I loved this. Thought it at once both loving and realistic. My daughter would never get something like an IPhone (or whatever it's equivalent will be when she's a teen) without getting a contract like this.

I love parents who play offense instead of defense. WTG Mom! :) Go ahead & prevent the "problem" before you have to deal with it.

^ This appears a sarcastic post but it's totally not. :)

Wow! That's excellent!

I got this via email a while back. Loving mom but in some areas I shake my head. This would've driven me insane 25 (or less :) ) years ago as a teen. Here's my adult position now:

1. It is my phone. I bought it. I pay for it. I am loaning it to you. Aren't I the greatest?

Good point! -

2. I will always know the password.

Good point!

3. If it rings, answer it. It is a phone. Say hello, use your manners. Do not ever ignore a phone call if the screen reads "Mom" or "Dad." Not ever.

Good point!

4. Hand the phone to one of your parents promptly at 7:30 p.m. every school night and every weekend night at 9:00 p.m. It will be shut off for the night and turned on again at 7:30 a.m. If you would not make a call to someone's land line, wherein their parents may answer first, then do not call or text. Listen to those instincts and respect other families like we would like to be respected.

I don't understand this one. I understand respecting other people's time. Don't call people at 3am. That's a duh. but hand the phone over? WTF? That's what I mean about get him a dumb phone. Most people under 30 don't even use the iPhone as a phone. Twitter, Facebook, instagram, Reddit, Todo list, camera etc THATs what an iPhone/smartphone is for. calling people is probably the last thing the kid wants to do. Shows a gross disconnect between the parent and the childs world view. This is why it's important to never get disconnected from the here and now.

5. It does not go to school with you. Have a conversation with the people you text in person. It's a life skill. *Half days, field trips and after school activities will require special
consideration.

This confuses me as well. So you got him a phone he can use for 3 or 4 hours a day. (Get home from school at 3:30 hours later turn it in at 7:30 - if someone is home at 3:30 to give it to you.) Deriding texts is another example of forcing the him to communicate the way the you do.
How about this: 90% of the younger generation uses text - perhaps learning to communicate via text is a life skill for the future?

6. If it falls into the toilet, smashes on the ground, or vanishes into thin air, you are responsible for the replacement costs or repairs. Mow a lawn, babysit, stash some birthday money. It will happen, you should be prepared.

Great Point!!!

7. Do not use this technology to lie, fool, or deceive another human being. Do not involve yourself in conversations that are hurtful to others. Be a good friend first or stay the hell out of the crossfire.

I agree with this but if all of a sudden an iPhone makes your child want to lie, fool or deceive you've got other issues.

8. Do not text, email, or say anything through this device you would not say in person.

Word!

9. Do not text, email, or say anything to someone that you would not say out loud with their parents in the room. Censor yourself.

HA! This will happen no matter what the technology (or lack thereof) is. Rule 9 is to make you feel better.

10. No porn. Search the web for information you would openly share with me. If you have a question about anything, ask a person -- preferably me or your father.

Mom, you're too late. LOL Oh, and he's not looking for information. If he where looking for info I'm sure he knows about Wikipedia. If he's looking for porn it's for other reasons. Reasons neither he or you really want to share.

11. Turn it off, silence it, put it away in public. Especially in a restaurant, at the movies, or while speaking with another human being. You are not a rude person; do not allow the iPhone to change that.

Don't be rude! yay! Mom, also learn that what's rude to you is not rude to everyone. Just saying, don't freak out if the boy is standing in a circle with a bunch of other kids not saying anything but staring into the phone.

12. Do not send or receive pictures of your private parts or anyone else's private parts. Don't laugh. Someday you will be tempted to do this despite your high intelligence. It is risky and could ruin your teenage/college/adult life. It is always a bad idea. Cyberspace is vast and more powerful than you. And it is hard to make anything of this magnitude disappear -- including a bad reputation.

Right! Again if this is a serious risk he shouldn't have got the phone. (Though I'd still mention it... interest in private parts is super high at that age - or any age really)

13. Don't take a zillion pictures and videos. There is no need to document everything. Live your experiences. They will be stored in your memory for eternity.

Um, Luddite. It's not your life mom. Let him live it. If he wants pictures.... so what? Without this restriction he may end up being an award winning photographer - all photographers take a zillon pictures. Why do you hate pictures, lol?

14. Leave your phone home sometimes and feel safe and secure in that decision. It is not alive or an extension of you. Learn to live without it. Be bigger and more powerful than FOMO (fear of missing out).

Again with the luddite fear. He will do things you never would. Having a connection to the world that is digital is not disconnecting, it's connecting in a way that you don't like or don't understand.

15. Download music that is new or classic or different than the millions of your peers that listen to the same exact stuff. Your generation has access to music like never before in history. Take advantage of that gift. Expand your horizons.

I don't know if this is a condition or a suggestion. Suggestion? Heck Yeah! Condition? Heck No!

16. Play a game with words or puzzles or brain teasers every now and then.

Luddite fear number 3! Most of the games you may be the most concerned about have the most intricate brain teasing puzzles in existence. Games like Halo require puzzle skills, team coordination, hand eye coordination, language skills, mathematics and more. The fact that you don't play or understand them is why you don't think that the games have them. Trust me they do. He shouldn't have to play only the games you understand or enjoy.

17. Keep your eyes up. See the world happening around you. Stare out a window. Listen to the birds. Take a walk. Talk to a stranger. Wonder without googling.

I was really halfway on board with this until the "wonder without Googleing" part. Wonder is an expression of curiosity. Curiosity that leads to action (like googleing, getting a book, conducting an experiment) is how we learn and grow. Curiosity without action leads to ignorence. I say stop wondering and find out. Google is a good place to start.

18. You will mess up. I will take away your phone. We will sit down and talk about it. We will start over again. You and I, we are always learning. I am on your team. We are in this together.

Word!

The Mom sounds awesome. I like that she's engaged. She obviously cares a great deal.

My little one is just a tot so who knows what technology will be around when she's a teenage, but I love the spirit behind this.

I like this. But, 'don't take a zillion pictures', and 'leave it at home sometimes'? For me, it's more like take all the photos you can and never leave home without it!

I'm not a teenager though, granted. I have young kids who I really do want to try to capture our day-to-day with, and I really do want to be reachable any time I walk out the door unless my entire family is with me.

Did they leave out the part where the kid read through all the rules and then said, "never mind.. I don't want it after all"

I had something similar back in the early 90's with the NES. Luckily some of the "Dont's" didn't apply haha.

I'm 16 years old, and I got an iPhone for Christmas this year. My Mom and Dad didn't write out a contract, but many of the things that this mom included are understood agreements that my parents and I have, and have had since I got my first cell phone, bought my own computer, and now upgraded to an iPhone. I like the fact that she did this-- I'd be a bit mortified if my mom did it and then gave TV interviews about it, but I like that she was proactive enough to realize that handing a 13 year old the entire internet in a pocket-sized box without setting some boundaries is a very, very bad idea.

@ wickedtribe - thanks for writing my comment for me! Think I will just print your version for my kid when she gets an iPhone...

There is no way I would give such a condescending and stringent contract to a young adult. Its degrading, treat him with a bit of respect. I agree with having access to the phone, knowing the password etc and it should be taken off him if he is found using it in class, involved in social media harassment, searches for porn etc but he basically gets to use it for about 3 hours a day around the house. How is he going to learn any responsibility from that.

This is just a blog author looking for a bit of notoriety by publishing a private contract between herself and her son.

SeanIRL - The boy will transgress, but if he hasn't been told the rules, it's not fair to come down on him with a hammer if he breaks a rule he didn't know about.

I think it's right of the mom to tell him the rules and the consequences, and let him live by them or break them as he will.

@SeanIRL - I respectfully disagree. I don't find it condescending at all. I think she worded it in such a way that it seems less like such a strict list of rules of don't do this and don't do that or I'll take it away.

I'd be curious to have an update as to how this contract has held up in 6 mos or so.

I like how loving she is in the wording of this contract. I don't glorify parenting that is intimidating in its efforts to be "grown-up."

I like the no porn clause. On a phone, NOT a good idea for any age. My rules may be different for other mediums like laptops, desktops. I like the "no junk shots," good rule to be explicitly stated to minors. I don't like how shameful and body-negative puritan America can be, even if I'm relatively modest about my own. I think it's a fine line to tread, not wanting your children to be ashamed of their bodies even while you're trying to convince them not to make decisions that will ruin their professional/academic respectability.

I like the "don't take pictures of everything" rule in the cell phone context. If you want to take pictures of everything, do it properly, with the proper equipment. I think the wording of the rule though, is unfair and inaccurate. Living your experiences and recording them are not mutually exclusive, and no, they won't be stored in your memory forever.

I don't like the "download new and interesting music" rule in the cell phone context. If you want to download new and interesting music, do it properly, with the proper equipment. Or better yet, "use this phone to keep in touch with me while you and your friends attend a chaperoned trip to concerts." I think the wording of the rule though, is unfair and unhelpful. He's thirteen years old! Pretty much any music is new to him. And one of the great things about music is being able to connect with other people through music, which would be made significantly more difficult if you weren't listening to the same stuff most of your peers have on their iPods. Btw, someone shoot me a link, where's the digital music player/laptop contract?

One last thing, why hasn't anyone mentioned the, "you break it, you bought it" rule? Does she seriously not have phone insurance? It's nine dollars a month for me and it's replaced many a lost phone. That's a couple mowed lawns a month to save both parent and child an often ridiculous expense.

I hate this. One, I have a sailor potty mouth. I wouldn't write a contract for my child full of curse words though. Two, it's a gift. Whaaat? Xmas gifts shouldn't come with contracts. She owns it, but if he breaks it he buys it, whatever. Give the gift and be done with it.

I don't get why a 13 year old needs to turn in his phone at 7:30. I don't get why he needs to turn it in. Set some reasonable rules (7:30 seems ridiculous to me, my 2 year old goes to bed at 7:30) and expect your child to follow them. If he doesn't, take it away!

I hate this list, also. It pretends to treat the child as if he is mature but is actually very condescending. I saw this list a few weeks ago and was so irritated by it I had to call my mom and thank her for not ever doing this with the things she and my dad provided me. If you trust your kid to have a phone, then you shouldn't have to make a ridiculous contract. And if the kid screws up? I don't think you need to whip out your contract and have a cup of tea in the breakfast nook. I think there should be assumed disciplinary measures -- car washing, phone groundings, etc.

This 'contract' has irritated me from the first time I read about it. It is self congratulatory and contradictory. And it's certainly not a gift. Gifts don't come with strings. If he didn't accept this 'gift' what would he have received in its place? What if he purchased his own phone with his own money, would she still feed the burning need to create a contract? Would she make a video of herself shooting it (a la laptop shooting dad) if he used it in a way she didn't approve of? Last but not least, as a blogger/writer, she should know that it's Googling, not googling.

I just don't get this contract. I will start by saying I am not a mom, and won't pretend to know everything it takes to be one. I commend her for that. However, I agree with those who have mentioned the contract is condescending. She buys him the phone, yet takes all opportunity for responsibility away by micro-managing how he will use it and stating multiple times that his screwing up is a matter if when, not if. Part of giving a child confidence and letting them feel more grown-up is to have faith that they will find their own way and choose the right path. The contract leaves little room for actual freedom and responsible choosing on his part.

Also, the curse words and witty remarks throughout the contract just scream, "I'm the cool mom!" Although as a child I loved my mom to bits and *did* think she was the coolest, she never tried to be so and was in reality pretty strict. I've personally seen many kids get into trouble from having parents who try to be a friend first, rather than the parent. But, again, I'm not a mom so what do I know.

Not only do I think this is great for a teenager, I think a lot of adults could do with reading this. Most of this is basic manners.

For the people that think this is unreasonable, let me submit some examples of why it isn't. These were all adults doing this, btw.

-People on 3 separate occasions walking into oncoming traffic while looking at there phones.

-Riding a bike/driving while texting.

-Dozens of people recording concerts/shows/movies, instead of just enjoying the communal experience.

-Again, dozens of fully grown adults who can literally not sit through a movie without checking Facebook.

-A coworker that, in the 3 months he has had an iPhone, checks it every 10 minutes.

Again, those were grown ass adults, not a 13 year old.

Oh, and by the way the Mom said "don't look at porn/no sexting", but she didn't put any restrictions on the actual software itself. If the kid wants to screw up, he can. He wouldn't have gotten a phone at all if she didn't trust the kid.

More parents should be this proactive with regards to technology and the role it plays in their kids life, as the should with sex, relationships, driving, finance, religion etc.

You wouldn't hand them the cars keys and hope for the best. Being a parent means giving your kids the information and guiding them in the right direction.

Teenagers have scientifically been proven to have bad decision making skills. The straight forward, plainly worded guidelines are a good thing.

It is tricky to give a gift like this. When do you set the rules ? Before you give the gift ? some people would make this a very manipulative thing.

Great article and responses. I emailed it to my kids. Curious which commenters have children....

I think overall it was pretty good, although a few statements start to negate the purpose of the iPhone itself "Don't take a zillion pictures and videos" Why not? Maybe the kid is an artist. If thats a problem get him a Nokia brick phone.

An iPhone for a 13 year old is not just a gift, it's a step into adulthood. A contract for this kind of gift is totally appropriate, IMO. It's not a book or a new pair of headphones.

Holding him responsible for breaking it is 100% necessary. If he were to break a neighbor's window with a baseball he should be expected to pay for it. How is this any different?

I do not, however agree with the " no porn" rule. Boys watch porn. They've been sneaking videos of it since the VCR became popular. It is unrealistic to deny that your son will masturbate. It is a completely natural need. That said, teaching your child what kinds of porn are appropriate would go so much further. No one wants their kiddo viewing "BDSM slut gets punished" because it teaches the degradation of women and an unhealthy view of sex. Instead, do some research and find some sites with soft core that you can approve of. A lot of that soft core stuff will actually benefit his future partners. Sex is NOT evil and neither is porn.

I also don't agree with the 7:30/9:00 rule because most kids his age have bedtimes much closer to 10:00. If he's having trouble finishing homework or is hiding in his room all night to stay on the phone, that's one thing. But you have to set those boundaries in place from the beginning and address them if the issue does arise. It's really a throwback to when we were teens and everyone had an "only emergencies after 9:00" rule.

And for those of curious, I am a mother to a wonderful six year old boy who will be given a similar contract when he acquires is first phone.

The first thing she says is that he is the proud owner of an iphone, then the next thing she says is that she owns it and he is just borrowing it.

And I agree with others about the needless cussing, like ''stay the hell out of the crossfire'' which would have worked just as well with no hell.

So, some think he needs to be treated more like an adult, and others think he should be talked to more like a child. Interesting.

I like her focus on not letting the phone control his social life and how he treats people. Way too many teens treat their phones like it's their main method of communicating, instead of, you know, their mouths being their main method of communicating.

Another tip I would give my kid - try not to walk around with your headphones in all the time. You'll miss SO much.

If I'm being honest, the porn rule is kind of setting him up for failure. I think we're kidding ourselves if we think our 13 year olds are going to live up to it. I think a better lesson would be "porn is fantasy, not reality. Don't expect real girls/women to look or act like that, and don't expect to be able to treat them like that."

Love the contract. A lot of people seems to be concerned about the fact that this is a gift and shouldn't have to come with "strings". They're teaching the kid how to use a phone properly - much like when you give a teenager a car, you expect them to obey the rules of the road. Having a written contract gives the kid parameters to operate in and let's be fair, he's thirteen, there's no real reason for him to have his own cellphone. (School trips or outings without folks? He could borrow one of their phones.)

As for the no porn thing and it "being a guys thing", banning porn isn't a bad idea. One, who really needs to be looking that up on their phone? (There is such a thing as a computer or magazines.) Second of all, porn isn't exactly healthy since it gives an over exaggerated fantasy about what sex is(n't) and since we're dealing with a kid with no experience, better to let him develop his tastes as he develops rather than information overload.

Love this idea and am bookmarking it for later. Eventually my children will get phones, I guess, and this is a good contract.

I'm wagering that it's people under 30 and who are incredibly rude and disrespectful about cell phone use that are objecting most to the contract (like talking on the phone when checking out at the grocery store, using public space for incredibly intimate conversations, and yes, texting/ talking while seated at a dining table).

When I was 15, and got a key to the house so that I could have age-appropriate independence, that key came with rules. When I got to borrow the car, it came with rules. When I got my first car, I saved most of the$ to buy it, and was still living at home, and worked part time to pay for gas and insurance, but there were still rules. Like, maintain my grades at school, no drinking and driving under any circumstances, no friends can drive it, etc.

I personally think no one under 16 should have a cell phone, but I'm one of those people who can write and outline with a pencil in a notebook, knows how to track down a primary source from a printed bibliography, and still looks up words in a dictionary so that I'm saying what I think I mean to say. We live in a comparably illiterate, and mannerless society than even 100 years ago, and I believe technology like cell phones have contributed greatly to the problem.

The only thing I have a bit of a problem with it don't have it at school- I obviously think it should be turned off and stowed in a locker while he's in class, but I got a phone (a brick) when I was 11 or 12 specifically because I was a "latch key kid." The phone gave my mom and me some sense of security. If the bus didn't show up (yep, that happened) or got re-routed and let me off at a weird stop (again, happened) then I could call her or other relatives to help me out. Maybe that's not a consideration for them, but it's something I think my mom had on her mind when getting me a phone that young.

wickedtribe, your edits are absolutely spot-on. I think you absolutely nailed where the mom's conditions cross from legitimate concerns and reasonable rules to kind of silly and unnecessary, and utterly out of touch.

it seems you're missing the mother's point, it's not that it's rude to pull out your phone during dinner, it's not that she should let her son have the phone during school just because everyone else does. the point is that she wants her son to be more than that, a better person, different from the usual technology addict teenager. and why would he need a phone during school anyways? he's suppose to be studying.

I like the contract idea, and the mom has a lot of good points, but not being able to bring it to school? It's a phone, and if you're paying that much for your son to have a smart phone, he should use it outside of the house. Otherwise, get him an iPod touch, seriously!

Half the reason my parents got me a phone was to locate me and pick me up from after-school stuff. Granted, it wasn't a smart phone... or even a cool phone. It was my dad's old enormous Nokia, and I was permitted to call my parents, or other people in an emergency, no texting... however, I did get to play snake, which was great.

I don't understand the need for an iPhone 5 for a 13 year old but especially with so many restrictions. It's going to be used between what, 4 and 7:30 pm each weekday and then on weekends? One way to avoid many of those bullet points would be to get a basic phone that he can use to text and call his friends, akin to what some lucky kids had before the cell phone revolution - their own line.

Call me resentful but it seems ludicrous to me that a middle-schooler is being given a top-of-the-line piece of technology. Why not start off smaller, let them earn and grow into nicer stuff. Let them save for something (or contribute part of the cost) when they're old enough for a part-time job. Part of the reason Gen Y is constantly considered "entitled" is because so many of us/them are not willing to downgrade or do without.

Well I'm 26 and I didn't get my first cell phone until I was 18...and I bought it myself! Even though it seems weird for young kids to have cell phones, these days its really not a big deal. Why would you not want your child to have a convenient way of keeping in touch, when they are away from home?

I also don't see the big deal about an iPhone 5. If anything, the mom should have this same contract with his computer. Everything that's restricted on her child's phone can easily be done from a laptop. Why is this particular phone being held in high regard? Its just a smartphone. Welcome to technology.

Like another poster said, if she's gonna have all of these restrictions, it would have been much cheaper to just buy him an iPod Touch.

I would have read the first line and tell the parents keep it, if its your phone, then you're not giving me anything.

DovieAnn: BDSM does not teach a degradation of women and neither does it exhibit an unhealthy view of sex. If you'd done any BDSM research you'd know that both partners enter into the activity consensually. If you'd done your homework you'd know that female submissives feel empowered by the activities they engage in during BDSM sex, not degraded. They feel this way because even if the fantasy and activity exhibits degredation, it is a result of the consent and desire of the submissive. Something else to note, BDSM can also describe female Dominant and male submissive sex, so portraying it as a degredation of women is not only ignorant, it is inaccurately ignorant. BDSM is not unhealthy to the people who practice it because it makes them feel sexually fulfilled and nourished. And if a person does have a BDSM fetish, newsflash, no soft core inundation is going to rid them of it. BDSM is not evil.

Spacekat: Porn is healthy for some people and for some people, sex is exactly like it is in those videos. Saying it should be avoided is like saying cooking shows should be avoided because all they make is great food.