add your own markers of grown up living" was the authors request and it seems that some people have quite a few insecurities.
Mine was attaining a full collection of spices and matching pots and pans :)
I need matching silverware (no plasticware allowed!), cups and bowls. Having extra linens!, lightbulbs, toilet paper, trash bags, dish detergent, laundry detergent... is huge.
And I fully agree with the other commenters about the toolset. Although I don't live alone (yet), I'm the only person in a house full of 5 roommates with a toolset. It baffles me that 4 guys in their 20's don't own ANY tools... not even a hammer or screwdriver... while I even have a chainsaw at the house!
Band-Aids. Garbage bags. Rubber bands. An ironing board. Cleaning supplies that aren't made by Swiffer.
Bills remind me I am an adult because there's no one else to pay them. Especially the fun property tax ones.
No seriously the ability to do what I want, whenever I want, make what meals I want, decorate how I want, in my house, that was/is the biggest gratification of living as a grown up.
On the rare occasions when my kids are not around, I don't bother shopping for groceries or cooking, so I guess having children in the house does encourage ME to be more grown up. Even when they are at home, though, I still often run out of light bulbs, batteries, toiletries...
Whoaa... I fail to see how just a single word can be rude and insensitive -- not that word, in any case.
I feel bad for busy_at_home, who has been so unfairly, and directly, attacked.
It's a legitimate observation -- having children forces you to grow up and be practical, if you haven't been before.
There are no judgements contained in that observation about people who don't have children.
I totally agree with the comments above that say being prepared for guests makes me feel grownup. I am lucky to live in a rental with an extra bedroom, so I furnished it with a bed and nice bedding. I've had friends drop in randomly or stay over after having too much to drink, and it always makes me feel so ADULT to be like "oh hey, come crash in this totally prepared and clean guest bedroom of mine. Extra towels are in the closet!"
Also, @cuminafterall, I disagree. Swiffer products are awesome.
Money.
I don't understand why anybody would be offended by the comment that children would make somebody feel grown up. The author has "Living things" on her list: "Whether it's pets or plants or sea monkeys, being able to take care of something besides yourself is pretty darn grown-up." Wouldn't that include children? (No, I don't have any children.)
I think when you first move out, remembering to buy toilet paper and batteries and having plates and such makes you feel grown-up but as you get older you will realize that being grown up has nothing to do with matching linens and crystal glasses - it's when you don't let your mother push your buttons anymore, it's when you forgive your father for never being there for you, it's when you decide to love your sister although she always pushed you around, it's when you lose a loved one and pick yourself up after, it's if you are kind to somebody although you don't want to, it's when you help a friend through a divorce, or when you help your brother fight cancer, and it's when you watch your kids grow up and have children of their own. Some people grow up young and some never do.
I was very pleased to have a little package of batteries on top of the fridge when I discovered my rechargeable battery dead for my wireless mouse. Then I was psyched that I had rechargeable batteries. Then I read this and realized I'm on day four or five of the bathroom light being out. But...but...but, I still have the vanity light in there!
I'm with mschatelaine. I was surprised to see someone call busy_at_home's comment rude as insensitive. She was asked what made her live like a grown-up and gave a good answer.
Dishwasher, kettle, toaster, TV, cordless phone (which I don't have yet)
Wow, people with children are not allowed to talk about them unless it is on a mommy blog? Can we have a little more tolerance for other people, with children or without?
Vibrating mascara wand? Is that code word for... something?!
(never heard of battery powered mascara)
My kitchen is fully stocked with both tools and ingredients; that definately makes me feel grown up. But I don't think I'll really be there until I have an actual table at which I can serve people, rather than the barstools in my kitchen and the couch in the living room. Guest room is on the list, too.
I don't need kids to make me feel grown up. Not part of my life. But the vitriol is overkill. Tolerance goes both ways.
I moved out a few years ago and always had toilet paper and tools and (usually) food. Quite a contrast to when I was in college (I remember a 6am trip to wawa to buy toilet paper......that was awful!)
Touching and true, @HHRI.
Sofa
A door that locks. A vivid memory of leaning against the door of my first apartment (in my late 20s, since I did several years of international voluntary service after college), & thinking, "This is MY house. I don't have to let ANYONE in if I don't want to."
And for me, having enough supplies of food & comsumables--TP, batteries, cat litter, shampoo, whatever--so that life is not a perpetual crisis.
And having enough discretionary income that I can stock up when the stuff I use is on sale.
Furniture that's my taste. Art that I chose & love.
My next project is real dishes that match & don't come from the thrift shop.
Paying all of your bills on time and having extra guest towels and clean linens for hosting.
A job and a savings account.
Hmmm, there was definitely a difference between college dorm living and my first adult apartment... But it's hard to define what that is. The presence of a file cabinet for all those bills? Though now we're all paperless. Definitely agree with the stocked pantry comment. We can't really make any recipe, but can come up with something. Oh! Here's one! You're a grown up when you know to turn your water off before you go on vacation. Or have purchased any kind of home appliance. These aren't foolproof, but definitely make me feel old.
Tools, knowing how to use the tools, insurance, six months expenses in the bank, cash in the apartment, solid hardwood furniture, and a stock of household supplies.
*A dining table with chairs so that I can actually sit at the table (like a grownup) and eat a meal. In my last two apartments, I would sit on the couch (or floor) in front of the t.v.
*A power drill
*More than two bath towels and one set of sheets :)
*Plenty of lightbulbs & batteries
*Plenty of kitchenalia
*A real bed
My first thought was nice bedding and towels for guests. Second thought: enough bookcases to house all my books! Many were stored in cardboard boxes before I finally got the bookcases. (The fact that the bookcases were from IKEA didn't even factor into it.)
I always feel grown up whenever I clear the clutter that collects in the crannies around my apartment. Sadly, this doesn't happen that often...
Fresh fruit and vegetables. Beautiful wine glasses. Make me feel grown up every time.
Excellent knives; that made me a grownup.
Yes and no, I think it depends on the space. I live in a small studio and my bed is on ikea slats on the ground because putting it on any type of frame would simply overwhelm the room (It's a queen that I got when I had a bigger space). The bed spred is Japanese tatami inspired and is the focal point of the room. The bed spred allows it to sit on the ground without looking childish, and I make it so it looks like a day bed, which allows it to visually take the place of a couch. If done well, the bed on the ground look can be really nice.
@HHRI - so, so beautifully written. "Growing" up isn't tangible.
At least enough real dishes and silverware for everyone who lives in the house to eat from - and if that's one person, then just one set! But something beyond paper plates and plasticware.
The ability to settle a guest in some comfort. That said, I know people who have made guests feel comfortable and appreciated on a sofa, and people who have guest rooms but not a clue about how to make a guest comfy in them.
The stuff you need in case of emergency: first aid supplies, a flashlight, tools, etc.
Spices, olive oil, and/or whatever it is that allows you to cook something instead of merely heating what somebody else (or some company) prepared for you.
A relatively clean bathroom. I don't mean towels neatly folded and no kids' plastic boat in the corner; I mean, one that is not being used by mold as its home base in an attempt to take over the world. I remember way too many twenty-somethings' bathrooms like this!
For years I borrowed a vacuum cleaner when needed. Fortunately, I don't vacuum very often, so it wasn't all that onerous.
Art that doesn't look like it came from 'Dorm Art R Us'.; sports, pop culture, peace/love sayings, erotica just for shock vaue, to name a few.
I've always been a pretty practical person, so even when living at home I was often the one remembering that we needed extra batteries etc.
But I like the comments about a really nice pepper grinder and spare towels. These made me feel I am living like a grown-up.
That, and taxes and signing leases.
At what point did busy_at_home say having kids was the ONLY way to feel like an adult. I sure as hell hope anybody with kids is actually feeling and behaving like an adult or I feel bad for their kids!
Nobody every said not having kids makes you less of an adult. I don't see why you, and other commenters are jumping all over that statement.
Lots of ways to feel like an adult... Kids, pets, plants, a fully stock liquor cabinet. Whatever works for you.
Sheesh! Add me to the list of people who feel busy_at_home was unnecessarily attacked. I'm not interested in children at all, but something tells me I'd rather hang out with busy AND her kids than with some of you touchier folks.
I'd have to say having clean/ extra linens for guests is pretty important. I'm at that age where I never know if my friends are going to have these things or if i should supply my own. I always play it safe and pack them anyways. Oh and tools. I don't know how I would have survived longer than a week on my own without AT LEAST a set of screw drivers. I recently started buying house plants, and although i don't need them to live like an adult, it feels like a step in that direction.
I can think of a lot more stories about people who merely thought they were suddenly all grown up. Because when you see someone who's aglow with that feeling of grown-up-ness, they're inevitably doing something very un-adult without realizing it as they bask.
My college roomie clearly felt grown up when she threw "formal" dinner parties in her first place. She'd put on special music and a special outfit ... and then half the asparagus would disappear into her mouth as she tested its doneness, leaving two whole spears per person. There weren't enough glasses or even mugs for everyone, so someone ended up with a small bowl of wine. When she went to start cooking, the kitchen was filled with long neglected dirty dishes, so we ate promptly at 10 PM. We would have all been happy (thrilled!) to bring things and to help her, but to do so was an affront to her newfound adultness. If you brought wine, you were implying that she was not capable of providing wine at a formal dinner party like a grown up. Offering your help was implying that she was doing something wrong. In retrospect, they were the funniest, awesomest dinner parties ever.
Although my favorite were always parties thrown by fresh-from-college guys. They would go through a lot of trouble to make a signature drink and discuss "mixology"... as we sat next to a pile of their dirty laundry. They thoughtfully prepared for company by straightening up the stack of Maxims on the bathroom floor. As for the mention of TP on the list above: I've found that it takes a lot of young guys a while to realize that girls have to use it every time they go, so they grossly underestimate the amount they'll go through at a party.
Basically, that post-college period of believing that you've become an adult: priceless.
I have to agree with busy_at_home. I used to be able to call the dogsitter, pack my bags, and run off to Europe on a moment's notice. I'll never forget the moment I brought my daughter home from the hospital and thought "Holy sh*t, I'm kinda stuck here for a while." My next thought was "Some day I'm going to die. I need life insurance!" Honestly, those two things had never crossed my mind until that day, and I was 38 years old!
On a practical level, wiping down my kitchen counters makes me feel very grown up. I'm a clutter person by nature, so when I tidy up I feel very proud of myself. Another grown up moment is cooking anything that involves more than one pan. My go-to meals are usually casseroles, so when I make a salad, main course, separate sides, and a dessert, I feel extra grown up.
Nice glassware, with designs that I like. Oh, and don't store batteries in the fridge, they go bad faster.
Yes! beautifully written and thoughtfully said...and especially a GROWNUP response! The response of 'children....etc.' was the writer's own. Just like, enough dishes or sheets were other's response. I said response a lot....weird. But mine was making a meal in my own apartment kitchen long ago and serving it to a friend..on my own plates and using my own cookware, probably cheap and junky, as I didn't know better then, but I felt very grown up.
Key grown up moment: thumbtacks don't hang up the art on your walls and (GENERALLY) your art is framed. I don't care if it's a poster. Just hang it like a human being :)
A couch I bought new. (Which I don't have).
What's with the hate on the 'children' comment? I became an adult, definitively, when I had a kid (not as a rule, not expected, but true). If I hadn't had that kid, part of me would have never grown up (unknown to me).
Or I guess I didn't totally cross over, since I don't have that couch yet, eh?
You are living like a grown up when you are comfortable with your own choices and don't need to tell anyone else how to make his/hers.
Small bowl of wine!! Ahhh you kill me :)))
Extra linen and towels for the overnight guest. I feel like I'm in the home of someone who is 'settled in' and 'grown-up' when they lead me to get a spare towel and pillow, not when I'm just crashing on a couch.
Um, folks, I believe the question asked "what do YOU need...?" But apparently there's an unwritten (but clearly iron-clad) rule that WE must all agree.
Poor "Busy" just thought she'd answer the question from her viewpoint. Next time can you provide us with the "correct" answer before one of us makes a similar gasp-worthy mistake?
Tumble dryer. Microwave. Spare set of house keys. I have kids, though.
Bookshelves and good books to cover them!
Holiday decorations I picked out/made myself!
All needed to comfortably entertain or house a friend!
Something to take care of (in my case, a little jerk of a cat named Otto)!
Confident knowledge of transit schedules and a transit pass!
Artwork...REAL artwork and organized coupons
i'm not sure what's so great about living like an adult.
not worrying about wether you're "grown up" does make you grown up. not one THING in the world can do that. sorry, batteries and toilet paper.
Beautifully put, HHRI.
It says a lot about a "community" (and I use that word loosely here) when people get up in arms about someone saying 'children' as a way of feeling like you've grown up, but can't even see the inherent classism of their own visions, which are almost exclusively related ot material affluence (having a guest room? Really? I guess I'll never grow up, then).
Get over it, folks. Children were what made that person feel grown up. Other people feel grown up when they get a cat or a dog.
The anti-children bias all over this site is both illuminating and amusing.
Grow up.
Extra towels, sheets and blankets so guests are comfortable, for sure. But, also - matching, decent silverware.
For me, it's less about the actual STUFF as it is the way my home functions that makes it feel grownup.
To echo numerous posts: to me, being grownup means having what you need and the flexibility to cope with the unexpected gracefully. That can mean having the accouterments to put a guest up comfortably, host a little party, or just be able to feed yourself easily if you are dead tired and haven't been to the market.
On the flip side of that is the need to be pared down to what is really useful. I have a below-average tolerance for 'stuff' and my living space needs to be free of clutter in order to be comfortable to me. The ability to shed the unnecessary things and fill my home with unique and functional items makes me feel the most accomplished and grown up.
I second a few other people's comments: I do have many of what this post and some commenters list as their own "grown-up" items but I really just don't feel like a grown-up. I don't think I ever will, even though I have a very nicely-stocked kitchen, an air mattress without holes in it for guests, spare sheets, even a budding collection of tools. Sometimes I feel like an adult when I can actually afford a full-priced item like a duvet cover (even if it's from Ikea) or just a new pair of winter boots without having to scrounge sales.
However, I just think I'm getting older and wiser without feeling like a "grown-up." I have a happy cat and a happy partner and a pretty clean, sometimes tidy apartment in NYC and I pay my rent on time, but... nope. Probably never going to be a grown-up.
I felt grown up the first time I hired movers to lug my stuff (including many, many boxes of books) to a new apartment, rather than trying yet again to bribe my friends with pizza and beer.
Wow. I'm sure your family appreciates having you over for a visit only to have you judging them for not having sheets of a certain level of quality.
I'm with Bpalms and Parnassus....As well as their ability to be responsible for themselves and their environment.
@HHRI, I could not have said it any better. HIGH FIVES!
"I was born into a generation of ninnies. It has made me tired...
...Adulthood is when we wake up, if we do at all. Exposure to the wider variety of things, and having to rely on them, makes them become true and occasionally important. Some things work barely or not at all, while others work so perfectly that they make us take notice, not just of their efficiency or effectiveness but of their grace, the inventiveness they embody, and their unassuming beauty.
As this appreciation blossomed within me, it became obvious that the greatness of things is everywhere, requiring only the patience and the temperament to notice. Utility, beauty, art, permanence, and craftsmanship sometimes come bundled in one thing, and that thing is then Great and Perfect. Anything from a bottle of pop to a cigarette lighter to a giant machine that makes things can be both Great and Perfect, and appreciating them as they pop up in our lives is the essence of Paul Lukas’s doctrine of inconspicuous consumption.
As I became aware of things myself, I realized there were others who were aware of things. Endeavoring to find them, my gaze instinctively moved to the mantelpiece, bookshelf, cabinet, or closet when I entered a new space. Were they bedecked with brilliant things? What art or science lives here? Are these people Aware?..."
An Appreciation of Things
By Steve Albini
From the foreword to Inconspicuous Consumption by Pauk Lukas
& TBH...both Children and Polyester sheets will always be heated topics of debate. At least here on AT...
Pretty sure that living like a grown-up really isn't related to how much stuff you have.
Pretty sure that living like a grown-up really isn't related to how much stuff you have.
I agree. For me living like an adult meant that I don't leave the dishes in the sink until the weekend. Or store my clothes on the floor. I'm in my forties and still working on feeling like I live like an adult :) I also agree with the person who listed power tools. I really feel like an adult when I fix things myself rather than calling my dad.
Maybe being grown up is being able to play, without kids stimulating you to do so, and being responsible, without kids "forcing" you to be.
Seriously?
Liquid hand soap, toilet paper, clean towels in a specific location and a clear path to walk thru the house. I've been helping a young couple in my family babysit this week, and its been shockingly clear that keeping these basic household items in stock is not a priority fo them.
It's the way I have things that has changed: laundry folded, cupboards stocked and ordered, whisky in the jar and neatly folded everything. Have I slipped over the other end of grownup?
I don't think we're so much "anti-children" as sick to the gills of people telling us, straight to our faces in many instances, that we'll never be full-on adults because we don't have kids.
If having kids makes someone finally realize they're not the only person on earth, makes them finally be considerate of others' needs, then it's great that they had kids. However, not only is that not the only way to develop those qualities, it's also blatantly obvious as I look around society that the huge majority of people, most of whom do have kids, are, to put it politely, not the kind of people I'd want to be.
And that's not even to mention the fact that you have to be truly completely blind to be unaware of the HUGE increase in population, even in our lifetimes. And yet people go on procreating because that's what THEY want. Never mind ignoring the health and possibly the very FUTURE of our planet due to overpopulation.
A mortgage.
Pride. I found it the first time I cleaned my first house with my roommate when I was 17, listening to Tupac and playing Super Nintendo.
For me, I felt like I arrived to adulthood when I finally could cook well enough that 98% of my meals are quite good, thank you! Wasting food, and the money you spent to buy it, on not knowing what you're doing is a thing of the past. I also rank being able to provide comfortable accommodations for guests up there too, even if it's just an aerobed with some nice sheets and extra towels.
@spikele When I was reading all the comments, that's what I was thinking. I was also thinking 'I don't have those' and 'I don't have that'. So I guess I'm not grown up. I must tell my granddaughter that.
I don't see any comments on this article that suggests that people who don't have kids are not full adults. The vitriol that was directed at Busy_at_home seemed to be coming much more from assumptions and jumping to conclusions about Busy's tone. I imagine this site gets an even readership from people with and without kids. I fall in the no kids category. Mentioning kids shouldn't be banned from comments here.
And your last paragraph about overpopulation is again presumptuous, and biased toward your own viewpoint. To say everybody that has a kid is acting selfishly, and damaging the rest of society by contributing to overpopulation is complete rubbish. People don't solely "go on procreating because that's what THEY want". They also do this for the good of society, to create the next generation, and an endless number of other reasons.
Seriously, try to have a broader perspective on this.
@pleiovn: That was the ONLY thing I ended up taking from this thread. I'm completely baffled by the idea of putting a vibrating stick near your eye. For aesthetic purposes. I googled, and they definitely exist. I'm also happy to say that on the first page of results are TWO entries that make fun of them.
Not having every get-together or party you throw be BYOB, Potluck or Both.
Power tools, a great paint brush and the best pots and pans. A matching set of cutlery and glassware (make that 'unbreakable glassware) would be good too. And a neat linen press.
Well, that's a perfectly reasonable thing to be fed up with. And I wouldn't criticize someone for having a terse or heated response to what you described in your first paragraph. However, taking all that resentment and throwing it on someone who DIDN'T do what you described, someone who only answered "children" to the question "what made you feel grown up?", well that's misplaced resentment. It IS rude and it was wrong.
Be angry at people who tell you to your face that you aren't grown up until you procreate. Express that anger. But don't treat everyone with children as if they are all putting you down with everything they say. That says way more about the baggage you carry and your inability to deal with it properly. Just because someone has children and admits it helped them mature doesn't mean that they're a b*tch to childless people. Many people with children these days have more than one friend who is childless, often by choice. (In the West anyway.) And of the parents in their 20s and 30s, many don't have a problem with their friends choosing a different life or they are trying to learn.
And also, there's still squabbling among the expert scientists as to whether we're really overpopulating the earth or whether we're overpopulated for *the unsustainable way we live and appropriate resources*. So, a more nuanced reaction than "Kids? OMG, you don't care about the EARTH?" would be useful.
I slept on a futon bed until I was 35. I didn't do a good job of stocking batteries until I was 42 and moved to Maui. When I lived in a city, it wasn't a big deal to run around the corner and buy one as needed but now it is a bit more of an errand to run to the store as I don't live as close to everything.
I now live next door to my folks and we split the paper goods stash from costco so yes, at 44, I still don't think about making sure tp is in stock (my ex-hubby used to care of that before too).
Mmm, so my point is? It's all relative what we think is a grown up way of living and other things matter much more than what we have in our space as we mature. Some live like a nomad or very simply in a small space forever while others share living space. Where we live determines quite a bit what we "stock" in our homes (Bill Cunningham of the NYT has no use for a kitchen still.) What makes me feel like a grown-up is that I do what fits me and embrace my uniqueness and worry less about what others think of me. I now think very hard before I spend my hard earned money and I can admit when I was wrong. I appreciate everything my parents have done for me and now want to make sure I am there for them.
I'm glad my mom liked children; and would never have had polyester sheets.
I've been called the "grown up" of my friends: at my current 29 years I have laid to rest a parent, moved across the country, visited nearly every state (by car), been engaged and subsequently gilted, gotten my own place, moved to a larger place to accommodate a friend in need, been left by said friend when she no longer needed, and shared the open guest room often. I've hosted dinner parties, and every sales party imaginable for friends (except Tupperware - I wish they still had those parties!). The glassware, the linens, extra towels, buying major appliances (even though I don't own). Fixed a garbage disposal and broke a heart... Made cakes from scratch for birthdays and scones to bring to visiting parents of friends....none of these things quantify adulthood.
My late dad always said "Strive for the wisdom of childhood and the innocence of old age"... I think I will trust him.
Being lucky enough to finally save enough to put a deposit on my own apartment and taking the scary step of getting a mortgage was the moment my mentality went from the grasshopper to the ant. Thinking of the future rather than frittering away the summer! Gasp! does that make me grownup or just mean I'm getting old?
Pictures of your family/ancestors...When I was younger, I used to have only pictures of me and my friends having a good time, but now (early 30s) it's nice to see my beloved grandparents keeping an eye on me from wherever they are. Now that I'm grown up and cannot literally run to them for help, well, now I need more this feeling of security!
Being a grown-up myself, I thoroughly enjoyed this post, especially since I came downstairs at 6 a.m. to my office, only to find that the light bulb had blown out, and yes, I had a replacement.
It's when I learned to drive myself from point A to B when I moved from NYC to LA and realized I couldn't just leave my apartment at the drop of a hat and take the subway anywhere. Now I actually have to plan my route so that I avoid traffic and don't spend hours stranded in my car on a godforsaken highway. Of course, bonus points to me for being able to drive without the use of a GPS or without relying on my husband for directions from the passenger seat :)
This is also really lame, but I felt grown up when I was first entrusted with a BB at work. Of course that meant that I couldn't say "oh I didn't see your email and therefore couldn't work on it at 11pm", but something about the added responsibility reminded me of when my dad was given a cellphone at work in the early 90s and thinking to myself, "whoa, I have a long way to go before I get there".
When my husband and I moved in together we didn't have an extra set of towels. We had guests one of the first few weekends and had to run out and get an extra set of towels before they arrived! So I definitely know the importance of having extra towels and bed linens now.
@HHRI - Big high five comin at you!
I didn't take busy_at_home's comment regarding children personally. She or he didn't imply that everyone needs children to be a grown up. I interpreted the comment as personal to busy. That he or she started to live like a grown up when they had children. I do think that may be true for many people. We all have different milestones in our lives that make us turn over a new grown up leaf. To each his own.
I don't have children and I didn't feel the comment was directed at me. That said, I do understand how some may feel defensive. I have been subjected (in real life not by busy's statement) to those who think my life is easy street with no problems because I don't have children. I hold my tongue and am emphathetic to those who just sound like they are a bit tired and need a break. For those who really seem to take issue or treat me as invisible or disregard me in social situations I just really don't let it bother me so much.
ugh, agree on the children part.
feeling like an adult is so overrated. I'd rather skip that. Instead, I noticed some changes when I stopped being a poor student..still not a grown up ;)
I'm a mother of 4 and I took busy_at_home's comment as a tongue in cheek statement about the elusiveness of a clean bathroom (at least for any noticeable length of time) when one has children. Having both at the same time has totally made me feel grown up..for the five or so minutes it lasted. :)
The night I had to rescue my friend from a domestic violence situation and get her to my house, was the first time I felt like a real adult. With no notice, I was able to fix her a meal, make up the sofabed, give her a brand-new toothbrush, etc. from the cabinet, and mix her a cocktail to help her relax. Little things, but they made a big difference. The next day, I helped her with legal and logistical stuff, and retrieved her cat and clothing from her (now ex) boyfriend's apartment. It was a horrible situation, to be sure, but having the basics on hand to be able to shelter someone at a moment's notice really made it easier. I hope no friend of mine is ever in that situation again, but if they are, I'm prepared.
I felt grown up the day I bought a battery tester.
Having batteries in the house is one thing, having them organized in little tubs with a handy battery tester nearby, is the beginning of a slippery slope to middle age and beyond.
"You are living like a grown up when you are comfortable with your own choices and don't need to tell anyone else how to make his/hers."
Amen!
Amen!
...actual art work. Not a framed magazine clip out :)
I guess this will rub some folks the wrong way too - but for me feeling grown-up wasn't having stuff or doing chores because I had to or somebody told me or it was expected.
I felt grown up when I merged households with my then husband-to-be, knew where all my (extra) stuff was and didn't feel the need to apologize for our weird furniture and decorating choices.
We were able to compromise so we both like living there and keep furniture and stuff that has sentimental value to one of us without commenting "Oh that - he / she loves it, I know it doesn't fit..."
Both of us had somewhat functionally households before with extra towels, batteries, etc. but would have to search whenever we needed something. Getting rid of unnecessary doubles (including insurance) and finding a place for everything where we both would look for it took years because of wildly differing routines, habits and thought processes.
Now when house-guests comment on our "logical storage" and the merged look and feel of the place I feel all grown-up, and I can shrug off unkind comments - mostly because the usual, expected alternative wouldn't fit our lifestyle anyway. And we're able to entertain or house guests with no notice and no disruption to normal living - much more welcoming than before.
Oxymoron...or an elusive dream...especially with two teenage sons!!!
A stocked liquor cabinet with a quality selection. (Rather than a couple cheap bottles of something that would disappear in a week or less due to roommates).
To me, when I crossed over in feeling like a grown up was selling/giving away college furniture like futons and getting regular furniture. Most of it is hand-me-downs or was present when we moved in, but still looks nicer!
Many things have made me feel like a grown up over the years... being able to contribute financially on a monthly basis to my grandma and mom were the first big things for me. But at 47 years of age now, oddly enough one of the things that made me feel the most grown up was (get ready) A CHEST FREEZER IN THE BASEMENT. I guess the idea of stocking up on frozen goods was what did it for me... who knew?
A place of my own. (Alternately, roommates of choice and not necessity.)
I'm 27, so living in an apartment with Craigslist roommates is hardly a sign of immaturity in any way, especially since we always manage to have things like toilet paper and extra light bulbs on hand, but I'm really craving an apartment or house where at the end of the day, I can call the shots. Especially since I'm the messy one in my apartment and at the end of the day it can feel a lot like I'm still living with my mother.
I think my other big things are:
- the ability to cook dinner for one without running out of pots
- another life to take care of (in my case, a cat) and be responsible for
- actually hanging pictures, and not using thumbtacks
- buying more of the essentials (toilet paper, paper towels, dish detergent) before it becomes urgent
Having an automatic thermostat in my apartment has also made me feel strangely grown-up.
Being able to comfortably accomodate someone besides yourself. That means having extra clean sheets and towels, a place for an additional person or two to sleep (even if it's an air mattress or couch), spare toothbrushes, plenty of plates, glasses, teacups, etc. It means providing the WiFi password for a guest before they even ask for it, having Tylenol on hand if they need it, and yes, having enough toilet paper that there's not an embarrassing stack of paper napkins in the bathroom!
Oh thank you!! I enjoyed your post so....and laughed: children and polyester sheets...can't you just see the frowning and mouths moving as they type their despise of each...; )
I'm almost 40 and I want someone to let me know when I become a grown up.
I think you become a real grown up when you start letting go of your stuff? At least that feels grown up to me.
For me I am a half grown up. I'm a 27 year old who moved back with parents to finish my education. I having been living fairly broke for a long time since I decided to go back to school and also due to periods of bad health. On the one hand, I feel like a kid because I haven't graduated, don't own a car or home, am living on a not quite full time retail paycheck, and only have car insurance but no other kind. So I don't have a couch or guest linens, or kids, or enough credit to cover an emergency car repair (thanks for the rescue loan mom!) However, I can pay bills, do laundry, cook a great meal, and prepare my taxes. I am grown up enough to not worry what other people think, to not put up with being mistreated, to know what really matters in life, and to be there for friends and family when they need me. Maybe I don't have the trappings of a grown up life but I have learned hard lessons about growing up. Adult life means making sacrifices, being responsible, overcoming hardships, taking care of yourself and the people who matter to you, and finding and creating your own happiness.
I never felt grown up until my baby sister moved into my house and I realized how still at 20, she is very much not an adult.
Cleaning up after yourself for the seer reason that it needs to get done today. Rinsing the sink after you brush just 'cus it is easier to clean later. Not just changing the TP roll but also bringing in a spare roll from the linen closet. Not staying up until all hours when you have to get up in the morning for work. Not spending money you don't have.
For me it's not the job, the mortgage or the spare room but the responsibility and consideration for your space and for others.
The Truth has spoken.
I can't really add to the comments, above; they're all great. Mostly, I'm happy to say I've been living "like a grownup" for many, many years, including the last 14, when I had roommates. (I'm now in my own condo, but it took me a long time to get to this place financially.)