The Weirdest Things We’ve Bought On Amazon

Have you ever looked back through your purchase history on Amazon? While mine is a mix of household necessities and the Ghosts of Christmas and Birthdays Past, there are some real head scratchers in there, too. I knew I couldn’t be the only one, so I asked some brave coworkers to dig through their Amazon account and share one of their weirder buys.

Dabney: Last Halloween, I needed a last-minute costume and found myself buying some fingerless leather gloves, a white ponytailed wig, and hand fan. Karl Lagerfeld was born in minutes.

Brittney: For Halloween last year, I went to a cocktail-themed costume party and dressed up as a gin and tonic. I had to DIY my entire costume, so to get the fizzy look of tonic water I layered bubble wrap over a dress. I didn’t need that much, but 30 feet was the smallest amount I could find (popping what was left over made for a great stress reliever, though.)

Arlyn: My Amazon history reminded me that I picked up this bad boy in 2008, so the memory of why is pretty vague. The only thing I can think of (according to the timing) was that I bought it for my rhino-loving fiancé who likes to tinker and build random things, but considering I have no recollection of seeing this in any home of his or mine, it was probably never built, and perhaps he was as clueless as to why this was being gifted to him as I am right now about why I bought it.

Tara: I needed oven mitts. I saw these in a roundup on Kitchn and bought them immediately because they’re both visually amusing and a word pun. If your oven mitt can give you a chuckle, then I say that’s a win.

Nora: So as a girl who spent her childhood dressing up as a pioneer for fun, I inevitably worked in theater right out of college. I had a discussion with one of my fellow interns about the American Girl computer game where you got to create plays using your favorite characters, and how it led her to become a director. In a fit of madness I ordered the game for one cent without considering that a game produced in like 1994 wouldn’t be compatible with my Mac. It’s still at my mom’s house, since I can’t bring myself to throw it away.

Carrie: Published in 1979, I searched out a copy of this book last year to include in a birthday gift to my childhood best friend. It had made a big impression on us and I only need to drop a few plot points to explain why: fleeing the King Kobra street gang, teenagers Barnie and Teresa hide out in a New Jersey mall and decide to make it their new home. Just as they are settling in and learning how to outwit mall security, they are captured by a posse of runaway, disaffected teens who had already taken up full-time residence in the mall, spending their days posing as mannequins. Could things get worse? Yes. Barnie and Teresa find themselves in the middle of a turf war between the Store People and the Mouth Breathers who rule the mall parking lots. Time called Secrets of the Shopping Mall, “Lord & Taylor of the Flies” and that, really, should be recommendation enough.

Adrienne: I’m like, a world-record, award-winning dish breaker. Drinking glasses, tea cups, rocks glasses, wine glasses, salad bowls — it doesn’t matter what it is; if it’s breakable, I’ve broken it. And it’s not just dropping (though that’s certainly the bulk of my breaking history), I’ve also been known to slam a plate against the faucet accidentally. Heck — I even broke a tea cup’s handle off the other day, with my own strength when picking it up.

So I was dating a fella not too long ago, and he had these amazing glass cowboy boot mugs. These things were perfect for cold or hot drinks, and he loved them. And of course, I broke one. The funny thing is I don’t even remember how I broke it — I was simply too paralyzed with horror at what I had done to record the memory. But I can tell you this: Finally finding one of the babies for sale on Amazon after I cleaned up the broken shards of the one I had broke was almost enough to put back together the broken shards of my heart.

And actually, now that I’m looking at this mug, it’s not really all that weird and I might need to buy one for myself! (Or like, four, you know, for breakage back-ups.)

Your turn! Tell us the weirdest thing in your purchase history.