Breakups are hard. It doesn’t matter if you were the dumper or the dumpee, if you hyperventilate at the thought of your ex, or if you are firmly resigned. Either way, if you once lived as a couple, you now need to dismantle the evidence of the home you worked to create together. At times the process might be soul-crushing. Other times there are practical considerations. And ultimately, there's a new glorious opportunity. Here are five steps to regroup at home:
1. Yes, Perform Triage: Hide some of the prominent reminders of your ex, or obvious emotional triggers — like photos of you kissing on the beach in Tulum last winter - or stuff that obviously belonged to the other person. Rip off the bandaid and get them out of sight - either send it packing, head to Goodwill, or tuck it deep in a storage bin. This is no time to wallow amongst the remnants of your immediate past.
2. But Don’t Overcompensate: Resist the urge to go all Left Eye Lopes on everything your ex touched. Your history as a couple is also inextricably tied to your own personal history as well. So pack up that stuff, but hold off on throwing it all out the window. There’s always time to do it later, but for now, give yourself some time to get some perspective. Think of it as a time capsule to be dug up at a later date, to be examined under a more archeological eye that comes with time and distance. You might decide you still really like that Norwegian wool blanket you used to canoodle under, despite the fact that it was a gift from the ex.
3. Then Replenish Necessities: There’s a practical side to all of this. If your ex owned the dining room table, and there’s now a gaping hole where you used to eat your meals, you need to replace certain necessities that get used every day. It might be a microwave, or a vacuum cleaner, but you’ll need it before long.
4. Let Yourself Indulge a Little: I’m not suggesting you hire Kelly Wearstler to gut and redecorate your apartment. But do things for yourself that weren’t necessarily possible before, or weren’t a priority. Hang up your favorite Michael Jackson poster, or hire someone to come and deep clean your home if you can afford it — whatever little acts of kindness you can grant yourself during this transitional — and perhaps unhappy — time.
5. Finally Reclaim Your Taste: Turn your decorating “we” into a decorating “me.” If your own style has been buried under an ugly wagon wheel coffee table, or you’ve forgotten how much you love black bedrooms, this is the moment to remember your individual needs and taste. Grab onto that knowledge with both hands, and don’t let go. Figure out what you like and take the steps to make your home reflect that.