Here’s How to Find a Roommate You’ll Actually Like, per People Who Love Theirs

Your home is the place where you go to get away from it all. It’s where you make coffee in the morning and prepare for the day ahead. It’s where you have hours-long Netflix binge-watching sessions and order in takeout on chill Sunday nights. Ideally, it’s where you feel absolutely yourself.

Which is exactly why figuring out how to find a roommate comes with so much pressure. You want to find that elusive person who will listen to you vent about your boss or celebrate when you come home after a huge win. You also want them to pay their half of the rent on time and leave your special coffee creamer alone. An ideal roommate sits somewhere between sibling, acquaintance, friend, and colleague. 

But how do most people really find a good roommate? And where should you start looking? Here are tips from real people who’ve found roommates they love, as well as therapists who regularly work with people who are in the thick of navigating living with roommates.

From where you should look to find a roommate and therapist-approved tips for finding a roommate you’ll mesh with, to questions you should ask your potential roomie and how to avoid falling for a roommate scam, here’s your definitive guide to finding a good roommate. 

There’s no one-size-fits-all way to find a roommate. Depending on whether you’re in college or a new city, or trying to find a new roommate to fill a spot in your group house, the roommate search will look different. It can also vary from one region to another. Ask around and find out how people in your city and neighborhood are finding roommates. Don’t be afraid to ask!

While Craiglist was the gold standard for roommate searches for years (and many people still use it!), there are a slew of other websites you can use. Roomiematch, Roomster, Roommates.com, and Roomies are all popular options. You can also try searching or posting in a subreddit for your city.

There’s a Facebook Group for everything, from neighborhoods to city-specific interests, which make them a great starting point for finding a roommate. Kelsey in Washington, D.C., says, “I found my roommates three years ago on Facebook. Every time we’ve had to find new roommates to replace ones moving out, we go back to Facebook groups again.”

If you’re searching social media beyond Facebook and trying TikTok or Instagram, Goldberg suggests using all the tools at your disposal. “Use hashtags related to your city and interests. Some examples include #FindRoommate, #[CityName]Roommate, and #[CollegeName]Housing. While there is some risk in finding an unknown, it can be a way to see what is out there and connect you with people who might have other leads,” she says.

Your friends can make the best roommates, if you can live well with them. Often, that’s someone you know well enough to understand their quirks. Kelly, who lives in Richmond, Virginia, explains, “I chose a close friend from high school because I knew what to expect! She’s low-maintenance and mellow, and I knew she would be easy to live with.”

An alternative to moving in with a friend is finding someone you know, but you’re less intertwined with socially. “I got to know the roommate of a friend of mine from Bible study and, the following year, my friend accepted a new job in NYC,” says Annaliese, who lived in Charlottesville, Virginia, at the time. “I decided to move in with her old roommate. It fell together very naturally. We had a wonderful time living together for the next two years.”

Moving to a new city can be the most intimidating time to find a roommate. You might not have a built-in support system yet, and you’re not as familiar with the go-to outlets to meet new people. But Kristin M. Papa, LCSW, Founder of Living Openhearted Therapy and Wellness, suggests looking to your network to see if anyone has a personal contact in that city — you might be surprised that you’re just a degree or two of separation away from someone who could be your key to a new connection. 

“Starting with personal connections is like getting a referral from someone you know and hopefully trust so it can aid in the process of deciding whether or not this person might be a good fit for you as a roommate,” says Papa. If that doesn’t turn up leads, she suggests looking to online communities in the area.

Before you even get into the things that you want in a roommate, Rachel Goldberg, LMFT, founder of Rachel Goldberg Therapy, advises knowing the deal-breakers that would absolutely take someone off the table. “Identify things you absolutely cannot live with, such as a pet allergy or smoking.”

If you’re finding a roommate online, you probably need to fill out a description about yourself that lands somewhere between quirky bio and official resume. 

Papa has a few pointers to make the process easier. “Ask friends and family members who you trust and who will be honest with you about your strengths and qualities. Ask past roommates and friends if there are any particularities that they noticed while living with you,” she says. Sometimes we have daily habits and certain preferences that seem normal and thus might be a blind spot for us, but others’ input can provide a helpful perspective.”

When looking for a new roommate, leave the aspirational vision boarding behind. “If you are not a clean person and never have been, but it’s a goal of yours and you believe having a clean roommate will rub off on you, this could lead to issues down the line,” says Goldberg. Instead, she says to focus on the realistic standards you know you can maintain.

You may get swept up in how many social media followers a potential roommate has, but don’t let that cloud your judgment. Bethany, who lives in Marinette, Wisconsin, says, “Look for someone who will help you successfully co-manage your space. You don’t need a cool new best friend, or someone with your hobbies — look for someone reliable, safe, and with similar cleaning habits.”

This tip is especially important when considering how to find a college roommate. Matching up your schedules is the top priority when finding someone you literally share a room with. Are you a night owl? Put that out there as soon as you start talking with a potential roommate. Do you prefer to get up early and do a quick workout in the room? Share that! The last thing you want to do is tiptoe around someone who sleeps all day.

Chatting with someone online first is a good idea, as is meeting them briefly at the potential apartment, but sit down with them for a meal if you want to get a true read on whether you click with this person. 

Caroline connected with her Washington, D.C., roommate online, but met in person before committing. “We chatted a bit and decided to meet for dinner and chatted like we were old friends immediately. It gave us a chance to see what each other were like in person,” she says, noting that the two are still good friends several years later.

Want to make sure you’re headed into a healthy roommate situation? Make sure you ask questions that help establish expectations and boundaries, while also having the big conversations that can help you choose the right roommate. 

“Consider your schedule, such as work hours, whether you work from home, your sleep schedule, the kind of environment you require for a good night’s sleep,” says Goldberg. Don’t forget to talk about how you spend your weekends — do they spend their Saturdays on the couch or out until the early morning?

It might feel awkward, but you need to know whether or not your roommate views living together as social or purely pragmatic. “Decide whether you prefer a roommate who will be a friend to socialize with or one who will keep to themselves, creating a cohabitation with minimal interaction,” explains Goldberg.

If you’re searching for an apartment together, establish the budget upfront so you don’t fall in love with a place that is far out of reach for your roommate. Also, discuss the length of lease you plan to sign together. 

Living with someone means paying bills and, occasionally, splitting groceries and other expenses (depending on how you decide to divvy things up!). “Being open and transparent with your expectations regarding managing financial responsibilities allows both you and your possible roommate to discuss expectations regarding managing the home and bills,” says Papa.

One of the quickest ways to feel uncomfortable in your own home is realizing you and your roommate are on different pages regarding substances. Goldberg advises asking the questions upfront and being fully honest, regardless of which side you stand on. 

Do you like having friends over on a Friday night? Does your roommate have a partner who stays over often? Goldberg explains, “Spell out whether you enjoy entertaining guests or intend to have overnight guests. Furthermore, if you are single and open to a relationship, how would things change if you got into one?”

The best time to discuss chores is before you need to clean anything, and that goes beyond how often you’ll do dishes or who’s pulling out the toilet brush. Goldberg explains, “What are the financial responsibilities toward cleaning? Will someone be hired, or will each person buy their own cleaning products?”

There’s the fun part of this question — picking out the colors and the decor — but there’s also the expense. Who’s going to buy the new sofa? And, if both of you go in on it, who takes it when you move out? Who’s going to spring for the new dishes or supply the shower curtain? 

They might not have a pet today, but will they come home with a dog tomorrow? Make sure you have this conversation upfront so you don’t end up with a surprise third roommate.

No matter how you search for your new roommate, the most important thing is your safety. 

Unless you’re meeting someone who comes with references (as in, a friend vouches for them!), try meeting for coffee in public before inviting them over to your apartment. It’s always better to be safe than sorry. 

Where there’s an opportunity for a scam, there’s always going to be someone ready to scam. While websites like Roomie do their best to keep their platform safe, you should always take precautions when finding a random roommate online. 

Ask for references. If you’re the one joining an apartment, don’t send any money without signing a lease. If you’re the one looking to add someone, be cautious of anyone from out of town or anyone who is willing to send you more money than advertised. Want to take an extra step to stop a scam? You can even run a background check.