How to Make Friends After 65

I’m one of those people who has never met a stranger. But I am painfully aware that this isn’t a universal human trait — especially as I step into the role of caregiver for my aging father. When he was younger, he could talk the chrome off of a bumper, given the opportunity. That’s why the isolation he’s been experiencing more recently has become a noticeable and daunting issue for him. (In fact, the National Institute on Aging says that social isolation harms older adults’ mental health by triggering chronic stress responses, reducing cognitive stimulation, and increasing the risk of severe psychological conditions like depression and anxiety.)

As I’ve been taking care of my dad, I’ve been feeling stuck on how to get him out of the house to make new friends. So I took to Facebook and polled my friends for unique social engaging activities that I might not have thought of for him. Consider this a list of proactive tips from everyday people for anyone of a certain age, but especially if you’re over 65. 

Silver Sneakers is a no-cost gym program available through select Medicare plans for adults 65 and older. There are over 15,000 participating locations across the nation, including a large majority of YMCAs, national gyms, and other local community centers.

Regular exercise helps improve physical needs such as strength and balance, and the benefits of exercising with groups of people in your own age group lends to accountability. Plus, it makes exercise social. 

Whether it’s the planned gatherings such as potlucks and happy hours that help relieve the awkwardness of being the new kid on the block, or just the casual encounters offered by living in close proximity to those you share life lessons with, this option is particularly great for those extroverted introvert types. 

These communities also help you age in place, as these communities support the aging more thoughtfully than regular old neighborhoods.

Volunteering is good for your community, of course, but it’s also good for you for a few reasons. One, it can be particularly helpful for someone that may have lost purpose and self-isolated in retirement. But also, it’s a great way to meet people. Finding the right cause is easy, too: Cyn Myer, the mind behind Second Wind Movement, a YouTube channel focused on helping retirees figure out their new phase of life, suggests starting your volunteering journey by matching your lifelong skills, physical comfort level, and schedule with a cause that brings you joy and purpose. 

But, if you don’t know where to start, AARP supports a community of 50,000-plus volunteers who donate their time and talents, and even offer remote opportunities for those who are home-bound. Check out their volunteer portal to help you get things rolling. 

Sometimes making new friends is as simple as putting yourself out there in social situations. Whether it’s a book club, farmers market, birding, a bowling group, or a walking club, getting out there and having fun is the most important thing you can do to meet new people. Keep an eye out for events on Facebook or your community message boards to see what’s happening near you that aligns with your interests.

But hosting an event takes this friend-making scenario to an 11. Do you like music, but don’t like the large crowds at traditional concert venues? Maybe the Listening Room Network, a network that organizes concerts inside of your own home, is the ticket. Aging Gen Xers need to take note of this new wave of house parties. Although, it doesn’t matter what type of event — the key is to know your limits and find comfort in the socializing process. 

When I took to Facebook to ask my friends how to help my dad get back out there, one of my Facebook friends simply asked a hypothetical question as her answer: “Hey! Do you make quilts? Me too! And we’re off to a good friendship.” At the core of her suggestion is to find common interests with folks you’re meeting in real life or online. It can be as simple as asking open-ended questions and joining activities where shared interests are a natural part of the conversation. 

If you struggle to make connections in real life, consider Meetup to pave the way for new friends. It’s an online platform that can help you find your groove if striking up conversations with strangers isn’t your preference. The platform also allows you to learn new things, find support, get out of your comfort zones, and pursue your passions with others. Even better, the membership is free.

To quote Mark Twain, “I have found out that there ain’t no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them.” Maybe that’s why I prefer solo travel, on occasion, to get to know myself deeper with each journey. But, as we age, there is safety in numbers. Not only is it safer for older adults to travel in groups with a guide, but the arrangement also gives aging travelers room to get away from someone if they just don’t vibe with one another. 

Consider looking at group travel for retirees; there are so many options out there for senior-only group trips where you could travel across the country or the world. 

There’s this idea that friendships typically are on a seven-year cycle. This theory was coined by Dutch sociologist Gerald Mollenhorst, and the cycle was based on his research that revealed that on average, a person replaces nearly half of their social circle every seven years. And, more times than not, it was less about conflict, and more about how life just happens. By the time you reach 65, your long-lost friend count is up there. 

But, as the late Dolly Parton once said, “If you keep yourself out of the game for fear of losing, there is no way on this earth you’re gonna win.” Write the dang note, find your old friend on Instagram, write them a letter in response, and see what happens! After all, what have you got to lose? 

The spontaneity of saying yes to invitations on the spot is a way to build trust with new friends … and make new friends in the first place. It also may help you step out of your comfort zone to try things that you had no idea you would have in common with them. 

The next time someone asks you to take a walk, go out to coffee, or hop on the phone for a quick call, just say yes. You’re not going to make friends sitting at home and refusing to connect. Just go for it.