Ask Alice: Advice for Life at Home

Alice, Should I Let My Friend (& Her BABY!) Move In With Me?

updated May 4, 2019
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Dear Alice,

My college roommate, who eventually became my best friend, has suggested moving in with me. We never had major problems living together in college, but now I’m concerned for a few reasons. I’ve grown accustomed to having my place to myself and, in fact, use my guest bedroom as an additional closet. Plus, I enjoy walking around in the buff (a small sacrifice, but a sacrifice nonetheless). Also, she has a baby, and I’m not sure how I would be able to deal with the whole situation of early bed times and fear of bringing a friend over because she’s not comfortable having strangers around her child. And I’m not sure how her child and my puppy would interact. Finally, she is not as well-off as I am, and I’m not sure what she can and cannot afford. I think this may be one of the reasons she’s suggested moving in with me, to alleviate some of the strain on her bank account. I love her and want to help, plus it would be great to have her and the baby so close. On the other hand, I love having so much space to myself and, although it would save me a few extra dollars each month, I don’t need it. I would suggest she find a little place nearby for herself, but like I said, I’m not sure what she can afford. What should I do?

Thanks, Stuck between a friend and a large space

Dear Stuck,

I think you already know what to do. You’re clearly not looking for a roommate, even your best friend. Your concerns about privacy and her lifestyle are valid, but whatever your reasons, you don’t need to justify why you don’t want to let a grown woman and her baby share your space. Allowing her to move in just to save her some money (when you’re not even completely clear on her financial situation) would be a mistake. I have a feeling you would quickly come to resent her for cramping your style and you probably won’t be doing her the favor you think.

You don’t owe it to your friend to take her in; you do owe it to her to continue being a loving friend. There are plenty of ways you can help her out that don’t include living together. Why not try something like babysitting, making some meals or the old friendship fallbacks of just listening and supporting her through her struggles. You will, no doubt, stay much better friends in the long run.



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