I Used to “Guilt Declutter” to Help My Anxiety, but Today I Love What I Have

For a long time I struggled with feelings of guilt for owning stuff beyond what’s absolutely necessary. That book? I could have rented it from a local library, so it could be enjoyed by someone else when I returned it. Those clothing items I don’t wear as often as other items in my closet? I wonder if I really need to keep them or should be donating them instead.

Taking time to reflect and consider whether you truly need an item or value it enough for it to stay in your life are positive things for sure, but it’s something I took too far in the past. I went overboard, to the point where I began to feel a sense of guilt about owning almost anything and, in turn, sought to declutter and let go of what I genuinely liked to have around. What I was doing was something I called “guilt decluttering.” Here’s how I was able to overcome it and learn to love what I have instead.

“Guilt decluttering” happens when you feel a sense of guilt for owning things, even if they are things you like and enjoy, because they are something you could live without. The main three pillars behind the guilt fueling my decluttering were feeling that someone else could enjoy or love what I owned more than me, that I was materialistic for owning items solely because I liked them, and shameful for owning excess when others in the world had little or nothing.

I’m not a person who even owns a particularly large amount of stuff, but I would look around my home and instead of feeling waves of gratitude for being surrounded by items I connect with and like, I would seek to identify anything and everything I could give away to ease my anxious mind.

This ultimately led to signs I needed to stop decluttering that I could identify at times but ignored, as well as quite a bit of decluttering regret over the years (unsurprisingly). I still regret to this day letting go of some of the irreplaceable items.

I had to reframe my mindset to one of gratitude and acceptance — to learn that owning stuff I like is important and positive, and that having possessions in moderation for the sake of bringing joy wouldn’t make me a bad person. That owning stuff wasn’t inherently selfish; in fact, collecting, enjoying, and nurturing items a person cares about is very much normal.

The first step I took towards learning to love the items I have instead of constantly wondering what to let go of was being honest with myself about the problem, as well as switching up my decluttering habits.

Today if I wish to declutter anything and it isn’t an instant “yes, I’m ready to let this go,” I store it away in a box and place it under my bed to review in the future. This way, I can check in with my decision-making to ensure I’m decluttering those items because I genuinely don’t want them anymore — not because I feel like I have to own less to feel less guilt or anxiety.

Another major step I’ve taken toward learning to love what I have (which is still a work in progress!) is stopping even for a minute every day to look around my space at my items. As I look around each room, I may pick things up or just think to myself, taking a moment of gratitude and remembering what I liked about each item in my possession in the first place.

And lastly, something that I’ve found to be particularly helpful in allowing myself to enjoy my items is to keep an eye on what new things I’m bringing into my life. Think about it: If you’ve already struggled in the past to let yourself love “stuff,” then haphazardly inviting a bunch into your life that you don’t really need will make things harder. By pausing to think about if a new item matters enough to me to join my “stuff,” I’m able to more happily let it in.

For instance, today I bought a book! Even though I have some I haven’t read and didn’t “need” it, I’ve been looking for a book by this author for a long time and found the excerpts of poetry I read while flicking through the pages in the store to be beautiful. It felt very “me,” and like something I knew I would enjoy, so I plan to do just that — let myself sit in the sun or cozy in bed to simply enjoy it.