10 Ways to Make Friends in Your 30s

Maybe you just moved to a new city (or country) for a job, or gone through a breakup and your friend group was shared between you and your ex, or felt like you’ve outgrown your current friendships and want to expand your connections. Whatever the reason you want to forge new bonds, it can be hard to make friends as an adult, especially in your 30s, when it feels like everyone else has their friend group locked and loaded.

So I asked the fine people at my office — and plumbed the depths of my own experience making new friends — and came up with 10 suggestions on how to make friends in your 30s. I know just as well as anybody that it’s hard to put yourself out there. Hopefully these ideas make it a little bit easier.

When an invite comes your way, but you don’t know a single soul at the party, just say yes anyway. “It seems obvious (though may not come naturally to folks who are shy, like me), but just say YES,” says Apartment Therapy Shopping Writer Alexa Casanova. “Be the person who shows up to the get-together even though you only know one person.”

She continues: “You’ll be surprised by how willing people are to get to know each other. My husband and I were invited to a dinner at a friend’s where only he knew the host — we ended up befriending the other people there and got invited to a party they were hosting the following night. I was apprehensive about going since we just met, but we did it, and now we’re all pals!”

“My extroverted husband joins local sports groups or open play,” says Apartment Therapy’s Lifestyle Director Stephanie Nguyen. “A couple of years ago, he didn’t know a single person that played pickleball or even how to play, then he went to an open play. Now, he has groups of friends he plays with on the regular, goes to community events, etc.” 

Pickleball might not be your sport of choice, but if your local hockey beer league, intramural soccer team, or summer coworker baseball league is looking for someone, just join. You don’t even have to be good.

If you’re anything like me, at a birthday party, you meet someone fun and exchange numbers at the end of the night, promising to go on a double date or reach out to hang out. My advice? Actually follow up the next day or invite them to your place when you’re having people over. 

I’ve made a few new friends this way, and it’s fun to buck the very annoying (and classic) trend of meeting someone, promising to get together, and then never actually trying to do it. 

“My friend in Seattle started a book club, and her friends have brought their friends,” says Nguyen. “It keeps growing with new and old friends joining.” 

This is a great way to meet new friends because the people you’re meeting are essentially vetted by people you already know and love — and you already know you have one thing in common: reading! 

I’ve been in the same writing workshop since I was 20, and while I’ve been a constant member of the group, there’s been more than a few people cycling in and out over the years. 

I’ve made friends with a few of them, and now we hang out outside of our workshop and text all the time about books, our writing, and other things we’re liking lately. 

If writing isn’t your thing, consider something less text-based. Apartment Therapy Shopping Writer Megan Gray suggests you sign up for an improv class. 

“I was an improv teacher for over 10 years, and in that time I saw so many people (of all ages!) form friendships and bonds that would continue for years after the class was done,” she says. “It’s also the way I made most of my friends post-college. You basically get to have fun and laugh with people for an hour or two, and you don’t have to prepare anything ahead of time. It’s a little scary at first, but once you get comfortable, it’s the best!”

“I have found quite a lot of success with reaching out, and having people reach out to me, through social media like Instagram,” says House Tour Director Adrienne Breaux. “You can find and follow local folks and then get to know them and chat with them through the apps. I’ve found that if they’re going to an event that you’re also interested in, you can [directly message them] and ask if they’d like to say hi.” 

The DMs can go both ways, too. Stay open to making friends if someone approaches you. Breaux has had future friends reach out over Instagram and ask to go get coffee. “Not everyone you meet online you’ll vibe with IRL (anyone who’s ever used an online dating app knows that), but I’ve met a lot of dear friends this way. I guess what I’m saying is don’t be afraid to follow up with people you might be fans of online because you just might go from fan to friend!” 

“One of the easiest ways I’ve made friends since I turned 30 is through some volunteer work that I did here in the city for an organization called The Floating Hospital,” says Senior Style Editor Zee Krstic. “I spent a whole day packing goodie bags for homeless mothers in the outer boroughs and there were four other volunteers there.” 

The shared activity was an easy way to quickly feel close with the other volunteers, and Krstic says “we all very quickly became friends while chatting during our bag stuffing hours. Two of them I still chat with and hang out with occasionally! I did another weekend volunteering last fall and I met someone else in my neighborhood which has been fab.” 

Apartment Therapy Executive Editor Terri Pous might be known for her two-day stint on Jeopardy!, but her love of trivia has gone well beyond the pro-leagues. “I started hosting trivia in my 20s since I enjoy playing so much, and you get to know the regular teams pretty well that way,” she says. 

“I’d chat with them during and after games, and once I decided to stop hosting so I could play, one team asked me to join them. I gave them all my number and we’re still friends 10 years later!”

Do you have a favorite hobby? Maybe it’s running, biking, painting, pottery, looking at art, or birding. Whatever you enjoy, Kristic says to lean into it as an opportunity to make friends on your adventures. 

“I adore shopping, and make lots of trips up to my favorite place in the world, Woodbury Commons, like twice a quarter. Lo and behold, I started making friends and small talk with a lot of the sales associates up there; one of them told me about a Facebook group for Woodbury lovers and I joined it and made a shopping friend up there,” says Kristic. “Sometimes we coordinate to go on the same day and have lunch, which is great because all of my city friends are really sick of me asking them to go for a nine-hour jaunt. There’s a Facebook group for everything, I swear.”