From time to time and in spite of one's best intentions, a person may occasionally become a couch-surfer. Sure, if we had the resources we'd all stay in a hotel and drink Champagne and order room service and smutty movies on pay-per-view. But if, for whatever reason (maybe an interview in another city, inclement weather, a sudden breakup, a fumigation, or just a visit), you find yourself staying on someone's couch, here are some ways you can make your stay better for everyone (but mostly your host).
• Do the dishes — Doing the dishes quickly without being asked is one of the best ways to flag oneself as a guest who wants to be helpful and doesn't take guestdom for granted. It's even better if you can get the dishes done without your hosts seeing you, so they just come in and find everything suddenly tidy. If your hosts are the type to leave things in the sink, pretend to be a house elf and clean up when they leave. If they're the tidy sort, you might have to hustle.
• If you break it, replace it — If in your hustle to clean the dishes you happen to drop one on the floor, don't worry. It happens to everybody; just own up to the host and ask what brand or model it is so you can replace it.
• Adjust to the house hours — It can be tough for a night owl to live on a morning bird schedule, but when your hosts have to work in the morning they don't want to have to step over you or struggle to be quiet.
• Hide the evidence — Upon getting up, fold up and put away any blankets, sleeping bags, air mattresses, etc. Your hosts shouldn't have to feel like their living room is your bed.
• Disappear, but only on schedule — Give the hosts some breathing time so they don't feel too invaded, but make sure to let them know your schedule. If you'll be out one evening, let them know so they won't be waiting to make plans.
• Bribery will get you everywhere — Always bring a gift that says, "Thank you for letting me live on your couch." With my friends a generous amount of alcohol is the go-to option, but use your best judgment when picking out something for yours.
• Don't overstay — Always have a plan for how long you're going to stay with your hosts. If they are very enthusiastic about getting you to stay a bit longer, it's OK to accept. But visiting friends is like performing for an audience: you should always leave them wanting more.
What do you think a person can do to be a better guest? Let us know in the comments.
(Image: Shutterstock)
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Didn't AT post something similar to this about a month ago?
Yes, although that one was a bit awkward to read because it was a passive-agressive gesture by an author who was too timid to give her freeloader the boot.
If you're literally staying on the couch, the host has probably given you sheets and a pillow etc.. You should clear the couch of your bedding every morning, and make it just before you are going to bed (unless you're staying in a seldom used re-room or something). Neatly fold up the bedding and put it out of the way (with your suitcase).
Also, take your host up on invitations, but don't expect them or hint at them. If they ask you out for drinks, you should accept or make arrangements for another time if you can't.
Fold the blankets/sheets/etc, and, if you're literally on the couch or in a common area (rather than being in a spare room), tidy up your things so people aren't tripping over them all day.
And, pet peeve: if you're going to drink all my beer/good bourbon, at least make a token effort to re-stock the fridge or buy a bottle for the liquor cabinet, especially if you invite friends to my house to drink with you. And if you go through a full bottle of good (read: expensive) bourbon in 2 nights, don't expect me to be particularly pleased.
Once I had to stay with my cousin and I decided to do the dishes, as best as I could. When she came back, she looked at the dishes, told me how awful job I had done and then proceeded to rewash them :). Lesson learnt, never be a house guest again,
"Good Couch Guest"? In my view that's an oxymoron.
If someone offered me a couch, I'd re-evaluate whether they are really set up for and/or truly WANT overnight guests!
I have guests sleeping on my couch now, they have no power or heat from the hurricane. I think it's fantastic and fun. We watch movies, debate, make breakfast, lunch and dinner. It's great. And I'm going to miss them when they're gone even though they only live 2 miles away.
My advice to the couch surfer, be a happy, considerate person and your stay should go very well.
My advice to the couch owner, be a happy, non-judgemental person, don't be a stick in the mud, and the visit should be fantastic.
Don't be crabby or insecure, be happy.
If the dude in the picture landed on my sofa, I would have to have it fumigated.
mdorothy: i may not have a spare room or a fancy pull-out sofabed to offer, but i certainly AM set up and excited for houseguests. geez.
honestly, if i'm visiting a person, i'm visiting the person, not their stuff. as long as there's a place to crash and some hot water to use, i'm fine.
i'm also a dish-doer and food replenisher. it just seems like the right thing to do as i don't want my being there to be a hardship in any way.
mdorothy - That's a little presumptive. Like John H said, some people don't have a choice. Bad weather and unexpected circumstances throw people together in less than ideal situations. Sometimes the only thing people can do is offer a couch, and that's better than nothing at all.
Not everyone can set up for overnight guests. If a guest came unexpectedly and the only thing we had to offer was the sofa, it might be true that we are not "set up" to receive guests - but if you're here unexpectedly, I didn't really have much warning, did I?
@mdorothy: I guess you were born middle-aged and/or filthy rich? While I haven't slept on anyone's couch before, I slept on a matress on the floor. There wasn't a guest room, because they didn't even have their own room, but rather two were sharing a room. With the two beds, two desks and me and my friend on matresses on the floor, there was barely any free room left- but I never doubted that the friend wanted us staying there and it was really nice not having to spend my precious money for a hotelroom. If you're not rich its likely that your friends won't be either and so they probably won't have a guest room, especially if they live in a (expensive) city. But thats why its so welcome when you can sleep on their couch because you can save money, they enjoy you visiting them (something you might not be able to do if you had to pay for a hotel).
I love it when my guests help with the dishes or other chores, but I really prefer if they don't do it secretly as the OP suggests. I would rather have someone ask how to do something than do it wrong. For instance, there are many things I don't put in the dishwasher and I would be more peeved than relieved if I came home to find that a guest had put my good knives through the dishwasher. We also keep kosher so we have separate sponges for cleaning dishes that have had meat foods and dairy foods. No matter how well I hide the meat sponge, my guests always manage to find it and use it to wash dairy dishes. And they invariably try to put things away and put them in the wrong place, which means I have to look in every cabinet and put everything back where it belongs.
Maybe it sounds like I'm super uptight, but it's not helpful if you as a guest do a chore and then your host has to come right behind you and do it all over again.
Blue eyes, you're not uptight! And anyone staying with you should understand and respect that you keep kosher. I'm sure if you explained it to your guests, they would be happy to help you stick to the rules.
Bless you John H for your offering on this thread. REFRESHING.
I appreciate any guest who can keep their clothes in their suitcase, rather than all over the floor or in corners of rooms. Also, and I know it's REALLY nitpicky, I always wrap up grody stuff in the bathroom if there's only one and the wastebin is tidy- you'd be surprised how many people leave the nastiest stuff all exposed and "HELLO, HOST!" for you to find it the next time you're in there. Also-also, when I'm the guest, I always offer to go to the grocery store or market first thing upon arrival. I buy my own staples and I buy something to cook for the host.
Ouch! That would be my pet peeve too!
-I should add that when -I'm- the guest, I'm kinda obsessive-compulsive about the bathroom situation. I try not to leave any trace of myself, and it since it only takes 20 seconds to do, I really don't think it's a big deal. I don't leave long hairs, I don't leave tiny hairs, I don't leave rings around the bowl, I don't leave toothpaste clumps in the inside of the sink, I don't leave my contacts and glasses all over the outside of the sink, I don't leave tissue in the toilet unflushed, I don't leave my towel anywhere it won't have a chance to dry adequately... I am always MEGA impressed when I have a guest who takes the same care since, like I said, it takes all of 20 seconds. But bathroom etiquette seems to be a fine art, the way some people leave things. :)
I was going to make a "bathroom" comment, but then I saw brooklynindiana covered everything I had planned to say! I would look under the sink in the kitchen or bath for a container of disinfectant wipes, and I'd do a little cleaning. If that's not available, even a couple of damp paper towels with a bit of spray cleaner - Windex, 409, whatever's available - or just a drop or two of liquid soap can do a decent "quick" job of tidying up the bathroom. You can wipe out the sink, pick up hair, toothpaste, or that bit of face powder you spilled with a damp paper towel or even a handful of toilet tissue. Fold and hang towels, and make sure your personal items and dirty clothes are removed from the bathroom.
Bonus points for laundering your own towels and sheets / blankets.
I actually do not like guests to feel the need to "do" anything let alone domestic chores in return for staying in my home. That goes against the entire concept of being a "guest" in my opinion. I agree with the poster who questioned the idea of having a guest on a sofa. Except in the most extreme situations, it is not something I would do. I would offer to put my guests up in a hotel before relegating them to the sofa.
I have a guest room that is prepared before the arrival of guests and after the guest(s) leave the entire apartment is professionally cleaned. The bathroom gets an industrial level cleaning and since all my linens are white they are thoroughly bleached after guests leaves followed by a boiling hot water laundering to remove any chemicals left in the material from the bleach. Any dinnerware, with the exception of silverware and on rare occasions, fine china are also soaked in a bleach solution to insure optimal disinfection between uses. I've learned that this is actually standard practice in restaurants.
Guests in my home can enjoy of a pristine yet comfortable environment where they can indulge in a level of hospitality that appears to have gone the way of the Sherry Cobbler...
I couch surfed on my friend's couch for 6 weeks because of a break-up and used every last one of these suggestions. Bribery actually came in the form of $60 a week in rent, but since they were letting me into their lives (my friend and his fiance), I was more than happy to pay it. I'd say sort of along those lines that making dinner goes a long way, too. I can't be more thankful to my friends, and these suggestion made the period were I was occupying their couch much easier for all of us. Also, making sure to disappear is super helpful, too, as the hosts need space to be themselves. I tried not to be home on the weekends, as I knew it was the only time the two of them had to be alone with each other.
@bynskimiss
That's all well and good, and wealthy people are welcome to go above and beyond for their guests in ways that would financially ruin others.
I have a room that is an office/dressing room where I ususally put guests on an air mattress. Sometimes there's another person (i.e. three guests) and someone has to take the couch. I live in a very urban area with lots of things for visitors to do and see, and getting a hotel for my guests would cost a minimum of $300 per night. If I offered to pay for that it would take a gigantic dent out of any savings I have. I provide my guests with all the essentials and a clean tidy space. But I don't go so far as to boil the bedding after washing it. If my guests expected that they would be asked to stay in a hotel on their own dime.
Now, if someone offered me the couch and they had a perfectly fine and available guest room, I'd take it as a hint and politely decline the offer.
I suppose it's all on where you are living/visiting. If you are staying with a friend in Manhattan, anything more than a couch would be the ultimate luxury. If you're staying in someone's giant suburban house, the couch might seem unnecessarily punitive.
@bynskimiss - I agree with Carrotsticks. I applaud that you go to such great lengths to make sure your guests are comfortable, but I don't think what you do is the norm for a lot of people. I'm not having my home professionally cleaned, nor am I going to soak dishes in bleach or put up friends in hotels if they can't afford them and they ask to sleep on my sofa. If they're asking to stay with me and they know I don't have a guest bedroom, they know what they're getting into.
I think age might have to do with it as well. My friends and I (mid to late 20s) are established enough to not literally couch surf but I also have friends who can't afford hotels and would take an offer of a blow up mattress or a sofa with gratitude because the alternative is to not travel or sleep in the car.
I agree @Pi, age definitely has a lot to do with what people are willing to do.
I'd also like to mention that I have an out of town guest at least one weekend per month, so even preparing the basic things I normally do takes a lot of time when you add it all up. I didn't really think about the number of people who would magically want to stay at my place when I moved into one of the "coolest" neighbourhoods in the city. I love having people stay though, I find it fun and exciting :)
I personally would be quite insulted if I found out that my host felt it necessary to both chlorinate and boil anything I had come into contact with. If a person is really so filthy, why are you hosting them in the first place?
herblover - I agree :-)))) my guests are usually family members or close friends, and they are quite clean as well. they get properly clean but not sterilized stuff from me - for god sake it is my house not a hospital :-)))
bynskimiss - either your comment is sarcastic or .. well I can not relate to you on that level. us "commoners" dont always have the means or space for that sort of thing. Much as I wish I had a "guest" room, I don't, but my couch is always open for guest and I keep a couch kit in an under the bed storage bag for when they arrive, it's handy if it's unplanned, there are clean sheets (a double fits over my couch almost perfectly) a pillow and a blanket. insta-bed, perfect for the "I don't think I should drive home" nights as well as the planned visits. I love having people crash I do my best to be a good host but if your sleeping on my couch chances are you are a close friend/family and we already know how things work. Also who the hell wants to eat from dishes soaked in bleach? that's crazy, hence I'm guessing your comment is sarcastic. or I'm going to offend you by saying how strange that sounds.
A guest room would raise the cost of my place by $200,000.
Couch or GTFO.
My comment appears to have ruffled a few feathers. I in fact was not being sarcastic, I am not super wealthy I simply happen to have more than one bedroom in my residence and I too live in the wonderland that is NYC...Finally I am not some old person acting out Victorian age mannerisms in the current century of the Anno Domini era.
I just happen to be super duper clean.
I appreciate a level of cleanliness that while perhaps is not the "norm" of many, is however, appreciated by most.
It should go without saying that one can be a great host even in the tiniest of spaces. I personally wouldn't have a guest on the sofa if it can be avoided. I do understand that sometimes it cannot be avoided and paying for a hotel for your guests may be something you cannot or do not want to do. In this case, hopefully the sofa is at least a convertible. This is not an indictment on people who host guests on sofas. I just happen to think an important if not the most important part of being a host is ensuring the comfort and to the extent possible, privacy of your guests.
I also understand that others may have a different opinion and to each his/her own.
As to the cleaning of non china dishes, I don't soak in straight bleach...I use a bleach bath solution of one part bleach three parts boiling water. After soaking overnight dishes are then placed into the dishwasher for a hot washing to remove any chemical that may be left behind. As stated earlier this is a common method of cleaning used in restaurants.
While, I personally don't clean bathrooms I have detailed instructions for the cleaning of these areas and the laundering of all linens. I don't mind sharing with you some of these instructions. You can try it yourself or pass on these instructions to your cleaning person. Something to note... I have learned from various cleaning people that it is best to work in a properly ventilated area when using these methods or it can result in dizzyness or fainting.
The cleaning of shower bath area:
First using a spray bottle spray the entire surface area (walls of the shower) with a boiling water, soap, bleach and few drops of eucalyptus oil mixture. Once the entire area is sprayed let sit for 15 minutes to work. Prepare your indoor high pressure washer with the disinfectant solution and soap of your choice (half gallon bleach to one quart of soap). Thoroughly pressure spray the entire surface area of the walls of the shower and at this point direct the pressure sprayer into the drain of the shower as well.
If there is a bathtub spray the entire surface with this mixture. Let the soapy disinfectant solution sit and then fill the tub with the other half gallon bleach and add boiling water and eucalyptus oil to fill the entire tub almost to the top. After half an hour drain the tub. Now the final pressure wash of the entire shower tub can be performed using just boiling water (212 degrees).
Wala...you now have a properly clean and pristine shower area.