I'm not big on heart-shaped boxes or candy or jewelry— but towels, kitchen sponges, and cold, hard cash? Ooooh, baby...
Toilet paper can be heart-shaped: Nothing, nothing leads to romance like toilet paper folded into the shape of a heart. Just think how enflamed your lover will become, imagining you sweaty and frustrated on the bathroom floor as you attempt to achieve origami using intentionally soft and squishy paper. The Cheese Thief can walk you through this seduction technique.
Kitchen sponges can be heart-shaped: The copy for these sponges from Blend Boutique is pure poetry: "washing the dishes will feel like love and the results will show in the sparkle of the plates and cutlery." The dishes get clean while you get dirty.
Soap can be heart-shaped: Have a Martha-approved bath together with homemade conversation heart-inspired soaps. Make Tess-approved soaps by stamping them with the word "Foxy."
Towels can be heart-shaped...and made of swans: Don't even bother taking a sexy handmade conversation heart soap bath if you're not going to dry off with towels folded into the shape of mated-for-life swans. WikiHow has step-by-step instructions.
Ice cubes can be heart-shaped: Pour water into a mold like this one from Amazon, wait a few hours, and then cool things down- by the fire. Same rule applies to jello- by the fire.
Money can be heart-shaped: Pick your beloved's pocket or purse, steal all their cash, fold each bill into a heart as demonstrated in this 7 1/2 minute video from Just Origami, return all the bills to the wallet, and voila— the best Valentine money can be.
Books can be heart-shaped: As shown in this pretty photo by MarianneLoMonaco, every single one of your Valentine's volumes can be opened and folded into a heart. Bonus points for opening the books to the sexiest scenes.
Napkins can be heart-shaped: The Girls' Guide To Guns And Butter demonstrates how to gussy up your Valentine's dinner table, breakfast nook, and lunch box. Refold their napkin every time they get up from the table! Relentless folding is the hottest.
What will you be making heart-shaped for your lover this Valentine's Day?