Thinking About Moving, But Not Sure Where to Go? Here’s How to Decide Where to Live

It was probably sometime around my hundredth Zoom call that I really started to question what made living in my city worth it. With the ability to work from anywhere, why wasn’t I taking advantage of discovering a new place? 

It’s a question plenty of people ask themselves throughout their lives — and it’s a good one. Now might just be the perfect time to try on a new city or town for size. The only problem is that there are seemingly unlimited options; being able to move anywhere sure seems great, but anywhere is a big place.

While not everyone has the ability to pick up and move to a new city on a whim, those pondering a change have the entire country — and for some, the globe — at their disposal. Here’s how to decide where to live, with help from a few experts.

You might be tempted to open up a big ol’ map of the United States, close your eyes, and pick the city closest to where your finger lands. (I recently found myself haphazardly scrolling through the Pacific Northwest, then bouncing away to research rent prices in Southern California.) But maps, it turns out, will not help you right off the bat. 

Look inward instead of outward, explains Su Jin Feuer, a psychotherapist with expertise in life transitions. “Start off by checking in with yourself and really reflecting on what it is in terms of what’s most important to you in life and quality of life,” she says.

One way to do that is making a good old-fashioned list of things you value in a place, Feuer explains. Is it connections to friends and family? Plenty of outdoor space to clear your head? A thriving job market to reinvent your career in? A place to slow down — or speed up?

She advises thinking about the kind of environment you feel your best in, and going from there. Then, when you’re able to narrow down a list of places you’re interested in, consider how you’ve made big decisions successfully in the past. When you follow your gut, do things usually work out? Do you feel better after talking things over with loved ones and getting their opinions, or not? 

“I think big decisions are often anxiety-provoking and could feel really daunting, like, ‘My life depends on making the right decision.’” Feuer says. “I often tell clients that there are always choices… I usually say, in terms of big decisions, whether it be a job or a move: ‘Hey, I could always try this place out, try this new job out, right? And then decide if I don’t like it, I can always actually create a different option for myself.'”

Some people will never be satisfied with the slow pace of small-town life, while others are overwhelmed by big cities. Some prefer living in the suburbs of a major metropolis so they can access the amenities of the area while still having more space, less crowding, and lower housing costs than they would have living downtown.

While some people know from the get-go that they belong in a big, booming city or tiny, rural town, others aren’t so sure where they belong. Ultimately, many people find the ideal balance in medium-sized cities or suburbs outside major metropolitan areas. Here are some of the biggest differences between small towns and big cities:

Small towns are renowned for being friendly and neighborly. If you want to know all of your neighbors and build friendships with those in your community, a small town may be the right choice. On the downside, these areas can sometimes be a little cliquey, and it may be hard for outsiders to integrate themselves into the community.

If you prefer anonymity and privacy, a big city might be a better option. You don’t have to give up on community because you move to a crowded city though —many apartment complexes have strong community ties.

Remote workers can go practically anywhere there’s reliable internet access, but not everyone has that luxury. If you currently have to report to work in person, you’ll probably need to find a similar position near your new home. While there are usually plenty of jobs available in cities, small towns typically have fewer employment opportunities.

Big cities cover more area and have more people, both of which often translate to more traffic. On the downside, if you work outside the home, you may end up securing a job outside the immediate area, requiring an even longer commute.

It typically costs a pretty penny to live in a single-family home in a big city, so most city dwellers live in apartments or condos. If you want a home with a yard, a big city might not be right for you. On the other hand, if you are looking to move into an apartment, your options may be somewhat limited in small, rural towns.

What do you like to do on the weekends? If it involves a good mix of visiting nightclubs, amusement parks, zoos, concert venues, classy restaurants, and sporting events, you may be bored out of your mind in a small town. On the other hand, if you like staying home, gardening, enjoying nature, fishing, hunting, and visiting friends at their homes, small towns might have everything you’re looking for.

Don’t have a car? Most major metropolitan cities have decent public transportation options, but few small towns do. Larger cities are also more likely to offer more amenities within walking distance of your home than small towns or suburbs.

Real estate is typically more expensive in cities, which often means employees need higher wages to pay their rent, and businesses need to charge more to pay their workers and mortgages. As a result, cities typically have a higher cost of living than other areas.

The higher cost of living isn’t always a deal breaker, though — if you work in the city, you will likely benefit from these higher wages.

Kenya Thomas, a 40-year-old marketing manager, moved from New York City to Buffalo in 2020. Initially, the move was temporary — the idea was to be closer to family, who would be able to help with childcare for her son. Soon, it became clear that a permanent move might work best for everyone.

“As horrific as the pandemic has been, it has also created opportunities for people like me to explore relocation opportunities and make career advancements,” Thomas said. “I’m currently paying NYC basement apartment rent for a 3-bedroom luxury apartment in Buffalo while maintaining an NYC marketing professional income, and my son is enjoying the closeness to his family.”

Before making the decision to stay in Buffalo permanently, Thomas asked herself a few important questions. 

• Am I mentally ready to make this move?
• Is my job stable enough to make this move and not experience a layoff?
• If I happen to be laid off, will I be able to find a comparable role and salary wherever I decide to relocate?
• Will I be able to afford to travel to NYC as needed?

After talking things over with her husband, seeing all of the potential benefits for her son, and considering the added expenses of living in New York City, Thomas put down roots up north.

“The real estate market is enticing, too,” she explained. “I am preparing to purchase a home within the next year or so and I am now able to afford an education for my son, as he attends one of the top private elementary schools in Buffalo.”

It’s a lot easier for single people with no commitments to pick up and move to a new place. But if you have a spouse, kids, or even pets, make sure your prospective city will satisfy everyone’s needs. Find out what your family would like to see in their new locale.

If you have a child, take time to research the local schools in any area you’re considering. Don’t stop with test scores either — be sure to look into graduation rates, local reputation, and bullying issues. If your child has an Individualized Education Program (IEP), don’t forget to find out more about a prospective school’s special education program as well.

For pets, make sure your furry, feathered, or scaly friends can legally live in an area. Some places, like California and Hawaii, have strict restrictions on which animals people can keep as pets. Beyond that, make sure the area is a good fit for your pets. If you have a dog that’s used to going on three-mile-long walks every day, he might be unhappy if you move somewhere he’ll be trapped indoors throughout the snowy winter.

Let’s say after a few deep conversations with yourself, you’ve decided Boulder, Colorado, is at the top of your list: It has mountains, city life, and some really great breweries you loved when you visited a few years ago. What else could you possibly want?

If you’ve only ever been there on a vacation or two, you should take your desired city for a test run, says Jamie Oakley, a real estate agent with Keller Williams Village Square Realty in New Jersey. “Do an Airbnb or something like that where you can experience the area or even rent for a little bit before deciding if you want to stay,” Oakley says.

Even if you feel really confident about your choice, it’s worth easing into it.

“I think one of the biggest things to keep in mind is: Don’t lock anything in,” Feuer says. “What I mean by that is, if you’re going to try a new city, you don’t have to get a lease for the entire year, right? And you don’t have to buy from afar just yet. Just try out a different city for a few months until you know for sure that you really like it.”

It can’t hurt to scope out neighborhood meet-ups and pose questions in local Facebook groups while trying to decide on a place to live. But if you’re looking for an all-out expert to be your guide, Oakley points out you might want to defer to a real estate agent.

“I grew up in northern New Jersey. I know each town — and each town is really different — so relying on somebody who knows the area and is an expert in the locations you’re looking at is a good way to get a feel for them.” she says. “And they can recommend little downtowns to try restaurants, shops, and things like that.”

Perhaps more importantly, real estate agents can also give you discounts on services you might have to use during the move. “Oftentimes, we are able to help with discounts, whether it’s on a storage unit or homeowner’s insurance,” she says. Getting firsthand recommendations from an agent who has worked with them before — and has had clients who’ve been really happy with them — is a win-win, Oakley adds.

As for me, I’ve already filled up two notebook pages with lists of what I value, and I’ve learned that moving closer to my family is definitely on the horizon.