Porch Drinking Etiquette

Porch Drinking Etiquette

Kimber Watson
May 28, 2009

Baltimore is a city known for its stoops, but we're also fortunate to have some great porches as well. They might not have the same notoriety as lofty porches from the South, but we imagine they're enjoyed just the same. And as the hot season rapidly approaches, it gets harder and harder to find an empty entryway (or hand for that matter), in our fair city...

So whether you're a stoop-sitter or a front porch lounger; a beer guy or a whiskey sour gal. Grab your drink and listen up! Here are a few of my favorite guidelines for porch drinking etiquette, courtesy of The Midnight Sun.

- Everybody's welcome on the porch. There's a time and a place for exclusivity: middle school. On the porch, your influence extends only as far as your generosity.

- Get a real ashtray, even if you don't smoke. It will be worth it when no one ever again takes a sip from the wrong can.

- Whether you're the first soul invited or the near-stranger whom manners compelled the host to welcome, treat the porch as if it were your own. No one likes to pick up shards of glass.

- Greet your neighbors as they come in and out of their front doors, which are, after all directly adjacent to your drinking area. Not to do so will create a weirdness force-field for all future interactions.

- After 10 p.m., take it inside. It's fun to carouse by the light of the moon, but it's not fun to comfort your screaming infant while outside jerks are carousing by the light of the moon.

- Speaking of which, don't call the cops unless there is an actual crime being committed. Go over and introduce yourself or leave a note or just take a deep breath and realize how close you came to becoming that guy. Neighbors who communicate through public servants are not neighbors.

- Clean up after yourself, but don't scrub too hard. A porch should never feel too clean to spill a beer on.

To read the full list, click here. And feel free to throw in your two cents for rules you feel should have made the cut.

(Image: Kimberly Watson)

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