I initially wanted my husband to become involved....now he's overly opinionated, we can rarely agree on anything!

I think I'm on the fence on this one. Ideologically speaking, I'd like my partner to have an opinion and share in the process of home-making. On the flip side, I also like to be in the driver's seat.

My approach goes like this: When I initiate a project, I present a series of options, all of which I'd be able to see working in my home. So no matter which option my partner prefers, it's still something in the range of 'tolerable'. I have found that if I take the initiative, I avoid surprise decorating disasters.

I'll second the motion on man caves. If men get a cave, then I want a palace.

I do the leg work (color scheme, style choices, etc) and then give him a choice of two versions that I would be ok with either way. That way we both feel like we have a say in the decision but don't get bogged down (and fight) about small things.

My husband is my best editor, which is both a blessing and sometimes causes me to curse :)

I make most of the decisions, since (1) I am usually pickier, and (2) I'm the one spending money on it. I do get his input (and usually he has SOME input, not just "whatever") but I'm the one who usually brings up ideas and does the research.

I want my boyfriend to be involved, I would hate to set up a place that he doesn't like, but he legitimately doesn't care. He's very laid back and easy going. As long as it isn't festooned with sequins and isn't hot pink (which I hate anyway) he doesn't care.

We haven't really gotten around to decorating too much (don't have the funds), but when we do I think I'm going to present several options from what I like. And if he still doesn't mind either way, I'll just do whatever. My tastes aren't overly feminine, so it should be okay. As long as he has a place to put his computer, he's happy.

I have always deemed the finished portion of my basement to be my "woman cave", which really just is my record room/ music studio. My boyfriend recently moved in and added more guitars and records to my woman cave, which I couldn't be more thrilled about. he actually has been very involved in decorating already, which had me nervous at first, but now I am starting to appreciate how his taste brings a more natural element to my modern style.

My husband and I always collaborate. We love shopping for our home together! I pick out most of the accessories and smaller home items but most other furniture pieces we pick out together. It's way more fun that way. Our house is such a mix of the two of us!

My partner refers to me as the design nazi. I make most of the design decisions and most of his comments are regarding prices. He does affect my decisions. He frequently is able to get me to "tone down" my love of dramatic interiors. When I ask his opinion his usual reply is: If you like it get it, just leave the electronics to me.

my boyfriend and i love working together to find pieces we both love to put in our home. luckily we both have very similar style so finding pieces we both agree on isnt too hard. although sometimes he does pull the "i dont care about that stuff" when hes not in the mood. we have an agreement that we both have to love the item or it doesnt come home.

We collaborate on nearly everything. It usually starts with one of us having an idea, looking for a good visual representation of what we want to do, and explaining it to the other person in a way that helps them visualize the final product. Sometimes one of us will just make decisions on little things, but we always work together on large projects, especially if we are building it.

I do most of the initial "it would be nice if...*insert paint/furniture/project*", but the execution and details is shared.

I mean, come on - we can't be the only people who spent a half-hour in home depot arguing over 2 very similar shades of grey...

I think the appropriate approach is that if you're going to ask your partner "what do you want for dinner?" why wouldn't you ask them "how do you feel about a yellow room?" You could definitely disagree, but the discussion is important and necessary.

My husband and I debate about every room! We both have great ideas and dont want to share...but we usually compromise.

We're a lot like mvandewark. I tend to put it all together with the little details because I enjoy that but we work together to choose the color scheme, art and furniture.

That how we are but maybe not as cool and calm as the two of you. lol

I would say we live in a benevolent dictatorship.

No, just kidding. Mostly, my husband claims not to care. But I get his approval on all major decisions because we're paying for our new furniture and decor jointly.

When we reach an impasse, I try to measure how meaningful the decision is to each person. Sometimes you get stuck in arguments about something and then realize you don't really care what shape the coffee table that goes in the office is. But to the other person, that might be something that they find more meaningful.

If you plotted it on an X-Y axis, X would be Strength of Your Opinion and Y would be How Much You Actually Care. So for instance, I might have a strong opinion about the use of the color red, but then realize that if it's for a room I won't spend a lot of time in, or my husband has a really good reason for wanting it there, that maybe my opinion shouldn't be weighed as heavily, or vice versa.

In the end, I think there are a multitude of paths to achieve an aesthetic that creates the mood you're going for. If one partner vetoes an option, move on to the next. Or leave it in the hands of the person who has a stronger, more concise vision.

I (the girlfriend) usually take on projects on my own, but my boyfriend is helpful and often reminds me of the importance of multipurpose items. I bounce ideas off him and ask for his opinion; sometimes he will give it, if it matters enough to him. I like to surprise him by upgrading some of the things we already have to make them more functional. That's how I try to keep the feeling of balance between us-- he's hands-off on most projects, but I want him to feel like he's in our home, not just mine. So far, we've been doing fine.

As others have said, I gather the options, usually on the computer, to show examples. He sometimes refines the choices, sometimes agrees, sometimes sends me back to gather, and, sometimes, he suggests a better option. After double-digit years of marriage, we've grown closer in taste or just are better able to articulate the taste. i have noticed he is far better at space and scale. We both do better with visuals.
We both like the result of collaboration in the Kitchen nook and the living room.

My boyfriend is super opinionated and it drives me crazy. All the endless hours I spent planning and thinking and browsing and fantasizing about the ways to decorate our apartment, he spends playing rugby and watching football and browsing the Jeep online stores. Yet, when it comes time to make a decor decision, he wants his opinion to have as much weight as mine - i don't like that!! I've noticed two trends that drive me NUTS. (1) He really likes his parents' house, and yeah its very nice, but nice for a typical suburban well-kept house owned by 50-somethings - it isn't me at all. I don't want to replicate the houses and decor we grew up with. Yet he is constantly suggesting things on the premise, "my parents do this and it looks good." We argued about painting our living and dining room and i wanted grey. He insisted on this awful bright yellow that his parents have in their basement. It was only when his parents came and saw my grey paint swatches and his dad says "that's like the grey in the kitchen" that he got on board with grey. (2) he has this knee jerk reaction to nix everything when I initially throw it out there as an idea...even though when i've either worn him down or just done something without his pre approval, he always likes the end product. AHH!

I say all of this light-hearted of course....i am happy he cares, and I am learning just do things without getting "permission" every step of the way. After all, ive definitely made my decor decisions gender neutral and not "girly" once we moved in together 2 years ago - I DO factor him in, and also, if it's something that might be a bigger investment that we're both paying for, like a piece of furniture, I definitely want us to agree on it.

My beloved generally only goes so far as to want things to look nice, grown up, and homey. Other than that, he doesn't want to be bothered by the details. But he does have veto power (as do I on the rare occasion that he randomly loves that 1990's traditional hutch his friends are trying to get rid of.) I guess I just care more so I take the prerogative to pursue decorating, while trying to make it a space we both love. However, he's as passionate of a cook as I am and has strong opinions about the quality of the knives, pans, etc that we bring into the house.

My husband picked me up from the airport after a business trip and quietly informed me "I bought a sound system. It was expensive." I was totally fine with that, he's good with money and cares and knows way more about sound quality than I do. After some chatting he added, "I also bought a media console." Not cool, dude, not cool. It was terrible, but luckily not out of the box yet and we returned it. I did a bit of research and worked out a plan for how we'd keep the cable box, computer, and now speakers out of sight and provide storage. It looks fantastic and he really likes it after initially complaining about why I didn't like his choice as it was perfectly utilitarian.

We all have our strengths. I decorate with my husband's tastes in mind (though he's terrible at articulating them). He cooks (very well) knowing what I like. He runs all things electronic, I take care of the HVAC and plumbing. There is some friction in this system, but it's working out pretty well.

My husband shares my taste, but is more than happy to let me do the work when it comes to decorating. He's always willing to give his opinion, which is usually pretty agreeable. The only time we had trouble was when we purchased a new couch- I was really into the Modernica daybed, but he wanted nothing to do with it. Luckily, we found a Room and Board couch that we both adore!

I make almost all of the decisions. I do ask, and welcome my husband's input, but he doesn't really seem to care. I guess we mesh pretty well style-wise though, because he likes whatever I do.

He always says that if he was left in charge of decorating decisions, our living room would still be gold, and would still only consist of the loveseat and two dining chairs we stuck in there while we were moving in. I think it's great when couples can collaborate on decorating ideas, but there is no use trying to force a decision from someone who isn't interested.

We're usually fairly in synch on what we want to do in the house. We've been together 25+ years so that's a good thing!

Agree about the term 'man cave' - it's a horrible expression.

Interesting topic! My husband and I have a pretty balanced understanding which works for us. We broke it down by room. I have a room that is all mine; it's like a change room essentially so I make all the decisions there. And he has an office which is all his as well as a poker room; so he gets the final say there. He uses the basement the most so has a lot of pull on the decor downstairs but I still have quite a bit of input as he values my judgement and I am more interested in interior design than he is. I have the final say in the kitchen and living room but I run most ideas past him. If one of us absolutely HATES something then we respect that. Luckily we have found a balance in our differing design styles and have wound up with a mix between mid century/vintage and modern with minimal clutter and lots of neutrals (like various wood stains, whites and greys).

When we first started living together we discussed things that were an absolute no go in terms of decor. We also looked at pictures together (magazines and online) and took note of the things we saw that we both liked. From there our mutual design style naturally developed. Now we LOVE decorating together and our house feels like it is both of ours.

I do. I always force my partner to give me some answer on everything just so he can't complain about it later, but he usually doesn't anyway. He admits that he has no design skills and seems happy with what I do.

I was always frustrated with my husband's lack of interest in what the house looked like. He would say "I don't understand color or things, that is your area." After bouncing around rentals for years, we finally bought our first place. During the 6 months that we have been here, he has been more picky about the decor then in our 6 years of living together. While I appreciate his new found interest, it certainly makes shopping very difficult and time consuming.

I seem to take the driver's seat... mostly because I obsess about these things & my BF doesn't really care. I try to involve him in the decision as much as possible, because he gets upset when I don't. I do most of the legwork and then he will add his two cents, etc. .Unfortunately, since our styles are not always in sync this can cause some issues... but since I'm color blind, that might be a good thing.

Me! I live with a female roommate currently and all decorating is up to me. she just didn't have much artwork or furnishings to put up, so basically everything is mine. (which I prefer)
My boyfriend and I will be moving in together shortly and while I am definitely more opinionated and picky and have higher standards, he has ample taste and I really enjoy shopping with him. I would really hate if his answer was "whatever you want, honeybabe" We're also both artists, and collaborate on projects together.

I think we need to examine an idea expressed in this post that I feel is very pervasive in our society. All things should be equal for all people, yes! But the idea that we cant be inherently different and equal , especially between the sexes, is so frustrating. Just because women typically excel at certain things and men at others doesn't mean one is better or worse than the other. It also doesn't have to mean that anyone is excluded. A lot of me don't feel the need to have a say in the decorating of the entire house - that's ok. If a man is interested, he should be a welcomed partner to his spouse or significant other in the decorating process. Conversely women don't have to be the boss on all matters interior decorating, but as many are more interested than their male counter parts thats ok too. We ARE different AND equal. sheesh. As far as "man cave" goes, I think whats intended by the phrase isn't meant to offend and if I personally knew a man who was offended by it or it became apparent that the use of the phrase was offensive I wouldn't use it. But in a home where a woman is the decorator and her guy just wants one space that he can feel free from the dictates of her design aesthetic that's ok too - why not? what would you call such a space?

My husband literally does not care. He wants his chair to be comfy, his sheets to be clean, and his dinner on time. I usually get everything right but the dinner:P Asking him to do anything is too hard anyway, because he thinks on it, draws diagrams, thinks some more, runs to Ace Hardware three times during the project -often stretching it out for days- and then leaves a huge mess for me to clean up. Uggh.

I can tell that he picks up on the homey "vibe" in our house. He comments when we visit places that aren't as clean/clutter-free as ours about how hard it would be to live with so many distractions, so I know he appreciates my efforts.

Because I've always enjoyed home improvement and decorating as a hobby, I spend much more time thinking about it and brainstorming than my husband does. His hobbies include running and football and history and being outdoors...But that doesn't mean he doesn't care what the apartment looks like. When I asked him if he had any ideas for paint colors recently, his only request was to make the kitchen robin's egg blue which totally surprised me -- had i not asked for his thoughts, I'm sure he'd be fine with whatever I picked out, but I'm so glad I did because I'd probably have erred on the side of gender neutral. While I'm the one who initiates home projects and decor, and more often than not we're on the same page, he definitely has opinions about what goes into it. I'd also like to point out that just because a person doesn't enjoy the process of decorating doesn't mean he or she automatically wants a man cave either. I don't love cooking as much as my husband does, but it doesn't mean i can't enjoy his incredible elaborate dishes! We just try to be honest with each other about what we like and what we don't -- I was pretty sure I'd hate his old, tattered oriental rug and cobalt blue vase he loved so much from his old place, but once they made their way into our living room, it actually made it feel cozy. Similarly, he wasn't crazy about my 70s patchwork tablecloth and brightly colored Navajo rug but now loves how they looked in our quirky retro kitchen. Integrating our two different styles is actually really fun and we both like finding ways to make them work together. The trick is to always talk it out before purchases are made, and make sure each room has elements from us both. I'm always going to personally enjoy matching the throw pillows and mounting the shelving. And he's always going to love spending all evening preparing dinner for us both. What does it matter as long as we both enjoy the result?

In our house, I make most of the decorating decisions, but my husband has "veto power." Generally, he either likes something, doesn't care, or hates it. If he hates it, he can say no with no drama or arguments. This way he doesn't have to live with anything he hates and he doesn't have to help with decor decisions he doesn't care about.

My husband has a "as long as I get a huge tv and no yellow in the house I'm fine" attitude. For the most part. There are times when I get a "seriously, babe?" look. Then I back down. I figure if I get almost completely free reign over design then when he says something negative I should always listen.

Regarding "man cave," it's just a term. Like "craft room" or "artist's studio." It serves a purpose even if the name is a bit trashy. How about we try a new name like "Magical Electronic Kingdom?"

I showed my husband a picture on here of a DIY light that was made up of about 15 randomly sized paper lanterns. I loved it. He hated it vehemently. We do not have it. There are many lights to be had but only 1 husband. :)

I ask my husband's opinion whenever I do anything, but it just stresses him out. He's wholly not visual. For years, whenever he would buy furniture or rugs or anything he would buy the most neutral thing in the store, and I was really nervous. "Are you secretly into minimalism and neutrals and just haven't been telling me and going along with all the crazy things I bring home? I can work with that if you are!" But he was like, "No, I just can't tell what anything will look like next to any other thing unless it's there. So I get the plainest thing in the store so I don't have to worry about it."

I was still worried until I realized he liked the crazy things I brought home and thinks everything I like is fantastic. He's just utterly visually inept and can't imagine things on his own. (He can't draw or pack a suitcase, but he plays seven instruments by ear so perhaps he min-maxed his attributes.) He doesn't match his clothes, either, and wanders around with a big burn on his trousers that he put there with the iron. I don't understand how he can't visualize a red pillow on the couch, but he doesn't understand how I'm tone deaf. It all works out in the end.

My husband and I make decisions together, because it's not just my home, it's his too. Sure, there are things that I like that he doesn't and things that he likes that I don't, but we compromise and most of the time the decision we come to is better than either one of us thought it would turn out. You just have to approach things as a team and not try and work against one another.

I'm single. Unwillingly, but it is what it is.

The closest I've had to a partner that I could have decorated a home with left me nearly 8 months ago. So...

As for the term "man cave", I feel dirty even typing it out. It's both a terrible term and situation. One would hope with equality we'd all get to participate and feel respected. Neither gender should have to feel banished to a room just to get what is important to them. A long time ago when I was married, my then wife thought guitars should never be left out and weren't appropriate in the living room. For me it wasn't about the guitars themselves, but about what is important to me and something I value (being a musician) being an annoyance to her.

On that happy note, music gear, records, other cool things, stay where they needs to be - close at hand and out to enjoy. I'm planning to paint the largest wall of my living room black with no objections. And like decorating, I'll listen to the music I want to hear as well.

Ideally you'd have two people working together -- but if one person genuinely doesn't like decorating or care about it in any sense, then I don't see any problem with the one enthusiast holding the reins.

Nereid, the problem with "man cave" is the connotation that men NEED a space of their own to begin with. We have areas of our home that are used more by one of us but aren't exclusive places where we squirrel away our hobbies (i'm also tired of the stereotype that that only men love them or that women demand their husbands hide them). Many of my male friends resent the term because they feel like their home is shared with their spouses and they don't want anyone to get the impression that they are looking to avoid their spouses. It hurts women too because of the stereotype that women belong in the hom, meaning a man needs a place of his own.

We both live there, we both care about the overall appearance, so we both decide. I tend to design, and he tends to collaborate on choices for execution, but sometimes, after years of sitting nearby while I watched HGTV, he picked up a lot of stuff almost by osmosis, and was totally responsible for the dark red home theater, pumpkin orange family room, apple green home office... He chose the furnishings for his room, I for mine. We discussed and agreed on the things for the public areas. Like that...

We lived in the rental world of Beigeville Boredom for years during which time I constantly struggled to infuse our home with life/color on a non-existant budget. If I said it once, I said it a million times, "When we own our own home, every room will be a different vibrant color!" To which dh always patiently replied, "Yes, dear." This standard reply signaled to me he was tuning me out. This time....this ONE time...I was wrong. Ohhhh was I wrong..

On the way home from closing on our own home, dh takes a detour to the home improvement store...a place he avoids like the plague when we're together because I can spend hours there & he's a 'get what ya came for & get out kinda guy'. Not being one to question my good fortune, I followed him inside wordlessly. He stopped in the paint section & said, "Pick one." Huh?! Dh says, " Don't pretend you haven't been planning this moment for years. Pick one."

Now, I'm standing there looking at HUNDREDS of paint chips while dh is reading me like a book & my head is spinning. He says, 'Let me make this easy for you. What's the brightest, happiest, most vibrant color you can think of." I blurt out, 'bright sunshine yellow." Suffice it to say we were in & out in under 10 minutes, 2 gallons of paint in tow. No trollin' the aisles for me that day.

Next a.m. dh takes me out to breakfast & says mysteriously, "Choose carefully, yer gonna need yer strength." After our meal, he pulls up in our *new* driveway, grabs a backpack from the car & unlocks the door to our new home. In a pile in the middle of the floor is my sunshine yellow paint + all the trimmings (primer, drop cloths, painters' tape, rollers, etc). Dh says, "Pick a room & let's get to work." Then he unzipped the backpack & pulled out our work clothes. I [wisely] chose the guest room.

The minute the I touched roller to wall, I knew I'd made a horrible mistake. I jumped back & exclaimed, "We're gonna need sunglasses to finish this job!" Without a word, dh calmly reaches into the backpack & pulls out two funky pair of sunglasses. He dons one, hands me the other & says, without skipping a beat, "Get back to work."

That was was 14 years ago. Since that time, every room in our home has changed colors at least twice. Colors come, colors go, as tastes change & the mood strikes. And ya know, I never was a big yellow fan. But dh caught me off-guard that day in the paint section. That bright sunny yellow was the total opposite of beige boredom to me so that's what I spit out when dh said 'pick a color'.

I'm not an impulsive person & I've regretted that impulsive response many times since. Every couple of years, I come up with a new plan/color scheme for the guest room. Dh nixes them all. Truth is, he can't 'visualize' things, often rolls his eyes at my suggestions, gives the go-ahead anyway, despite his reservations & usually loves the outcome. But he's stubborn as a mule when it comes to that guest room & that blindingly bright yellow. He says it's *all that I am* (referring to me) - a contradiction in terms is what he calls me - and has forbidden me to touch it with the promise of dire consequences if I do.

Yeah, all these years later, ya still need sunglasses to enter the guestroom. But that's okay with me. Because I have the best husband EVER. I'm still not a huge yellow fan. But I smile every time I walk into the guest room.

I don't really care if one person or both do the decorating. Some people really don't care atht much about decor choices and that's fine. Some peeps care A LOT and that's ok too. What really gets to me is the seperation of the decorating sexes! What are we , a 1950's advertising company?! Do all ladies like doilies and barbie pink? All me crave car lights on the walls and penthouse posters. I mean really?! So, if I like pictures of ships I must be a dude? And if my man appreciates a a yixing tea set he has hidden lady parts? Ugh! Don't be a sexist decorator! And don't buy into the whole "ladies like this but guys like this" crap. It's not true!

My boyfriend used to never give an opinion, then all of a sudden he had a hissy fit over everything floral and banned such prints from the apartment. Now I ask for his opinion but he doesn't want to help pay for anything so I don't think I should have to. I mean, its not my fault we moved into an apartment with pink walls.

I second the motion to ban "man cave" from the lexicon.

I have free rein in our home - that's why we have bare white walls, bare light bulbs, and furniture is higgledy-piggledy, whilst our pictures, rugs and nick nacks languish in storage. I have no idea how to 'decorate'!

Getting someone else's opinion can be very helpfull. Sometimes you're just used to doing something a certain way and getting someone else to look at it with a different point of view can be very refreshing. Especially the famous phrase 'Do you really need all that..?' gave me a new insight in decorating my home. Simply because I realized I don't need a lot to make my house a home, and it's okay to be practical at times.

Even when men say they don't care, they do. I bet he really wouldn't like it if everything was pink!

I tend to be the idea woman in our relationship when it comes to decor. Often, as-is is okay with him. However, after my initial planning, I do consult him before making bigger changes (new furniture, artwork purchases, etc.) to see if he's on board with the idea, or if he'd like to go in a different direction. We recently remodeled our entire main living space (it's a duplex with a long single living/dining room area), and there were some exasperating moments where he wanted what was more easily available while I wanted what conformed to the image I had in my head, but overall, we worked through our differences on those issues and came to a consensus (that's still in the process of being implemented, but that's a whole different beast.)

Now, if only I could get him on-board with using a proper hamper for his dirty clothes rather than his preferred Rubbermaid blue storage container (and the floor over on his side of the bed around it) and with the idea of using the drawers of the dresser for clothes rather than just piling the single-fold shirts on top of it instead. ;D

My husband and I collaborate completely. We recently decided to redo our kitchen so we brainstormed ideas about how best to use the space, what cabinets we wanted, appliances, everything. We were pretty simpatico with this project. Otherwise, whenever one of us wants to change something or bring something new into the apartment, its always fine with the other. And unless the other really begins to hate it, it stays.

My husband gets a tiny bit offended when I hate certain dated decor. ("My grandparents' house looks like that, and it's nice!") We're house shopping now and it's really hard to decide on one because if it's a nice house in a great location but I hate the kitchens and bathrooms, it could be an easy fix that's just a coat of paint or some new cabinet doors. But I know he'll want to keep it looking like it did in the 70s.

It's like 90% me, and I'm just gonna go ahead and say that it's because I have better taste. If it were up to him everything would be steel, gray and navy blue. In all seriousness though, he doesn't look at blogs or magazines or books, he's just not that into it and doesn't have the reference point to imagine what my ideas will look like when executed (not that I always do either!). But luckily I've made enough good decisions over the years that he trusts me. And of course anything he hates can be undone.

Back when I was married (and I hope that doesn't make the following opinion any useless;), my wife and I collaborated a lot. I'd say she started off being the designed but once I got into it it became very much a 2 people deciding on everything process.
She shot down many of my crazy ideas. I tried bringing them up for several years.
I shot down many of her boring ones. She didn't bring them up often after that.
We each had out must haves and we worked around those. Worked out great while it lasted.

It's all me. Everyone that stops by loves our home. When I walked into the house my husband owned before meeting me the living room walls were red with purple sponge paint over them. Considering that he won't shop for home decor, paint, put anything together, clean up, etc. having a say isn't so much of an option. He used to flip out at first and now he just sort of goes with the flow. The person doing most of the work should indeed have most of the say.

My husband doesn't seem to care about it so I make most of the decisions without even asking him. However there are two main things that I try to keep in mind for him, comfort and not allot of fus (aka. not allot of pillows). As long as I keep those things in mind he seems happy with whatever I come up with.

I initiate all projects. We collaborate to make decisions, but I bring forward almost all the options.

I was very excited to get my bf involved in decorating decisions, but his taste was totally different from mine -- for instance, he LOVED burgundy. Couldn't get enough. He was also remarkably cheap, and I let him get his way on several big-ticket items -- until they failed. I replaced the toilet in his bathroom at my expense -- he'd opted for the cheapest one in the store, which was totally unsuitable for a man in a wheelchair. I paid a little over $200 for an ADA-certified toilet, which proved to be a workhorse.

By the time he passed away, I'd admitted to myself I didn't enjoy decorating democracy as much as I'd expected.

This is the nicest story I have read in a long time. Thank you for it!

I wish I were in charge of all the decorating decisions. My husband and I totally disagree and he feels like he has to weigh in on everything. We've lived in our house for five years and it looks like we just moved in because we barely have any art on the walls. We can't agree on any piece of art, so neither of us has anything we like in our home. I would love to have one of those husbands who just lets his wife make the decisions.

well stated. In my personal case the term isn't used in such a way and my husband doesn't seem to mind it, allow me to explain: he is a musician and has loads of equipment specific to his interests. It actually benefits everyone in our home that he has a designated spot to make his music and he loves having a place that is just his own to do so in. heck, I'd love a space of my own in our house but I have no such need for one. I respectfully disagree that these terms necessarily hurt either gender, I don't feel my domestic inclinations limit me as a person even if I am a woman and it is cliche. I think being accepted for who you are and respected for what you contribute should be ok even if its not envogue. I dont like being told I cant be into things that are considered the vestiges stereo types past without sacrificing the respect of others. Shouldn't equality mean we are equal no matter what we chose to be interested in?

I (male) have 75% say on deco choices. Girlfriend has free range on the kitchen and bathroom though. But yeah, good thing she likes my taste or this wouldn't have worked out.

I would love my partners assistance with decorating but he has the complete inability to imagine what a piece of furniture (etc) looks like outside its current surroundings... Which makes ikea trips a bit of an ordeal!

Interesting topic.

We've advised countless guys on navigating through this potential minefield. Sometimes, a little careful negotiation is all it takes. (which obviously, successful cohabitants had better be able to do)

Most guys want their Man Cave in a basement, garage, or an extra bedroom. Give him one of those spaces to do as he pleases. You get the rest of the house, and he can't mess it up. I can almost guarantee he'll take that deal in a heartbeat. Think about it. He gets 1 room/location, you get the rest of the house. That's a win-win, and a great trade-off, don't you think?

As far as the "Man Cave" phrase itself...

What used to be called "Pop's Garage", "Dad's Room", or simply "The Den". It's always been a place for the guy(s) to hang out and relax, it's just that now it has a more formal, catchy, interesting, cool name for it.

The mere mention of a "Man Cave" will bring a smile to just about any guy's face. Why? Because they're awesome. Plus, "Man Cave" just got added to the 2012 Webster's Dictionary in August of this year, so it's probably not going to disappear any time soon!

Enjoy,
Joseph Chiaccio
Founder, Man Cave Kingdom

@letterwoman I feel for you. My ex didn't care, so I made all the decor decisions. I wish he had wanted to share that, but at least he didn't want to second-guess me, which is what you are dealing with.

You husband's opinions probably have more to do with power than decorating, so why not let him have some? To wit:

Have you thought of dividing up the rooms? He gets one, you get one. If you have kids, they each can decorate their rooms, with approval from you of course. You can create ground rules for everyone, such as: wall trim stays white, or, no matt black walls allowed, no Nascar 'art', or whatever would drive you nuts. No one is allowed to comment until each person's room is finished. Basic stuff. Then let everyone work at it. If the home looks crazy when finished, so much the better. The important thing is to add personality to it. Just that alone will lead to more fun.

"P.S. Despite our different methods of decorating, I hope we can all agree that there should be a nationwide ban on the term "man cave"."

You can ban "mancave" as long as you ban the even stupider "upcycling" at the same time.

My husband and I have argued about how our tiny and poorly designed house should be decorated for the past ten years. Until recently, the only picture on the wall was a poster of all the female DC superheroes in formal attire that he purchased for me a few years ago for our bedroom. I hate that thing*, but at least it's something other than bare white walls. He thinks walls should be white and empty, while I like color and original art. And so things sat until I put my foot down a few months ago and hung up a Mondo print from an "Adventure Time" event that was signed by a few of the voice actors and the show creator. When there were no complaints, I dug through his collection of "Mission Hill" animation cels and started framing and hanging them up as well. It helps that almost everything I've framed and hung up is something of his or art he likes that I've managed to get signed, but as most of our taste in animation is the same--it hasn't been much of a problem for me. The library will be the same, but with authors and musicians, and he can have free reign with the office--as long as the DC superhero poster moves into the office too (*seriously? Why get a poster of DC superheroes when he knows I'm a Marvel fan..... and not even enough of a fan for a cheesy poster?). I'm also letting him have his white walls in the living room, but only because it'll work best with what we're doing. But in exchange, I get to choose the colors for all the other rooms (with the exception of the office).

And when I think of a man cave, I envision something similar to a wine cellar. But man cellar sounds a bit awkward, although I wouldn't mind having one stashed somewhere in the house,

Our gender roles are 180 degrees off the norm. I'm obsessed with interior design, but my fiancee claims not to care about it at all. So she says I'm totally free to make all the decisions about decor. As long, of course, as I stay within budget. And avoid any dark colors because she thinks they're all oppressive. Or buy anything that isn't strictly utilitarian (no knickknacks, ever). And avoid window treatments. And throw pillows. And any typographic art. Or really any art that isn't an impressionist print. And I can't mix patterns. Ever. Because it apparently always clashes and isn't ever a good idea. Or do anything trendy or offbeat or silly because I saw it on a blog. Or spend just a little more for something really good quality when there's a cheaper version that's almost as nice if you squint at it...

Hmmmmm. Ok, let me rephrase. I'm the only one in the relationship who cares about *design*, but I don't actually get to make any of the decisions.

I have a great little story for you: As soon as Musse the pet rat was pregnant she started carefully moving one straw at the time from the bottom of the cage up to the top. She built the prettiest little nest for her and Alfons Åberg to have their litter in. He didn't much care and just waded through destroying the structure to get to his bed. She built another one and the same thing happened once more. Then she changed tactics and started building the nest around him - that one was left standing.

I'm thinking it's just nature showing its true colours. As most every lady in the comments above I'm the do'er and he's the don't carer but take a note of the moral of my story ladies: My husband used to get frustrated with me when I tried to explain my latest idea for a project so I changed my tactics: now I build small scale paper models of what I want to build and I have yet to be vetoed after I changed my approach. He simply doesn't have the same interest and skills to visualize a drawing into the incredible and genius piece of furniture I just dreamt up.

Our home has good bones, a great view, and it has been remodeled to suit our lives perfectly - we both take credit for choosing well, and credit also to a good architect. However, despite having lovely things and beautiful shell of a house, our place is still a mess, our artwork is not hung, and, again, we must BOTH take the blame for that!

My boyfriend and I had very different taste and each brought a lot of art, furniture, etc into our home. So we had to separate the two because they clash, and as a result the bedroom is mostly mine and the living room/dining room is his. But since then all additions have been made together, it's a fun process as we are both pretty laid back although I definitely tend to do the initiating because I just love interior design more (he's more a woodworker/photographer). And as I result I've come to enjoy his style and find ways to incorporate items I like that fit his palette, and vice versa.

Oh yeah, about Man Caves... I personally bristle because the implication is that the man deserves a room for just him and the things he likes. "The woman gets the rest of the house" isn't a fair trade because those rooms--kitchen, dining room, living room, bedroom, bathroom--are for shared activities. But if I get to have a craft room all of my own as well, THEN we are equal and happy.

Sadly, in a tiny NYC apartment, neither of us gets our own space. But we are still happy :)

My strength lies in researching and finding a whole host of options, and creative problem solving. My husband's strength lies in narrowing my focus, and picking out the best from all the options I've come up with. Definitely a team effort!

As far as the man cave thing goes...we each have our own space in the house, mine just doesn't have a buzz-word name.

I want the home to be 'ours' not 'mine'. So although I have most the creative energy, I don't make decisions without his input. I tend to develop the vision, and he helps me make it happen with structural support. We both have right of vetoe. And over time, he has learnt to trust my (to him) wild-er ideas, while I tone my larger flights of fancy down so I don't frighten his more conservative tastes too much.

your comment gave me such a joyful chuckle! and you 2 sound so cute together! :)

The more I'm married the more I find my husband actually cares a lot and has very good input to the decor of our place. Who knew he'd be such a good designer!?