The 9 Apartments You’ll Meet on Tinder Dates

If you’ve swiped through Tinder (or any dating app really) you know there are as many profile clichés as there are users. The men with fish. The women who “love to laugh.” Those people who mysteriously pose with babies who aren’t their own.

But behind every dating cliche is a place these suitors call home. And here’s the thing: we’ve found they can be pretty cliché too. We rounded up the nine pads you’re bound to happen upon if you online date for long enough. From the commonplace (ahh the classic “minimalist”) to the more rare sightings, here’s what you can expect to find in the apartments of the people sitting across from you at dinner—should you choose to accept an invitation home. Maybe you’ll suggest your place next time?

Your date is a part-time bartender, yet they somehow have full view of the park out their bedroom window. The doorman is like family, the sheets are the softest you’ve ever slept on, and they have an actual espresso machine in the kitchen. When you bring up how amazing their place is, your date just mentions they got a “really good deal.”

You might like: Netflix-and-chilling in front of their insanely smart television.
Watch out for: Overdue bills piling up under the bed.

The apartment is filled with things your own parents always said you “should” have — a bed skirt, a full knife rack, and a mountain of throw pillows. When you ask your date where they got that silk fern from, they reply, “Oh, my mom got it for me.”

You might like: The candy from Mom’s famous seasonal care packages.
Watch out for: A photo of her on the nightstand — yikes.

You hang your coat on a DIY’ed coat rack, walk through the hallway past a “Live, Laugh, Love,” sign, and enter the kitchen where your date offers you a drink in a mason jar. You could take a photo of this place, pop it on Pinterest, and go viral because everything in this apartment was co-opted from the site.

You might like: The glass cabinet knobs from Anthropologie — how kitschy!
Watch out for: An overdose of inspirational coffee mugs.

The couch was donated from grandpa. They won custody of the coffee table from a former roommate. The bedframe is a discontinued IKEA model, and there is an actual bean bag in the corner of the apartment. Oh, and the kitchen decor? Empty liquor bottles balanced precariously on top of cabinets.

You might like: The throwback shot of Jager you’re offered upon entering.
Watch out for: A moldy smell coming from the shower.

You will never see a rug in this apartment, because your date doesn’t believe in them. The mattress is on the floor, the walls are white, and there isn’t a throw pillow in sight. Need a drink of water? There are only two glasses in the cabinet.

You might like: How organized everything is — maybe you could actually live like this.
Watch out for: A complete lack of blinds or curtains, which means their across-the-airshaft neighbors can definitely see you naked.

Upon entering this apartment, you’re likely taken by the eclectic decor — is that a woven rug from Oaxaca? But after realizing that no one could actually lug that many pillows back from the suk in Dubai, you get the sneaking suspicion that this person probably getting more Pier One and World Market shipments than passport stamps.

You might like: The collection of hot sauces from around the world.
Watch out for: A pile of new boxes (er, carefully curated “finds”) on your way out the door Sunday morning.

Want to do some curls? There are free weights stacked next to the TV stand. And that contraption hung over the bathroom door isn’t some weird sex toy they hope to use later — it’s a pull-up bar. The couch is worn on the bottom left side, from where your date anchors their feet during a nightly 100-situp rituals.

You might like: The overflowing fruit bowl in the kitchen.
Watch out for: The protein shakers on the drying rack in the hallway: don’t trip!

Are you in an apartment—or a hotel? It’s hard to tell, but there’s no topsheet on the bed, just a duvet and a fitted. There are four different key rings in a bowl near the front door and the WiFi password is taped to the fridge. Oh, and don’t even think about using the towels on the bottom shelf. Those are the extras.

You might like: The mini soaps in the bathroom.
Watch out for: Unidentified socks kicked under the bureau, leftover from last weekend’s guests.

There is a funky yellow chair next to a mid-century credenza housing vintage vase that’s overflowing with flowers. The dresser is kind of saggy, but definitely cute, and none of the coffee cups in the cupboard match.

You might like: The stack of antique books your date has lining the bookshelves.
Watch out for: The creepy black-and-white photos of strangers hanging in the hallway.

*Re-edited from a story first published 03.24.2018 -BM