The first thing I would do would be to make sure that the house was secure, so you don't have to be worried that it's going to happen again. Put window locks on your windows (they're super cheap and easy to install.) Make sure your locks are all sound (it sounds like you've done that though) and change any if you're worried you left keys around for break-in #1. Put multiple lights on timers that go off at random intervals, and make sure that you have decent curtains, so it's not totally obvious from the street what you're doing and when you're home/not home. And consider putting up "BEWARE OF DOG" or "SERVICED BY X ALARM COMPANY" signs (even if there is no dog/alarm service) - that can make a big difference. And ask the landlord to install a motion-sensitive light outside your doors - that can really be a deterrent - and consider a dummy camera up high pointed at your door. Depending on how much it would cost and what you can afford, you may actually want to get a security system, too, but usually they're pretty expensive.

Once it feels secure enough to you, then it's just a matter of telling yourself that you really are safe and doing whatever ritual will make it feel like home again. Unfortunately it will probably be a little while before you settle in comfortably, but it can be done... maybe invite friends over to have a little burglar-vibe-exorcism, spill some wine for the spirits, and try to take it one day at a time!

*sigh* It's hard, I know. It took me MONTHS to feel better, and sometimes I still get a little edgy when I'm home alone (we weren't on holiday: kids took advantage of their lunch break to find a house where no one was home, and broke in through the back door. Normally I would have been home! The thought of someone entering my house when I'm THERE is what really terrifies me). Getting an alarm system installed definitely helped. However, nothing but time did anything to bring back a feeling of safety.

I remember cleaning everything up as fast as possible, trying to clear away signs of the break-in, but that didn't really help. You've done what you can to make the place secure, so now it's just a matter of waiting out the feeling of violation.

Maybe other readers have advice? I could still probably use it, too...

Our house was robbed a few years ago and we installed a security system. That really helped, but it took a long time before I felt safe again. My dad bought me a "No Trespassers" door hanger and it served as a reminder that I was protected. :)

I'm sorry about the break in, but I have to say that this is the best picture and headline I've ever seen. Complete win.

omigosh - i have no advice but I am really sorry about such a terrible violation of your security and privacy. seems like only time will heal those wounds.

I'm so sorry. I completely understand what you mean. It sounds so cliche, but you really do feel so violated knowing that some stranger was in your house going through your stuff. All I can say is that it will eventually pass. Getting an alarm system might help speed up the process though :o)

I am so sorry to hear about this. Terrible. If it would feel right to you, you might also invite friends or perhaps a Feng Shui practitioner to come and help you perform a ritual...something that would make you feel like the energy in your home has been cleaned and affirms that you are safe and secure in your home. All the best to you.

You would be surprised effective a simple surveillance camera can be in deterring would-be burglars.

I have an 8-channel surveillance system at my house that I can monitor remotely with my phone. You could set up a simple single-camera system at your front door.

As far as getting back to feeling safe again. Well, I'm sorry to say it, but its just going to take time. Reach out to other burglarly victims in your community and online for support. Good luck and God bless.

I remember how violating it feels, and I was just visiting my friends when they were broken into. I don't know how to feel totally better, but I do think that doing something about all of the ways someone could get in, and doing a serious clean will help. 3M makes a clear film that you can adhere to the inside of your windows which will stop windows from being broken out by a burglar. You can even break them from the inside in case of a fire, just not from the outside.

One thing if you have desks, chests or cupboards that can be locked, and that you're fond of for any reason, no matter what you keep inside them *don't leave them locked* ! Burglars generally break anything open with a crowbar to see what's inside, so not only are things stolen, your furniture can also end up by being damaged.

For the violated feeling, I agree time is the best remedy, you need to reassociate your pad with good moments. Try rearranging furniture or redecorating to have a somewhat new setting, and throw a big party with all the poeple you love.

I am sorry to hear that and I know exactly how you feel. My previous house was broken into when I was at work (I always thought that having 3 fairly big dogs would be enough of a deterrent) and even though the thieves did not really go through my possession (they stole only my PC, my DVD and my digicam) I felt incredibly violated. I had read about this (the feeling of violation) in articles about break-ins and I never really believed it until I was in the situation myself. The feeling of violation was incredibly strong and I in fact did not lose anything of big value.
Virtual hugs your way.

I too know how you feel. My house was broken into on Thanksgiving evening a few years ago. My daughter and I had been home for about an hour, and I had gone to bed with our two big dogs. The burglar came through my daughter's unlocked bedroom window and took her brand new (not even used yet) $1,400 laptop. She had been in the bedroom just a few minutes before. For some reason, the dogs slept right through it.

We both felt very violated, especially since we were home at the time. It took quite awhile to feel safe again. What helped is knowing that it could have been worse: my daughter could have gone into her room while the guy was in there. It might help you to remind yourself that your most important "belongings," your selves, were not (physically) damaged.

Me too, mid-Dec. Figured out after the fact that he/they were in and out at least three times. Nephew of the renter next door - another neighbor *SAW* him leave thru my garage with a box and walk into that house. My good luck, his bad - he's in jail. For other burglaries! I gather this is a pretty common scenario.

I was too PO'd to feel that sense of violation immediately. It hit me when I had to a) go away for the holidays, and b) came back.

There's two intertwined components, aren't there: the actual security issues and the sense of violation.

One thing I did was let myself be really angry. I think that helped offset the sense of violation... some.

Also, a friend of mine who is a police officer told me "call the dept and ask for the Public Safety officer and schedule a home security assessment." I did that the next day and he came that afternoon. It helped me on both levels - I got some solid ideas of things to do for the actual security (which you've done), and it heightened my sense of taking back control.

I'm starting a neighborhood watch in our neighborhood, assuming other folks are interested. I'm thinking that will help in both regards also. From what the Public Safety officer described, it's not as much work as I would have thought.

But, finally, I'm different. I'm more aware of my vulnerabilities. And it still ticks me off, but I suppose it's not exactly a bad thing overall. Just not pleasant.

Oh, and I'm danged well documenting my freaking serial numbers on anything I want back! Can't believe I got out of the habit of doing that!

Oh, and my twisted sense of humor maybe helps - just got a new DVR (he left me the old one I had). After switching 'em out, I looked at my buddy and said, "I feel like I ought to take the old one next door and say, 'here, you missed this.'" Except, he's not in residence and I don't blame the aunt. lol

Same thing happened to me. Best neighborhood in Chicago. Sunday afternoon at 3pm. Daylight. 55 degrees. Someone kicked in my back metal security door! I never lived it down and moved a few months later. I was never going to get over it and I still haven't in my new place. Post-traumatic stress disorder is ruling your thoughts. Perhaps talking to a therapist will help?

I know I'm not much help, but perhaps, in a few months if you don't feel better, you can just move into a similar apartment in a similar building?

How creepy! I don't know how one gets over something like that. We've never had our house broken into, but my husband's car was stolen years ago. We got it back, but it had been in a minor accident, reeked of cigarette smoke and there were condoms (thankfully unused!), beer bottle caps and cheap jewelry strewn throughout the car. As part of the repairs, there was a thorough cleaning done, and while that helped with the smells, it was never quite the same. We ended up selling the car about a year later.

We also had a snowblower taken from our garage a few years ago (and that was the only thing they took--they left the lawnmower, several expensive strollers, power tools, bikes etc.) in the middle of winter. We are sure it was one of the neighbors. We don't live there anymore, but it still creeps me out. I don't like to think about it.

We always shut and lock our first floor windows when we are not downstairs and keep all doors locked. I put valuables in odd spots (and often take cameras and laptops we don't necessarily need when we are going out of town). I read somewhere that criminals rarely look in kids' rooms, so I have been known to stash stuff in my daughter's room. I hate feeling this way, but someone recently got into my dad's unlocked car parked in our driveway and went through his glove compartment. It's a fairly busy street, but I guess that didn't deter that person.

I'm so sorry! I agree with the suggestion of creating good experiences in the apartment like having a party or just having friends visit. I've never had a break-in but I have been in situations which left me feeling similarly edgy and unsafe in my apartment. What helped me was having lots of lights on (not environmentally friendly, I know, but it was temporary), scented candles, and movies or music as background noise. After a while, my home felt safer. Maybe you could also whatever you would normally do to de-stress or indulge yourself. It won't directly change your apartment, but if you feel better in general the feelings associated with your apartment might lighten up.

I really hope your apartment goes back to feeling like home soon!

This happend to us and it is a feeling I still can't shake even though we have moved. I don't know if you will get over it but it does go away some. I hope and pray it gets better for you.

So sorry to hear this and like just about everyone else has said it will take time to get over.

Happened to me years ago and I remember clearly going home that day (for some strange reason) I left school to pick up a pair of earrings. I felt strange without any. I had a 45 minute break before my next class and school was a bout a 20 minute drive away. I'd never done that. I remember trying to turn the key to open the door but when I turned the handle it was locked. I tried again this time opening it. They'd entered through a small bathroom window and exited through my front door. I was told how lucky I was not to have bumped into the robbers. Awful, experience.

I'm really sorry to hear about your experience.

I had a similar one -- on Mischief Night (Oct 30), a group of drunk teenagers walking down the street chucked a 40oz beer bottle at my front picture window. The bottle shattered into 4 pieces and the collision spread window glass *everywhere*. It was around 9pm and my children had gone to sleep only about 45 minutes before that. Otherwise, they may have been in the path of the bottle and glass, which I shudder to think about, regardless of how much time goes by.

I really like the idea of having some sort of ritual to get the bad vibes out of the house. It's not normally something I'd do, but I think it can be helpful in an unusual situation like this. We had our house cleaner come over and do a special clean of the 1st floor. I also told lots of neighbors about what happened, and they commiserated and helped me feel like the community was on my side. Finally, we celebrated my daughter's 4th birthday in the house -- a positive celebration to offset the negatives. All of these things together have helped to chip away at the bad feelings.

Good luck to you.

In terms of getting over/through that 'edgy' feeling, my suggestion is to have some sort of cleanse for your apartment.

You don't have to 'believe' in bad spirits or anything to have a cleansing -- burn some sage along the doors and windows, come up with a personalized little house 'blessing' where you write out a simple list of the ways you want to love your apartment and the ways your apartment will support you living a good life, etc. If the sage-burning thing is a little too weird (you might be surprised at how soothing it can be), consider hosting friends and loved ones for a dinner party and ask everyone to write a new 'wish' for your home. Or combine the two and make it like a house re-claiming/re-warming party -- sort of along the 'Take Back the Night' events where communities gather at night to make night time safer after a crime.

Additionally, if it's an apartment, I would try to organize a meeting with other renters/owners in the building -- if nothing else, just to get to know people a bit, puts names with faces, and spread some awareness.

Cleaning, getting serial numbers, ensuring things are well-locked, etc., is great from a logical standpoint and taking these measures will likely help you feel safer. But to heal from it emotionally requires some attention to the feelings associated with the robbery -- that's where ritual, cleansing and house re-warming parties can help. Good luck.

I had an incident awhile ago when I was a renter in Chicago. I was sound asleep but my brother was woken up by my cat, who was acting strange. Then, he heard the window in the kitchen opening so he jumped out into the hallway and yelled. That's when I woke up! The guy never made it inside but I slept with the lights on for weeks. Even now, I have nights when I leave a light on and/or recheck all of my doors and windows. My landlords installed new locks on everything, as well as a motion light in back - wish they hadn't. Anything set it off, raccoon, squirrel, etc. so I jumped up every time it went off! I don't think I will ever quite get over it...just live with it.

Hi Kristen,
I'm so sorry to hear about your experience. Like so many others, my girlfriend and I had our home broken into. Nothing was taken, but we had to block the intruder from braking into our bedroom. Luckily he(?) fled, and the police came fast. You asked, how long it takes to feel safe again...... well, honestly a long, long time. Initially sounds made me very nervous, new surroundings made me nervous. The biggest item stolen from you is your sense of safety. Our brake in was over 20 years ago, at this point I feel fairly safe, but I'm aware that the tide could turn any minute.
I hope you are a much faster traveller on the road to feel safe, loved and beautiful, always.

When I moved into my new apartment in November, I felt an overwhelming uneasiness in the space. Between it being the first time for me living alone, my first bottom floor apartment, and the fact it didn't yet feel or smell like home, I had major nerves going on. A friend suggested doing a sage cleanse. I always thought those types of things were a little goofy, but I saw a stand a the farmers market with the sage bundles for a few bucks, so I purchased and googled what to do. It very well may have been the placebo effect, who knows, but I really did start to feel better!

So anyways, not comparing my situation to yours by any means, but I figured I'd share with you what helped me felt better in a time when I felt uncomfortable in my own home. Hey, it's worth a try! Best of luck to you!

if you are into exercise, take a kickboxing class... It makes you feel like you would be able to defend yourself (even if youre smart enough to run instead of fight). The items stolen are just stuff, I think its the idea of someone being in your house more than anything that would freak me out. Also, Get a pet or leave a radio on, then if you hear noise you can blame it on that rather than imagining the worst.

I am so sorry this happened to you. I second the advice to take a self-defense class- perhaps that would just make you *feel* better physically?

Along the same lines, I'd love to see an apartment therapy post about good steps to take pre- and post-break-in.

Make sure the locks on all windows are very stable. I'd want new locks on the doors or at least re-keyed. Good job with light timers but honestly I doubt it'll deter any thieves that know the neighborhood since they know your schedule and know you are not home.

I'd not go out and buy weapons - I second (or third) the advice to maybe take some self defense classes to make yourself feel better and it never hurts to know how to defend yourself.

Law enforcement experts say that you need to be very careful at the 30-day mark. Professional thieves know that most people replace what was stolen within a month, and often there's a repeat break-in or at least an attempt. So, make sure you're not leaving the boxes from your replacement purchases out for garbage in any public way (seriously, it's worth driving them to a dumpster somewhere), and to ask your local police department to do a few extra drive-bys during the few days that marks the 30-day period after the initial break-in.

This is an excellent set of comments to read--thanks everyone. My husband and I (and our baby) have just bought a house in a transitional neighborhood. We're excited about our house, have met and been completely welcomed by our neighbors, and are prepping our new home to be as secure as possible. Still, I can't help but wonder what we'd do if something happened. Again, thanks.

google "security alarm system signs" and they sell them as posts and stickers so you can look like you have a fancy system even if you dont. Some are cheesy, some look very real.

Well, once you've taken steps to prevent it happening again - here in the UK the police send an officer round to advise on security if you've been burgled - it basically just takes time. I guess you've already cleaned everywhere really thoroughly. We had someone break in through the front window of our flat while we were asleep in the back room; the noise woke me and I saw the burglar through the frosted glass of our bedroom door! You can imagine it took a while to get over that! But we did - try having friends over for meals and enjoying your home again.

Get a rottweiler???

a. Secure the place (sounds like you've done that).
b. Move your furniture and artwork around so the place feels different to you (part of the problem is that the house looks the same but you know something's very very different). The act of actively reclaiming your place makes you feel better being in it.
c. Get your hands on a black candle, burn it in the house for a few hours, blow it out and immediately toss it in the trash. If you can't get a black candle, write down every negative thing the break-in makes you feel, put it in a box wrapped in black paper or black ribbon and immediately burn it in a fireplace or toss it in the trash. Burn dried sage throughout the house. These traditions have helped several friends feel better after they've had a break-in or an especially contentious real estate negotiation.

Whatever you do make sure to choose something that makes you feel you've actively reclaimed your home!

Other than improving your security, I wholeheartedly support the suggests here about doing something to change the "vibes" in your place. My condo was flooded last fall and I came home to my place in shambles and strangers (a restoration company) already ripping out my walls and my brand new hardwood floors that I had painstakingly installed myself. After 3 months of living in a hotel and dealing with the stress and hassles of the reno, I was back in my place and feeling bummed every time I looked around. Everything reminded me of the stress.

I recommend finding something that changes the space for you. Find some sort of change that will make you excited or happy every time you see it. In my case, I finally bought the stainless steel appliances I had been saving up for! My place makes me happy now and I finally got a major purchase off my to-do list, so it worked for me. You may want to try something less expensive first though :) Good luck.