Alice, My Friend Keeps Messing With My Music (and It's Driving Me Crazy)

Alice, My Friend Keeps Messing With My Music (and It's Driving Me Crazy)

Ask Alice
Jul 9, 2015
(Image credit: Shutterstock / Allard Laban)
Dear Alice,

As the only person in my friend group who does not still live with their parents, we often end up having drinks at my apartment. For the most part, it's a good time and my friends are great guests. However, there is one guest (who is a friend of a friend) who has a habit of coming in and promptly playing her own music on her phone (very loudly) as the party soundtrack every time she comes over. This is frustrating as I often have my own music playing and she will play her music right over mine so we have both going at the same time. In addition, if my music is just loud enough that she can't play hers over it, she will change it music to something she likes without checking first. I use my Macbook for this purpose, and I am hesitant to let people just pick it up and use it, especially when they're holding a beer as they look through my music library! We also have very different tastes in music — which adds to my annoyance as she is critical of my taste and is vocal about it. How can I get her to stop doing this? Other guests have noticed this and feel that I should say something, but I don't want her to feel unwelcome or cast a damper on the party.

Music Monster

Dear MM,

Let me get this straight: a guest in your home has decided that her musical tastes should trump yours and she should openly insult your choices? In your own home that you are offering up as a party place? Nope. No. Not okay.

I could see a situation where she might play a song on her phone if you guys were hanging out in silence, but to play her music OVER the songs you've already picked out or overriding your playlist on your computer is really rude.

I get that you don't want to make a big thing, but this is clearly annoying enough to you that you wrote to me (and weird enough that your other guests even noticed) so you need to stand up for yourself here. She clearly feels a little TOO welcome right now. The next time it happens you should say to her, "Hey, I can't hear the song I just put on." No need to be aggro, but don't be afraid to convey with your tone that what she's doing is annoying and a little weird. It sounds like she's not the kind of person to get a subtle hint.

I'd say, if she continues this, you'd be completely justified to disinvite her from now on.


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