Here’s What Type of Beer Is Right for You Based on Your Cleaning Style
Throughout the past year(-ish) spent mostly at home, we hope you’ve taken some time to celebrate the little wins that have made your space a happier place. Scouring your bathtub! Dusting your floorboards! Cleaning out your fridge drawers! A year ago these things might not have seemed nearly as exciting, but right now — in honor of spring cleaning — we 100-percent believe that every tiny task that makes your space a bit cleaner and happier is worth celebrating.
One way to celebrate is by kicking back with a great beer once all the work is done. Whether you’re strictly a weekend cleaner or someone who’s fully committed to a daily surface sweep, saying #BeersToThat to chores is always a good thing. While we admit we’re not professional cicerones (aka sommeliers for beer) we do have quite a few beer aficionados here at AT who were able to come up with perfect pairings for every type of cleaning style. Read on to find out which brew is right for you!
If You Only Clean for Company: Pilsner
If your cleaning habits revolve around who’s coming over, you’ll find a common ground with the pilsner’s crowd-pleasing nature. Pilsners are crisp, refreshing, and can pair well with just about everything. They’re also best enjoyed when they’re fresh, just like fresh-washed linens.
If You’re a Stress Cleaner: Light Lager
As a stress cleaner, you need to find calm in the chaos. If you’re looking down a deadline or weighing a tough decision, you’ll distract yourself with a cleaning project. You might want to accompany that cleaning with a sessionable light lager — which basically just means it’s lower in alcohol and lighter-bodied, so you can take a short, refreshing break but then get back to work whenever you’re ready.
For the Weekend Warrior: Imports
If you prefer to handle your cleaning on the weekends, in a less rushed and more relaxed mind-state, we’ve got the solution! Or rather, Mexico, Ireland, Germany, and a handful of other amazing beer countries have the solution: delicious, ice-cold imports. Not only will these beers — from crisp Mexican lagers and clean German kölsches to sessionable English ales — satisfy your taste buds, but they also might provide a little inspiration as you mentally plan a well-earned post-pandemic vacation (or even just daydream while dusting).
If You’re a Slow & Steady Cleaner: Porter
Scrubbing every last centimeter of grout in your shower can take some time, but it’s so worth it in the end. Just like a porter. Dark, roasty, and meant to be sipped slowly, this is a brew you’ll be glad you took some time to sit down and enjoy.
For the Lazy Cleaner: Stout
If your cleaning style can best be described as “nope,” try a stout. (PS: we’re not judging). This beer is designed for slowing down — best enjoyed by a roaring fire, relaxing after dinner, or you know, anytime you’re not cleaning. Similar to a porter, a stout typically has a rich, malty flavor that you’ll want to take time to savor.
The Cleaning Conductor: Sour
As the cleaning conductor, you make sure the people you live with (partners, roommates, kids, or pets) all do their part to keep the household humming. They might describe your demeanor as “sour” at times, but just like a sour beer, we know that means they love you and your complex flavors. Brewed with wild yeast and often times with fruit, sour beers are delightfully acidic and flavorful.
You’re a “Little at a Time” Cleaner: India Pale Ale
If you’re the type of person who likes to hop around from room to room, cleaning a little bit here one day, then a little bit there the next, your cleaning-beer soulmate is a hoppy IPA. With so many different varieties (New England, West Coast, Double) each with their own unique notes (bitter, earthy, citrusy) there’s an IPA to accompany you no matter what you’re cleaning at the moment.
You must be 21+ to consume alcohol, and please always drink (and clean) responsibly!