The 3 Types of Toilet Paper Users: Which One Are You?

published Sep 18, 2015
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(Image credit: Ashley Poskin)

I swear I’m not obsessed with bathrooms, but this discussion came up during one of our editorial meetings the other day. We obviously take our jobs VERY seriously and no topic is too detailed, or too inappropriate for us to write about.

“Crumplers” (as demonstrated in the lead photo above) are devil-may-care types who want to get in and out of the bathroom fast, with the least amount of fuss. They don’t have a consistent method (it’s just wiping, folks) but are perfectly comfortable with whatever impromptu shape their toilet paper takes. Crumplers also say that the rougher texture of the wad helps with wiping.

(Image credit: Ashley Poskin)

“Folders” are more deliberate in their bathroom technique and consistently use several sheets of toilet paper neatly folded in flat layers. The thinness, one might argue, allows a nice smooth clean and controlled swipe. Folds also offer the most surface area possible, which is comforting if you are worried about touching anything you don’t want to. Simply fold over again, and wipe a second time if needed.

(Image credit: Ashley Poskin)

“Mummy-ers” or “Wrappers” take the extra step of winding the toilet paper around the actual hand. They too think crumpling is for barbarians, and — short of shellacking their hands — think this is the best way to protect themselves while wiping. The extra sheets they use are worth the peace of mind.

So, do any of these seem familiar to you?