The Breakup Guide: 4 Basics to Help You Get Your Home and Sanity Back

published Apr 21, 2015
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(Image credit: Sophie Timothy)

Nothing I can say here is gonna make your breakup not suck. Sorry. But there are some little tricks that will ease the sting and help you get back to normal (or better than normal!) faster. You already know this stuff in your heart, but you probably need to hear it anyway.

Separate physically

If you’re living together, you need to stop. No excuses. Sure, moving is hard and gets expensive and it’s all a lot to face when you’re also dealing with the emotional angst of a breakup, but someone needs to leave. It’s worth the hassle and drama to just get started with the business of moving on so do what you need to do.

Give yourself a fresh start

If you’re sticking around a home you used to share, it’s so important to make a new start in any way you can. That may mean a good scrubbing, rearranging your furniture, adding new art or decor or even smudging with sage. Pick whichever ritual will most make you feel like this space has been reborn as yours alone. If you’re the one in a new space, it’ll be easier to start fresh. Still, don’t wallow; make a concerted effort to get up and get going by filling your home with things and people that make you happy. The best way to get happy? Get grateful. Notice and appreciate every tiny glimmer of pleasure you discover in your new life and your new home.

(Image credit: Shay Spaniola)

Treat yourself

Now is also the time to give yourself a lot of extra love —good food, fun activities and little luxuries. Think of it as an investment in your mental health. Little treats may not seem like much in the face of relationship sadness, but I promise that you’ll find yourself looking forward to “Friday flowers” every week anyway. The simple act of choosing to do something nice for yourself is proof to your brain that you can still find pleasure in life.

Don’t try to forget your ex

Some people will tell you to just put your ex out of your mind and pretend like the relationship never happened. I disagree. Look, you were with this person for a reason and you hopefully learned a few things, even if it didn’t work out. Do you want to just erase a chunk of your life and experience? Of course not. That experience is probably the best gift your ex ever gave you. The way to get yourself into a new, more successful relationship is to accept and honor your path that got you to where you are.

Sometimes when everything is going wrong, we just need some basic ideas to guide us until we can get back on track so tell us, what has helped you get yourself and your home back after a breakup?