The Best & Worst of Sky Mall Catalog

The Best & Worst of Sky Mall Catalog

Gregory Han
Dec 12, 2006

Name the best mail order/online catalog out there today? Dean & Deluca? Design Within Reach? West Elm? Nieman Marcus? All very nice, but completely WRONG! They all play second fiddle to the one and only official catalog of air travelers the world over: Sky Mall . There is no catalog filled with such utterly useless devices, doodads, and thing-a-ma-jigs that you absolutely must have (possibly due in part to the few drinks you might have had before boarding the plane) than the Sky Mall catalog. Upon buckling your seat belt, more likely than not, you've settled into that uncomfortable 17 1/4 degree angled body receptacle known as your coach class passenger seat, ready to be whisked away into the magical world of Sky Mall, where all your dreams can come true for $4.99 and up. Or is that just me?

So here's my top and bottom five home products available from the Sky Mall catalog [under the cut]:

The Good:

1. Screen Vac Brush: I hate dirty screens, and pulling them off to soap, scrub and wash can be a pain when you're on the second floor. For $5, this is cheap enough to warrant a try.

2. Carpet Tiles: Budget version of FLOR carpet tiles, made of berber and priced at a reasonable 20 12"x12" tiles for $30 dollars. SCOR!

3. Hair Dryer Holster: We like having our hair dryer readily available to coif our hairdos. And this makes it feel a bit more manly, when we stare at ourselves in the mirror and yell out "Reach!"

4. Nettlestone Library Ensemble: I have to admit, I was on the fence about this one. It's cool, in a bookish-nerd trompe l'oeil sort of way, and a good use of small space. But $1000 to fake your friends out, like a pair of Tom Cruise's lifts? No thanks.

5. Cigarette Receptacle: This claims to contain the smell of used cancer sticks, even a hundred of them. For the Charles Bukowski in your life.

The Bad:

1. Hidden Toilet Paper Holder: peek-a-poo, I don't see you! Do you really need to spend $30 to hide your toilet paper away? You might as well use dollar bills as toilet paper, if so.

2. Insta III Airbed w Back Rest: Didn't Luke Skywalker and Obi-wan ride into Tatooine on one of these? "This isn't the airbed you're looking for".

3. Basho The Sumo Wrestler Table: Something has to be said about a person whose interior decor includes a bent over, miniature sized, grossly overweight japanese man. What that particularly might be, it's likely best said from a safe distance away from the owner. In a police station.

4. Forest Faces: "Little Bobby Jr., if you don't fall asleep this instant, Mommy is going to make the Tree People visit you again! We wouldn't want that, would we?" People who purchase this should be automatically registered with child protective services.

5. Mobile Massage System: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles...Turtles in a half shell, turtle power!

The Ugly:

*Genuine Turkish Wraps: Uhhh.....dude...

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