Anthro-apologies: 5 Beautiful Things from the New Anthro Home Collection That I Would Inevitably Ruin

The new fall Anthropologie home collection is here and it’s beautiful. As a young urban woman who enjoys traveling and scentscapes, Anthropologie is 100% my jam. I like to think I’m the kind of woman who is fiscally responsible enough to save up for one beautiful teak statement dresser or something else equally jealousy inducing and then cover it in delicate global-inspired trinkets, but here’s the thing: Even if I could afford that #anthro life, I’m way too clumsy to do justice to their beautiful wares. Here and now, I present to you the five items I am most likely to ruin in a shockingly short amount of time should they magically find their way into my home (HINT).

Marblewood Cake Stand, $58. This cake stand is stunning. The beautiful mix of marble and wood is luxurious. If you have this, you are on your Marie Antoinette-style cake game. But here’s the thing, it’s still a cake vessel. And somehow this stand would get in between me and some cake at an inopportune moment and find itself on the ground. If you’re the kind of delicate person who can cut a sliver of cake, eat a few bites of it and smile contentedly, this stand is for you. I am not that person.

Ibex Side Table—$398. Between me and this fantastically funky table, it’s kind of hard to tell who ultimately would do more damage to whom (like most of my relationships aye-oh!). The options for ruin are endless. I could straight up break off the antlers with one of my giant (yet beautiful) hands or just debase the design by using them for sport (think ponytail holder ring toss).

Dissolved Lace Mirror—$1,698. This mirror would make me look like a beautiful, exotic ghost for a few glorious months until I knock it off the wall trying to pluck my chin hairs.

Enchante Flute—$20. LOL no.

Velvet Kettleby Tete-a-Tete—$2,398. This is so beautiful I could weep. If Lady Mary became a spy, she’d own this couch and extract major secrets on it. Solange would invite you to sit on this couch, drink a mezcal cocktail and swap records. Alan Cumming would crash on this couch after a night out. I would probably nestle into the corner, rest some pad see ew on the arm and knock it over when I sneeze.