Hey, if you invite me over, it's your party. I might not drink your beer or eat a dish you serve because I don't like it, but as long as the food is served in a hygenic way, I'm cool. That said, if you come to my house, I will try to scrounge up proper wine glasses for all, because proper glasses do make a diffference when it comes to wine in my world.

Disposable plates & silverware are fine at a cookout or if you're still in college. Otherwise, put on your big boy/big girl pants and serve on real place settings with real flatware. Or host the party at your local BYO if you don't want to do dishes.

My Mama made sure I have the good manners to keep my mouth shut, but I cannot always control the involuntary cringe when faced with heaps of disposable tableware. I do not use them unless there is absolutely no alternative. Besides, the best conversations come after the party when best friends gather to wash and dry.

It makes life easier after dinner but the waste is incredible! Total damage to the environment!

Hmm, suppose I'll be crucified for this but here goes:

I served my wedding cake on disposable plates and provided only disposable flatware and napkins. There, I said it.
It was the most expensive disposable anything I'd ever bought, the plates looked like real glass plates and the flatware looked like real stainless and the napkin was the 'linen-like' kind. For a homemade wedding with a dinner made by the bride we knew we wouldn't have the time or hands to wash all that stuff.

No one was rude enough to complain about it. I would absolutely do it again if I were hosting more than 10 people.

It's great for lunch at the beach house. Other than that, no.

I use disposable dishes and utensils for kids parties and picnics. But I use the stuff made of recycled paper and cups made of corn. This is compostable, but I don't have a compost bin. So, my question is how do I dispose of these disposibles?

Disposable tableware has its place. If I am having less than six people over or really want to show off the food, only the real deal works. However I plan to use disposable items for Thanksgiving. I will be having a large group; including two three year olds...real china is a no go. Also my fiancé’s mom has RA, so the bonding while washing dishes isn't necessarily a good thing.

our wedding was an out doors-ey eco theme, so we used all compost-able stuff!

@DesignBuildDwell -- Actually, the jury is very much out on whether or not disposable plates are worse for the environment than washing by hand or using a dishwasher. The water and the energy used to heat the water for dishwashing have their own harmful impact. It's not always that simple.

@ek76: I think they're made to decompose quickly in the landfill, so they won't take up space after a couple months.

for an outdoor casual dress bar-b-que I am fine with disposable stuff. For a spur of the moment dance party, even the beer doesn't matter. But if it is indoors, if I have to dress up to be there, if I have to put on make up .... let's simplify this: If I must spend more than 30 minutes to get ready to prepare, then disposable is not ok. If you expect more than an a market's limp boquet of weed-flowers and a warm 6-pack of Miller Lite then start by recognizing I can get that on the spur of the moment without juggling my calendar to attend your 'wish you were here postcard' event.

Disposables aren't a problem for me as a guest, but I don't use them, even for outdoor grilling.

I've thrifted tons of Corelle (U.S. made!) and mis-matched flatware for entertaining larger groups. And I'm a sewer, so I've made a bunch of cloth napkins as well as thrifting them.

Hmmm..."thrift" as a verb. I like it!

Sheesh...get real. This is not an issue.

we have a thanksgiving potluck every year, for our friends whose families don't live close by. we use paper plates and flatware because the kitchen sink is TINY and we need the kitchen as an area to "party". the sink would fill up in less than five minutes and it would NOT be pleasant! no one has said anything. and if they did i would just laugh.

I'm a guest. I'm thankful for the invitation and the social event. I would never think to judge a host on this.

Definitely paper plates for parties over 8 people. Who has 10 place settings in their cupboards??!

Speaking as a potter, I'd go with handmade dinnerware, if at all possible. Or at least handmade serving pieces.

If this is a real concern for you, watch out, lest the universe decide you need a lesson in Real Problems 101.

That is to say, I couldn't care less. Can't we go back to arguing about shoes in the house? ;o)

depends on the location and what kind of party it is.

I prefer to not do disposable but more because its a waste to me. But if outdoors at like the beach etc. then its useful. So it has its time and place.

Ditto @rlmesq... 30-40 of my friends cram into my apartment every year for a "Friendsgiving" potluck the week before Thanksgiving. Doing dishes isn't my issue... having enough plates, cups, bowls, utensils, etc. for all of those people is. There is no way I could store all of it, so disposables it is.

My husband was convinced we needed to use disposable plates and cups at a week-long get together of friends this summer. His assumption was no one would want to do dishes for large meals. Well, we didn't touch the paper plates - I think people *wanted* to share the chores as part of the group spirit. So those who hadn't helped cook, helped clean. No discussion; no guilt. But really - if people had wanted to use the paper plates (or any situation where they might be used) who would pass judgement on their friends over something like that? Besides, plain paper plates would probably compost great.

If someone is nice enough to have me to their house and to feed me, I am certainly not going to be upset at their choice of silverware.

I will judge judge judge. Unless they're like a very young person who doesn't know better. Yet. And then I'll still judge.

@Jess13--materials need oxygen to biodegrade. there is no oxygen in most "properly designed" landfills. They're designed not to let anything in or out. This is why one can dig up 40 year old newspapers (something that would degrade very quickly in soil) in a land fill. And @shukaide, think the jury is out on this like it's out on manmade global warming. It takes a lot of water and energy to make paper and plastic. You can probably make better decisions on disposables that are better, but I doubt most people have access to information to ID the best option. A nice balanced perspective available here: http://www.treehugger.com/about-treehugger/ask-pablo-ceramic-plates-vs-paper-plates.html

Oh, and my previous isn't to judge use or non use of disposables, just a reminder to not try to justify your decision for disposables on environmental grounds. Acknowledge that you're making the trade off and do what you need to do. Make up for it by biking to work for a week or trading out a meat dish for veggie. It will be a wash in the end.

If I'm a guest, I could care less.

Well some disposables are better than others. That styrofoam stuff is terrible! You can compost paper products, but not in a landfill. Nothing degrades in a landfill!

If someone is taking the time and effort to feed me, I don't like to judge their serving methods.

I don't have a dishwasher, but I DO have an 11 year old son who is constantly eating. I buy paper plates - the cheap, thin, paper kind - for him to use with his snacks. I figure that's better than foam and saves me time (and electricity and water) since I'm not constantly hand-washing his plates. We also only use cloth napkins, so I get points there too right?

My question: are the paper kind really any better than foam, or am I just fooling myself?

@fancyd I wasn't trying to justify, I just wanted the earlier reader to think before she condemned everyone using disposables. I actually hand-wash my dishes, walk to work, and line dry my clothes, so I'm not too concerned with my role here. I only wanted to point out that its not quite as simple as it might appear at first.

I don't own silverware and am content with stainless steel flatware. I may use disposable paper plates if they can handle the menu. The styrofoam-type disposable plates seemed not to work well. I rarely use disposable flatware because in my experience it works well only when too expensive to discard after one use. I prefer to wash dishes solo after guests leave, and also like to take friends out for dinner. As a guest I'm happy playing by house rules for disposable plates and flatware. I wouldn't use chopsticks, but never have been expected to try.

I cringe when it is used anywhere other than at a backyard BBQ, and I never ever use it myself. The look, the texture, the feel of plastic in one's mouth - NO. I try not to judge when others use it, but confess that I do.

nothing irritates me more than cheap flimsy plastic folks and knives.

OH, I have service of 12 in my china closet. I've got china out the wazoo.

Wow... I'm glad I'm not friends with some of you people...

I planned my biggest party to date (my 30th birthday) this year and crammed about 50 guests into my about 800 sq. foot kitchen, living room and den. I served great food (appetizers/finger food), but on disposable plates with disposable napkins. I used disposable cups for the soft drinks and hard alcohol drinks but real wine and champagne glasses. I also don't have a dishwasher, and the wine glasses and serving dishes proved enough of a bear afterward.

No one complained and all I heard were compliments on the great party. If you are really going to judge me on my serving ware, please don't come to my party. Besides, I don't know ANYONE who has space for that many plates, glasses, utensils, etc... I think it would have been more surprise if I had used real stuff... I only expect real plates, etc for catered events.

That said, a gathering of less than 12? Yes, we'll use the real thing, because I've got it to use, not just sit in a cabinet.

I don't use them myself - we have boxes of old china from a thrift shop that we bring out for large / outdoor events. It's festive and I don't mind if something breaks.

And I have to respond to the person who said the energy/water used to wash real balances the waste factor from disposable. I know this idea is out there, but it's got some real holes. There is a lot of water and energy used in the production of disposables. It's not YOUR water and energy (unless you're thinking in the global sense), but it does get used; both toward the production of the product itself and its (often substantial) packaging.

I don't judge a host by the flatware (or plastic-ware), but can this washing-the-dishes-at-the-end-of-a-party thing please stop?

I blame open-plan kitchens for the idea that it's proper to ask a dinner guest to chop onions and wash dirty forks. The opposite of hospitality.

I have a tiny apt that does not have much kitchen storage space, no dishwasher (other than myself) and not that big of a sink. for parties of 4 or 6, we'll use real plates, for any more (10 max can fit in my livingroom/kitchen) paper plates, real silverware and real glasses. Just makes life easier.

Perhaps plasticware is a host's way of weeding out self-righteous prigs from the next guest list.

what kind of jerk goes around making someone else feel bad for doing what they can with what they have? it's their house and their event. either i'm grateful to be invited or i beg off.

do you.

Worse case scenario for people using disposables: Not matching the quality of the disposable to the meal. You don't serve anything that needs cutting, on a foam plate. You don't serve anything wet, on a paper plate. Hot dogs and chips, go for it! Thanksgiving Dinner??? Man, that needs to be some good quality toss-away dinnerware. Guess you can say thanks that you can afford the best!!!

I would never be so rude as to comment on/turn my nose up at disposable plates or forks at anyone else's house. That said, at my own house, I use disposables ONLY for big-scale, outdoor events like block parties or cookouts, where we're talking about more guests than I have plates and there's a high likelihood of breakage. And you'd be surprised how many people ARE rude enough to comment on real plates! Like you're trying to show people up or something.

I've been hosting smallish dinner and cocktail parties as a way to keep my house clean (it works! plus, everyone eats and chats and enjoys him or her self!) and for the last few years my flatware has gone missing one by one. It's the weirdest thing. At any rate, I bought a replacement set last year and it turned out to be the crappiest elementary school-grade bendy flatware that ever bent. I'm trying to find better quality NOT MADE IN CHINA flatware that I can afford. I don't even care if it matches. Until then, my guests put up with decent quality plastic or bamboo flatware to go along with my good plates and glasses. No one has ever complained about the plastic forks or for that matter, the too small table that is supplemented with tray tables I keep meaning to throw away. I am certain that they will enjoy my hospitality even more when they can eat with genuine 18/10 stainless steel sporks or whatever, but for now I'm not letting perfect be the enemy of good.

completely depends on the occasion. I have enough plates and silverware for 12 people, but my table can only seat 8. Even for something casual I will use those options if I can. When it comes to a larger crowd its always disposable.

If i were having a big fancy event I would probably not only be silverware and plates but a venue too, my apartment cant hold much more than about 15 people.

At other peoples place im happy to eat off of whatever. Really its about the people not the dishware. I'd like to think my friends are of the same mindset, I dont think I would get along with someone who turns their nose up at disposable dishware for a crowd. Maybe I just run with a casual group though.

I don't entertain more people than I have real plates for. If I wanted to do so, I'd probably buy some dollar store plates to supplement. I don't like the waste produced by disposables.

However, I do use paper towels at least some of the time. I don't like those, either, but for the kinds of messes (pets, mainly) I need to clean up, I really can't stomach using cloth. (It's hard enough to clean up cat vomit with paper!) So, I guess I'm trying to minimize and be very selective about the egregious waste I produce.

@ Lisa: you made me LOL!

Why is it acceptable at a barbeque but not at a house? We use disposables sometimes, like when friends are over and we're feeding them pizza and it's a weeknight and we're tired. We're not regular consumers, but no, I don't have a problem with it. If you want to talk about wasted plastic, let's have a post about kids' toys and the layers you have to get through to get a toy out of a box. The occasional dinner party isn't a big deal in my book.

That said, we tend to only do this for larger gatherings (more than 10 adults). If you're invited for dinner we use real plates (sometimes we even break out the wedding china!).

I think I'll have a party and put out a bunch of plastic servingware and see who would judge me for that so I'll know whose judgemental ass never to invite to my house again.

It's not even a question of etiquette, it's a question of completely unnecessary harm to the environment. That being said, if I were at a party where disposables were used, I would not say anything, but I would make sure I did not use more than one cup, plate or fork etc.

I have enough dishware to properly serve 8 people (though it doesn't all match). That's all I have room for in my small kitchen. If I'm serving more than 8, I go disposable. I also tend to use it if it's a party with people picking up and putting down things all evening. Rather than keep track of glasses and plates or re-wash things, I'll use things that can be tossed.

I typically clean the stuff, pocket the knives, throw plates in my bag, & recycle later. You may get an odd look, but sometimes it get ppl to think (or even give me their flatware too)

What's with the rash of "this is not a real problem" and "this is a first world problem" posts. If you are not interested in the "problem," then don't read it and certainly don't take the time to post. Apartment Therapy (and sister sites) are about design and food and fun stuff- it's not supposed to cure Cancer or solve the financial crisis. If you only care about "real problems," surely there are better uses for your time.

Generally I wouldn't judge on this. Maybe my friend's don't have enough nice plates or whatever, and I totally get that. Or if it's an outdoor party, maybe they don't want to risk breaking their good stuff.

The only time I ever judged someone for disposable plates and glasses was at a wedding with 200+ guests. It was catered and in a hall - there was no reason not to use the real thing when I knew for a fact that the hall had scads of plate ware in the next room. What were they paying people for if not to take care of the dishes? Did I mention that every other glass on our table leaked because they were so cheap? On that particular occasion, disposable was a poor choice. (To be fair, I might have overlooked this small issue had the bride and groom been more gracious at the gift opening the next day... )

I think too many people forget that some of us just don't have the room for a huge collection of dishes. I admit that if I have over ten people in my house, including the three of us, we're forced to use paper. I can't sacrifice the kitchen space for 20 place settings. Sorry.

Would never use these. If I have enough resources to host a huge party, I have enough resources to pay the next door neighbor's kid to come over and load my dishwasher during the party. No need to trash the planet just because we're too lazy and selfish to do the dishes. Other cultures would think of our disposeable habits as outrageous and irresponsible.

So far as judging people, I've never been to a party where the host used disposeables (and I have indeed been to very huge parties) but I would not say anything, however the sight of a trash bag full of paper products that were used once would make me sick and would make me hate the human race even more. I am polite, but I can only take so much after this storm where all the trees on our street are now dead from pollution, the new sidewalks and now the storm / global warming.

After dropping chocolate cake off a too flimsy plate onto white berber carpeting at a gathering, I don't use paper plates anymore. I'm still mortified by that and it was 15 years ago.

Yes, if this was at someone's house, I would judge the hell out of this. It is completely unnecessary waste. If it's biodegradable and you can toss it in the compost, awesome. But it's probably cheaper to go to a kitchen supply place or IKEA (a white 10" round plate is $3) and invest in 10 plates than buying bamboo dinnerwear.

As someone who entertains a fair amount (and we're talking UFC events, not gala dinners), "easier clean up" is not worth the physical or monetary waste disposable stuff creates.

Disposable plates are OK for chips/aps/finger foods at a large gathering or party but proper plates should be used for a seated dinner. I'm pretty casual and even I uphold that standard.

I really hope that the friends I have over to dinner aren't as judgmental as some of the people commenting here. I'd hate to think that I was being judged for what I serve dinner on after spending hours cooking a nice meal for friends.

I have a one bedroom apartment without a lot of storage space, and surely don't have the storage space for 20 or so place settings for my annual thanksgiving party. I borrow tables and chairs from friends, use recyclable plastic plates and cups, and disposable silverware. I use real wine glasses and provide sharp knives if necessary, but I've yet to find the storage space in my 500 sq foot apartment for 20 place settings. So once or twice a year, disposable it is. If someone openly judged me for it, the wouldn't be invited back.

My dinner guests ALWAYS know to bring their own plates and cutlery, if not I put it in the invitations anyway. Problem solved for large crowds.
The jury is NOT OUT for what is worse. Plastic is worse. Who on earth decided that extracting oil in the ground, sending it to China to be manufactured by a machine that had to be processed, processing it in more plastic bags for shipping, putting it on a boat to a harbour then trucking it to a grocery store, putting it on shelves, buying it, taking it home and putting it out is EASIER AND BETTER than giving a spoon a rinse with some water. I can't believe the stupidity of people. Really. I can't.

Boy, some people are really getting hot under the collar here. What's the big deal? If I am invited to a party, I am grateful for the invite and enjoy the food and company. I don't really care about the serving pieces and cutlery, although I do take note of how the food is served, whether there are candles, flowers, etc. For informal gatherings in my very small place, I do a combo. Food is presented, buffet style, on plates and platters. I may use sturdy, decorative paper plates and/or napkins, but I use real glassware and silverware, not plastic. At this point in my life, I have some physical problems and poor health prevents me from throwing the kinds of parties I'd like. I do the best I can, and if that means serving pizza on paper plates, oh well. My true friends understand and do not judge me.

If you're in my house eating food I have bought and prepared for you and you don't have the manners or sense to keep your judgement fully to yourself, then I would be thrilled if you would just leave and not come back. But then, when I meet someone who is a judgmental prick, I generally don't invite them into my home.

I definitely wouldn't judge someone for doing this at a gathering, let alone say anything. I guess it would be one thing if they had made it sound like it was going to be a nice dinner party and I got there in my finest only to sit down to sloppy joes on chinet, but that is a whole different issue than whether or not I will judge people for making shopping decisions I may not necessarily make.

@ek76: The original post asked for people's thoughts on the issue. It being a non-issue for many of us is as fair a comment as those comments indicating a strong preference.

What about the food served at the party? Was it processed and store-bought? Or was it organically grown vegetables from your backyard? Are you using eco-friendly dish soap to clean your dishes? Are you avoiding anti-bacterial soaps when you wash your hands before handling the veggies I am about to consume? What about the gas you used to drive to the store to spend exorbitant amounts of money on organic produce grown 5000 miles away? How many miles to the gallon?

For some reason, the 20 paper plates I use for a few parties every year seem inconsequential. I do agree that the environment is a real problem, and I try my best to do things in an eco-friendly way, however I don't get the eco-guilt-judgement-factor.

For the record, I'll use the china when it's a smaller group and paper plates for a larger group. And I don't judge any of my hosts choices, I'm just grateful to get together with loved ones and share a meal.

I don't own disposable stuff and I cringe when I'm served food on it, but my momma taught me better than to open my mouth. I shudder when you serve me at the dining table on paper plates and your fully stocked china cabinet is in plain view. My mouth, however, stays shut.

Oh, for heaven's sake. I have to agree with KristieC and BrandyB. You're lucky to have food. Just put something in your mouth and hush.

Did anyone catch the NYTImes Magazine with the spread on all the different families sharing a meal together? I was taken aback at how many were serving drinks in disposable cups. At their own dinner table, with their family.

Even if I end up using all of my dishes, flatware and glasses, I only use disposable when utterly necessary. My reasons are that it's cost effective (spend money on something that I have to throw away), my city doesn't recycle (I know excuse, but at least I'm not adding to it) and I don't have the space to store throw-away stuff.

If I go to someone's home for a big dinner or party and I'm served in alternative dinnerware, I have no absolute problem with it. If I go to your home often for dinner (in-laws) and you always serve me in disposable dinnerware, then I'm annoyed.

Why do grown ups tend to assume that children can't handle real dishes? My three year old niece has never broken any dishes, nor dropped a single one at that! The moment she got off her bottle, she started using real disehs and flatware. It has never been a problem. I hope not to upset anyone, but I think we baby our children in this country too much.

As a guest, I couldn't care less what I'm served on. I think its rude not appreciate the gesture and hospitality, whatever the dinnerware provided.

For my own parties, I have a small set of flatware (enough for 6 people). However as a graduate student with limited funds, disposable is a must for large parties.

I've recently discovered party rental companies which will rent out flatware, wine glasses etc for around $4 Cdn for a dozen of each dinnerware item. I might go that route in the future. I live in a small space with limited storage so I don't wan't to be in possession of piles and piles of dinnerware. Rental seems like it might be a good solution.

I don't think that it's such a big deal. If I'm hosting more than 4 people, I will splurge and get the bamboo disposables. They look nicer and they're sturdier. I don't think that my friends have ever complained about it, and it does make cleaning much easier. My group almost always does potluck anyway, and I always suggest bringing the disposables. If i'm going to work hard just prepping and setting up, I don't mind cutting corners with the dishes and cleanup.

Such incredible snobs! I use the real stuff for gatherings because I have the room to store it. When I go to someone else's home, I don't even think about whether they're using real or disposable. Not only am I happy for the invite, I don't consider my host's tableware choices any of my f***ing business.

I don't think it's good to judge at all, and I am guilty of it, so I'll say the one time when I think judging may be justified is simply when it comes to parties or gatherings of a very formal nature, like formal weddings. Backyard barbecue weddings? Totally okay to use disposable. Anything more formal than that really requires real plates.

When it comes to parties and gatherings, it doesn't HAVE to be real plates...but I feel weird and cheap for giving my friends disposable plates. Plus, it costs money. Why not just use the plates we already have? We have enough place settings for 15 people.

I do not "judge" people. I think we should all take a step back and realize that this is not about hugging some cutesy owl. All of our butts are on the line and we need forests to absorb pollution. Seeing stacks of paper plates should scare us, I don't care who is using or serving them. I know it sounds like fear mongering or an exaggeration, but everyone will see soon enough that it's not.

To those of you who think that this is not about judging, why not gently educate your friends and family? Or write an editorial? Or lobby against the use and manufacture of paper plates? These are all better options than trying to control, shame, and bully law abiding citizens into doing things "your way." If you truly want people to embrace a greener lifestyle, there's a better way to go about it.

judge judge judge
sorry

especially when it is an easy way out of laziness, not a necessity of the situation

@shukaide Disposable is almost always the worst choice. With real dishes you use some water and energy to wash them yes, but every single disposable dish is shipped from somewhere; it is most likely made in China, shipped halfway around the world to a warehouse, then to a distribution centre, then a store and then your house. However the fun doesn't stop there, afterwards it is shipped to a dump, all this way burning fossil fuels and contributing to landfill. Every single new disposable item carries this huge environmental burden each and every time you use one, which massively outstrips the environmental cost of washing real dishes even in a dishwasher.

@general population: If there are too many dishes to wash after a dinner party buck up and do them or invite less people. The world should not have to pay for extravagant throwaway lifestyles.

If someone invites me for a dinner party and they use disposables, I do think twice about going again; or will gently offer, when accepting the invitation, to help with washing the dishes afterwards.

Secretly judge.
I always use real dishes (its really tacky not to) with only 2 exceptions.
1. really large parties where the amount of guests exceeds the amount of plates (in which case I wait until all my real plates are gone before busting out the eco-friendly disposables.
2. when we're having some large get together bbq at a park or something. In which case theres usually never a single person thats "in charge" so to speak and I'm not going to be an overbearing b**ch that tells people what they can and cant bring.

@Creative license I don't see anyone commenting who promoted shaming their friends or family. Personally I would not do that and anyway it would backfire. Setting a good example is scientifically proven to be the best way, so I make food for my loved ones and when they ask me for the recipe, bingo, they have the good brands and will buy them. No guilt necessary.

People really care about this? I don't think I have ever once thought about a host serving food on paper plates as wasteful or unclassy! I'm more about the friendship and the communication. If I ever hosted a party where someone complained, they most likely wouldn't be a friend of mine. Real friends and guests don't care about this stuff.

"Real friends and guests don't care about this stuff."

Amen.

We had our wedding at a lake house on Lake Michigan. We couldn't afford silver and china for all, so we opted for "as nice as possible" clear plastic plates paired with silver plastic flatware molded to look like the good stuff. It was catered by Wishbone and the whole event was elegantly-backyard barbeque'ish. I honestly don't think anyone cared that anything was plastic. We were paying for it all ourselves, they knew that, and we provided a really fun evening for all. That's what really mattered.

If you can afford to have a stash of buffet plates and flatware, go for it. Your real friends don't want you to go broke buying 20 sets of dishes and flatware.

-Alana
http://www.kitschykitten.com