I Didn’t Want to Sign Up for a Registry. Now I Love My Wedding Dinnerware

Written by

Kayla Voigt
Kayla Voigt
Kayla hails from Hopkinton, MA. A marketer by day and freelancer by night, she’s a passionate runner, swimmer, and eater.
updated Sep 23, 2020
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“Do I have to?”

I sounded like a 10-year-old trying to get out of doing the dishes, dragging my feet behind my mom while picking out items for my wedding registry. 

Of course I was excited to marry the love of my life—but when we got engaged in October 2017, I had no idea how much literal stuff would be involved to create what my vendors described as a “fairytale rustic elegant” vibe, whatever that means. I already had so many decisions to make—from the votives (a mix of rose gold and white) to the groom’s boutonniere (thistle and rosemary)—that it felt impossible to now also determine every single item I would need for my fiancé and me to “start our life together.” Not to mention, the Monday after our wedding, we would be heading back to our tiny Boston-area apartment we had been sharing for the last five years, so hadn’t we already started our life together?

That day in the store, I sulked in the corner next to a display of ink-dipped stoneware plates surrounded by potted plants, overwhelmed by choices for things I didn’t need. Because who really needs a set of limited-edition ice cream bowls decorated with sprinkles? Who really needs a set of ergonomic, couch-friendly noodle bowls?

My mom, always the wisest person in the room, told me that I’d get dinnerware whether I chose it myself or not, so I might as well register for it. With weddings, it’s best to pick your battles, so I picked a set of plates. I followed my mom over to the dinnerware section and, despite all of my caterwauling, knew right away which set would be mine. I selected simple porcelain plates with a subtle navy border, just like the ones I grew up with. 

Once I started, I went for it. I added some aqua accent plates—translucent glass with a swirl in the middle—and a few matching casserole dishes. I registered for wide-open white bowls for salads and matching smaller ones for snacking; angular, modern wine glasses; and silver napkin holders in three interlocking rings that echoed my wedding ring. 

Here’s the thing: Even though each box of registry gifts that arrived in the ensuing months felt more like a puzzle piece as I tried to find one last spot underneath the bed or above the fridge to fit it, and even though I complained, “I don’t want things, I want experiences,” to anyone who would listen, my registry ended up giving me some of my favorite memories in our little apartment.

With my new tableware, I could finally host the elaborate dinner parties of my Martha Stewart dreams, inviting 10 people with only a few days’ notice for a Harry Potter-themed Halloween feast or a homemade pasta buffet. I put together a pizza-off to settle a long-standing debate among friends around thin crust versus thick crust, went head-to-head with a few people on whose chili had the most oomph, and set up a girl’s night, serving each guest wine in a real glass instead of a SOLO cup and popcorn topped with M&M’s in a perfect little bowl. 

Gatherings like these are the experiences I miss the most now that I’m stuck at home. And right now, breaking out my fancy dinnerware for Friday night “dates” on our porch and displaying our silly taco rack on Tuesdays makes things feel a little more normal, somehow. I never thought I’d use our wedding dinnerware on a regular basis, let alone that it would bring me so much joy. 

So for anyone else touting “experiences over stuff,” here are five lessons I’ve learned about a traditional registry in the two years since I created mine: 

  1. Listen to my mom: Someone will buy it for you, whether you register for it or not. We received four cutting boards, despite not registering for one because we already had four. 
  2. Go to a registry event if you can. The entire staff has wedding registries on the brain, and free food helps alleviate some of the overwhelm. 
  3. Don’t be afraid to register for “silly” things if they make you happy. Who knew I’d use our waffle maker so often? Breakfast in bed is the best.
  4. You also won’t regret registering for bigger ticket items, like a stand mixer, chest freezer, or toaster oven. First, you can usually set it as a group purchase, so multiple friends can pool together. Second, even if you don’t receive it, you may be able to purchase it for a discount after your wedding date through your registry.
  5. Overall, try to have fun with it. I spent so much time complaining about all of the decisions that I had to make that I couldn’t relax and enjoy what mattered: that I was marrying my person, and that the gifts represented how much our guests loved us and wanted us to embark on our marriage with everything we could possibly need. 

The Apartment Therapy Weddings vertical was written and edited independently by the Apartment Therapy editorial team and generously underwritten by Crate & Barrel.