I have a friend who swears a little tip from her mother-in-law has saved her marriage. They sleep in the same bed, but they have their own blankets. No cover struggling matches, no freezing under a 'too light' blanket, or sweating under a 'too heavy' comforter. They just buy their blankets in 'full' size rather than King.

Brilliant!

My husband snores like a bear. If we didn't sleep separately, I would have dropped dead from sleep deprivations years ago.

Secret to a good marriage? Yeh, maybe for some. Whatever works.

When I was in Copenhagen, I learned that it was sort of a norm for them to have separate blankets while sharing the same bed. I must say, it was the best idea since sliced bread - not joking!

Currently, the husband and I share blankets and the bed. We fight constantly! I like to sleep diagonally (I can't help it!) and he feels like he only has 5 inches of space. He's a difficult sleeper - he wakes up if I breathe - and the only time an outside force was able to wake me besides an alarm that has been snoozed 10 times is that earthquake we had in queens years ago. I was living in stuy town then and woke up because the apartment shook.

We are gunning for a king or cali king. Until then, we'll just have to make do...

http://www.donkeehouse.com

I know my parents have almost always slept either in twin beds in the same room or in separate rooms - he keeps her awake snoring and they fight over the covers.

Wow, this seems crazy to me, but kudos for finding creative ways to make it work!

hey-whatever works. I'm always cold and my fiance is a polar bear who puts the fan on even in the dead of winter in New England....if he would agree with it I'd probably sleep in a different room too...but I know he'd never go for it....

I have to wear earplugs to block out the snoring. Before I started wearing them, there were times (usually at about 4 am) that I contemplated homicide--extreme sleep deprivation and grating, repetititve sounds do not mix. We still laugh about one time, when my boyfriend had kept me up ALL night with his snoring, and at 7 am the landscaping crew for the apartment we lived in started working RIGHT outside of our window with weed wackers and leaf blowers and the whole noisy bit. I was so tired and angry... I was gonna kill somebody, I just didn't know who to start with. But my boyfriend saved his own life (and the life of the landscaper outside) by making me laugh. After listening to the weed wacker for about 30 min right outside the window, the first thing he said in the morning was "I think someone paid him extra to stand under our window with that thing." I laughed, and almost all of my homicidal urges faded. Lucky for him that he's funny.

But since the earplugs, everything is much easier. I actually sleep better with my boyfriend present, now.

i'd go to extreme measures before resorting to separate beds/bedrooms - marrital intimacy (not just sexual) is fragile and precious

bitdot - re the diagonal sleeping, have you tried reorientating your bed? I had a friend once who always slept diagonally across the bed until she discovered by accident that it was an east-west (or some other compass point) thing, and once she moved her bed to match her preferred direction she was able to sleep "normally". Weird, but worth trying (if only for the dinner party conversation value)

Do whatever works. Sleep is important! One of my exes snored, flopped around in his sleep, took all the covers and threw them onto the floor, and radiated heat like a furnace. I'd often wake up freezing and near the edge of the bed, about to fall off. It was pretty much impossible for me to get a good night's rest whenever he stayed over.

Quite amusing, the boyfriend and I have joked about this should we move in together. I think as a starter though, it would be good for us to use separate blankets!

Laura
http://www.justalittlebit.net

I am surprised to read this. I get such comfort from sleeping with my spouse. Our bed is our home.

I have seriously considered it for YEARS. At lest two beds in the same room. My husband tosses a lot and snores. He sleeps diagonally and likes a lot of pillows to fall asleep with but once he falls asleep the pillows land where they fall(Which is usually on my side so I have a pillow stuck into my back unless I wake up to move it) I wake constantly because of him) He likes to wrap himself in the blankets too so I have recently tried the two blankets and love it.

I just read an article about this. Dr Neil Stanley, of the University of Surrey in Britain says that his research shows that, on average, couples suffered 50% more sleep disturbances when sleeping together. So maybe this couple is on to something.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/8245578.stm

My father use to (and still does) snore loudly. I got use to it, growing up in a studio apartment. My husband also snores and I absolutely adore it. As strange as it sounds, it's almost a lullaby to me. I almost can't fall asleep without him. Our problem is mostly spacial. I like to spread out and he is left hanging on to the edge of his side of the bed. Ahhh... love.

I snore on occasion. I believe also a common sleep problem people have is called "Catherinia" or something like that.

If you have problems with someone snoring, I have a few suggestions.

1 - exercise

2 - exercise

3 - exercise

I believe most sleep problems are caused by a lack of constant exercise. When you exercise regularly, you'll sleep better.

However, if this doesn't work, another random thing that worked for me is to get a new pillow. I was sleeping on a pillow that was too soft, which was allowing my head to sink all the way into it. By doing this, it was stretching my neck back and pulling my mouth open, which even as I do sitting here, it causes me to "snore" as I breath normally in and out of my mouth.

So I switched to a firmer pillow, which I find more comfortable to begin with. It keeps my head propped up more, and keeps my airway less obstructed.

As for people with separate bedrooms. I know I couldn't do it, but I'm lucky that my wife is a much better sleeper than me.

My husband and I have a king size bed and we share the covers - it's been relatively easy for us to sleep next to eachother. However, he does snore *badly* when he's sick, but earplugs work wonders. :)

Ever since I've had a double bed, I've used two single comforters. My boyfriend and I still have problems with motion transfer due to our crappy mattress, but at least we avoid the midnight bedclothes tug-of-war that we still experience when travelling. That said, I can't envision sleeping in separate beds, although I love seeing photos of single beds styled this way.

I could see this if I were married to a snorer, but luckily I'm not.

My grandparents have had separate rooms for at least 30 years. They aren't the old couple walking hand in hand down the street making googly eyes at each other but they are still happily married.

They both have sleep issues and this helps them make it work.

Now I want a black quilt!

I live in Germany where it is standard practice to have two duvets on one bed -- I don't think I could go back to one now. My husband would actually like his own room "sometimes" ;-) - but I sleep so much better with him than alone!

I sleep better when my husband is around. I use his chest as a pillow :) Sometimes I accidentally shove him toward the edge of the bed or he steals the blankies, but it hasn't been a huge issue. My parents, on the other hand, have to sleep in separate rooms because my daddy snores and my mom is a very light sleeper.

I am so lucky my fiance doesn't snore- that would drive me crazy. But, I find comfort in him being next to me. Plus I don't like the dark so he is my protector;) It's the dogs that drive us crazy when sharing the bed between the four of us!

Breathe Right nasal strips for the snorers, people! Cut the problem off at the source. :)

my husband always jokes about this, i couldn't have him in a separate room, i have nightmares when he's not around, even if he gets up early and sneaks out of bed i subconsciously know he isn't there and the bad dreams start.

however, he does poke me in the back with elbows, always rolls on my side, and when he gets too hot he throws his comforter over me so i get hot. he also has a weird pillow arrangement i can't seem to get used to, he uses king size long ass pillows and puts 2 regular pillows ether side so his head is in a little valley. so when i turn over to face him i have a wall of pillows propped up in front of me.

I need to try the separate sheet thing, but i know one thing that seems to work ok when we visit his grandparents. Two twin beds pushed together works well, the divide is enough to keep him on his side while still being close (and we get separate sheets). he has enough room to make his pillow fort and i don't get poked. if u want to snuggle up for a bit u can lie length ways across the 2 twins, and its all in the same room.

Or his parents lie head to tail of each other, but i don't i#d like that, probably get kicked in the face.

This is a situation that calls for a king size bed and separate blankets...so there's no fighting.

So weird, I can't even sleep if my boyfriend isn't next to me and it's not a conscious thing, I actually won't get tired if he's not in bed, I can stay up all night if he's gone out. It's the person warmth which calms me down I suppose.

My husband and I have been together almost 10 years, he sleeps on the blankets and I sleep under them (he is another insane person who would sleep with the windows open and a fan on him in Newfoundland in the winter, not exaggerating we go to Newfoundland to visit family and he does it) It works for us.

We LOVE our California King Tempurpetic bed!! But I've DEF already thought about how in winter, I want to throw my full size down comforter on the bed for me (he hates down) and he can use his old full size comforter as well... sharing a blanket in summer is no biggie since we both seem to kick it off anyway!

As long as both agree and feelings aren't hurt and it makes things better... you bet!

The key for me is that I go to bed (and fall well asleep) before my boyfriend gets in bed. That way I get to fall asleep in my normal diagonal / tossing / turning way but get to have someone to cuddle up to in the morning.

My boyfriend is not bed-sharer. I am. Basically, no matter what we do, one of us doesn't sleep well.

Thankfully I have the cat as my pillow buddy.

marro--I'm sort of the same. When my boyfriend's gone I will stay up ridiculously late. But it's just because I have no ability to regulate my own sleep cycle. I've always had horrible insomnia because of this, I'll stay awake as long as is humanly possible until I completely breakdown. He's a good influence on me, because he'll say--OK, it is time to turn out the lights and go to sleep. He's regimented. I'm not.

I'm used to sleeping with siblings so I prefer other bodies in the bed. Haha my poor boyfriend he thought he was getting somewhere when I invited him to stay over one night. It was about 3 weeks of sharing the same bed before we got comfortable enough to fall asleep quickly and easily and comfortable with our bodies all up in a mash (on a dorm room twin no less). We feel a full size bed is just the right size for us (we are two medium sized asian people) but we have a queen sized comforter. I usually scoot myself as close to him as possible and hold him in my sleep so I don't need a lot of blanket. I like to sleep very warm.

My husband and I share a queen size bed but our spare room comes in handy. I have raging insomnia and he snores so on bad nights I get up and change beds. I couldn't permanently sleep separately but it's a Godsend.

My hubby hates sleeping in another bed away from me, but l when he gets his nighttime coughing fits due to post-nasal drip, he volunteers to use the guest room so I can get a decent night's sleep.

I like to hog the bed when he's away, but I find myself having a hard time falling asleep. After a night or two, I adjust...and then it's time for him to come back to our marital bed.

We still bicker over the covers and room temperature; I am the polar bear; he's always chilly. Separate blankets sounds like an excellent idea.

But, folks, after many,many years of marriage, what really keeps us happy as husband and wife is SEPARATE bathrooms. No joke: He doesn't set foot in mine and vice versa. One cannot get enough privacy in a marriage!

Funny, I have a hard time sleeping without my husband...

As for the separate duvet thing, (he is a furnace, I get cold), we've done that (being European, that how we got our first duvets), but I prefer being under one big duvet, and it seems to be working for us. And the kidlets, who often move get in with us when it is almost time to get up). Love the family cuddle best of all.

Oh -- but we do each have our own bathroom.

Separate bedrooms nothing, I think the key to a successful marriage is separate states.

NYKate, we have the same system. The guest room has saved our marriage :) Even before we moved in to a place with 2 bedrooms my husband has always been really good about sleeping on the couch if he is snoring especially loud or if I just need a break...I can't stand sleeping on our squashy couch (not enough back support) but thankfully he loves it.

We also just bought a King-sized comforter for our queen bed. We used to use two blankets but it was driving me crazy with how messy it looks, and the huge new comforter has been perfect--there is enough blanket for me to wad up under my head and hubby is still covered.

I never understood why being in a relationship meant you had to sleep next to someone.

Where did that come from??

My guy can't sleep in a bed. He can only sleep on a sofa. Because of this, we've never actually slept together. But it's fine because I've never been able to really share a bed with anyone.

The whole separate-beds-separate-bedrooms idea has saved a lot of relationships from what I've heard from others. Historically, spouses often had separate bedrooms except for the poor. Sleeping in the same bed, or even bedroom, was not considered acceptable for anyone other than the lower classes.

My boyfriend and I used to use separate duvets... Mostly because when we moved in together we couldn't quite afford a brand new bed set, being young struggling students. But last christmas my mother bought us a king sized duvet cover (even though we only sleep on a queen bed) and I find its more than enough blanket for the both of us... even when I end up cocooning myself in the covers as I tend to do in the freezing winter there is more than enough blanket left for him.

We have separate beds and I sometimes relocate myself to our spare bedroom. It's about getting a good nights sleep, that's all.

We don't mind sleeping in a bed together when we're on vacation or visiting someone, as long as the bed is of reasonable size and there are separate duvets.

When I started dating my partner he had a full sized mattress on the floor so we ended up being unintentionally trained to stay on one anothers side. Now that we have a queen sized bed it is probably the best sleep I have ever freaking had.

Is sleeping in the same bed just a symbol of trust and devotion? Also, it is usually women who have a hard time sleeping with someone else in the bed. (Usually that someone else is a snoring, sweaty, stinky man.) There must of been a time when it was a big nono for women to want seperate sleeping arrangements, it was their fault and made the marriage look bad. Now that we live in our modern society sleeping in seperate beds doesn't even make people blink. I know couples who are married and live in different houses! I bet is spices things up!

sunan, well said.
Extreme issues (as some have cited here) might call for extreme measures, but I think slightly less satisfying sleep is a small price to pay for those last minutes of the day under the covers chatting, and snuggling up against hubby's back if I wake in the middle of the night. Wouldn't miss out on that for anything.
I'll go so far as to say that the thought of a married couple sleeping in separate rooms makes me sad.

I have been suggesting the separate bedrooms idea for a couple years now, but we've never lived in a place that was big enough to allow a second bed. He sleeps like a rock and snores like a lion, whereas I wake up if the cat so much as jumps up on the window sill and rattles the blinds a bit. I'm tired of being tired! I should pass this article to him and take another crack at it.

i wouldn't want separate beds, but the two blanket idea is genius! every time my husband rolls over he takes all the blankets with him.

I can't sleep if my husband isn't in the bed with me!

But my parents haven't slept in the same room in decades (he snores, she has insomnia and likes to roam around the house all night) and they just celebrated their 40th anniversary, so...to each their own!

i was just talking about this with my girl... however, we both prefer the company... she finds my light snore cute and i find it amusing that she's so timid during the day, but a fighter in her sleep. double blankets are a necessary though...

For some reason, I've always been blessed with snorers for partners. Thus, I'm a huge believer in separate sleeping quarters.

We do the two-blanket thing too! It works great, and it solved our sleeping problems!

i second the breathe right strips....work wonders on those who snore making life better all around :)

One thing that's always puzzled me is that apartments (and houses) likely to be bought by older people don't have layouts that make it easy for couples to control whether they are within earshot of each other. Noisy snoring and insomniac wandering probably increases with age and causes people to want aural privacy. But serious illness also becomes more likely where the sick person is not a good bedpartner, but the spouse needs to be able to hear if trouble arises.
The usual empty-nester layout usually has a master suite which is isolated from the other bedrooms; not good when someone is ill.

Emily Post "Etiquette... 1922 ed.
"It is almost unnecessary to say that in no well-appointed house is a guest, except under three circumstances, put in a room with any one else. The three exceptions are:
A man and wife, if the hostess is sure beyond a doubt that they occupy similar quarters when at home.

Two young girls who are friends and have volunteered, because the house is crowded, to room together in a room with two beds.

On an occasion such as a wedding, a ball, or an intercollegiate athletic event, young people don’t mind for one night (that is spent for the greater part “up”) how many are doubled; and house room is limited merely to cot space, sofas, and even the billiard table. "

Are these couples who sleep separately still having sex?

When I was pregnant I snored. When I lost the weight, it stopped. My mom snores and she's horribly overweight.

PrettyKitty - are you asleep when you have sex?

where can i find a black and white striped rug?!

Normally I would say that I sleep better with my husband even with his loud snoring -- just because I'm used to it and find it comforting to have him there. However, he's had a bad cold for the past three days and after one night of getting absolutely no sleep due to his horrible strangled (stuffed-up) snores, tossing and turning, and fever-heat radiating I asked him to please sleep in the guest bed the next night or that I would. That night I had one of the best sleeps of my life. Probably due to being so tired from the night before, but still. It has me reconsidering this whole issue.

the blanket thing really does work.
and if you notice if you stay in bed longer than your sig other you sleep better once they get up. I noticed that.

and my grandparents slept in separate rooms almost their whole life until they had to move into an apartment with just one bedroom.
I think it was a little more normal back in the middle 1900's.
It's just what they did and nobody questioned it.

To PrettyKitty: yes, they have!

My husband and I started to sleep seperately about ten years ago when one of us had a terrible cold. It turned out to be perfect for us. He likes the windows closed, I like them open, he tosses and turns, and we both do snore occasionally. We also never go to bed or get up at the same time. Other than that we match perfectly. LOL

I've said it before and I'll say it again, this really works. If you sleep together well, then keep your arrangement, but for me, my husband in a separate bedroom with his own bathroom is sheer heaven! We hang out together all day when we are not at work, but his snoring is obnoxious! I used to spend all night poking him so he would stop just long enough for me to fall asleep. I sleep later than him, so he doesn't wake me when he gets up. Separate bedrooms can only be doom for a marriage if you are doomed in the first place (no communication, don't really get along, etc.).

Anna Europe, that was priceless. You are only sleeping in separate rooms, of course he is invited over when it's time for lovin'! It actually makes it feel more like he's still your boyfriend (which we all have to admit is the most exciting thing about it).

If we didn't sleep with two blankets we would be done for.

We have to sleep in at least a queen or we're not going to sleep at all. I snore lightly for about ten minutes when I first fall asleep some night, he says it's cute and he wouldn't have it any other way. I CANNOT live without my body pillow. He can't always sleep with a blanket on, and in the summer needs a fan and an AC pointed at him. He's a living breathing furnace and I cannot share blankets or get too too close to him at night.

All that being said, I never get any sleep when he's not there. Once we figured out separate blankets/sheets, life was wonderful. After 2 years, I would never ever go back. Even our parents think it's strange we sleep with our own blankets, I am happy to see so many other people do too!!

@aychihuahua...

i moved in with my boyfriend a few months ago... i tell everyone that it's SO key that we have seperate bathrooms! i hope we can always have it that way!

my hubby and i do this... and everyone thinks its crazy because were newly weds and its unconventional but its the only way he can get a decent nights sleep.

he snores and i'm a mover/bed hog... then theres our toddler who wakes up crying in the middle of the night wanting to come in our bed and my hubby has to get up at 4am (i'm a sahm so it affects him more than me)... so on nights he has to work he sleeps in the toddlers twin bed, and our toddler sleeps with me and we both sleep much better...

we are thinking of upgrading to a king bed, because we have the room but i think the problem will still persist.

I have to fall asleep before my boyfriend does or his snoring will keep me up all night. And we have a king size comforter on a queen size bed so we don't fight over the covers.

we sleep in separate beds... sometimes. if i have to wake up early or if i just haven't gotten a good night's sleep in a while i will sleep in another room. but sometimes you just need that cuddle time.

oh, my god, if i could i would. maybe in the next house we can have separate bedrooms. [i was told once by a tour guide that it is an ancient egyptian saying about separate rooms being the key to a long marriage. i don't know about the provenance, but it seems reasonable to me.]

Does anyone know what the ikat fabric is used on the pillows in this picture? I remember cutting out the picture with the info, but god only knows where it is...

my parents, who have been married for 35 years slept together most of the time when we were growing up. occassionally someone would end up on the couch due to excessive snoring. then my mom went through menopause with mega hotflashes. since the kids were moved out, she started sleeping in another room/bed. They're a lot happier and more affectionate during waking hours if they've been able to sleep at night!

sounds like a dream (pun not initially intended, but I'll run with it)...too bad we're destined to cramped NY apartments where we don't even have one proper bedroom. Also my gf is not into the idea, but she also has no sleeping problems, sooo....

Seperate blankets: always, but I live in Europe where I think this is the norm

seperate beds: no. for me sleeping in the same bed is one of the joys of being married

They have the ikat fabric at F&S in LA, but I'm not sure of the brand. I just made a pillow out of the same fabric in a different color scheme.

My boyfriend and I do this regularly, maybe two or three nights a week. I move around a lot, and take up a lot of the bed for a small person (5'2 at my best), and he spends most of the night getting kicked or elbowed. I also like watching TV before bed and tend to fall asleep with the TV on, which he can't stand. So if I want to watch TV I slept in the bedroom, and he sleeps on the futon in the living room. We also sleep apart if I'm not feeling well (apparently my moving around is really bad if I'm sick). I know some couples hate the thought of sleeping apart, but for us it's like our little time away. Some couples take time to themselves in the evening after work. We spend all that time together instead, and take the night time to ourselves.

My husband usually falls alseep on the couch every night, so I usually get at least 3-4 hours of perfect sleep before he crawls in the bed around 2:30 in the morning. Plus he claims that I hum in my sleep, but whatever, I've never heard it..

We also do seperate covers, so I usually never know that he's crawled in the bed until I accidently smack him or something.
However, there are some mornings when he's forced out of the bedroom because of his awful gas that usually get going @ 5am, if someone can help me with that, I'd be forever grateful.

I love the idea of separate bedrooms not only for sleeping, but so you can each have your own space.

I love sleeping with my husband. It actually stopped my insomnia problems. However, we do it with separated blankets and in a huge bed!

My husband & I sleep in separate rooms, unless we have company visiting or if we are vacationing. We've been married for 3 years and together for 7 in total, and we've rarely slept together because we both just feel that we get a better nights sleep that way. Our sex life doesn't suffer, except that I must admit, morning sex just doesn't happen nearly as often with this arrangement. I never tell people that we don't sleep in the same room, as I've always thought that this wasn't normal, but it seems as though there are a lot of other couples out there just like us.

I love sleeping with my husband and don't sleep as well when he's not there. He snores, but I only notice it when I'm pregnant. I love cuddling up to him at night, he'll often do the same.

Contact while sleeping or no, I hate the idea of separate bedrooms. I'd hate to lose the night-time pillow talk, which is my favorite part of the day, as well as waking up together on days off. And I find it hard to believe that sex wouldn't suffer in some way... sometimes lying there chatting leads to sex which wouldn't have happened if we were in an intimate conversation to begin with. I'd try twin beds, ear plugs, and different blankets long before separate rooms.

** wereN'T in an intimate conversation...

Separate blankets works great! My husband and I have always slept this way. You can wrap up without worrying about pulling the covers off of your spouse and you control the temperature on your side of the bed. I can't imagine ever sleeping in separate beds or separate rooms. Please give separate blankets a try!

I couldn't do it. It took me decades to "find" my husband and I'll be damned if I'm not gonna hold on to him as much as I can.

*wink*

We sleep with separate blankets, it has made all the difference. But our bed always looks like a mess.

Anyone have some great photos of one bed with two side-by-side blankets? I had no idea it was the "norm" in Europe... there must be some good photos out there!

Yes, I'd love to see pics of the Euro-style two duvet bed....hint hint AT!

A sleep number king-sized bed, separate blankets, and a white noise machine to drown out my partner's snoring made all the difference for me. The bed looks a little messy day-to-day, but we have a king-sized quilt that we throw over everything when we're expecting company.

The only down side is that we're used to our current arrangement, so when we travel it can be an adjustment. I won't even consider a room without a king-sized bed.

I don't recall this many reply posts on any other apartment therapy topic. Kind of like marriage therapy session on the virtual couch. But shouldn't we all be talking more about design elements in the bedroom instead of our sleeping habits there?

I feel like I've stumbled into Oprah's website and am not sure I like it. Can we get back to design please

My boyfriend and I don't live together, but stay together the majority of nights. At my (tiny) studio, on a full size bed and at his bigger 2-bedroom on a queen.

I don't think we've quite gotten it down to a perfect's night sleep for both of us but we're getting closer. Two twin size sets of blankets might be a great solution.

Anyone know what the paint color in the photo is? I'm trying to find the right aqua/turquoise. And this one is good, though subtle. Any help appreciated. Thanks!

My wife and I have had separate blankets since we've lived together. She likes a big, thick down comforter and I like just a light cotton blanket. Doesn't solve my snoring bothering her, though...

I feel really lucky. My fiance and I prefer sleep at very close to the same temperature, he doesn't snore, and he sleeps like the dead. We also have very similar body temperatures, so neither of us roasts the other one. I can kick around and toss and turn all I want, and he won't wake up, and since he doesn't so much as twitch at night, he never wakes me up (the exception is on weekends. He wakes up when it gets light, but I can sleep until noon, and for whatever reason, his getting up doesn't disturb me).

We share a queen bed and one set of blankets with no issues. We do often have trouble when traveling, though, because we both like it COLD in the bedroom, and neither of us likes to listen to air conditioning units.

We have German comforters for our king bed. They are a little narrower than twin bed ones. The key to a neat bed is that you don't use sheets at all. To make the bed, take each duvet and place each one perpendicularly to the bed and fold into thirds or in half and place on proper side of bed. Google image German or Swiss hotel rooms to see how it looks. Very neat.

http://www.reher-hof.de/images/hotel_zimmer_gr.jpg
http://www.grandcity-hotel-oldesloe.de/images/zimmer1.jpg

I fall to sleep in my partners arms every night and we both sleep like babies, although it would probably explain my neck problem. I can't imagine that there would be much sex when you're sleeping in seperate rooms.

Although I would never wish this on anybody, I have been deaf in one ear since early childhood. I fall asleep every night by sleeping on my good ear (pressed against the pillow) it is silence sublime. My husband does snore, but I never have to hear it.

I can't imagine not sharing a bed with my husband. I can say that we have learned that we don't share well when we are sleeping. We each have our own sheet and blanket.

We sleep in separate rooms- he sleeps in the master on a queen, I sleep with my daughter on a queen in our own room. I'll often put my daughter to sleep and go lay with him for a while, but neither of us can get any sleep that way. He snores, and I roll around too much.

My ILs have a system set up that we may switch to eventually- they have two twins pushed together with just a small gap between, and use their own blankets. They get up at different times in the AM, and FIL snores so MIL wears ear plugs!

My husband (of more than 30 years) and I slept cuddled for most of our life together. After his heart attack, he developed sleep apnea and the snoring and snorting that too often goes with it. We discovered a great truth: It's not what you do when you are asleep that keeps you together! So, we make time for cuddling before we get sleepy, often when we first wake up and just before we go to bed. Our grown children tease us for holding hands and touching each other's hair. It works for us.

I have a hard time sleeping when my man is away. I like having his body there when I want a little more warmth than the blankets can give me. We sleep together rather well, so I'm not going to mess with a wonderful thing.

Emily

We do one blanket (big fluffy down) in the winter, two (cotton weave) in summer.

My boyfriend (with whom I've been living for almost two years) works nights and snores. He's also a pretty big guy (6'3 and over 200 ibs) so he takes up a lot of room in our double bed, and i feel it every time he moves, especially when his big hairy arm ends up on my forehead in the middle of the night (as it regularly does). He's also an extremely hot sleeper AND he likes to have background noise when hes falling asleep. And then theres the manly gases...

All these things were alright when we didn't live together and only spent a couple nights a week in the same bed, but I just can't handle it every night. I need cool, silent darkness to sleep, especially because i have a tendency toward insomnia. We have a system, though, that seems to be working for us:

I usually go to bed around midnight. He comes home from work around 3 AM usually, eats, and then falls asleep on the couch to the TV. We have an enormous sectional, so he actually can get quite comfortable. He usually wakes up around 7AM and comes into the bedroom. I generally get up between 730 and 9 AM, and he gets up around 11 AM. Its nice having him there during those last couple of hours of my sleep when I'm kind of dozing in and out and not completely asleep anymore anyway. Its cozy and I'm not losing sleep really.

I'm so glad to hear seperate sleeping arrangements aren't as rare as I thought! My grandma and Grandpa slept in separate rooms for the last 20 years of their marriage when my grandpa's snoring was getting really bad and I always thought the arrangement seemed so cold, until I realized what my grandma was going through. I still kind of wish we could be one of those couples who sleep well together, because it would be nice, but it just doesn't work for us. I feel guilty about it a lot, but I need my sleep. We still snuggle and all that jazz, just not so much in bed :)

Also, we still have sex! I mean sheesh, its not like we're sleeping in different countries ot something. Separate beds does not equal frigidity! Just wanted to point that out. :)

You can find a similar rug like that at overstock.com and it's called Trax.

I sometimes wonder if the husband and I should in separate beds. He is a light sleeper and I have sleep issues-- I don't snore but I do kick and talk and so forth. One problem-- figuring out how to arrange the space. Besides, we have such a nice four poster...

Thank you desylic!ous!

We sleep separately 70% of the time. Doesn't hurt our sex life at all. Husband goes to bed later than I do and I'm extremely grumpy if I don't get enough sleep. The arrangement makes for cheerier times when we're together during the day.

@ a.hidden.bird

I think I'm dating your boyfriend's brother, similar build with the same sleeping habits. He talks, snores, and giggles in his sleep. I have been on the business end of an elbow on several occasions. I'm not a light sleeper, but am frequently awakened by his nighttime antics. Separate beds would be heaven.

If we can get his sleep apnea under control I might consider<body>
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Love my husband, love to snuggle, but I'm a light sleeper and he's a hot, snoring, thrashing, sleep-talking cover-stealer. He actually kicked and broke the window by our bed in the middle of the night once. We're also in a tiny place that can really only fit a full-size mattress. I can tell when he's about to thrash out cause he trembles first and the mattress shakes, so I can usually stop him, which I do, cause I don't want to fix another window. I wear earplugs and run a air filter at night, which seems to help a tiny bit with his snoring. And I keep one extra blanket on my side. But I long for the day we can get an at-least queensized Tempurpedic mattress.

Update: we got a used comfort sleeper sofa, with that queen-size Tempurpedic mattress. At first we were only using it when my stepson was with us, but we both realized we slept better and felt better in the morning, so now it's our full-time bed.

I like the idea of sleeping separately as a habit instead of occassionally when he falls asleep on the couch. I love sleeping with my 3 year old and will soon have a newborn, even though we have a king size bed, it might be a tight squeeze with all 4 of us, especially since I will have to be between the newborn and toddler. I think my husband is going to see a lot more of the guest room in his future. I don't see sleeping separately affecting our sex life, we have sex often and many times have to use the guestroom anyway. We only cuddle while we are awake, once we start dozing off we separate anyway.

I hide earplugs all over the house. There is an economy size 300 ct. jar from CVS in the bathroom. There are a good 10 on my nightstand. I even have 4 in my purse.

Between the demolition (expected to last 18 months) of the high-rise 500ft. from my window, and the man in my bed who snores like a drunken sailor, I was about to go insane. Two, half inch pieces of foam rubber saved my sanity...and possibly a man's life.

Personal anecdote that I hope might be helpful to anyone else dealing with snoring and is at their wit's end:

I was at the point of figuring out how to rearrange and afford a new bed so we could sleep in separate rooms due to my husband's snoring when through happenstance we stumbled across the major cause of it for him -- food allergies! He'd been told by his ENT doctor after a sleep study that while he didn't have sleep apnea, his breathing passages were narrow meaning the slightest bit of irritation would cause snoring. Not eating for a couple hours before bed and taking allergy pills alleviated the problem somewhat, but not nearly enough for the godawful rest we got each night between his snoring, getting up to pee a million times, and rolling himself into a burrito in the blankets leaving me to become a wifey popsicle.

Then we discovered my husband was allergic to rice. Considering he was born and raised in Taiwan, and has been eating it his entire life it wasn't something we'd even considered a possibility. Turns out it not only explained why he was constantly exhausted, prone to canker sores, and experiencing psoriasis flare-ups, but it caused him to snore TERRIBLY. Now that he's eliminated rice from his diet, he sleeps deeply, and for the first time ever cuddles me all night long while generally staying perfectly still. ♥ I'm so happy because I'm a huge weenie about sleeping alone.

If your partner has awful snoring, I cannot stress how useful allergy/intolerance panels can be! And if that's not in the budget, elimination diets are more of a hassle, but work, as well. Food allergies don't just come in the form of anaphylactic shock or crapping your guts out -- a strong indicator is actually exhaustion and it can be a food you would have never suspected! :)

I absolutely agree with A.Hidden.Bird. Thanks for reading my mind! If while sleeping in separate beds your sex life dwindles, it's only because YOU wanted it to. Just because you find your life partner doesn't mean that you're compatible in all areas of life/lifestyle. I used to share the same bed with a guy whose body temperature was more like that of a boiling tea kettle. I need a cooler atmosphere in order to fall asleep soundly, whereas, he would practically build a bonfire in his bedroom, even if it was only a little chilly outside. I couldn't take it. And let's not talk about my waking up to hands roaming all over me and even dry h*mping. I would unfortunately have to practically scold him for that and then he'd be mad at me for a few days afterwards because his feelings were hurt. It's better to recognize and fix a problem in whatever way that works instead of allowing it to cause strife because you don't want to buck against what's considered "normal". Remember, normalcy is only relative anyway, so do you, and having a wonderful time at your 30th wedding anniversary dinner!

My husband like the bedroom 85 degrees and achieves it with a loud heater that he can't sleep without. He snores way less since using a breathing machine for a while. But he sighs and yawns extremely loudly all night. So loudly that we can hear it all over the house despite sound insulation walls and insulated doors. He chases me to the edge of the bed, making his noises right in my ear. People who hear him think he is kidding and making noises for their amusement , but I assure you he is not. We have been to several doctors, but nothing has worked. I like complete darkness, complete quiet, and a cold room with lots of blankies. We have had separate rooms for 20 years (married 43) and I wish we could resolve our issues because I miss having him beside me. That is, until we go on vacation and share a bed, and then I want to kill him dead.

I actually just found out I sleep better with my boyfriend in the car. We were just talking about it and apparently I toss and turn all night if he isn't in the bed with me but as soon as he gets into the bed I calm down and stay still. I had no idea I ever did this but I did know that when he goes to bed at the same time as me I feel like I slept better than if he goes after me. The only time I sleep bad is if he falls asleep before me because he breaths heavy but doesn't snore. If it is getting too bad and I can't sleep I just either gently roll him on his side away from me or I just gently touch his face and he stops breathing so loudly.