I Host Dinner Parties Once a Month — And I Never Do These 9 Things

I’ve always loved having people over, whether it was serving as the gathering place for girls’ nights when I lived in a rowhouse with friends or volunteering to have friends to my house for a Saturday brunch rather than trying to snag a reservation. “Why don’t y’all just come over?” is a refrain I say far too often.

In 2025 I set a goal to host one sit-down, set-the-table dinner party per month, and that ambitious cadence is helping to get my hostessing routine down to a science. And while there’s always something new to be learned when it comes to hosting, I like to think I have a few tricks of the trade at this point.

To share the hosting knowledge, here’s a peek into what I’ve learned not to do, along with what a few friends of mine who are also enthusiastic hostesses would recommend (and, yes, I’m absolutely borrowing their tips for my next party). 

Ahead of your next dinner party, you can drop the “perfect” pretense — here are our tips for making sure you and your guest have a good time!

So many people put off hosting because they’re waiting for their house to be perfect or they’re nervous their recipes aren’t up to snuff. But the reality is, your guests are just excited to have somewhere to gather. 

Think about it: When was the last time you received a dinner party invite? How excited were you? Did you care about whether they’d just replaced their countertops or deep cleaned their baseboards? Were you paying attention to whether their recipes were straight out of The Joy of French Cooking? Absolutely not. 

“Don’t stress about being judged for the state of your home. Don’t let the fact that you haven’t had a chance to deep-clean keep you from hosting,” says Betsy Purves, who often hosts dinner party gatherings for 12 or more. “No one will know if you’ve shoved all the detritus from your coffee table into a bag that’s hiding in a closet. Everyone’s starved for connection these days and is just happy to be in community together!”

While I’ve been known to run out the clock on cooking, I never leave setting the table until the last minute. I generally have an idea of the tablescape vibe I’m going for, and I can knock it out in just a few minutes in the morning. If I left it until the last minute, I know I would feel flustered and my guests would feel awkward. I’d rather them be in the kitchen chatting as I caramelize the onions than watching as I ceremoniously fold napkins.

I like to mix things up and introduce friends who don’t already know each other, but I always consider whether they’ll have one commonality to anchor a conversation. It could be a common hobby, a similar sense of humor, or a niche quirky interest. 

The telltale sign of a good dinner party is when I get a text the next day from a guest asking for another guest’s phone number, but that doesn’t usually come from random chance. It’s because I took the time to think about who will actually connect.

Part of the beauty of hosting is that you’ll often spend less money than if you went out to dinner with friends — and that includes cooking for the entire group. I have a go-to Moroccan chicken thigh recipe that I’ll serve with veggie sides, along with some hummus and mezze appetizers, and whatever dessert strikes my fancy that week. All in, it typically comes to under $100 for the ingredients for everything. 

If you focus on one-pot or one-pan meals, then the cost is usually lower per serving. And if it’s a low-key evening, don’t feel bad about setting the table just to serve homemade pizzas and a Caesar salad.

On a similar note, sometimes it’s better to spend the money than try to make it all. When I host large groups, I typically make the sides, which are easy to batch, yet often expensive to buy, but I buy the mains. Barbecue makes this easy to do, and it alleviates the stress of perfectly timing meat. Coleslaw and mac and cheese will always be more forgiving. 

Purves echoes the sentiment and adds that you should always take advantage of friends who are eager to help. “When friends ask what they can bring, I almost always suggest wine or dessert. Then I just supplement with store-bought chocolates and a cheese board,” says Purves. 

In my household, my husband cooks dinner every night — except on dinner party nights. We’ve learned that dinner parties run best when he stays out of the kitchen completely and focuses only on running any last-minute errands and picking the wine. Cooking for a crowd — and the pressure of timing dishes — stresses him out, and that stress can be felt by guests.

Instead, I take over the kitchen; if the main course is running a little late, I don’t stress about it. I pour everyone another drink, make sure they have snacks within arm’s reach, and act like nothing is amiss. As long as I don’t let on that things are off schedule, they’ll never know.

“As a former bartender and lover of a great cocktail, I used to get caught in a trap of making individual drinks for each guest, complete with fancy garnish and perfectly selected cocktail glass,” says Shannon Claire Smith, interior designer and hostess extraordinaire. 

But now she allows herself to step away from the bar and shake up the conversation rather than the drinks. “Make a large batch of a cocktail beforehand, and put it out on a table with lots of different garnish options,” suggests Smith. “In addition to saving yourself the pain and time of making each individual drink, your guests will have fun pouring and making their own garnish creations.”

She also points out that it’s a conversation-starter for guests as they trade tips and cocktail secrets. And if the thought of batching cocktails is outside your realm of expertise, don’t worry. Smith recommends perfecting just one recipe as your go-to. “A simple freezer door martini recipe is a crowd-pleaser every time!”

It’s easy to think that paper plates and plastic glassware will make hosting effortless, but, as long as you aren’t entertaining a giant group and you have a dishwasher, just use the real stuff. “I always prefer actual plates and glassware, and it’s just as easy to throw a load of linen napkins in the wash as it is to bag up wads of paper napkins,” says Smith. “Not to mention, it’s much more sustainable and economical!”

Purves agrees with Smith on using the nice dishes and serving utensils — she has a reputation for sourcing niche silver serving pieces from estate sales (think: asparagus tongs), but that doesn’t mean she shies away from a disposable item in a pinch. “Rather than using a real tablecloth, I use wrapping paper taped down at the corners to cover the dinner table. It’s pretty and makes for super-easy cleanup!”

Molly Adamson Gilbane, a creative director and frequent hostess, is known for throwing a soirée where you won’t feel out of place wearing your most fabulous frock. But whether she’s hosting a put-on-your-sequins dinner party or a most casual affair, she always makes sure her guests know what to expect. “Something I do not do is provide vague criteria regarding the level of formality when it comes to wardrobe,” Gilbane says. “There is nothing worse than arriving at an event, big or small, and feeling wildly overdressed or underdressed.”