Personally? Money!!

Agreed- funds and space. Living in a studio is great most of the time, but I really miss having the room to entertain.

honestly, the cleaning required *before* people show up is the problem! i think i threw one party in my last apartement - of 2 years! turns out i have a higher tolerance for disarray than most...

I'm an introvert. Even if I had a huge house, unlimited funds, and a housekeeper, I still wouldn't like throwing parties.

our apartment is much too small.

our last place had a huge dining room for our 8 person table, but the new is only a small nook in the kitchen, next to the fridge.

I have no friends.
I'm anti-social
I can't stand people messing up my house.
It's too much work.
Sad, but all of this is the truth.

Space is a big issue. Any more than a couple of guests in my studio gets uncomfortable. I'd really love to have a little dinner party but usually limit it to one on one hangout time or a couple people over to watch a show or movie.

Then I remember my college days and the big parties thrown in our huge, multi-roommate apartment. Those were fun but I don't miss the place getting trashed. I view my apartment now as more of a refuge from everything.

Space. Specifically lack of good party space. When my hubby & I lived in lofts, there was plenty of it. Now we live in a small house that isn't so great for a big old party. So our entertaining has changed from huge blow out parties to just hosting a few people at a time.

Money. Since most of our friends are lacking huge piles of money, too, we tend to have more pot luck parties. And they are fun!

I'm going to go with the fact that my kitchen, bedroom, office and living room are all the same room.

We recently moved into a larger space so we could entertain more, for awhile we were having people over weekly, but with hectic schedules, it's the cleaning that keeps us from doing it more often. I would love to be able to have people over once or twice a week if I only someone would clean up for me before everyone came over (I need a maid!).

It's the organization involved... inviting people, finding a time/day that works, thinking about food in advance, etc. It always works best when we do it on impulse and have no expectations of ourselves to do things any fancier than a normal dinner.

Cleaning/decluttering without a doubt. I know my friends don't care (judging by their places), but I do.

Honestly, lack of reciprocation has curtailed my entertaining. I have a lot of space and the stuff to serve food on, and I know not everyone else has this kind of space, but I've had people over dozens of times for dinners, cocktail parties, brunches, whathaveyous who've never even invited me out for a cup of coffee -- dutch! It's not the money, it's the initiative.

I love to entertain, but I love to be entertained, too. It doesn't have to be a one-to-one ratio, but I guess at a certain point, I don't really feel like always being the hostess.

I love the idea of entertaining and I don't believe any place is too small to have your loved ones over. However, I'm a bit lazy. Lol. My fear is I can never figure out an activity to do (besides chatting).

In any case I'm trying to help a friend plan his birthday party in his home. He is worried about not having enough space and I know he can definitely seat nine comfortably. I just don't think everyone really needs to sit down all the time. My biggest concern is that we are a bit stuck on how to incorporate a film theme into the party. We've got the decorating down pat, but aside from watching his favorite movies I'm not sure what else we can do. Our friends are not the dressing up type so we can't even have people dress up as their favorite characters. I'd really like a fun game or some other activity that is related to the theme. Any ideas?

This may be dumb but- chairs. We have recently inherited a wonderful antique farmhouse table, but we only have 4 chairs, and our usual groups tend to be 7 (including my wife and I). I bet we COULD get 7 around that table, but we only have 4 chairs. I've thought about hosting something less formal in the livingroom, but we also don't have a coffee table for people to put their snacks and drinks on. So, we have the space, we have the dishes, the have the food (man our farmers market is cheap!) but we haven't got the furniture. I'm trying to change that, but finding good pieces in budget is going to take a while.

I never know what kind of food to prepare for a group and I never know how much of it to prepare.

Compounding my stress is the fact that I only have 4 plates that match.

Seriously - The lack of help.

Last time I threw a cocktail party, I was exhausted from all the shopping, preparation and cleaning - and I really didn't have a very good time because I was running back and forth to the kitchen constantly to get this & that or freshen someone's drink.

I swore then and there that the next time I entertain, I'll hire a caterer or at least a bartender.

I'm with eiw on this one: reciprocation.

That AND what happened last time I planned a get together at my place. Everyone was up for it, good day and time and the day of, 60% of my guests texted me to tell me they couldn't come because they were all sick. If people would be honest from the beginning and tell me it's not a good date for them because there's a (stupid) MMA fight that night, then I would take that into consideration and change the date.

We usually had get togethers at our place once a month or every two months, but it's been about five months and it will probably be another two months before I consider having a get together again. I guess the experience left a bad taste in my mouth and I'm still bitter over it.

And did I mention reciprocation?

The truth? Having some decent furniture. That's all.

Like AmmoniteInk... not enough chairs. We just moved into a new home and donated lots of our furniture from our previous house. Until we find the ever illusive "perfect" dining table and chairs...entertaining will not happen.:(

I don't have any Saturdays anymore! I don't clean as I go very well and my weekends are times to load on the projects - painting furniture, doing laundry, hanging art.

But some force in the universe keeps taking away my Saturdays! I'm out of town every weekend and exhausted on the weekdays and everything piles up.

When I do get the chance, I go overboard with food but my friends can deal with the clutter. They're filthy hipsters and are totally drunk anyway.

TKPKgirl,

How about playing a round or two of Scene It? Or make up your own game. I went to a bridal shower (unrelated) where everyone got a name tag on their back of one half of a celebrity couple. You could go around asking questions about your identity only if they were "yes" or "no" questions/answers. Once you found out your identity, you had to go on the hunt for your other half.

You could do a twist, like Film and Director or Film and Best Actor or something like that. Winner takes home a bottle of something, whatever.

Good luck and have fun!

my bad mannered dog whom i love to death. i find 40 lbs of fluffy dog on my lap quite cozy, but others do not.

Too much work!

A small living room with limited comfortable seating. I'm working on convincing myself to prepare more simple meals more often as opposed to a complicated theme such as tapas or Oktoberfest.....and I need more steak knives.

Our space is small and not set up well for entertaining. I realize that this could be changed but I have no idea how to go about it. Everything is configured for 2 people, not 10. Whenever my friends come over I worry that they are uncomfortable because they have nowhere to sit, or put down their drinks, there is no way to have a flow of conversation, nobody can get past anybody else, etc.

When I was in school, friends would drop by for a visit and I would unexpectedly end up with 6 people hanging out in my house. We made it all work and I loved having them over, but somehow I've lost the ability in the process of growing up.

I've finally got the kind of space to entertain people quite easily with concrete floors and a large open living space, but honestly I would rather not have to clean up after people the next day and (this sounds horrible) but people obviously don't all share the idea of what is important or valuable so I'd rather not risk my antique furniture getting damaged.

I do however, have people over from time to time and once they're there, I get passed all of these issues...haha.

I do it roughly every 6 weeks. And by that I mean, we entertain roughly 3 to 6 people every month or so. Larger gatherings 10 to 20 are done twice a year.

Our loft is perfect for entertaining and we have more than enough seating and standing space.

Why not more? Its never my wife's idea and when that's coupled to the fact that when it does happen, its almost entirely my responsibility, I say enough. I'm done.

Space! I love, love, love to entertain, but more than two additional people in my studio and there's no room to move :(

Everything listed above!

-lack of chairs, we only have four chairs.
-lack of reciprocation/respect.. don't EVEN get me started on my last get together.
- home is a retreat
-no money
-tend to overthink the precleaning, cooking, amount of alcohol needed.

I'm actually planning to have a few friends over after work this Friday (then a few more friends on Sat.) and I'm - close to rescheduling because it's already Thursday, and I still have no idea what to cook, what drinks to serve, and I'm tired of hassling my guy to clean off the patio, lol

We love having people over. The house is kept pretty clean, we have a dining table (and chairs) for 8 (10 if I'm pushing my luck), a comfortable kitchen to sit and chat in, ten+ sets of everything needed to eat and drink with, and I discovered that I could seat up to thirty people in the summer for a cocktail party (though I doubt that will ever happen). The usual problems don't get in our way, even though we're only in a 740 sq ft house.

However, we seem to be doing less and less of it. I think this is partly because of the reciprocating factor mentioned earlier. Another thing that's starting to get us is unreliable attendance. I don't know about you guys, but when I say I'm going to show up for something, I DO! Planning for a large group and getting half of what you had confirmed is irritating. Now there are friends I just assume aren't going to show, and that's disheartening.

Right now it's because we don't have any furniture!! just a plastic table and 2 rattan chairs... no wonder I'm on Apartment Therapy so often haha

Once we can get more chairs and some couches, we'll probably host some game nights!

Samanto:

The first four are serious challenges, but even the chairs and money can be overcome. I think back to the super easy/cheap entertaining I did in college and am amazed.

On pre-cleaning, the obvious stuff - bathroom, general picking-up, etc.
The cooking: Go super-easy/cheap and get appetizers from your grocer or Trader Joes. Or for a dinner party type thing, check out the entertaining guide at Epicurious.
http://www.epicurious.com/articlesguides/entertaining

I just have to weigh in the opposite point of view. We entertain casually all the time. I worry that people leave and say, "huh, they weren't trying very hard", but not enough to stop.
Why? Partly because we love our friends, partly because I hate stumbling out into the cold at the end of a long night, and partly because if we didn't, I doubt I'd ever dust the house again.
I arrange it, dread it the day of, and am so pleased that we had people over for soup, or to celebrate Thursday, or experiment with chocolate fondue.
Dinner parties, on the other hand, are a recipe for stress. Start small.

My excuses are money and space, more specifically layout!

Lisa (and others above) make a great point that a sit-down dinner party is not the only way to entertain. True but still difficult for me to figure out how to comfortable fit people in my 450sf studio (with nearly 120 of that dedicated to a galley kitchen).

My building is also pretty quiet so I wonder about noise levels...

Looking forward to ideas/motivation! Thanks AT!

I can't cook, so that's as obstacle. Before I married, I had a Christmas Party for only my girlfriends. I would buy a two pound box of Godiva chocolates, and a case of Martini & Rossi Asti-Spumanti. Over time, it became the best party of the year, and the guys wanted in. We would let them in at midnight, primarily to get everyone home safely. It was the party everyone talked about at all the other parties, because it was so simple and different. It took hiring someone to deep clean the house, and two stops on the way home. Oh, and chilling the wine. My kind of party. NO WORK!

It's exhausting! I live alone so it's 100% me. I'm the maid, cook, bartender, server, party planner and janitor. Yes, people can help the day of the party but it's the pre and post work that's a killer.

TKPKgirl - I second the game suggestions made before. It would also be fun to put up quotes or factoids about different films all over the apartment. For instance, in the bathroom you could put "The final shower scene in Psycho took XXX takes."

When I had a teeny tiny place I would borrow a friend's place. They loved to entertain but didn't always want to do the work (similar to some of the comments above) and they were always invited anyway.

I used to have huge gatherings all the time when I rented and lived in very accessible area. Now that I own but am located much further from subways/buses, it's only a few people at-a-time sporadically or special nights like the Oscars, because people don't like to travel so far. (The price I pay for my own little spot I could afford.)

The spouses or significant others of some of the people I want to invite. If my house was big enough so the less desirable half of the couple could get lost I would do it more. But it's not so I don't.

A few inviolable rules whenever I do entertain:
1. You must be nice to my dogs - this is never a problem, but it's still a rule.
2. No drama. And if someone is insulted in my home I take it personally.
3. If you get so drunk you fall on the floor then you've created a scene, and I don't like that. Get drunk all you want, just don't fall down. You can sit down or use one my beds until you're well enough to take a cab.
4. If you do any drugs of any sort I will probably slap you and tell my dogs to bite you. I don't care what you do at home, as long as your disposition is good when you're at my gathering we're good.
5. You have to be at least 21. If you're a guest of a guest and you look too young I will - yes, I will - ask to see your driver's license.

We entertain a good bit, but hopefully more now that we're moving into a larger place. Seating has always been an issue, but our little group has come up with a solution- "not my chair, not my problem" or BYOC parties! Everyone struggles with the seating, so if you really want to sit at the table, bring a chair with you ;) It actually makes for a fun set up and a conversation starter depending on the chair.

Money. No matter how we try, even the most casual bbq winds up costing us a couple hundred. We always freak out at the last moment and buy more food/cheese/booze than we can afford.

Cleaning is a close second- although part of me loves the incentive to clean like a whirling dervish to get our house guest ready.

Also, I do not get this "reciprocal" excuse that keeps getting mentioned. If I have a casual or formal get together it's a gift to everyone I invite, including his or her guest.

If I'm reading the comments correctly then the "reciprocal" excuse is a real shame. I certainly wouldn't want to come to one of your parties if you're keeping score like that.

Parties are great--when they're not at your place. Too much work = almost no fun/no fun at all!

No space, dog who must be involved in everything and the predisposition I have to throw everyone out once the eating is done.

Location. We used to live in a small one bedroom with no space, we've since moved out further in suburbia to a nice house and we knew it would be perfect for entertaining. Unfortunately people act like we live too far away now. Expense is definitely a factor as well, the grocery bills add up quick.

Spatially, my last apartment was an incredible place for entertaining (lots of space and a huge shared patio) - but unfortunately, I hated living there for other reasons, as a result hardly decorated it, and as a result it lacked any home-vibe despite living there for 2 years. So I just really didn't feel comfy have people over at a place I didn't like. (I had one party during those 2 years)

The place I live in now... is wonderful, but TEENY TINY. Everything save for the bedroom is.... one room. BUT b/c of my experience at my last place, I really really don't want this to stop me from entertaining! I love cooking for people and love entertaining. Tiny = cozy, right?

I have food, wine, soft chairs, antique dining table and a great view.

I just have no friends.

I don't want to subject anybody to my ghetto apartment building which I am embarrassed of. My apt is nice but I get anxiety before anyone comes over because I can never make it clean enough and even if I spent 40 hours cleaning the place I would still be apologizing "for the mess" when they showed up.

I don't think the "reciprocal" thing is due to keeping score exactly... but when you NEVER get any invitations in return it does feel like you're putting in all the effort to the friendship, which isn't really how a good relationship works. As one person mentioned they never even get invited out for coffee, it does seem like their friends just aren't really interested in connecting in person. A shame, but I think we get a false sense of connection with our friends online and often don't make as much effort as we should to have real, meaningful, in-person interchanges whenever possible.

Chairs, finding a convenient date and the old 'who to invite and who not to invite without making anyone feel excluded'. That last one usually causes us to only do either casual small get togethers or large parties.

Other things that bug me a bit are the reliability of people showing up and knowing that some people tend to overstay their welcome (meaning: some people are known to stay till 3 a.m., whilst knowing that the host needs to be at work at 9 a.m. the 'following' morning!).

@spots: I think the reciprocal thing does not mean that people expect to be invited just as many times as they have hosted, it just means it's discouraging when you're the ONLY one doing the entertaining. Just like realizing you are always the one to call friend A, but never being called by friend A.

My husband and I love to entertain, my husband even more than me. I enjoy super casual, last-minute get togethers to throwing big parties on New Year's or Halloween.

But, I echo the reciprocity issue. After awhile you begin to think, "Why are we going to this trouble? Again?"

And, when you entertain a lot, after awile it's hard to keep it "fresh". Same group of friends, maybe a newbie here and there, same conversations, same locale, etc. It kinda gets dull.

Maybe we need to introduce more drama? I wish people partied harder. I said it!

Nesting--just enjoying our new space. This month, we'll have been in our new "giant" house for a year, and while we've had a handful of get-togethers, it's nothing like the monthly (or more) parties we had in our tiny (500 sq ft) condo, seating as many as 8 people. I nested there for about a year, too, though before I really started having people over with any regularity. We have a huge Fall Dinner/Pre-Thanksgiving get-together planned in a couple of weekends, though, and planning it has made me want to have people over more often.

I think my problem is a) Money to feed/quench people... though that's only for the moment. It really shouldn't be that expensive.

and b) I live in an apartment and I'm always afraid that guests will be noisy in the halls and parking lots. I hate when neighbours are really noisy, so it's something I obsess about.

Though I wish we entertained more often because then the apartment would be cleaned wayyy more often!

I love entertaining. And have done so in 700 to 1600 square feet. I can tell you all one thing, when people come to your house, a reasonable amount of people based on the space, they do not care if they have to sit on the floor, or on the chair. They do not care what you serve them (for that reason though, I host a lot of potlucks), and they do not mind the paper or plastic plates. We all want to be part of some kind of happy or interesting conversations that takes us away from our daily routine.

Dear AmmoniteInk, I was once uninvited from a thanksgiving table for the reason that there was no room at the table. It shocked me, as I had then just come from India, where hospitality is high on the things to do. And a chair or a table or space has never been an issue. I grew up with no dining table and right now have no coffee table. In our house people just sit on the carpet, and put their wine glasses on a tray from Ikea.

I feel a little better now reading the comments :)

Money can be a problem at times. Our house is in the middle of reno (DIY) also and it's a never-ending project (it seems, it's going on 1 year).
Our furniture looks like crap (thanks to our toddler who managed to do everything possible to them since the day he's born) and we're not purchasing anything new yet because we're too stingy (ok, we need to money for bills and paying for reno) to buy anything new until we've painted the living room (another project that keeps getting postponed due to our schedule).

And there are other important factors: We overstress. Overplan. My husband ends up overcooks things too LOL (he always insists on cooking the maindish-turkey or ham) the maindish always ends somewhat..cooked a little too long in the oven. Then the cleaning up BEFORE and AFTER. UGH.

We keep the entertaining into 2 times a year (Thanksgiving and Christmas).

Wow! I guess everyone has small places like mine!
I do have 4-5 close friends drop by occasionally and like the confined space of the living room where my TV and all my records are and even the tiny kitchen where most conversations and discussions take place!

These gatherings are usually not planned. Only regret is my booze needs constant replenishment.....People: buy the big handles!

Wait isn't there a difference between entertaining and throwing a giant expensive party?

It doesn't have to be a big thing with tons of food, hundreds of people, decorations and giant mess.

What ever happened to having dinner with friends? Family? Stopping by to visit? A night of watching movies and getting moderately boozed?

If you have to hire a cleaner to deal with the mess afterward, you need better friends!

My house isn't purdy & isn't sportless. Everytime I have people over, I get remarks about my broken kitchen drawer, my old toilet on which you have to jiggle the handle, the worn spot on my parque floor, etc.
Why invite people over if it's just going to make me feel bad about where I live??

I am with others who posted above, I have two friends (literally). My husband has friends, but they are not very close friends so I don't often think to have little get togethers. I do like to cook though, so every now and then I venture out and invite someone over or my favorite - take dinner or something to their house.

I recently moved back home and don't feel comfortable entertaining because it's not my house. I'm a natural entertainer and I miss it. I used to have friends over for dinner or drinks at least twice a week.

I've lived in plenty of small apartments and none of them ever kept me from entertaining. If there were more people than chairs at my dining table, then I brought in the chairs from my desk and the porch. If there were too many people to fit around the dining table, then I brought out throw pillows and couch cushions and we ate at the coffee table, sitting on the floor like the Japanese.

If money is the problem (which it is for a lot of us these days!), ask guests to bring a side dish or a bottle of wine. They'll be happy to contribute.

I do tend to stress about cleaning before people come over, but I don't mind since it gives me the extra kick I need to keep things in order.

To those in small spaces who entertain frequently - would you share your furniture layouts for those of us in small spaces who feel it is too small?

As others noted, entertaining doesn't have to mean a huge shindig. I tend not to do those frequently since I do have to really clean the whole house and it's a ton more work to execute. I did one as a housewarming last summer, but not since. I do have small groups over fairly frequently. I just got over the worry. Despite what we drool over everyday on AT, most people don't have perfectly clean, impeccably styled homes. So what if I only have three real dining chairs? I bring in my office chair, or even some of my outdoor plastic chairs. I don't worry about cooking an 8 course tasting menu....maybe we'll have make your own pizzas and a bottle of wine. Or burgers on the grill with salads from my garden. No one has ever mentioned my mismatched dishware. If your friends are really your friends, they're there to enjoy your company, not judge your house and look down their nose at you for not having a perfect home.

teeny tiny apartment, teeny tiny kitchen and a lack of time

I don't want people touching my stuff. Plus, I'm too much of a control freak. Then there's the $$ and the cleaning (ugh) and the fact I have no friends in the immediate vicinity (I doubt my friend Eve is going to travel from Berlin to come to my lame-ass party nor will Jerry in Santa Monica). I like being social, I just don't want hoards (more than two) of people in my apt.

@sagekitten85

I often rearranged the furniture and pushed everything against the living room/breakfast nook walls (e.g., chair next to table next to chair, all facing out; not typical chairs and table in the center taking up space).

I always had friends over for dinner or movies and when my fiance and I bought our house 3 years ago we had lots of get togethers. It wasn't until this past year when I planned a pirate party and almost everyone cancelled my text less than an hour before hand!!! I was crushed especially because I had done a lot of work finding a date that worked for everyone. Now I can't look at an eye patch or parrot without crindging. Now I'm all paranoid everyone will cancel last minute for my wedding.

So I guess a complex and the lack of reciprication is what has stopped us.

Cleaning... I keep a tidy nest, but when I know company is coming, I have to have it spotless.

People... or lack thereof. As pathetic as that sounds, we moved about 2 hours away about a year ago for my husband's job and while there are people I will go out with after work, I haven't met people that I hang out with beyond that. Before we moved there were very few weekends that we didn't entertain or go to someone else's house. It's been quite an adjustment.

People are really so much alike. Everyone worries about their own home. Is it too small? Is it too messy? Do I have enough chairs? Will people be uncomfortable if they have to sit on the floor? Will my guests be bored? The list goes on, and on, and on. But isn't it also true that when you're invited to someone else's home, you don't think about ANY of those things? Do you really care about mismatched dishes, or lack of chairs, or square footage? Of course not! You're grateful to your host or hostess for being kind and gracious enough to entertain you in their home. It's fun to go to a party, no matter where it is! But for some reason, when it's our own party, in our own home, we worry like crazy. Why do we do that?

I moved to a neighborhood far away from my friends. I have a great apartment but it's in a hood where there isn't much too do, so my friends are used to having me come to their neighborhood. I really miss throwing dinner parties, but I started to feel guilty for dragging people all the way to my neighborhood on the subway. I'm giving in and moving to Brooklyn in the spring, and looking forward to entertaining again!

It's funny, so many people have mentioned not wanting to entertain because they don't like the loss of control over their place and their stuff. But I like to entertain in part because of the sense of control: I plan the food, the music the drinks. Everyone has to try the things I like. Yay! I just find it really fun. And no one ever seems to notice the mess or awkward seating, especially if there's plenty of sangria and good food!

Ugh - my crappy house! Do my friends care? i don't know. I have a rather big house, but 4 years ago my DH gutted the house. We finally have bathrooms, but our living room is an shell with plywood floors. And I'm the only one who cleans.

I see bits of myself in so many comments. I hate to clean, I have no friends, and I seldom reciprocate. Hmmm - maybe I see my no-friends problem!
Luckily I have AT friends.

Like so many others, it's the cleaning before the event that throws me off.

I just have this overwhelming need for everything to be perfect and that makes entertaining a really stressful thing for me :o(

I wish I could overcome that as I would LOVE to entertain at least monthly and actually enjoy it ..... PLEASE HELP!!

Cleaning and money. Entertaining can be pricey.

I think too many people are overthinking this, and are thus, understandably, scared. Entertaining is easy. Invite the people you love, and they will arrive, bearing a bottle, with luck, or a confection, or a great story, and they will love you back. Despite the dust that you may have not gotten around to totally eradicating, irregardless of the fact that instead of being seated formally around a table with the Wedgewood they're lounging around on your mismatched chairs—or the floor!—eating off your mismatched dishes. Do a decent sweep of the bathroom. I'm a great and enthusiastic cook, but do I regularly resort to having a bunch of Trader Joe's cocktail munchies around and/or making a quick lasagna with no-boil noodles, jar-ed sauce and cheap sausage? Hell, yeah! Have plenty of booze on hand and let 'er rip. Include lots of great music, and some hard partiers to give the more staid folks a chuckle: you'd be surprised who ends up dancing with who! Basically, relax. No one wants to be faced with a host/hostess who's a ball of stress and making them feel like an imposition. Just remember: these are your friends. They love you.
Of course, those gatherings involving mere acquaintances and business associates, etc. are slightly different—more cleaning, more planning, better food—but not by much, and the basic tenet is the same: warmly welcome everyone at the door like you're thrilled they're there (which you should be) and can't wait to have a great time, and they'll be instantly in the spirit. And that spirit is totally infectious.

Next morning: cleanup, sure, but you only have to get it back to the state it was in before, and there is nothing better than knowing you threw a great party.

ps: Old-school Madonna never fails.

Huh. It looks like I was defining "entertaining" differently than others- and I'm wondering if others do the same. When I hear "entertaining" I think of something planned ahead of time, with effort put in, and usually some kind of food or drink served by the host. I hope that's what other people are thinking of two- I think it's very sad if people don't even have a couple friends over just to hang out for all the reasons listed above. I can still have people over, I just don't throw terribly planned-out parties yet. My comic art collective comes over to lay on my floor, watch my netflix, draw, and rant at the internet all the time. Am I the only one making this distinction?

I'm surprised I have a (relatively) new problem after reading all these interesting comments. I love to cook, love to show off my apartment, always need a little extra motivation to clean it up, and I'm not shy about having people sit on whatever they can get comfortable on - it's the combinations of friends that I find challenging.
Cast the net wide and risk an awkward mix?
Or plan it carefully and choreograph all the meetings? How many is a good number for a small apartment (about 500sf)? A wild card in a house this size is risky!

The excuse "not enough space" is not valid unless you have a bunch of claustrophobic friends. I had a super teensy studio at one point and invited 26 people for a party to carve pumpkins - just nibbles and drinks but it was fun!
My excuse right now is that all my friends have children who are all over the map with soccer, school things, etc and the parents must drive them or pick them up so organizing a time together is a huge challenge.
Usually it's easier to go out with just one or two friends to a cafe in between errands.

All the cleaning before and after and not having the space are the biggest reasons. More than three to four guests just makes the place feel cramped and that's all that comfortably fits without making everything seem claustrophobic.

It doesn't help that there is no coat closet in the apartment, so coats and purses tend to get thrown on the bed and since we go with shoes-off we have to make extra space to line up shoes.

For me, it's mostly time - my friends, boyfriend and I work often incompatible hours, which makes it hard to get everyone together.

Plus, I'll be honest: there's always a point in the night, usually in the wee hours of the morning when everyone except me is way past drunk, when I just want everyone to GTFO. At least if someone else hosts, I get to leave whenever I want.

- space not great for entertaining
- parking more than three cars on my long, steep driveway is a challenge
- have a small child so evening events at my house are very hard - new in town, no reliable child care to take place elsewhere
-other friends also have young children. I like evening get togethers, but it is hard, esp. on the spur of the moment.

The reciprocity thing is very real and very annoying. So much so, that we've lost friends over the years because of it. Inviting friends numerous times over numerous years and suddenly realizing you've NEVER been invited to their very ample home. And then they have the gall to mention that they haven't been invited over recently . . . . pffffffft.

I have the space, the means, the chairs, and just can't get excited about having it all happen again.

I'm an introvert so only "entertain" due to the extrovert hubster. We do four "real" parties a year--two for/with our neighbors/friends and two for my husband's teaching assistants. In addition, in conjunction with the immediate neighbors, we do about four or so outdoor things during nice weather (we live in WI, so that is about once a month or so during summery times)--these are very much a group affair where everyone brings food/wine/etc. and we alternate yards. We adore our neighbors so these are always a treat. Then we probably do around 10 or so other dinners with friends over the course of a year.

I reread that and it looks like we entertain a lot. It doesn't really feel that way (very often), since we are pretty tidy and don't have to do a whole lot before having people over. But I have to say the biggest thing that keep us from doing it more is sheer busyness and exhaustion--at the end of the week, I just need to have down time from all the people I deal with on a regular basis (an issue that has been exacerbated since both the husband and I have moved into more people intensive positions).

I am looking for help. How do others with young children continue to entertain?? I am looking for ideas.

@piccola -- Exactly!

1. Work schedule -- I work nights and weekends, and my friends don't.
2. I always get nervous about who to invite. I always feel like I'm leaving people out.
3. I don't enjoy having guests in the wee hours of the morning either, and yet when we have a party in the evening they always seem to stay that late.
4. Also very, very introverted.

Cost, unfortunately. Food and beverages add up quickly, and that's assuming there's nothing being spent on decor/ambiance.

We have plenty of space and I certainly have the desire to throw parties/get-togethers (my husband probably has less of a desire). It really just comes down to money. :(

I'm with the author - I over do it and consequently overstress. This is an excellent topic and I look fwd to more posts!

Oh My God! Don't get me started! The biggest thing I hate about entertaining (I'm surprised there weren't more?) FLAKES!! 10 people say, "Sure I love to come over for -fill in the blank-!"
then after all the prep the weekend, day/night before, and day of all I get is, "Gee, sorry, we/I can't make so much other more important stuff to do, ya know taxes, fill out my will, file for divorce, have a long sit-down talk with my kid on the facts-of-life, shave, take a personal night, wash the cat, see my other friend that just popped into town, go to bed early- for once, WTF!!!! What's the big deal just bring your troubles along to the party, it's not like they'll ever go away! I want to see my friends!!!!!

My partner and I always end up in a row afterwards, as he keeps inviting more bodies as the night approaches, and I get more and more uptight about it..so the short version is that we are immature idiots.

1.lack of reciprocation
2. My friends lack any knowledge of social etiquette
3. It's expensive
4. I can't afford hired help and end up working all night.
5. I have a toddler
6. I hate the next day clean up

Despite all this, I still entertain, just not as much as I would like.

I've been reading through the comments here and I truly don't get why people think entertaining has to be expensive. Why not make some chili, ask people to bring their favorite side dish, and serve with some inexpensive red wine?

That said, though, I do have a problem with no-shows. For my boyfriend's birthday party last weekend, MY OWN SISTER didn't even e-mail to say she couldn't make it. She just didn't show. Can you tell I'm still peeved about it?

Lack of parking. I live in Santa Monica.....oh yeah, and flakey friends who either don't RSVP, or do and then don't show up. Too bad, I love to feed people and crave a salon for smart people across a table filled with good eats.

I do like to entertain more now that we have a kid. Easier to put him to bed (no babysitting expenses) and relax with friends, wine and some games and/or conversation.

It can be expensive - but it can also be done affordably.

It helps me keep my house clean - nothing gets me more motivated (besides Maxwell's Home Cure) than having people over.

My husband and I keep up with the dishes during the evening and then do a tag team, fast clean when the guests have departed. We wake up to a clean home and fun memories.

Mine would be that- we move too much for hubbys work so don't really have very many "come for dinner" friends, my husband is painfully antisocial (i'm the opposite!), we have 2 small children, 2 large dogs that have been known to steal shoes or tampons from purses, my husbands buddy living with us as a cellar dwelling video game nut, lack of funds, we live HOURS away from close friends and family...... though our house is IDEAL for entertaining, it's just too many hurdles at this point. We both volunteer, work.... as much as I would LOVE to entertain, I also get kind of nervous and shy- "what if this sucks? What if it's BORING? what if the dog eats someones tampon and throws it up?" Too much stress!!! Eeek! Though, I DO plan on putting said dogs in a kennel overnight, and having a housewarming party when I move... but since all my friends have small children, it will be a child friendly "kids in a tent in the basement with the babysitter faux camping while parents upstairs" kinda deal...

and yeah, no shows SUCK. We had a TON of nnno shows at our wedding and I am still super ticked at a lot of them... "oh i forgot" or "something came up" is NOT A good enough reason to stand people up!

We entertain pretty frequently. We have the stuff, the space, the $, and - thankfully - a housekeeper. The events range from weekly dinners with our closest friends to Sunday Suppers with 8-12 up to a feast on our wedding eve for 40. We'll get burned out for a while, then get the spark again; we have just decided to have a supper next weekend and are busy planning the menu. It's a team effort for us and we love spending the time together before and after. That said, I share some of the issues of others: the lack of reciprocity is a real bummer with certain of our guests, and experience has taught me that while I can do it all, but I shouldn't: I will hire help for all gatherings above 15 in the future, because I'm tired of missing my own parties!

having a well set up kitchen with plenty of space to cook is key for me. my current apartment has the most disfunctional kitchen i have ever seen with a cooktop stuck sideways in a nook in the corner (i mean seriously? who thought that was a good idea?). i cant wait to move to a place where i can cook for more than 1 person again.

Not enough of my friends in one place. At most I could rustle up maybe three couples in the current town, none of whom know each other and none of whom would get along with each other anyhow. Also, none of my friends are at all given to formal entertaining, and the fact that I do any decorating at all is always looked at askance, like I'm trying too hard. My coworker gives constant dinner parties (I've been to one; most of them are church-based), and I sometimes feel a little jealous, but everyone I know is still living like they're in college, despite pushing 30.

Moved back to my old home town and do not have friends, that is always a draw back when your closest friends are a thousand miles away.
I love entertaining and cooking for people and getting the house nice and clean is a good thing. Just need the one ingredient. Friends.

I love love love entertaining. We have a small (700 sq ft.), very compartmentalized (top floor of what was once a single family home) apartment with a very small kitchen with just one dresser-worth of counter space. But you know, we'll easily have 10-12 people over at a time (did it tonight!) and at least once, usually two or three times, a week have an extra person or three at dinner. I love to cook and I do alright with it and I can't say that the compliments about my food hurt my feelings. It is helpful that I have a super organized friend who likes to clean that generally comes over to keep me company and clean up while I cook. And a live-in boyfriend who does most of the dishes the next day!

The money (even a simple meal can get a bit pricey for 10 or 12 especially when you do it frequently!) and reciprocity can be an issue. I have some friends that I invite to most of our dinners. They hold a dinner just for the girls every Sunday with a few of the girls that we are friends with. I've only been invited twice and each time it was because they wanted me to make something specific that no one else really knew how to make. Once it was the main dish and the other it was the only side dish (which was more expensive and complex than the main dish) AND the dessert. I don't mind doing it, but it does hurt my feelings a bit that they do this every week and I've only been invited twice while they are over at my house for dinner quite frequently. I really just want the time with them!

No friends here - live out in the country & we haven't found our "community"

Old friends many hundreds of miles away - we wish y'all could come visit but we understand

No time - me working 40 - 50 hours a week & also in school full-time, husband in school (finishing up)

Hoping to relocate back to western North Carolina and find the community we miss when husband is out of school and finds a job ...

I have the same thoughts as AmmoniteInk.

"Entertaining" is great for those who are up for the challenge.

But there is a great lack of the practice of casual visits & sharing of one's space in today's society (American, I am speaking of). My European boyfriend has noticed this. The general anxiety about this reason to not "entertain" is indicative of the lack of intimacy we have in our social circles. We're so accustomed to sharing time outside our homes now. But sharing TV- or casual meal-time is a much better bonding experience than meeting for x event or at x restaurant.

"Entertaining" = Performance for many people & that means performance anxiety.

Those who expect reciprocation are assuming all others are comfortable with hosting gatherings as they are, but that's obviously not the case. As someone said, hosting should be a gift with no expectations.

I give all this critique as an observer, but also as a participant. I'm an introvert, & am anxious about cooking.

Is it too bad to ask for ours friends to help before, during and after party????? Modern days, modern behaviors ?????

The fact that we moved a year ago, and don't have as many friends as I'd like here (it's improving all the time though!).

Still, we have huge parties at our house at least three times a year ! It's always a sit-down diner, between eight and 16 people, with at least two proven recipes and a test. If the test is a disaster (happens all the time), then it's just plain fun as people come in the kitchen and imagine ways to improve it with me.
I do minimum cleaning before the party (my house is never that dirty anyway, whose house is ?), go shopping the night before the party, and try never to do more than two hours of cooking, while always planing three.
I love having people here ! We did a new year's party last year, when I was 7 months pregnant. It ended up as a crèpes-party, with people cooking their own crèpes and choosing the toppings. No work at all for me, and so much fun !

I never ask friends to help me, but I get help all the time. And it's so much fun to do the last preparations in the kitchen while someone is with you, a glass of wine in his/her hand !

I've been thinking a lot about the reciprocity issue (which, along with the no-shows and late-shows) is one of my reasons for entertaining less.

I understand that not everyone is able to/interested in hosting a sit down dinner for ten people or a cocktail party for 100+. I don't in any way expect a tit for tat reciprocation of entertaining. But -- there is a social contract involved for hosts as well as guests (at least in the way I was brought up -- it involves arriving on time, thanking the host, talking to other guests, and praising the food and home on the guests' part and serving on time, thanking the guests, talking to all the guests, and not having pet turds visible all over the house on the host's part).

Entertaining is a gift that I enjoy giving. But if I've given that gift repeatedly without thanks (and I'm not saying invite me to your house and make me dinner, I'm saying thank me -- write me a thank you card, invite me to a coffee shop for a coffee, make it clear that you enjoy my company and want to spend time with me in a setting that doesn't involve me serving you), and it rankles me, then I guess I should stop giving it. Sometimes I stop entertaining for a while, but I LOVE to have people over (whether it's for a coffee, a dinner, or a big party), so I start to do more entertaining, and then find that only a few of my friends ever invite me to things.... it's a cycle.

As I read other people's complaints about rarely being invited by people they invite a lot, (especially the one who is only invited to make a specific recipe) I think "their friends are just not that into them" and I guess that's something I should consider for myself. And then decide whether I'm okay with that, and keep having these folks over (because I have a great time at my parties and enjoy these people's company -- that's why I want to be around them!), or start trying to widen my circle of invitees in hopes of meeting more people who will have some social gatherings that employ a change of scene (i.e. not my house). It's really thought-provoking.

Honestly, I'm a neat freak. I worry too much that someone might spill or stain something, especially when it involves kids. Kids is another issue - some don't know how to behave outside their homes.

My old place was too small, but I recently moved and am looking forward to having friends over for dinner tomorrow!

If your only reason for not entertaining is lack of chairs, why not get some inexpensive folding ones?

Hell is other people.

My large dogs are terrible scavengers and will sit and stare anyone down if they have food, and if I put them in another room or outside, they'll scratch at the door all night, with these loooong drawn out nail scratches that go for 3-4 feet down the door. Ughh. We generally only have friends that have dogs over too, and they bring their dog and the dog-kids go play and leave us alone. Otherwise, it's noses at the edge of the table at dinner.

I really have a bee in my bonnet about this topic. I just saw this clip from the Today Show about civility and saying please and thank you: http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/39946277/ns/today-today_people/

For the people who choose not to entertain at home for the many reasons listed above, do you go to other people's homes as guests, and if so, do you feel you have a social obligation to reciprocate or thank the hosts in any way?

our last apt was a hole in the wall that i didn't want anyone to see,we were there 4 yrs, now that we've bought a house i haven't the faintest idea on etiquette for entertaining...plus, i'm not a very good friend...i'm the kind that falls off the face of the planet for 6 months. but i would like to entertain at least once in our new home...who do i invite? how many do i invite? i'm 8 yrs. vegan...do i make vegan food, or do i accommodate to them? (i'd rather they accommodate to me in my home-i accommodate to everyone else ALL the time) games? music? beer? wine? what to do!!

I am so glad at least a few others posted about no-shows. I actually tried to have a small - simple, informal, let's-hang-out - gathering this weekend. and of the seven invited, my brother showed up. (Even though I had scheduled it specifically so one of the couples would be able to come!) It was so disappointing, and so intensely frustrating. I detest flakiness, and my parents raised me to honor commitments I make...so how come all of my friends seem to be word-breaking airheads? And how do I help them? Anybody?

I notice that a bunch of people are put off by the expense and hassle, and I'd say that your expectations for how fabulous it has to be are maybe too high. Also, if you only have 4 chairs, you can still invite a couple people over! We moved not too long ago and are still forming new friendships, but in our previous city/country we had some great, casual get-togethers which were best for being regular rather than fancy.

With one set of friends, who have a toddler, we used to go over, order take-out together and eat and hang out. It meant they could keep the usual bedtime routine, but we also all got to visit, and little-to-no prep/cleanup.

With another group of friends, we used to go over to one person's house each week, and cook together, all bringing some of the ingredients. That way, it didn't cost anyone any more than just cooking at home.

I'd love to do some of these no-fuss things here, but it's hard when you barely know anyone to get these sort of traditions going and get other people to fit them into their busy schedules.

Thanks for your great comments, eiw! I couldn't agree more on the reciprocity issue. I love to entertain, but have scaled back over the years becuz of the sad reality that a few of our friends won't make the effort. It's not just that they don't invite us to their home - they never plans or initiate anything! I would love to know what they're really thinking - especially when they show up to our parties without fail - and repeatedly tell us how we should get together more often. Um, apparently only as long as I'm doing the planning?? (and yes, I have tried telling them that I would love it if they'd just invite me to meet them at 7-11 for slurpees, but get no response)

My solution is to invite ALL our friends to our yearly holiday party - becuz I still care about them and want to see them. But the rest of the year (smaller dinner parties, etc), I only invite the friends that actually make an effort. It still breaks my heart, but short of cutting them entirely out of my life, it's the best solution I've come up with.

Anxiety about creating the perfect, most original, yummy, exquisite, unique, never-before-tried-but also-totally-comforting meal.
Too much pressure.

Social anxiety! Ha.
I'd love to entertain, but I'm a bit of an introvert. I stress myself out trying to plan for guests.

Well, I'm a hermit and so's my partner. I work with people all day in a public library, and believe me, that makes my limited free time very precious to me! I work 45 minutes from home, so my co-workers, who are always welcome, never come to my place (nor I to theirs) because it's just far enough to be a PITA. And, like some others here, I don't have any other social friends really (apart from internet buddies), partly due to my hermit tendencies and partly due to having moved so many times that links eventually were too hard to maintain or create, especially without churches or other organizations in my life that some people use to meet people.

We have a nice home theater, and most of the entertaining we do is my partner's pals coming over, sometimes with their kids, for movie nights. That's pretty basic, maybe some soft drinks, popcorn, and candy. And we like to have couples over for dinner now and then, but four schedules, with me working nights and Saturdays sometimes, make the logistics of that really difficult.

I'd like to have a holiday party, but if normal logistics are hard, during the holiday season they are a nightmare! (Plus, apart from co-workers and maybe a half dozen other people who never met and who have nothing in common, I don't know who I'd invite!)

You college- and recently-post-college aged people have much bigger social circles than some of us older folk!

@ sagekitten85--I'd do as others here have noted--push all the furniture up against the wall and unfurl the folding dining table (hooray for gateleg tables!). ;) That was for sit-down dinner parties--like I said, usually about 8 people, though the table supposedly only sat 4. I'd sometime bring in my 2-seater patio table for "really big" parties. For my birthday party--a free-for-all potluck that usually stuffed 30 people into my 500-sq-footer, I'd put out as many chairs and floor cushions as I could find, opened up into the patio and put cushions out on the steps for more seating, and just jumped feet-first into the fray. My friends tolerated it for 3 years and always told me they'd had a blast afterward.

@homoimprovement--On a tangent to what I just wrote, cast the net wide. I had work friends, townie hipster friends, writer friends, foodie friends--all mashed in. I'd always make sure people who came solo found their way into a group to mingle with, but other than that, people were always willing to cross paths with others and make new friends themselves.

plenty of space, plenty of chairs, enough money...
i moved to a town where ive had trouble meeting people, and don't know anyone (besides who already comes over) to invite.
i'm planning on moving back to my big ol city sometime next year though so hopefully that will change

I just realized, I'm one of the non-reciprocaters! A couple of my friends have parties and small gatherings on a pretty regular basis, even those with tiny apartments. Because I'm pretty antisocial, I often don't attend when invited, but it is fair to say I attend more parties than I have.

My reason for not having people over more often (besides best friends who are welcome any time) is that I am embarrassed by the plastic bins and old mattress that my boyfriend thinks are "useful". And the fact that he doesn't really help with preparation. So that means I have to foot the bill (I'm an artist, he's an engineer) and then I cook (he doesn't know how), and then I pour the drinks for guests as they arrive, and I do most of the clean up. I really miss having small gatherings and we do live in an area with decent parking, easy Public transport, and it's a loft with plenty of seating. NO EXCUSES in other words. Thanks for the wake up call.

I echo eiw's eloquent sentiments about reciprocity (and others' comments about flakes, no-shows and chronic late-comers; sadly, family can often be worse offenders than friends). I'm a good cook. We throw great parties. But after many, many years of hosting, which I was genuinely happy and glad to do, I'm done. It's very disheartening to realize that very few (if any) in your circle of friends and family take the initiative to make plans and issue invitations to you. They happily show up on your doorstep come party time, but nary an invitation from them, ever.

To those who cry "I don't have the space/money/time", we've always lived in very small spaces, often subsisted on very moderate incomes, and for the last seven years I've worked two jobs, yet our place was always the go-to spot for parties and holidays. You don't have to live in a palace and be drowning in money to have fun and create a welcoming vibe in your home.

If you can't cook, have a potluck. Need chairs? Ask the guests to bring folding chairs. Nervous about having people in your home? Throw a picnic or BBQ at the park or beach. Organize a meet-up at a great coffee/dessert place (everyone can go dutch - all it will cost you is your time and the cup of coffee and the napoleon). Do something. ANYTHING. Show the people you care about that they matter to you, even if it's in some small way. The ONE THING that any of this requires, from the simplest to the most elaborate, is effort. And that, sadly, is what many people are unwilling to exercise.

So, for the past several years, we've been leaving town at holidays and on other big occasions. From camping/hiking to spas/hotels, all so we can deflect the inevitable barrage of emails asking us, "when's the party?" This Thanksgiving we'll be making the 8-10 hour drive to San Francisco, to spend it with dear friends, who were gracious enough to invite us to their home.

@spots, about reciprocating invitations:

I think you're seeing reciprocity as feeling entitled to an invitation from a guest, but it's more about feeling annoyed about a friend's laziness in maintaining your friendship.

I think we all have a friend who is happy to hang out when you call, but he or she never takes the initiative and calls you to do something. That one-sidedness is slightly irritating, right?

with us, it's an almost pathological fear of germs/bedbugs.

we have a cat that is co-infected with FIV/FeLV and worry intensely about people bringing in germs that will make him sick. i know.

also, we got bedbugs last year from briefly sitting on a chair at a friend's apartment. she had picked up the chair i was sitting on from the trash, and it was infested with hungry bedbugs. the hell that became the next 7 months was enough for me to rarely have people over, worried that thy could have put their bag down in the wrong spot, or brought bedbugs home from work or a friend and not know it yet.

i love entertaining, i love having people over, but i swear i have a form of ptsd now that prevents me from doing it.

I entertain in small groups (like 4 people), but even that can be a pain. People don't reciprocate, EVER, don't RSVP, or they do RSVP but just don't show up, etc. I'm really careful who I invite over. If I ever had to throw a big party, I'd do a cocktail party in a restaurant and let someone else do the work and put up with the wear and tear.

@jlcarpe3, ug, so sorry about the no shows to your pirate party! I would have gone, if I said I would go then I will show up. It didn't occur to me that people would lamely drop out until I saw it happen to two acquaintances last year. Since then I've been nervous that could happen to me too since I'm relatively new to the area and haven't made core friends yet. In years past I have no problems entertaining because people were good with their words about showing up and vice versa. But now in my new location I've been hearing about no-shows and it makes me scared.

To others I make the excuse that I haven't finished renovating/redecorating my condo yet.

Someone mentioned a few posts ago that they invite the same people over & have the same conversations...

I had a Halloween dinner party with my usual friends & I feared it would come down to the same old conversations & people would get bored.

But I pulled out Guesstures, a charrade-like game, and it was a hit! It got everyone up & moving. We had some gut wrenching laughs too.

I think if you're worried about keeping everyone stimulated, switch things up by having a theme for your party or a good old fashioned game night.

My apartment is spacious, but I don't have the best decor or the sturdiest chairs (I make sure I get the weakest chair if there aren't enough good ones to go around). Where there's free food & drinks, friends will follow.

I suspect a lot of people are non-reciprocaters because they're ashamed of their houses, don't know how to cook, etc. They don't think about how this comes across to others.

Speaking of reciprocating, I held a birthday party for my honey last weekend and his best buddies attended. I heard them talking at the party about arranging a movie night for all of us and thought, "oh, that sounds fun, I'm looking forward to that." This morning, said honey tells me that the movie night has been scheduled for tomorrow at one of the guy's houses and no girls are allowed. These guys that I just cleaned my house for and cooked all kinds of food for have uninvited me because I don't have the "right" bits.

Nice, huh?

STH - Maybe those should be the same people not invited to your next few parties so they get the hint. I'd be very annoyed with the fiance if he allowed his friends to treat me like that if I had just bought the groceries, cooked for them, and spent hours afterwards cleaning.

General anxiety.

(1) Moving. One year we had a huge apartment in an old Victorian, with a dining room where we could fit our gorgeous Argentine teak dining table for 8... but we were new in town and had no one to entertain. The next year we downsized (after realizing we couldn't afford the heating bill in that huge place). Now we have friends but only enough comfortable room for 2-4. Sadly, our dining table is gathering dust in basement storage, but I refuse to sell it cause I know we'll eventually move somewhere big enough for it.
(2) Reciprocating. Even if people can't host a big dinner in return, a phone call to say hi or get a coffee makes you feel your efforts are appreciated. No one hosts expecting nothing in return - to me, cooking and tending to others is about friendship....

I just moved into my first place (from my family's house) so I don't really have any furniture yet. For seating I only have an old captains chair and wooden classroom chair in front of a coffee table. And for dining I have an outdoor plastic rattan set with a small, round glass table and 3 chairs (left by the previous owner) that i spray painted and moved indoors.

In the next year I'm hoping to get a couch chaise lounge, floor cushions/ beanbag chair, for the living room, a farm dining table that can sit at least 6, a 2 twin bed sectional for the sun room, and bench seating out doors. That would push my seating possibilities from 5 to about 25.

I really have no interest in entertaining. I'm pretty introverted myself, and I'm fussy about how people treat my furnishings. I don't like to cook (cook for myself, but not too good) and the thought of entertaining stresses me out enough to give me hives. ;D Reading though some these posts where people cancel at the last moment, or just don't show up is unbelievable! Here you go...cleaning and shopping and cooking for x amount of people...that is the height of rudeness! All the work and money involved...that would turn me off forever. Also, the lack of reciprocation would bother me.

Bless you Melle for helping me make sense of this. I never had trouble entertaining friends until I left college. Now we get invited to perfectly cooked elaborate meals, swank homes....I can just imagine the disappointment on people's faces when they see our space.

I feel guilty when I see the comments of non-reciprocation. We generally take our "host" friends out to an expensive meal or movie, hand them a nice gift, etc, and hope that's enough.

Does anyone have suggestions for someone who wants to reciprocate but does not feel comfortable hosting at home? We could really use suggestions.

If I throw a party, and hardly anyone shows up, my reaction is: "Yay! My house is clean, and I have all this food!"

The "shoes on/off in house?" issue must not be as important as AT thinks, because no one has brought that up as a reason to not entertain. ;)

I just don't get parties, a few friends over for a game night or something is cool but I don't like people making a mess in my place and the one time I tried to have a party only 4 people showed anyway. So yeah. Not my thing.

I'm so depressed after reading these comments! It makes it sound like the majority of AT readers are antisocial curmudgeons and that can't be true.

I myself have no problem with space (my last apt was 300 sq ft and I'd still host parties with 30+ people), I love to cook and the cleaning is the kick in the pants I need to catch up on housework. I completely echo other people who say that $$ shouldn't be an issue - just have a few people over for a more casual get together. Eating a pizza with friends or having them over for tea still counts as entertaining donchaknow...

my biggest hurdle is finding a free weekend. Everyone I know (and myself included) is usually so busy, it's tough to find a night where everyone's free. And now that everyone's having kids or moving out to the suburbs, it's even harder!

Geography. The people whom we used to entertain or be entertained by most weekends, now live 100 and 200 miles away so it's just not possible on a regular basis and I don't know anyone near the new place well enough yet. I realise that entertaining would allow me to get to know people, but I find it hard and worry that it'll be a flop :-(

I always love to entertain despite space and an ideal kitchen but what holds me back is determining whether to cook for everyone or have people bring things. Finances is a big one here because clearly having everyone contribute is the best way to go but not knowing if they'll show up let alone bring something is the big issue. i don't want guests to be without some nibbles because some people didn't show up.

i usually tend to over plan and over think so i usually take too much on! i need help on how to appropriately delegate different duties and to not sweat the small stuff which takes away from the true enjoyment of just having friends over for the sake of fun! :)

i am introverted and may have ocd... so when things are out of place or get messy from a guest, i will get a little irritated and not talk about it :) money, enough space, and interior design are not a problem. i can relate to junklover's post.

not gratifying

my best friend and i love to entertain, to have theme parties, decorate, that kind of stuff... but our friends can be so flakey!! they expect us to show at their parties, but just this halloween, the one we threw was a little thin. we don't mind spending a little extra if ppl are actually gonna show...we don't care for going out to the local overhyped casinos, so gatherings seem like the right alternative.
All of us complaining about our flakey friends should get together..we'd make great friends and have awesome gatherings!

I live on the other side of town from many of my closest friends. I always got a groan or shrug when I offered to host a get-together. So I just stopped offering. Ironically, I WILL drive to the other side of town to hang and their place.

Adult friendships are strange, imo.

Cleaning and pressure....but love it!

I always have EITHER the time or the money, never both. Plus, now I live an hour away from all of my friends, who are disappointingly lazy when it comes to driving to hang out with me. :-(