Inheriting A Houseful of Quirks

Inheriting A Houseful of Quirks

Tess Wilson
Jun 2, 2014
(Image credit: Tess Wilson)

I was initially unsure about our new rental house, but as we've painted and stripped and cleaned, I've definitely developed a soft spot for it. Is this in spite of, or because of, all its weirdo features? I kid, it turns out, because I love...

The house's original owner built and added on to it over the course of at least fifty years, so it is chock-full of DIY quirks and "innovations". Let me show you around..

The Front Porch Light Switch: Conveniently located on the front porch, for easy access by boogey-men and home invaders.

The Mystery Outlet: There's an outlet about four feet off the ground, on a small wall, off-center. Why?

The Tiny Steps: Each step is about half as deep as you expect it to be, and while walking upstairs on tiptoes is fine, walking down is a challenge. I walk turned-out, like a ballerina.

The Stairway of Doom: Not only are the steps unnervingly shallow, they are rather steep, there's no handrail and not really enough room for a handrail, the walls are slippery plastic paneling, and the light is virtually unreachable and, yes, off-centered for good measure (see photo above). A handrail was kindly offered when I expressed concern, but have no idea how we'll change the lightbulb, let alone the fixture.

Have I Mentioned The Plastic Wood Paneling?: With pink lines between each panel?!

The Tiny Doorway: Yes, I have rather broad Scandinavian/swimmer's shoulders, but I am by no means brawny. I do not fit through this doorway.

The Wide World Of Ceiling Heights: The height of every single room is different from the next, and some ceiling heights even vary within each room.

The Mini Toilet: The toilet was a non-standard size, meaning it was installed much closer to the wall than usual, meaning all of the pipes were closer to the wall, meaning that installing a much-needed new toilet meant moving the pipes!

The Closet In The Closet: One of the bedrooms' closet has a closet. For the millionth time, why?

Those are all the ones I've noticed so far, but I'm sure there are more surprises in our future. While I would never choose a weirdly small stairway or a burglar-friendly light switch, they provide plenty of entertainment and no real stress. Now I want to hear about your home's weird features!

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